Tim Arrigo explains how anger learned as a childhood survival mechanism now damages your relationships. He breaks down what happens in your body during rage: adrenaline floods in, shame and guilt follow, and you lie to yourself about what you did. Learning to control it matters more than pretending it doesn't exist.
A lion doesn't need to prove that he's a lion. Your anger kept you safe in certain environments from your past, but now your anger is hurting everybody else in your life. See, childhood survival mechanisms will keep you sick in your adult life. So you learned that the anger served a purpose. It served a purpose. It kept you safe. It kept you protected. It was a survival mechanism. It's not about not getting angry, but there's healthy use of anger and and there's unhealthy use of anger. You're in the unhealthy use of anger, projecting your internal pain onto people in your life that you love, that love you back, and that you chose to spend the rest of your life with. What does it feel like every day, brother, to hurt people in your life that you love? I know the shame, the guilt, the remorse. And then you have to lie to yourself. The walls of self-deception, the denial, the bargaining, the justifications, the rationalization of The story I need to create in order to perpetuate the use of my anger. Because if I don't have anger, then what do I have to feel powerful? Because the anger gives you a rush, the rush of adrenaline, the rush of cortisol, and you feel high, you feel powerful. But it's a lot different when you're in the anger yourself versus watching somebody get angry. Have you ever watched somebody get angry? Have you ever watched how out of control they look? Have you ever watched how powerless they look? Your anger victimizes you. Your anger breaks you down. Your anger is unhealthy for you physiologically, psychologically. It's counterproductive to the man you want to be. And when you're in that angry state, let me ask you, how many times amidst that angry, that angry state, you do something that's beneficial? When have you reacted in anger and it ended positively? Never. I'm talking about in your marriage, When have you reacted in anger and it ever ended in a result that you wanted? And see, the anger doesn't serve you anymore. And the anger is truly, truly a symbol of your powerlessness. It's truly a symbol of the self-defeat that you feel. It's truly a symbol of your lack of self-control within. Because a lion doesn't need to prove that he's a lion.
