Tim Arrigo explains why we resist forgiveness: we mistake an offense for a judgment on who we are. Refusing to forgive hands power to the offender. Real forgiveness means processing trauma, not denying it, and choosing your mental health over the hurt.
The main reason why we don't forgive is because of our misperception of what the event meant about who we are, our worth. And so when something happens in our lives, right, sometimes it affects the way that we view ourselves. And so when this happens, we don't want to forgive because we hold on to that misperception. Forgiveness is like dialysis for your soul and spirit. Forgiveness is like holy medicine. Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free, only to come to find out that that prisoner was you, right? Still allowing somebody to have power over your life, giving them that control. And guys, I can't even tell you, there's so many people, so many events, so many things even that I did with my own self that I had to forgive and let go of. But I can tell you right now, we hold the release date to our emotional incarceration. And sometimes we have that key to unlock our emotional incarceration and unlock true freedom for ourselves. But we don't because we don't want to forgive. And a lot of times we don't want to forgive because we want justice, right? We want justice for what happened. We think that forgiving the person gives them control and gives them power. But guys, I'm telling you right now, not forgiving is giving them the power. It's still allowing them to rule and control you and your life. Forgiveness is true power, and it's not always easy to do this, but I can tell you right now from my own experience, when you forgive, you're basically saying that you value your mental and emotional health more than the mis— traumatic mistreatment that you endured. Let me say that again. When you are forgiving somebody, you are basically saying— when you are forgiving an event, you are basically saying that you value your your mental and emotional health more than the traumatic mistreatment that you endured. And see, we can't put the cart before the horse. You can't forgive before you process something. And see, forgiveness is different than denial. Denial is emotional suppression. Forgiveness is actually cathartic because we process through it. And so if you're, if you're truly in that position where you need to forgive and you need to process something, right, I encourage you to do that. Don't walk around dragging the ball and chain of your past into your future, or your familiar past will become a predictable future.
