Tim Arrigo got sober and realized his partner was enabling him. He ended the relationship because staying would hold her back and give her false hope. Letting go, he says, was the most loving thing he could do.
I'll never forget when I first got clean. I was in a relationship and I was in a relationship with a woman who was pretty much just my enabler. And I had grown so quickly. Obviously, you remove self-destructive behaviors from your life, you're going to start growing. I started growing. I quickly outgrew the relationship. I just realized it wasn't what I wanted anymore. And it broke my heart to have to tell her that I didn't want to be with her anymore because I felt like a piece of crap having to do that. But the reality was, is I was doing her a disservice and I was holding her back. And actually, there was somebody out there that probably could have loved her and treated her better than I did at the time. And I had to step away from that and realize that I'm actually not— I'm being selfish because I'm not ending this relationship with this person and I'm preventing this person. I'm, I'm, I'm giving them false hope. Right? They're hanging on to hope that I'm providing them through, through my procrastination and dishonesty, that I'm not being forthcoming about where I'm really at. It's time now that I honor this person, respect them, and take responsibility for my part, which is what? That I'm not prepared to move forward in this relationship. I'm not going to drag you along or send you mixed signals, right? I'm not going to be selfish. I'm going to consider you, what you're going through, and I'm going to let go of what people are going to think about me if I do this. I know where this is coming from inside of me. It's not coming from a place where I want to hurt somebody. In reality, it's coming from a place where I don't want to hurt them, and that's part of the reason why I'm not making this decision now.
