In a comedic monologue, YouTuber Tod Maffin pretends to be a Canadian official who, after a ritual of incense and prayer to a "holy moose," decides which U.S. state will be admitted to Canada next. He references previously “admitting” Minnesota and dismisses Michigan, then announces California as the forthcoming 11th province. The piece satirically contrasts Canadian and Californian cultures—highlighting coffee devotion, universal healthcare, recycling, wellness trends, fast‑food rivalries (Tim Hortons vs. In‑N‑Out), wildlife (moose vs. mountain lions), and seismic activity—while mocking political tensions and American insults toward Canada. The humor relies on absurd rituals, exaggerated stereotypes, and playful criticism, ultimately inviting viewers to imagine a whimsical Canada‑California union.
Chapters
Most people don't know this, but every time an American politician insults my nation, Canada, I go into a small dark room, light incense, pray to the holy moose, and over a period of 3 to 4 days, decide which state we will next admit to Canada. I've already allowed Minnesota to join, and in this video, I will announce the next American state to join Confederation. And you can either blame or thank those pre-season skid shit goblins from Michigan who complained about smoke from our forest fires, Not even 48 hours after a Canadian firefighter, who went to their country to help them fight their fires, was killed on the job. But Michigan is not the state that I've decided to admit to Canada, and that's because you get to Canada from Detroit by going south, and that's just fucking weird. I am not restructuring an entire nation's road signage over your inability to understand how a compass works. Instead, the state in question has a lot that we need. Sunshine, for one, which brings a lot of produce. Its residents genuinely believe that a bad mood can be fixed by organic kale, a wellness influencer, and a sound bath. Canada has lots in common with its forthcoming 11th province. We both worship coffee like it's a religious sacrament. Their state flag already has a bear on it. We both have earthquakes as a constant background threat, although theirs is the big one and ours is usually, "Wait, was that a truck?" There's also the matter of shared values. This place believes in universal healthcare, recycling, and complaining about the government as a competitive sport. And there's the wildlife. Their state bird is basically a Timu pigeon with a good PR team. They have mountain lions. We have moose. Theirs will maul you. Ours will just stand in the middle of the highway making unbroken eye contact until one of you blinks, and it will not be the moose. Now, we will need to work out a few things. For one, their idea of a cold snap is, uh, adorable. They have a lot of people in headbands telling you that your aura is congested, so obviously that'll have to stop. We'll need an intervention about In-N-Out versus Tim Hortons, but I have faith that we can build a bridge together.
That was a bad metaphor.
But this state has been cosplaying as Canadian for decades now. So pack your reusable water bottles and your unresolved feelings about your parents and get ready to pay for healthcare with your taxes. Instead of your soul. California, welcome home.
