This Is Why You Are Reacting Defensively

Are you afraid of your wife? Are you afraid of her? I didn't think so. So if you're not afraid of her, then why do you find the need to act so aggressive? Because your aggressive behavior is a true reflection of the powerlessness that you feel within yourself. The only reason that you engage in contempt The only reason that you engage in passive aggression, the only reason, reason that you stonewall, that you act defensive, that you're guarded, that you avoid vulnerability and avoid admitting your own fallibility is because you're truly just afraid. Seeing something from somebody else's perspective and validating their perspective doesn't automatically make you wrong. And there's times where we have to acknowledge that we're not perfect. And there's power in that because it's an opportunity for me to learn and grow. Having a fixed mindset means there's no opportunity for me to learn and grow, so I can't accept constructive criticism. But the moment in time when my life changes is when I learned that I don't have all the answers. And not having all the answers is actually powerful because it puts me in a position to learn. And if I want to engage in self-innovation, if I want to evolve so hard that people have to get to know me again, then I have to be willing to look within myself. And acknowledge that I'm fallible, and that's okay. It's okay for me to make mistakes. It's okay for me to fall short. And that's not the place that I will live, but I will fall forward in my life because life happens for me. Life doesn't happen to me. I'm not a victim of circumstance. I'm not going to allow circumstances to choose feelings for me. Stop, digest, reflect, empathize, seek to understand. Apologize, appreciate. Every opportunity is a gift. Every trigger is an opportunity. It's a gift for you to practice, for you to look inside, self-reflect. Take a moment to reflect. Your lack of self-reflection, it keeps you blinded. It keeps you blinded, and you can't see the truth. You can't see something from another perspective. That's the law of polarity. Seeing something from someone else's perspective oftentimes gives us the ability to see the answers. You want to solve the problem inside your relationship? Try seeing it from someone else's perspective and know that their perspective is their perspective. It's valid. So is yours. But there's no need to refute and be in denial and argue about it. There's no need to try and prove your point. It's about creating win-win situations. Because always being right inside your marriage, always being right is not a strategy of winning. It's a strategy of losing because you're losing the intimacy, you're losing the connection, you're losing the romance, you're losing the relationship. Look within yourself. What are you truly afraid of? You're afraid of your shadow. You're afraid of looking within. You're afraid of your own fallibility because somebody else pointed that out at some point earlier in your life, and you received criticism, and you deal with self-condemnation, and you're so critical of yourself that if somebody else points it out, you're just a short fuse. You just react. Because you don't know how to look within and you don't know how to acknowledge what's always been there. And the problem with that is when you don't acknowledge what's always been there, then you can't change it because you can't defeat what you can't define. You can't conquer what you don't confront. The problem is not a problem in the present moment. It's a problem within you, and it requires you to introspect, to self-reflect, to do some self-analysis. And step back to pause, reframe your thoughts, and step out of your victimhood. The choice is yours. Stop allowing your microaggressions, stop allowing your aggressive behavior, your lack of self-control, your lack of self-regulation to cause damage in the relationships with the people that you said you would take a bullet for.