Controlling behavior in relationships stems from insecurity and an inferiority complex. You can't fix what's broken inside by managing someone else. Real power comes from mastering your own thoughts and feelings, not from micromanaging others.
The only reason somebody is controlling in a relationship is because they're truly insecure. They don't allow the other person to have autonomy, independence, and sovereignty over their own life and what they choose to do with their life because they don't trust people. They don't trust people because they don't trust themselves. They have massive insecurities or an inferiority complex which constantly causes them to feel less than other people, but they won't own it and they bury it with a facade and they pretend like these things aren't happening. Bro, you're not gonna heal what you hide. You're not gonna conquer what you don't confront, and you're not gonna defeat what you can't define. Part of this process is you have to start to look within yourself and become less dependent on trying to control everything outside of you so you can feel more in control of the things inside of you. Controlling other people is never going to give you the power that you really want in your life. True power is only found within, within things that are under your control. How you think, how you feel, what you do, what you say, how you carry yourself. You're walking around and you're trying to be somebody that you're not. You have to overcompensate. The overcompensation— and here comes the mask. Right? The everything's okay mask, the I'm fine mask, the mask of bravado. It's all a mechanism of overcompensation so you can dissociate or disconnect, right, from how you really feel on the inside to the things that go on in your shadow, the parts of you that you repress, that you depress, that you suppress, that you ignore, that you don't look at. Why? Because you know that those issues are lurking underneath the surface, and you know that if you continue to prolong this and put this off and continue to try to use everything on the outside to fix everything on the inside, you know you're going to get yourself to a position in your life where inevitably it's become too late because you've destroyed and driven away everybody in your life just because you were insecure. You've destroyed every relationship in your life just because you wanted to control people so badly. You've driven away and lost everything of true meaning, depth, and value to you because you needed to micromanage it. Micromanaging other people, bro, the only reason you do that is because you have— you're not able to truly give them the freedom that they want to feel. See, that's what makes you most attractive. What makes you most attractive is when you don't put off that needy energy, like, I need to control people. I need— right? Nobody feels attracted to a man that needs to do that, to exalt himself over other people, micromanage and control them. They want to feel that you have trust in them, right? Why? Because when they're around you, They feel safe, they feel secure, they feel protected, they feel provided for. They feel like, right, that you're that man in their life that can lead them to a place in their life that makes them feel like the best version of themselves. And if you're not on that path, how could you expect them to follow you? Because people don't want you to lead them when they don't like where you're taking them. And if you can't lead yourself, then how could you expect them to allow you to lead them somewhere that isn't best for them, but that's all about you and what's best for you?
