TJ WALKER - THE HABIT INFLUENCER - Personal Development | LIVE STREAM

What do you do if you're a woman in the workplace and the men consistently talk right over you?

Speaking the show about effective speaking in public, to the media, at work and in life. Speaking with TJ Walker.

This question comes from Cordelia, one of my students from the online platform Udemy. She writes in TJ, I'm the only lady in a group of 15. My problem is that every time I try to have an input in our meetings, I am shut down. I try not to rush through my presentations, but if I take a thought break, as you describe it, I'm seen as hesitant and unsure. Needless to say, after a few years of this, I'm a little over it. I have got to the stage of not wanting to say anything. However, I am willing to try something new. Hence the reason I've taken a few of your courses and watch your podcast. Do any other ladies out there have the same problem? Well, Cordelia, appreciate you writing in and sharing your concerns. First of all, yes, a lot of other ladies have that problem. Women have that problem. But guess what? A lot of men feel like they have that problem. In my experience, most people, men and women, feel a little reluctant to speak out in meetings. Part of it is the general fear of public speaking, and part of it is the fear that they will be cut off or people are judging them. So I'm not doubting you, but it's interesting to me that you're seen as hesitant and unsure. Maybe. But maybe you've just got a bunch of rude people who see an opening and take it and start talking. Now. Confession. I have been guilty of this before. I wish it weren't true, but I've had people I've worked with with before. One woman in particular said, tj, you're cutting me off a lot. I didn't mean to. I certainly wasn't aware of it. It may be that these people are not even aware of it. Here is my recommendation. First of all, don't give in. Don't just write it off. You've got to figure out the ideas you care about, and you got to fight for your ideas. Sometimes it might mean actually talking over someone. You may think of that as egregiously rude behavior. They might not think anything of it. Different people have different styles. I won't go as far as men are from Mars and women are from Venus. You know, the whole John Gray thing. But there are certain styles that are different. I have certain male friends of mine. We get together and we are essentially screaming over each other, talking about political issues. Or sports issues. And I've had women say, oh my gosh, why do you hate each other? Why are you being so rude and obnoxious? And we'll both turn and say, what are you talking about? We're just having a conversation. So there are certain conversational styles where people are used to talking over each other, interrupting each other, and it's not considered rude. I'm not recommending that you speak that way on a regular basis. But if you are trying to give a report, a presentation about something that's important to you and you have to have buy in from the 15 other people in your group, there may be times when you have to speak out and actually interrupt. Is there a chance someone can say you're rude? Yeah. Is there a chance you're the victim of sexism? And they say it's perfectly fine for men to do it, but you do it and you're this horrible person or something that rhymes with witch? It's a possibility. Sure. There are no 100% guarantees, but here's one thing I will guarantee you. If you don't speak out, no one's going to know what you think. If you don't speak out, you're not going to get any buy in to your ideas. More tips in just a moment.

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What do you do if you are consistently being talked over in the workplace, whether you're a man or a woman? Now, obviously I am a man. We all have our own biases. We all have our own perspectives. My perspective is this happens a lot to men and women, but I'm certainly open to the idea that it happens a lot more to women being talked over. I do think there are some cultural differences and certain men are more comfortable talking over a man or, excuse me, a woman and interrupting and not even being aware of it. So I do think that it may be a problem that disproportionately affects women. But either way, if you are a man or a woman in the workplace and you feel like you're not being heard, don't retreat. And Cordelia, I do appreciate you being honest and sharing your thoughts that you kind of have shut down. It's certainly an understandable, rational human response. I just don't know that it's helping your career as much as it could be. So that's why I would urge you to try something else. One of the things you can do is, is someone interrupts you Sort of stop, smile, and just say your next sentence and keep repeating it progressively louder until they stop and listen to you. It might not come across that well all the time, but at some point it's very hard for someone to keep talking if someone is interrupting them. It's hard for you to talk if someone's interrupting you, but you're giving them a taste of their own medicine. Is there a chance that person might be irritated? Yeah. But now the other 13 people in the room can hear what you have to say. So that's one recommendation. Another thing might be to say, bill, I'd love to hear you. Your ideas are so important, I want them to get full consideration. Can I just finish this one point that I know you're going to want to respond to as well? If you speak quickly and loudly, but you're telling the person you respect their idea, that can be another strategy that could work. Another thing, this is a little bit beyond, I think what you want to talk about, but something you could do that nobody does is create your presentation in advance on video and email it to your members, the other colleagues you work with. That way you can't be interrupted. It's like right now I'm talking to you. If you haven't hit delete or pause or stop, you really can't interrupt me. This is a one way channel at the moment, so I don't have to worry about being interrupted if it's something truly important to you. What you may want to do is type up your memoir. But don't just send the text memo. Create an actual video of you talking about it, putting a spotlight on it and showing people why you think this is really important and talk about it that way. Then when you get together for the meeting, you can do perhaps a shorter version of it. The other thing I would really suggest is practice in advance. A part of what makes people have sort of an awkward hesitation when they are in a meeting or a presentation is that they're thinking while they're doing it. Uh oh, is this coming across okay? Is Renee over here thinking TJ doesn't really know what he's talking about? Is Sam over here saying, what is he going to get on with it? If you are feeling nervous or uncomfortable, that can be an opportunity for people to hop in. So what I'd recommend is practice what you're going to say in the business meeting in advance on video. Just pull out your cell phone, talk to your own cell phone, watch it, and get it to the point where you truly feel comfortable with how you're coming across that your message is clear, that your message is interesting and understandable, and that you get to the point, you may even want to pull one of your colleagues aside, someone you like, someone you know cares about you, someone you have lunch with, and say, look, I got to give them a presentation at the Friday staff meeting. Can you listen to me? Either give them the video in advance or practice with them in the day before and ask their feedback. Ask them, what do you think my message was? Is it clear what I wanted you to do? Because if the person says, well, T.J. you came across professional and competent, I'm sure you'll do fine, then I know I was a complete failure. If my colleague can't tell me what my message was and what I want my fellow workers to do means I wasn't clear. So sometimes that's the problem. So practice, refine it. Get to the point where you know it's great. And don't be afraid to upset people. I mean, one of the things about a lot of men who are very successful, and you could say some women too, is they don't mind if they upset some of the people some of the time, or even a lot of people all the time, they're going to be heard. I don't want you to sacrifice your own sense of dignity. I don't want you to be rude and obnoxious or become some new character. But if there's something you want people to know, speak out. Try some of these techniques I've mentioned. You may have to interrupt the person interrupting you. You may have to politely say, I love to hear your thoughts at the end. You may want to actually physically stand up and speak, even if it's a relatively small group, even if other people are doing it and it shows people that you're taking this seriously. And in my experience, it's less likely for someone to interrupt you if you're standing and they're all sitting. So, Cordelia, thanks so much for writing. If others have an issue with this too. Love to hear from you. As always, with any of your questions that relate to public speaking presentations, speaking to the media, just write to me and we'll answer them right here in depth. I'm TJ Walker. As always, may all of your presentations in life be a huge success.

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