Tim Arrigo tells men that seeking validation from their wife kills attraction and authenticity. Stop looking for her approval. Instead, build discipline through emotion regulation and conflict resolution, listen first, and develop independence and purpose. Attraction follows when you stop needing it.
What's the fastest way to spark romance and intimacy in a dying marriage? Well, number one, that's to stop seeking validation from your wife. A lot of you guys, it's like you create these problems in your marriage and then every little behavior that you engage in, it's like you're trying to make up for the problems that you create. You're trying to make up for the conflict that you're creating. And inevitably your wife is picking up on this and she's sensing that it's not genuine, that the actions that you're taking towards bettering the marriage aren't exactly genuine. They're more just to placate and just appease her temporarily. And so she picks up on this energy. And so the number one way to spark the intimacy in the dying relationship is for you to start to recognize that you gotta become a better version of yourself. See, when you hold yourself ruthlessly accountable, when you go to work on becoming a better you, when you truly create a better man in the marriage, right? And you start to really have your daily routine, your daily disciplines, your emotion regulation, proper stress management, better conflict resolution skills. When you take a more stoic attitude toward the conflicts and the problems, when you're the last to speak, when you learn how to downshift, when you learn how to empathize, seek to understand, right? Apologize, appreciate, stop making excuses. All of these things, these changes that you're making are starting to make your wife more attracted to you because you're becoming less dependent on her, right? Your dependency on your wife is like you're clawing at your wife to try to get her to see like that you're good enough, or get her to see that you want to make it work, but she's waiting for you to change. You're trying to get your wife to accept a lesser version of you than the one she chose to marry and be with in the first place. So instead of begging and pleading, seeking validation for your wife to accept this lesser version of you, start going to work on yourself. Stop seeking the validation. Show leadership, show confidence, show independence. When you start demonstrating those qualities, you naturally, right, naturally become more attractive because that's a man on a mission. That's a man with purpose. That's a man with vision. Stop looking outside of you to try and spark intimacy with your quick fixes and your instant gratification mindset. Be committed to the process just be committed to the work and stop trying to take shortcuts. There is no easy way out of this. The way out of this is through this. And in order to get through this, first you have to get through this, through the hard exterior, the shell, your facade, your ego. That's the first step.
