Tim Arrigo argues that keeping a plan B in your relationship is just avoidance. Instead of checking out, he says show up emotionally, manage your stress, and treat love as something you do. Date nights and real attention matter.
A plan B is just an escape. The only reason you really entertain a plan B is because you believe that it's less maintenance than your wife. It's really a place that you go in your own mind as you entertain this plan B for temporary and immediate escape from the problems that are occurring in your marriage and in your family and in your home. That you haven't been able to solve yet. And so as it builds and builds and builds, and as you keep it hidden and you don't reach out for help, right, as this builds in your life, what happens? You start to entertain this Plan B. It's an avoidance tactic mentally. You're mentally starting to avoid the responsibility that you have to fix it, to change it, to work on it. Your plan B. You think about a plan B. You're like, oh, I could get some girl half my age to fall in love with me after I get a divorce, and it'd be so much easier because it'd be so much less maintenance. But let me tell you, you're not gonna be able to connect with that person. And let's be honest, you know that person's only gonna like you for the condition that you're in right now. So you're trying to get somebody to like you and accept you for a lesser version of yourself than the person that you know you need to be. So it's like, basically, I could just get someone to accept me with all these areas of my life that I'm not working on because I'm financially successful, because I have a successful business or career. But if you can't make your relationships work, man, you're going to be miserable. Because let me tell you, you can feel good all day, but feeling good and being happy are two different things experienced by two different parts of your brain. There's feeling good and then there's being happy. Being happy, I guarantee that the happiest times in your life, I guarantee you somebody else was there to share that moment with you. And not sexually, emotionally. Your kid's graduation, your wedding day, when you— your honeymoon. When you think about these times where you were fully present, when you were downshifted into a calm, emotionally present version of yourself, when you were really in the moment, Your stress management is key here. You're not using your family for what it's good for. What is, what is your family really good for? To help you feel loved, to help you feel connected, for you to love them, for you to connect with them. It's the relationships in your life, man. It's the connection in your life that's missing. You're missing this valuable connection with your wife. When was the last time you guys did date night? When was the last time you guys went on a walk together, went on a hike together, had dinner together, looked in each other's eyes and put down the cell phone? You guys, you guys move around and you guys interact and you guys, yeah, you might spend time around each other in proximity to one another, but never confuse Never confuse proximity with connection. Never confuse proximity with intimacy. Never confuse proximity with love. And love is a verb, man. Love is a verb. You can tell your wife and kids all day long that you love them, but if you don't show that, then it's just words. It's time to take your words and put it into action. What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose at this point? What's working for you that you think is working for you, or you think is going to solve it, isn't. This isn't an instant fix either. This is going to take work. So this is a call to action to all the men right now that want to put in that work to fix their family, that they know on the inside their leadership has the capacity and tendency to create positive influence in their family unit. And if this is you, send me a message, man. I want to talk to you. Let's connect. I want to share with you a little bit about what worked for me and what worked for thousands of men before you. Connect with me. It's not too late, man. Your marriage isn't dead yet.
