Energy Beats Content, but Relevance Beats Both

Ultimize. By now you've probably noticed something. Being interesting in conversation is not about having the most impressive content. It's not about telling the best, most captivating stories, and it's definitely not about talking the most. There's a simple hierarchy that explains almost everything we've covered. Content matters, energy matters more, but relevance matters most. Let me show you exactly what that means. Start with content. This is what most people focus on. What should I say? What story should I tell? How do I sound smart or interesting? Content is the lowest level because even great content can fail if everything else is off. You've experienced this. Someone's telling a story that should be interesting, but they go on too long. They include too many details. They lose momentum. And you lose interest. The content wasn't bad, the delivery was. Now let's move up one level. Energy. This is how the conversation feels. Your tone, your pacing, your attention, your ability to stay engaged and responsive. You can take average content and with good energy make it enjoyable. You've probably had conversations like this. The topic wasn't that important, But the person was easy to talk to. They were present. They asked good questions. They kept things moving along, and the conversation felt good. Now, here's the top level: relevance. This is where most people fail because they don't think about it. Relevance is simply this: is what you're saying interesting to this person right now? Not in general, not to you, But to them in this moment, let me give you a very clear example. You're talking to someone who loves fitness. They mention they've been training for something. Now your story about trying something new physically might be highly relevant. But if you're talking to someone who has no interest in that, the same story might fall flat. Same content, same energy, different relevance. Now let's go back to something we talked about earlier. You're 40, you've got a couple of kids, you're talking to someone who's 25. Different stages of life, different priorities. If you go into a detailed story about your child's school experience, even with good energy, it may not land. Not because it's a bad story, because it's not relevant to them. But if you adjust it, 'My kid handled a stressful situation better than I would have,' now it becomes something universal. Now it has a better chance of landing. That's relevance. There's another situation. You're at a networking event. Someone asks you what you do. If you give a long detailed explanation, chances are you'll lose them. If you give a short, clear answer with good energy, you'll do much better. But if you also make it relevant to them, now you stand out. You've gotta make it relevant for people. Most people don't realize how much that matters until something goes wrong. Now they can connect it to their world. Now it matters to them. That's the difference. So when you're in a conversation, I want you to run a simple check. Before you talk, ask yourself, is this relevant to them? As you talk, watch, are they engaged? If not, adjust, shorten, shift, ask a question, bring them back in because relevance is not something you decide once. It's something you manage Throughout the conversation. Now, here's the good news. You don't have to be perfect at this. You just have to be better than average. And the average person is not thinking about relevance at all. They're just talking. So if you talk a little less, listen a little more, ask better questions, and adjust for the other person, you move up their hierarchy automatically. And when you operate at that level, people don't analyze why they enjoy talking to you. They just know they did and they want to do it again. One more personal example. When I meet someone, I try to find out what they do first. So if, for example, they say they're in finance and then they ask what I do, what I say is I help finance leaders before they go on CNBC to talk about their earnings reports or companies they're managing. I make it relevant to them. In reality, I train people in every industry, professional athletes, Hollywood stars, you name it. But by hearing what someone does in their industry first, I can tailor what I do, still being honest, still being accurate, but doing in a way that makes what I do 100% relevant to them. You can do that as well.