Tim Arrigo tells you why your marriage feels distant: the emotional detachment that made you successful in business is killing intimacy at home. You've learned to separate from your feelings, but your partner experiences that as rejection. Reconnecting requires you to actually feel what you feel.
Your inability to control your emotions is a true reflection of the powerlessness you feel within. Here's the harsh truth. Your wife doesn't want another child. Your wife doesn't want to have to parent or be the mother to another child who can't self-regulate, who can't manage stress, who can't self-soothe, who can't control their emotions, their own thoughts. You're so triggered by everything that happens around you because you're so disconnected from what goes on inside of you. You make me feel, this makes me feel, I— no, you make you feel. You make you feel. You are the common denominator in your emotional life. The words 'you make me feel' should never come out of your mouth ever again, because you make you feel. Your perceptions, your thoughts, your reactions, your beliefs, and all the shit that you brought into this relationship makes you feel. But see, the biggest problem is because you don't take ownership of what makes you feel, that I make me feel, then you externalize it, you project it, you deflect, and you disregard having to look within. Because looking within was a painful process that you learned how to separate yourself from. You learned how to separate yourself from yourself because being yourself was a painful process at some point in your life, earlier in your life, earlier in your life, at a former time in your life, being connected to yourself was painful. And through the losses, through the pain, through the suffering, through the agony of the things that you've gone through in your life, you learned how to develop one of the most powerful survival mechanisms you could ever develop, which allowed you to succeed and crush it in business. You developed the ability to harness in on a goal, completely separate yourself from your, from your emotions, and go after it with everything you have. This is your superpower in business, but this is also the cross you die on in your marriage. Because in one area of your life where it allows you to be so successful and succeed and dominate dominate in so many areas that provide profit and power. It simultaneously robs you and siphons your relationship with your wife. It siphons the marriage of the connection, of the intimacy, of the passion, of the romance, of the love, of the emotional bond that I share with my wife. How can you be disconnected from yourself and expect to be connected to your wife? How could you be disconnected from yourself and expect to feel connected to your wife? You can't. And see, that's the double-edged sword, and that's the dichotomy of your life. That's why you haven't been able to solve it, because you're trying to solve it like you solve any other problem— by looking at it, understanding it, analyzing it, intellectualizing it. And when you're the logical type, when you're pragmatic, and when you seek out solutions externally. See, there's no room for emotions in business. But see, you've gotten to this point in your life where, just like you've had to be forced to evolve into a new version of yourself, right now, right now in this moment, you have a powerful opportunity to be forced or challenged or encouraged to evolve into a new version of you yet again. I wish you knew. I wish you knew what you were capable of in this area. See, the real goal is that you would evolve so hard in this area, improving your emotional intelligence, checking in with yourself, knowing what's going on within you. You would improve and you would evolve so hard that everybody in your life wouldn't even recognize you. That everybody in your life would look at you and be blown away and inspired by your change. They would look at you, they would see your change, and they would feel inspired by the work you've done. What did you do all this for? Why did you build all this? You built all this to enjoy it. You built all this to share it with the people that you love. Guess what? They're still waiting for you.
