A facilitator helps someone process childhood abuse, including being whipped, and the self-blame that followed. They reframe how children interpret trauma, then guide him to imagine rescuing his younger self instead of forgiving the abuser.
Does it make you feel powerless? Does it make you feel unloved? Does it make you feel—
yeah, unloved for sure.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, maybe not powerless, but unloved, uncared for.
Okay.
Respected.
What does that remind you of?
When I didn't feel loved and cared for as a child. Yeah, that's going back again. Over some stuff I talked about and thought I was over, but are you talking about that?
What, what are you referring to?
I remember a few instances as a kid. My mom, I guess I can come out and say it now, physically abused me, whipped me with a horse whip at one point in time, sticks, boards, broom handles. I mean I remember seeing the anger in the— in her eyes. I was like, she was freaking mad. I didn't know what to do, what to think. Why is this happening? And, you know, did I— I don't even know. I'm an adult now, but I, you know, what I did, did it warrant that? That weren't that action on her part.
So kids are self-referential. They make everything about them. They're egocentric, right? So at that point, you didn't have the ability to see that your mom was dysregulated, didn't have good coping skills, and probably had some unresolved traumas that unintentionally affected you. You didn't have the ability to see that. So the only conclusion you could come up with as to why you were being physically abused was that it had to have been something that you did that warranted it or that just made you deserve it.
Yes. Yeah, I have to agree.
Okay, let me ask you this, brother. And first of all, I just want to honor you and just thank you for sharing that. I want to honor you for your vulnerability, man. That's, that's pure power right there. And this is how we take back control. And I know you're probably giving somebody out there permission right now to acknowledge that that's a truth that they've experienced. So let me ask you this, bro. I want you to imagine that, uh, you're outside and your mom's got the horse whip and she's about to, you know, physically abuse you for something that would never warrant that type of abuse. Okay? Which nothing warrants that type of abuse on a child. So I want you to imagine that you're out there and I want you to imagine that it's the 9, 8, 9, you know, 10-year-old version of you out there being physically abused. And you are standing there now as the 50-year-old man and You are— can you imagine telling the 8, 9, 10-year-old version of you to empathize and validate with your mother for physically abusing you?
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. What would you tell them? What would you tell the kid? Would you tell him to empathize with her? Would you tell him to validate it? Would you tell him he deserved it? Would you tell him—
no.
What would you tell him?
Come with me, we're getting the hell out of here.
Yeah.
This is not— this is not right. I'm taking you out of this situation. Exactly.
Why would you tell him that?
Because I love him.
There it is.
I care for him.
