The speaker argues that relationship problems stem from how you perceive your world, not external circumstances. He introduces the Inside Out Method, which focuses on inner work to transform how you see problems. Change begins with you looking within, not waiting for counseling or your partner to shift first.
The problem that you have inside your relationships is that you're looking at these problems with the wrong pair of eyes. You are the observer in your life, and how the world is for you determines how you observe things, how you observe people, places, things, experiences. And you can't change what you can't name. You can't change what you don't understand, what you can't comprehend. Because if you can't comprehend it, you can't see it, and therefore it doesn't exist to you. So you're seeing the same things on the other side of your transformation, but you're looking at it with a different pair of eyes, brother. Because you are the observer and you understand within yourself how to solve it. That gives you x-ray vision so you can see deeper beneath their surface level issues. That's why marriage and family counseling hasn't solved the problem, because it's a problem within you. To change your marriage, you got to change the man that shows up to the marriage. And inside yourself, you find the answers, which then becomes the clarity and and the understanding that you could only derive from experience, from knowing it, from taking knowledge, knowing how to apply the knowledge, and then it becomes knowingness. It becomes a part of who you are, becomes a fiber, the essence of your existence. It becomes a state of being within you, a way of life, a lifestyle. And see how you show up inside your marriage And what you see, what you observe, determines how your wife shows up for you. It determines how you— what you see as problems. And when you do this work on the inside, the Inside Out Method— that's why I use the Inside Out Method, because it's a problem inside of us. And see, what you see as problems on the other side of your transformation, those problems problems get transformed into possibilities, and you only see solutions because you have the character virtues, the insight, the experience to solve it. You know what's going on. You have deeper vision. You have clarity. And that's when your entire life shifts, and that's when you experience shifts in your way of being. You are the author and the architect of your life. You can't solve the problem because it's not an external issue. It's internal. You can't fix the inside from the outside. And the solution to solving external problems is by deriving internal solutions. It's who do you need to become so that you can do and change what you need to change inside your marriage, so that you can have what you want to have with your wife. It all begins with you, but you have to be willing to take that first step and look within and begin that journey. Don't wait until it's too late.
