A man explains why you should focus on your own growth and behavior in marriage instead of waiting for your wife to notice or approve. Commit to the process, not the response. Character matters more than validation.
A lot of guys are so stuck in the external, you know, and they look at their wife's behavior as a reflection of whether or not what they're doing is working. And so they live, right? They live in the external environment and basically try to tailor every single move. It's like they play a chess game with their wife and every little decision and every little move that they make, they're hoping to get a reaction from their wife that's positive. But your wife's reactions towards what you do, especially in the beginning, don't validate the changes that you're making. You need to be more committed to your process of becoming a better leader than you are committed to getting a response from your wife. You guys, you can't— you can't wound people and then determine how quickly they heal. So many of us, we have that instant gratification mindset where immediately when you don't start getting positive feedback in response to what you're doing. It's like you feel like you're entitled to that. You're not entitled to that. A lot of times it's a confirmation bias. Your wife kind of wants to antagonize those parts of you to see if the old you is going to surface again. Is he dead yet? Is he dead yet? And your wife pokes and prods at those, those pain points in you to see, right, has he really changed? Because We can say every day of the week that we've changed, but actions speak louder than words. And when your word has come back void because you couldn't keep it, people don't listen to what you say. They just look at what you do. And when people like what they see, they're more likely to listen to what you say. When your character, when your conduct is impeccable, when it's on point, when you live a life that's above reproach, when people don't have the ability to point the finger at you, and you know this. And even when they do point the finger, you don't take it personal. You allow them— you don't, you don't allow the way that they think and feel about you to become the way that you think and feel about yourself. Brother, you got to be more committed to your process. Be more committed to the changes that you're making rather than being committed to making a change and expecting your wife to validate you for it. Because then you really have to ask yourself, are you really doing it for yourself, or are you doing it for somebody else?
