How to Rebuild When a Job Loss Breaks You

When your job disappears, your identity shakes too. At least for some. Job loss doesn't just destroy income, it can break your sense of self. The timeshare stories of Americans facing long term unemployment today. One woman they profile named Belinda, age 58, describes her job search as something that has smashed her ego to bits. Jeff Larue, laid off nearly a year ago, says quote unquote, I'm totally demoralized. I honestly have no idea how I'm getting the energy to do this again. Experts say the emotional fallout of unemployment deserves the same seriousness as a major breakup. Naming the feelings out loud can reduce shame. Reframing the experience, recognizing the forces of the economy, age discrimination and mass layoffs can prevent self blame. And building a support circle, whether through therapy, community groups, or even a simple discord chat with former coworkers, can make the difference between despair and endurance. Unemployment isn't a personal failure. It's a moment that demands connection, perspective and compassion. That's the sentiment, at least of many and of this Times columnist who dealt with this issue today. What's the real message here? You're going to be unemployed at some point in your life. The chances are great and you got to decide right now, how do you want to react? Do you want to feel sorry for yourself? Get depressed, hide in the couch, talk about how unfair life is and it can be unfair, or do you want to do something about it? The best way to get out of your funk, to get out of depression is to actively spend every minute of the day job hunting. I don't just mean sending out resumes and emails. I mean going out and meeting people, talking to people, connecting with people in your industry, going to meetups, going to industry events and contacting anyone you've ever met asking for leads. Let's go a little bit deeper here. I shared with you this opinion from this Times columnist that showed that, and they quoted sociologist of Sharon talking about the emotional fallout. I don't mean to be glib about this or be superficial. There's a school of thought that says, hey, you get laid off. You know, take a few days, take a week and just process it. Allow yourself a chance to be, to be depressed or even grieved about it. That's okay, then get back to it. I'm much more in the school of thought of start the ground running. Start letting everyone know you're available. Look for opportunities, ask for leads, ask for connections. The biggest mistake I see everyone making doesn't matter if someone's 22 looking for their first job out of college or 62 years old looking for that last big job. They think job hunting. They think two things. One, they think they're entitled to a job. Look, I think you're in a. In a free, wealthy society, you should be entitled to dignity and not starving to death and not being homeless. But I don't think any one company is obligated to give you a job or me a job. So we got to disabuse ourselves from that notion. But the second big misconception is that job hunting is about sitting in front of this and to my podcast listeners, not seeing, I'm holding up a keyboard. People who think job hunting is sitting in front of a keyboard typing, click send, click send of emails and resumes. That's like 2% of what you should be doing. You need to be calling, not texting, calling people, calling friends, calling people you went to high school with or college with, letting them know what you're looking for, asking for leads. It needs to be calling companies you'd like to work with. It means going out and having lunch with people. It means getting together for coffee with someone you did work with three years ago who maybe worked for you at that point, maybe was your assistant. Stay in touch with people, have physical meetings with people. So I'm going to be candid with you. I've never been laid off. Hang on, There's a part two to this story. But I've been fired many times in my life. It wasn't because the company was doing poorly. It was because they said, tj, we don't like you anymore. We don't need you around here. Please leave. That's happened to me many times. Not in the last quarter of a century, because I've worked on my own. So I know what it's like to lose a job. And it's not fun. It can be depressing. Now, the one thing I had going for me is I had so little savings, I didn't have the luxury of sitting around saying, oh, let me. Let me process this. Let me mourn. I had to get up and start job hunting right away for fear of not being able to pay rent. Now, if you were in better financial situation, that's great, but be careful. I've seen people lose their job in their 40s, had a nice safety cushion of a few million in the. In the bank, and they never worked again. Did it make them happy because they were spending every day at the beach laughing and traveling? No, they were just sort of sitting around being bored. I don't want that for you. I want a great career for you. So, yes, it is true. It can be emotionally depressing, losing a job, whether you're laid off as a part of mass layoffs or whether it just didn't work out with you. You've got to realize I disagree with the findings of this sociologist. I do think sometimes you have to recognize I did fail. There have been times in my own career where I did fail. I wasn't the right person for the job. I didn't like the job, and it wasn't a good fit. It wasn't a culture fit. I didn't like the people, they didn't like me. It was, frankly better for everyone that I was fired. In fact, I guess it was the last real job I had. I worked at a PR firm.