TJ Walker explains how a person’s environment shapes their communication style but emphasizes that change and improvement are always possible. He argues that even introverted or solitary people already possess the core skills for effective spoken communication—illustrated by examples like family norms, swimming practice, and one-on-one conversations—and that those skills transfer to interviews, pitches, meetings, and everyday interactions.
Chapters
Does your environment influence your ultimate communication style? Of course it does. Your environment can influence everything about your life. So if you grew up in a family where everyone yelled and screamed at each other and interrupted each other all the time, and that was considered normal and no one was offended by that, of course that is going to influence your communication style. Doesn't mean you can't change it or improve it or refine it or just alter it. What else does this mean? I know some of you are thinking, well, I'm kind of a hermit. I like to stay home. My idea of fun is reading a book alone, no one around. I'm not some big social butterfly. I can't possibly be a good communicator, can I? Well, not so fast. You can control how you come across at any point in your life. You can always get better. But of course, your environment does have an impact. If I never, ever swim, and I'm 40 years old and I've never been willing to stick my toe into the pool, and now I want to learn how to swim, I could do it, but I'm going to be pretty uncomfortable, pretty anxious the first time I go in. And when I get to my knees, I might be thinking, oh, how does this really work? What's going to happen here? But I could eventually learn how to be a good swimmer. On the other hand, you get in a pool every day or get in the ocean, you splash around, you're totally comfortable with it, even if you've never had formal swimming lessons. If you're just in water every day, chances are you'll be a decent swimmer. You could certainly swim across the pool or get yourself out of your ball off a boat because of your environment. So what does this mean if you are a hermit? If you are someone who thinks of yourself as introverted, remember, there's probably some times when you do like to talk to people. Maybe your ideal weekend is just sitting at home alone, reading a good book. But maybe once a week, maybe once a month, you love getting together with that book club and talking about your ideas with fellow book lovers and fellow lovers of that author. You like the exchange of intellectual ideas, whereas you might not want to go to a big, loud, noisy keg party where everyone is really loud and chugging beer. That might not be your thing. That's okay. My point is, there are certain circumstances, certain environments where you are comfortable speaking and you do like speaking. Here is the real test. If you've ever had one conversation with one person in your entire life where you felt good about it, and you could tell they were interested in what you said listening to you. And there was an exchange of ideas. If you've ever done that one time, I've got good news for you. You actually have all the skills you need to be a great communicator. You can, in fact, do well in a job interview, a new business pitch, speaking up at meetings, asking investors for money, talking to your board of directors about why you need approval for a new project. You have all those skills. May not seem like it, but ultimately communication. Spoken communication is about you speaking to one or more human beings. Speaking in a way where they can focus on your message without worrying about, you know, does TJ seem too scared or nervous or uncomfortable where you're more or less coming across okay and not overtly nervous. Speaking in a way people understand what you're saying and can remember your idea so they can act upon it. That's ultimately what communication is. And willing to bet you do this all the time. Just going to a restaurant and ordering a meal is a type of communication.
