Short talk (YouTube video) by TJ Walker about the importance of cultivating strong human relationships through deliberate daily habits. Walker contrasts stated priorities (family is important) with daily behavior, shares his relationship self-identity and specific aspirations (stronger friendships, deeper bond with his daughter), and lists concrete daily habits (daily friend check-ins, family meals, brief daily social planning).
Chapters
The third sphere of habits, relationships. Human beings need to have relationships. No, not everyone has to be in a heterosexual marriage and a husband and wife. There's all sorts of ways of being happy. And you don't have to be married, you don't have to have a spouse. You can form meaningful relationships through friendships. But as human beings, we, we crave connection with other human beings. You have to have some sense of an identity. I have an identity for myself when it comes to relationships. I think I'm a loving person. I love others and I deserve to be loved. That is my self identity. I see myself as someone who is happily married, will be married, I hope I'm not jinxing myself, will hope to be married for a long, long time. I in a loving relationship with my family members and have strong relationships with friends. That is my self identity. I'm someone who has friends, has lifelong friendships, lifelong relationships with family members and long term loving relationship. That's my self identity. Now what are my aspirations? My aspirations are to build even stronger relationships with friends, to make even more friends in my life. To build even more meaningful relationship with my daughter as she grows and gets older. So those are my aspirations. To spend even more time having fun, friends, vacations, time socializing with friends and family. So those are specific aspirations. How do I make that happen? Daily habits. A lot of people say family is important and yet they spend all their time at the office. They say family is most important, but their schedule, their time says family is least important. They may leave the office before their kids and spouse wake up and come home when their kids are already asleep. And they never spend any time with their family. That's a real problem. So you have to have habits to make things better. Here are some of my habits. I try to reach out to a friend at least every single day. Typically by call. Could be text, email, but I try to have a real conversation or exchange with a friend. Every day I have a family meal with my whole family. Sometimes extended family from dinner every night unless I'm traveling. Sometimes I have three meals a day with my family. So these are specific habits. I actively try to spend a couple minutes a day planning some social out. It doesn't have to be a trip to Tahiti for three weeks with three other families. It could be just getting together as I am this so Sunday with a Super bowl party with just a couple of family friends. So it's about planning every day, not a lot of time, Maybe it's only 60 seconds, but thinking every day, that's a habit I have that supports my aspirations for relationships, that supports my overall identity for myself when it comes to having strong, positive, healthy relationships in life.
