A man spent roughly $20,000 across multiple coaching programs and workshops trying to save his marriage, from a Gottman-based course to a husband-wife coaching duo. Nothing worked until he realized the real problem wasn't winning her back, but addressing his own unresolved issues.
When I got separated, when my marriage was falling apart, I could not look at myself and tell myself that it was all because of me. It was my marriage. And so when I saw your videos on social media, it was not for me because you were not talking about my marriage. You're talking about me. I needed to go find some marriage programs, and I found a marriage workshop that I chose to do. I found a relationship coach because that's what I needed to do was fix my relationship. And not me. And so I signed up for two programs and I spent a lot of time, a lot of money trying to figure out how to work my relationship and have a coach guide me on how to win my wife back. What did you try prior? Prior to that was a marriage, a 3-day marriage workshop. Like a retreat? It was just an online program that just walked me through. It was a group of us, walked us through, you know, the Four Horsemen and all the different principles around marriage and, you know, some Gottman stuff. Yeah, pretty much, you know, typical counseling stuff but in a marriage setting. Um, just people who are struggling in marriage, a lot of limerence, you know. That, uh, it was good information to start with, but it didn't resonate with me. Um, I thought, okay, I need a coach because the workshop was more about, um, insights, but I need somebody to help me because I always did not know how to do it. And I spent a lot of money on this coach this, you know, a husband-wife who said that they could help me win my wife back. And Tim, it backfired because when I did that, my wife, she went no contact on me, and it was hard. And in fact, I told this coach, I stopped after that because I was like, listen, I don't need you anymore because I don't have a relationship anymore. And he's like, you're a lifetime member. I was like, I might come back to you if I have my relationship, but Whatever you're telling me right now does not apply anymore because I don't have a wife to talk to. Um, he said, hey, focus on yourself. He's like, but what does that mean? And I was so turned off to him. Um, I was frustrated. And then I started thinking about, what do I do? I don't have a wife and I needed to learn something about something. I was getting my head and I was like, all right, maybe I need to focus on myself. Maybe that's the, that's I'm missing. I'm not— I'm avoiding taking ownership. And I found another men's program that I joined. It was a good start. It helped me get an idea of, you know, I need to talk about myself, need to think about myself, look into myself. But even then, I felt like something was missing. So that was the third program. So I was in like these programs at the same time. Third program, I'm just like investing. And I'm like, okay, something's missing. I felt like felt empty, felt unfulfilled, still lost. And that's what I question myself. I'm— if I'm still feeling lost after spending all this money and investing these programs, there's still something missing. And what is it? And I remember, and I shared this with you, I spoke to somebody from Beyond Driven one time, and I rejected Beyond Driven because he pushed me really hard and I didn't like it, 'cause listen again, it was not about me. I need to focus my relationship. And then I reached out again. This is the, so after I did this men's program, I said, I need to circle back on Beyond Driven. Maybe there's something there. Let me just find out what the heck, I might as well. And when I spoke to Ryan, oh, I was so cynical. I mean, I was already 20,000 deep into this, my journey already, and I had no luck. What else could go wrong? How'd your wife respond to when you did the, the marital coaching or the other programs? Like, what did she— she did not know. Yep. Well, I told her I signed up for a program. She said to get out of the house because she did not— she didn't want anything to do with me because she knew I was just trying to manipulate her. So you said, hey, I signed up for this program, and— yep. When she initiated the separation, I said, all right, I'll start figuring out where to move. Give me some time. I used that time to find programs to save my marriage. I told myself, all I need to show her or tell her is I have a program to work for, work with. And the day after Valentine's Day, she said, hey, when are you leaving? You're supposed to be leaving today. I was like, look at me, honey, I signed up for a workshop, signed up for a coach. That's what I need. I mean, it's— relationship is a problem, so here we go. She's like, ah, no way, get out, don't want anything to do with this.
