Tim Arrigo counsels a man stuck in a marriage reduced to physical encounters, tracing his pattern of accepting poor treatment back to childhood trauma: his mother's infidelity, his father's remarriage, and being raised by grandparents. The session challenges the belief that he's not good enough and explores how setting boundaries signals self-respect.
So your biggest fear of being alone has already happened. Other than the physical intimacy, there's nothing being reciprocated in the marriage. So in reality, you don't even have a marriage. All you have is friends with benefits at this point. You have somebody that, you know, it's a booty call. So the real question then is, Tim, how do I accept the fact that I want to have a healthier marriage, but my wife is not on board with that, despite how much I've tried and wanted to try to convince her? Yeah, if you continue to be intimate with your wife or settle for this standard even though you've set boundaries and you said she's violated those boundaries, in essence you're, you're just co-signing and you're enabling her. And the message that you're sending her is that I don't have self-respect or dignity, so in essence I'll take anything that you'll give me. Yeah, you're right. And so if I take anything that you'll give me then I only believe that I'm worth what you're willing to offer, which is a booty call. And the only reason I believe that is because I believe that I'm not good enough. So the real problem is the feelings of being not good enough. Where does that come from for you? And what kind of evidence have you accumulated to establish the fact that you're just not good enough? And what are you not good enough for?
You know, I guess it goes back to, you know, probably started when my mom cheated on my dad and left. And then when my dad got remarried and I had to go live with my grandparents because it wasn't a conducive environment. And every relationship after that's pretty much been the same way.
