A substance-abuse counselor and former heroin addict argues that addiction stems not from trauma but from missing healthy relationships. He covers drugs, alcohol, social media, and food, saying real healing comes through connection with yourself, others, and God.
If you or somebody that you know is struggling with addiction, I want to talk to you right now because in this video I want to tell you what the root cause of addiction is. I was a substance abuse counselor, still hold my credentials, clinical counselor over 12 years, worked in family counseling. I myself was an IV heroin addict and I've experienced a myriad of different addictions in my life. See, if you ask most people, if you walk down the street and you ask them, what is addiction? 9 out of 10 people start talking about drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are just a form of addiction. See, it can be relationships, Could be social media, could be gambling, it could be food, it could be pornography, it could be bodybuilding, could be Botox and fillers. So addiction is actually very widespread inside our communities. It's just that people that use drugs and alcohol are typically highly stigmatized and stereotyped. But see, everybody focuses on the trauma as being the real root cause of the addiction when it's not. It's actually the absence of healthy relationships because everybody goes through traumatic things inside their life. It's not about the trauma. It's not about being a victim and blaming people. It's actually about the absence of healthy relationships, because relationships are the best form of coping in our life. If you want to see if somebody has good coping skills, look at the kind of relationships they have. Nothing's better than having a good friend, a good coach, a good mentor, right? A brother, sister, aunt, uncle, mom, dad you can talk to to help you regulate, to help you discern lies from truth, to help you understand and work through the feelings for the pain associated with something you go through. So The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. So the true healing for any addiction of any kind is always about relationships— the relationship with yourself, the relationship with others, your relationship with life, and most importantly, your relationship to God Almighty, Jesus Christ. Now, here's the problem in those relationships a lot of times, is that we don't know how to trust. We're in pain. We don't know how to give it up to the Lord. We're stuck. We We don't know how to trust other people. We've learned how to survive on our own, 'cause that's what addiction is all about. Instead of taking your problems to people, you take your problems to an inanimate object. And that inanimate object can only reciprocate what you're really looking for, which is comfort, love, security, relief, in an artificial way. And so there is a dependence, a reliance, a confidence, a stronghold in believing that that thing will produce for you what in reality and truth, the way God designed us, relationships with God and other people can promote and create. So the real trauma, it isn't events that occur, it's the absence of relationship. And that's why it's so foundational that you have relationships. Really, the health and wellness of somebody is really determined by the quality of their relationships. If you ask people on their deathbed, right, the true fruit in their life that grew on the vine of happiness, what was it? What was it that made them happy? It wasn't anything other than than the relationships they had. So just know you're not alone. Go out and connect with somebody today because there's somebody out there looking to help you out, and you're gonna get far more relief, comfort, security than you ever would get from your addiction in healthy relationships. So lean in, find a brotherhood, find a community, find a group of individuals who understand and welcome you into their presence. Place where you can not be judged, you could feel free, you could be yourself, and you can let it all go and let it all out. That's why we built the Total Breakthrough Academy for guys who are struggling in their marriages, because so many guys struggling in their marriages are struggling with vices of any kind. Even if it's workaholism, they're struggling with vices. Because let's face it, going through a divorce, marital discord, it's a painful thing. So if you're one of these guys, just know you're not alone. We got a community for you. Reach out anytime. We're here to love and support you through this. Keep your head up. Got more fight in you.
