Tim Arrigo explains how emotional self-connection and introspection reduce defensiveness and build trust in relationships. Understanding your own emotions first makes you more empathetic and a better communicator with the people around you.
The main reason that I was so disconnected from other people, and the reason that people felt disconnected from me, is because I was disconnected from myself. See, when you're not connected to yourself, when you're not attuned to yourself, when you're not in touch with what is going on with you, you can't be in touch with what's going on with other people. In fact, when you deny and reject things that go on inside of you, you're more liable to deny and reject what goes on with other people. So you can't be open to hearing how somebody else is feeling. You can't be open to listening to other people and what's going on with them emotionally. That's called empathy. Empathy is emotional understanding, and the only way that you develop emotional understanding is when you have emotional intelligence within yourself. See, for years I always thought, right, I, I had these communication issues, I had these conflicts with other people, but the real reality is because I wasn't emotionally available for them, because I wasn't emotionally available for myself, right? We close off our hearts, we close off our minds, and we reject things because we can't acknowledge what's going on with us, right? This is why a lot of times we can't apologize without putting up some defense. Well, I, I would have only— I wouldn't have done that had you not acted like this, right? We always apologize with some type of, you know, scapegoat or escape clause to basically justify why we behaved in the way that we did. But see, when you learn the art of effective communication by going within first, true introspection, which is the key to self-mastery, then what you learn is when you're in touch with what goes on with you, you're able to communicate that with somebody else. Also being available to what's going on with them and hearing them out. And you don't need to defend yourself. You don't need to put up a defense because people only get defensive when they have something to defend. And see, you only get offended because you choose to be offended. Nobody can make you offended. Offense can't be given, it has to be taken. So by doing this work, this allows you— it opens you up, right, to learning how to emotionally relate to other people, because that's how relationships are built, and that's how trust is built in relationships.
