TJ Walker explains how to use audience feedback to build real speaking confidence by eliciting specific, memorable takeaways rather than accepting generic compliments. He advises asking audience members "What do you remember?" to surface concrete ideas or stories, to prioritize feedback patterns (discount single outlier opinions), to review video to confirm behaviors (e.g., pacing), and to practice corrections so confidence grows from changed behavior.
Chapters
How can you use audience feedback to build your confidence as a speaker? You can always sort of wait for people to come up and say, hey, good job, Great, and feel good. But you know what? That's ultimately meaningless. You can ask people, how'd I do? Chances are they're going to say, great, good job. Again, totally meaningless. Here's how you use audience feedback. If someone comes up to you and gives you any feedback, say, thanks a lot, but tell me, what do you remember about my presentation? Now, I do that all the time. And if someone says, well, T.J. it was a great presentation. You were charismatic, you looked great. You looked like the total professional. You sounded great, you really come across as a very professional speaker. If that's what someone tells me, I now have 100% evidence that my speech was a complete. An utter failure. That's right. That's a failure. If all someone is doing is commenting on my style or professionalism, it means I didn't actually give them ideas that help them and make them improve. So that's not what I want. What I really want is for them to tell me ideas they heard stories, examples that they can relate to, that they're going to try, that resonate with them. And that's what you want. You want to ask people, hey, how would you describe or summarize my speech today to your colleague Jim or Sally, who couldn't come today and who were supposed to be here? And listen, if they just say generic things, oh, it was really good. He gave us a good overview of blah, blah, blah. You didn't really communicate. You want to hear specific messages, specific ideas, ideally stories you told people in your presentation. Then make a mental note, because quite often it was during the question and answer session. The problem so many speakers have is they're so abstract. They're going through all the data points, all these numbers, all these bullet points, and it's not memorable. And then someone at the end asks them a question, and they instantly launch into an example about, well, here's what happens last week at this plant with our customer Jim, and they're telling a story that makes the idea come alive. Then when you ask the audience member after, what do you remember? They remember that story. Well, don't wait to tell that story just because someone asks a question. Next time, bring that story out right at the beginning if it helps you make a point that's important to you and important to the audience. Our goal is not to be remembered, just to be remembered. We want people to remember ideas that are important to us, that are useful and relevant to them. So that's really the best way to get feedback from an audience member. You also have to learn how to discount it. Someone may just not like the color purple or blue and say, well, you know, what'd you wear that tie for? That tie was so distracting. Well, maybe, maybe not. Sometimes people will give you bad advice. They will say, well, you know, tj, you shouldn't move around so much. Why are you walking around? A professional speaker is supposed to stand feet planted. I would discount information like that. You want to listen to all feedback, but just because one person doesn't like the fact that you moved around or gestured doesn't mean that's how it related to everyone else. In my own experience, audiences around the world react much more favorably to speakers who move their hands when they speak. But if you speak to 200 people and you gesture, someone could come up and say, hmm, TJ, you gestured too much. You moved your hands. You should keep your hands on the lecture. Bad advice. The world is full of bad advice when it comes to speaking because everybody has an opinion. So be very discerning about what you actually try to incorporate. Now, if five people come up and say, hey, tj, you were pacing back and forth in a way that made you look very nervous, well, yes, I would look. Listen to that. Ideally, the best way to get feedback in a meaningful way is to not only listen to the feedback, but then to watch the video of your presentation so you can sync what they're saying. Because you might not be aware you're pacing in a very rhythmic way that makes you look nervous. But if someone says it and then you watch the video and you see it and you're hearing it and seeing it, that is feedback that can really help you. And the confidence comes from correcting the problem. The confidence does not come from an intellectual understanding or awareness of the fact that you're pacing too much. The confidence comes from then doing another speech, doing another rehearsal, doing another practice, and you see you're no longer doing the pacing. That's where feedback is meaningful in that it helps you actually change your behavior. So, yes, listen to feedback everywhere, but don't just say thanks. If someone gives you a general compliment, always go deeper. Say thanks. But the most important question of all is asking them, what did you remember? And then really listen.
