The Lateness Dilemma: Mastermind Techniques to Keep Members On Time

Hello and welcome to Mastermind Mastery, the podcast for professionals who want to create and run successful peer advisory councils, or as we call them, PACs for short, or they're also known as peer groups or business mastermind groups. I'm your host, Tina Corner Stolz, founder of Elixir Council, where I've been in the industry running groups since 2005 and now help those like you with education, certification, and support wanting to do the same. At one time, I ran 10 groups, nearly 100 members, and sold my groups For a Good Multiple and recently released my second book, Your Seat at the Table: How to Create and Run Your Own Peer Advisory Councils, published by Forbes, and grateful to you that it's an Amazon bestseller. I invite you to join each week where we share strategies and techniques to successfully launch and become a master of running your PACTs. You'll hear insights, perspectives, do's and don'ts, learn from my and my guests' mistakes, successes, and get the inside track to key takeaways. Each time we have guest, we'll be having a bit of fun. So are you ready? Let's get going and dive into today's episode.

Hello everyone. Today's episode is about what to do if a member is chronically late. We have all had this. Some of you may already be in that situation now and you're wondering what to do, or you might be hoping that it will go away. Which, as a side note, it doesn't. And those of you who haven't experienced yet, you will. And here today will be some tips on what to do so that it is not an issue. It's less and less, and in some cases to be avoided altogether. But you have to have a plan on what you're going to do when members start to possibly show up late so you don't deal with it after the fact. Because there are things you can do proactively. So your takeaways today are going to number one, find out if you're the problem, okay, or the member's the problem. Another takeaway is you're going to get different techniques depending upon the situation. And then also what happens if it's not addressed. And we're going to talk about all of those. But I want to start with what in the world does late mean? Because first of all, you have to be on the same page about what is late. And late is whatever your definition is. So for some of you, it could be somebody's 1 minute late, 10 seconds late, it could be 30 minutes late, but it's whatever you and your group's guidelines are. And notice I said guidelines because one of the things, again, you wanna have in advance is what is the guideline about the expectation that you have of the members being on time, right? Or leaving early, attendance in general. Plus there's a whole nother laundry list of expectations. But keeping on the theme of lateness, you have to have expectations around that. And if somebody's running late, what is it that you want them to do when they're running late? Do you want them to text you, call you, give you advance notice somehow, not do any of the above, or they have to do it before the meeting starts. But what is that expectation? Because typically it's being late is that when you start the meeting, if they're not there, they're late, right? But some people again also believe late is not being early. So let's just go with, first of all, the definition of late being when the meeting starts and they're not there, because it's chaos before a meeting starts, right? So first of all, I'm sure that a lot of you have this. I know that when I was running groups, I had this all the time for, you know, over 10+ years, where right before the meeting There goes my phone getting blown up. I'm running late. Oh, you know, I have that— this situation. I'll be there soon. I'll, um, sorry, I can't make it today. Something suddenly came up, right? It's— I call it the chaos before the meeting, and it's normal, but it's always the last minute, the last 30 minutes before you actually start the meeting. And it can be just really unsettling when you're new at moderating groups. So first of all, no, it's just gonna happen. It's the way it is, especially if you're running CEO business owner groups, because it's just normal. They have some last-minute stuff that maybe they can't control in order to be at the meeting or to be at the meeting on time. First question I have for you: do you then have a standard, an expectation explicitly set with the members? And if I asked your members what it is that is considered late, would they all answer exactly the same like you expect them to? Because if they can't answer that the same way, then the issue is you. You haven't set the expectation and the guideline that you need to do so, so that the issue doesn't even arise. So that's number one. Have you set the expectation? Can you emphatically say it's part of your guidelines and expectations, and then every single member understands what being late looks like? If not, you know, that is your next step. But second question: are you starting on time? Because if not, then the issue again is You, you can't expect your members to be on time, not late, if you're late. Now, your defense might be, Tina, they're not here, so I don't want to start. So I'm only not starting the meetings on time because they're not here on time. Well, two wrongs do not make a right in this scenario. Okay? And you will get, as far as best practice from so many moderators out there doing this, that you have to start on time. Regardless, regardless if everyone is there, regardless if you're just missing one person, regardless if you have a speaker and they're supposed to start off and they're not there, doesn't matter. You have to start on time. Why is this so important? Like, why is this so important? Is it because— important because first of all, you model behavior. If you're late, they're going to be late because they think it's okay. And they— you set the tone. You're not really serious about starting on time. Why should they be serious to start on time? So you have to be on time for them to be on time. That's number one. Number two, if you give an inch, they take a mile. You should know that by now, right? Kind of on time morphs to being late, and it's a function of respect and commitment. I will tell