Tim Arrigo tells men to stop gaslighting their wives. Blaming or invalidating a partner erodes intimacy and can drive them to seek emotional needs elsewhere. He urges apologizing, validating, and leading with humility and honesty instead.
Stop gaslighting your wife. When you gaslight your wife, you're basically blaming your wife for why you react the way that you do. Blaming your wife and using your wife as a scapegoat to why you react is probably the weakest thing you could do in a relationship as a man because you're blaming her for the way that you're reacting. You're not taking extreme ownership for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Strong men don't need to blame their wife for the way that they feel or the way that they react. They take ownership and they realize that when they break character, they are the common denominator of their emotional world and nobody else is at fault for that. That's called being a victim, not called being a man. So stop gaslighting your wife because when you gaslight your wife, you're denying her reality and you're invalidating her emotions, which is making your wife pull away from the relationship. And inevitably, if your emo— if your wife's emotional needs are not being met in the marriage, I'm going to tell you right now, she's going to get those emotional needs somewhere else. And just because you hide behind your wall, your facade, your mask of masculinity, your overcompensation— just because you hide behind that wall is the main reason why you and your wife are not connecting and why there's no intimacy in the relationship. Intimacy is not based just on physical connection, it's based on an emotional connection. It's based on transparency, vulnerability, humility, learning how to be open and communicate with your wife about how you really feel. I'm going to tell you right now, if you don't know how to do that in a marriage, it's going to be a miserable time for both of you. And then you're going to continue to hide behind your wall, continue to blame your wife and make your wife a scapegoat for why things aren't working out. Isn't that convenient? Well, let me guess, your wife must be a narcissist, right? She must be a narcissist. You know, when you label people like that, right, it allows you to absolve yourself of any form of guilt. And that's why you do that. You like to make blanket statements and you like to label because it inhibits your ability to have to actually look at yourself and take ownership and actually realize that you're blocked up, locked up, that you got emotions that you've suppressed since you were really young and you hide behind your facade as a way to overcompensate for how broken and how insecure you really feel on the inside. So why don't we just cut right to the, right to the chase right now? You want to change things with wife, why don't you learn how to lead with humility, vulnerability, transparency, honesty, and truth? Learn how to be unselfish. Learn how to be loving. Learn how to have pure intentions. Learn how to put your wife before yourself. Learn how to take care of her like she's a, you know, a special person in your life. Validate her. Make her feel seen. Make her feel heard. Make her feel loved. Make her feel significant, relevant, and important beyond just your own desires in the bedroom. Learn to ask her about her day. Learn to take ownership. Hey, you know What is it? What cost is it in a relationship for you to admit that you're sorry? To say, hey, you know what, I'm sorry, I was wrong. At what cost does that come to you? Your own ego? Is that the cost? So you're telling me that your own ego and your own pride are totally preventing you from ever connecting and getting close to your wife? And how do you think your wife feels? Let me tell you this right now. If your wife is getting her emotional needs met somewhere else because you're creating a completely toxic and unhealthy dynamic with her, What do you expect? And then let me guess, you're going to blame your wife again for the reason why she went and did that. I'm going to tell you, it doesn't mean that it's— your wife isn't responsible for that, but I'm going to tell you right now, if a woman's emotional needs are not being met in a relationship, she's going to get those emotional needs met somewhere else. So why don't you step up to the plate and learn how to confront how you feel? Just because you can't confront how you feel, you shouldn't— your wife shouldn't have to continue to suffer for that.
