When you assume someone has bad intentions, you act defensive, they respond defensively, and you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tom Krieglstein, drawing on Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, argues you have to pause and question those assumptions before they spiral.
I just finished reading the book Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Henn. And in it they said, when we think others have bad intentions towards us, it affects our behavior and in turn, how we behave affects how they treat us. So before we know it, our assumptions that they have bad intentions towards us come true. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Kind of crazy to think about how our thoughts can actually shape our interactions with other people. If we assume someone's out to get us, we then will act defensively and guess what? They're respond in kind, creating this negative feedback loop. So next time you catch yourself making an assumption, pause and think, is this for real? It could change everything. Have you experienced this before? Maybe with your spouse? Share the stories and let's break the cycle together.
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