you kind of a story of a center of influence that was consistently always late. Drove me crazy because I worked hard to always be on time for the meetings. But yet she was always, always late for the meetings. And I don't mean by a minute. It would be 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20, to the point I'd be like, are you coming? Did you forget? But she's extremely successful, very highly regarded in the community, actually just very visible in the community, lots of awards. All kinds of things like that. But she was always late. And that always sent to me, actually, the message of, you know what, I'm not important enough to be on time because whatever it was prior to this was more important than you being on time here. But what I found is that she would run over again in our meeting and be late for the next one as well. It wasn't just me. It was chronic. So some people have a different mentality about time, and that is something that you'll have to, right, discuss with your group about that and the importance of being on time. If there's one thing I can leave you with today, it is this perspective, and that is if, for example, you start just 10 minutes late and you have a monthly meeting and you take 10 minutes times a year, so 10 times 12 months is a, is basically then 120 minutes or 2 hours. And if you're doing a 4-hour meeting once a month, you just robbed your members of a half a day meeting within a year because you started 10 minutes late every single meeting. So if you charge $1,000 a month, basically they didn't get $500 worth of hard value because the meetings are consistently starting 10 minutes late. It's just a different perspective to consider, and that it's your role as a moderator to start those meetings on time because that's your job. It is your service offering to them that you are offering them a 4-hour meeting, a full-day meeting, a 2-hour virtual meeting, whatever it is that you're doing, a 90-minute virtual, that is your offering. You do not alter that because they can't show up on time, because you are taking money out of their pocket. And it is actually a really great way to explain it to the members when you talk about the importance of being on time. In that they've paid for it and you take it seriously and you will be starting on time. So let's assume that you're not the issue, that you have expectations, it's a standard, it's clear what being late means, you're not starting late, etc., right? So assuming that you do not start the meetings late, i.e., you start them on time, and that your members understand the guidelines, etc., what being a good member is, and you now have a member who's chronically late, what do you do? You have to address it. It's an elephant in the room because the other members know it. And if they see that that member can get away with it and it's not a one-time thing, then they're going to start to not take the meetings Seriously, a serious professional meeting starts on time. Okay, that is one of the rules of a serious professional meeting. So again, what do you do? Rule number 1, you seek to understand in private. You never address it openly with the member because you don't know what the situation is of that specific time that they were late. You might know partially why, because they might have told you. They might not have told you. They might have not have told you the whole story. So it's important to understand why they were late in private, because publicly you don't want to embarrass them in front of others or give the impression they're being reprimanded without understanding, right? And so it's amazing how many times The answer is actually legit. It could be the flat tire, the sick child, the customer blowing up, right? I can tell you that there's one of the last groups I was running not that long ago, there was a member who randomly shows up late, meaning probably late, on time, on time, late, late, on time, on time, on time, then late. It's just random. And so here came a time when she was really late, and this was a time when, like, I'm now going to have to address this. I'm now going to have to deal with it because it isn't so random anymore. So in a break, I said to Sally, said, Sally, you know, what happened in regards to why you're, why you're late today? I just would love to understand and see how it is that you know, we can help you, or etc. And she basically said— true story— she got up, she got a call from the parents of where her son had spent the night prior that their son had lice. She now had to then find a place that she could take her son to get tested for lice. Couldn't take him to school, and then coordinate that her stepmom would then pick up her son from that. And she did all of that while she was driving to the meeting, but it took extra time to do that. But she gets kudos for, right, handling the situation, making it happen, and still being able to be there. So wouldn't that count for something? It counts for a lot because when the members all understood that, she actually was favorably looked upon instead of possibly on the other flip side, there's Sally again, late, just thinking that she's just not making the effort. And in that case, she was making a huge effort to be at the meeting because you got to remember, your members are not Marines. Marines are where at all costs you aren't late. They're— these are leaders, these are CEOs, and stuff happens, right? And you sometimes can't manage it in order to be on time, but there are times you can, and that's what you're looking for. You're listening for what has happened, if it was avoidable or not, because if not, it's a one-off and you suggest, right, full transparency. To the group when, first of all, that it wasn't avoidable. If it was avoidable, you have then the option to really talk through, is this a challenge, opportunity, problem, or idea that needs to be brought to the group? The groups can help about being on time. You can do it one-on-one privately with the member and brainstorm techniques so they can get there and be on time once they understand the importance of being on time. And usually because it's a teaching moment, a coaching moment with empathy, because you are showing compassion, that it gets resolved.

