Canada is burning, and America is complaining about the view.

Well, here we are again. The Americans are mad at us because they've just learned that jet streams don't honor borders. Some of them spending their constituents' time writing actual news releases titled "Canada's apologies won't clear Michigan skies." This is the third consecutive year we've had to write to Canadian officials about a crisis that Canada has the tools to prevent and has chosen not to. I'm sorry, are you in a Walmart right now? This is like every Karen video I've seen in every US mall. I reported this to your manager last week and I'm still waiting for an apology. Shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, that That was uncalled for. I am actually here to apologize for the audacity, nay, the terrorism, of letting our forests spontaneously combust and sending their smoky death tendrils across the border to sully your fine American lungs. How dare we? I mean, after all, your country has done everything it possibly could to combat climate change. Pulling out of climate agreements, expanding oil drilling, gutting the EPA, and vilifying Greta Thunberg as if she snuck into Texas oil fields and replaced them all with yoga retreats. Surely fire's not a natural phenomenon Phenomenon exacerbated by the global warming that you're, you know, mostly responsible for. Nobody could predict that. Certainly not Representative Jack Bergman, who's accepted more than $500,000 from the energy and natural resource sectors. Now it's obviously a personal attack on America. A maple-scented missile of woke environmental warfare. We admit it, the smoke was intentional. Coordinated. Our forest fires are a false flag operation conducted by transgender antifa beavers pushing socialized medicine, and shame on us for failing to pack it up in Ziploc bags and store it neatly above the 49th parallel, like good neighbours should. We should have known that the jet stream, a long-standing secret Canadian weapon, would betray us and float into your pristine cities like Los Angeles, where the air is very clean, but for some reason you can actually chew it. Tell us what you need, America. Because clearly you're the real victims here. Not the people in Canada losing homes to wildfires. Not entire towns burning to the ground. No, no. You. Just trying to enjoy a watery beer in Lansing, but you can't. Because the air looks orange. So again, from the bottom of our burning boreal hearts, we apologize. Next year, we promise to get your permission before our forests combust, or better yet, we'll just pave them. In fact, I propose a 3-step process for addressing these Republican lawmakers' discomfort for being so close to us. Step 1: Go fuck yourselves! Yeah, actually it was just that one step.