Yes.

Here's another good example. Another member kind of late, leaving early. Time to resolve it. Right. Get it addressed. Turns out the member's late due to the husband has cancer. The husband is a partner in the business and they also the only one that picks up the kids from school. Obviously extreme personal demands causing the situation. So once that's known and the group knows, they can give that member a pass, understanding not a pass forever. It's a temporary pass because of what's happening personally with them. So rule number 1, you always seek to understand in private. You're trying to determine, is this just lack of caring, lack of planning, they don't understand the importance, and you have to address it that way, or there's some unusual recurring situation that's happening in their lives, and then it's important the whole group understand that so they can support and help them and not think negatively about them. You have to control perception of your members and address the elephant in the room when members are late. Now, the same thing happens is if you have members that leave early for the meeting. It's the exact same thing. I will say that I do know others that run groups have another tactic. I've heard about it for a long time, and this completely depends upon the culture of your group whether this will work or not, and also your own personal values and culture. And that is sometimes people charge a late fee, and they'll say for every time you're late, you got to put $5, $10, $20 in the kitty, and at the end of the year we're all going to do something fun together. Or another tactic is if you're late, when you come in at the break, you're gonna have to tell a joke, or, or, or. So those are other options and other ways to address lateness. I am more a fan of the previous ways that I talked about because the last thing I want is everybody thinking, well, I'm gonna run late, I got $20, it's okay, I'm gonna throw it in the kitty and off we go. It doesn't address perception, and it doesn't address that it's actually not okay to be late for real unless it's unavoidable. So best practice, best advice: don't assume the worst. Assume there's a good reason and seek to understand to be sure there was a good reason. And be sure you have guidelines in place and the members absolutely emphatically know what those are about being on time and the importance of being on time. So hopefully this is helpful. Hopefully any of you that are procrastinating having this conversation, because it's not a fun one, that you realize that it can be not confrontational. It can be very supportive, empathetic, and come to a great place where you understand that going forward, your member will either be there on time, or if they cannot be, then it's something that's temporary and you know that there is a good reason why and you can address it differently. All right, thank you everyone for listening to another episode of Mastermind Mastery, and until next time, go make it happen.

Hey, moderators of peer groups, thank you for listening to today's episode. To get access To show notes and exclusive content and resources, go to TinaCornerStolz.com or www.ELLCounsel.com, where you can also become part of our online exclusive community, attend our academy, where there are over 13 modules of how to create and run a successful peer advisory group, mastermind group, as well as free resources, white papers, checklists, and more. And you can even contact me there as well. If this episode resonates with you and you know someone who can also benefit from listening, please share with them by taking a screenshot or post it on your social media. I also love reviews and appreciate hearing from all of you, all of you who are doing this wonderful work of running peer groups. Please tune in next week for the next episode of Mastermind Mastery, and I will close by sharing something my mentor did after every learning moment with someone he connected with. He reached into his pocket and he shared a shiny pebble with anyone he passed knowledge to and asked them to forward that pebble knowledge on. Now, I encourage you to pass on a pebble. The takeaways you learned today to either your existing groups or fellow peers. Now, go make it happen.