@TheOTButterfly on Parenting Neurodivergent Kids

You're listening to good inside with Dr. Becky. I have so many ideas, strategies and scripts to share with you right after a word from our sponsor. Hi, I'm Dr. Becky and this is Good Inside. I'm a clinical psychologist and mom of three on a mission to rethink the way we raise our children. I love translating deep thoughts about parenting into practical, actionable strategies that you can use in your home right away. One of my core beliefs is that we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us in that moment. So even as we struggle, struggle, and even as we are having a hard time on the outside, we remain Good inside. I have Laura Paddocks on the podcast today and I am so excited. I've received so many calls asking to have an episode for Focused on neurodivergent Kids and many of the parents who called in with those voicemails specifically asked me to have Laura on the pod. Well, here she is. Laura is known on Instagram as the OT Butterfly. She's a pediatric occupational therapist and a mom to a neurodivergent daughter. Now, not to worry if you don't know what the word neurodivergent means or or even if you're not exactly sure what occupational therapy means. Laura and I cover all of this in our conversation and we give you the tools you can use in your home to identify sensory struggles and offer your child the help they need. So with all that in mind, let's jump in. Hi Laura, welcome to the podcast. I am so excited to have you here. I hear so many things about you all the time, so I know also that our listeners are very excited for you to be here.

Hi Dr. Becky. Hi everybody listening. I am so thrilled to be here. I call on Dr. Becky a lot in our house and I'm like, well, Dr. Becky says that we should be able to do this and My husband knows Dr. Becky, so I'm very thrilled to be here and he's proud of me for being here. So thank you again for this opportunity.

All good things. So you and I could talk for hours and hours and I'm sure at some point we will have follow up conversations and there'll be so many more things to discuss today. I would love to begin by your introducing yourself to everybody listening and just tell them who you are and the kind of things you kind of think about and find interesting.

Sure. So my name is Laura Pettix. I am a pediatric occupational therapist and right now I'm in Southern California. I was practicing for A little bit up in the Bay Area. And I specialize in sensory integration. And I really, really focus most on how really sensory processing has an impact and a drive on learning and behavior. And I think any OT will tell you, you, you really can't take the OT out. I see the entire world through a sensory lens, through a behavioral lens, through. I just observe every single thing. And sometimes it's quite exhausting, but a lot of times it just makes me fall in love with being an OT even more. And especially having a daughter who is almost five now, seeing her grow up and develop and experiencing our own kind of hiccups along the road, and being able to use my OT lens has been very helpful that way. But yeah, I have a husband and a four and a half year old daughter. We're in Southern California. We are Disneyland addicts. We love going there. And there's so many sensory things to notice at Disneyland. So, yeah, that's where we're at.

Amazing. So can we start with just a basic definition of occupational therapy? Because I think there are probably people hearing this saying, okay, I've heard that before. I've heard that acronym ot, but same thing for me, honestly, like, it's just good to have a definition from an expert. So what is occupational therapy?

Yes, I love getting this question. And we've practiced this elevator speech so many times throughout our careers. As OTs, we are so under, we're not known well enough yet. So occupational therapy, the word occupation, which is, I think what throws people off the most, they assume occupation means job. Oh, so you must help people get jobs or get back to their job. Some part of it, yes. But the way that the field was created in occupational therapy, occupation was meant to mean things that occupy your time, things that are meaningful for you, things that are purposeful for you. It actually got its roots in 1917, after the war or like right around wartime, and with helping soldiers come back and rehabilitate and learn new vocational skills after the war. And then it also has a huge root in mental health and how crafts and meaningful occupations can help your recovery and learning new skills. But now, so throughout the years, occupational therapy, we help with kids from infancy all the way up to the end of life, basically getting people to be able to participate in things that are meaningful and purposeful to them. So in kids, it's play, it's learning, it's having relationships at home and in the community. And OTs are just really, really good at problem solving. So. So we can really, really dig deep at a behavior or something that's happening to a child and trying to pinpoint what exactly is the underlying cause or link for that behavior. And then how can we support that child? By modifying the environment, by adapting tasks so that this child can be more successful. So sometimes it is providing accommodations, sometimes it's working on underlying skills. And in my specific setting, it's the sensory processing skills that a lot of need help with that are contributing to this behavior that you're seeing out in the world.

Okay, sensory processing skills. Maybe there's children with like a sensory processing skill deficit or something like that, right. They haven't learned all those skills that they need. And then there's certain behaviors that might manifest as a result of those skills having kind of yet to be developed. Is that right?

That's right, yeah. And so sensory processing skills are basically, it's the precursor to developing gross motor skills, fine motor skills, and higher level cognitive skills. So from like a very basic, basic, basic example, if we talk about. So right now we all are processing sensory input. Every single person's brain is taking in information from the environment and internally within our body. And right now, listeners and myself and Dr. Becky, we can tune out. Our brain can automatically kind of filter out the sights, the sounds, the feeling. I can smell a little bit of my coffee over here. I can see the bright lights over to the side. You might be hearing the hum of your computer. And we know that's there, but our brain like automatically filters it out for us and says, this conversation with Dr. Becky and what Laura is saying and her voice is important to me and I'm going to tune into that. And our brain allows us to do that. So people with this sensory processing challenge or sensory processing disorder, their brain doesn't always automatically do that for them. Or their brain might interpret some of these external stimuli and think from the environment as dangerous to their body. And so obviously the parts that. There's parts of your brain that need to keep you alive, keep protected. So then the brain goes into survival mode and might make me pay attention to a sound that it thinks is dangerous. Then that takes away from my ability to focus on Dr. Becky. Or if I heard an alarm going off, my brain would not automatically turn that off. It would say, hey, pay attention to that. That could be dangerous. Then I might be distracted in this conversation. So the outward behavior would be, oh, Laura's not really paying attention to this conversation right now. She keeps looking around, she's not focused. That's the behavior. But what's driving that behavior could be sensory Overload or difficulty filtering out some of the sensory information. And as you can imagine in children that's very complex and.

Okay, two points of follow up and tell me again if I'm getting this right. Number one, sensory processing disorder is not its own diagnosis. And at the same time it's probably part of so many different struggles that we see in our kids.

Yes, 100%, yes. Yes. And that's I think, the biggest kind of thing that's holding us back as a profession, as OT and being as accessible, I should say, to a lot of parents who need the support. But because there's still a lack of, I guess, credibility, I don't. Or because we don't have that code in the dsm. Right. So the manual that provides these diagnoses codes that insurance really likes to see in order to provide reimbursement for services. SPD is not yet a standalone disorder based on the dsm.

So I'm going to play like a little game with you, but it's not going to be that fun. Okay. It might be fun, I don't know. Okay. Game. All right, like game isn't over herself. Okay. I want to say things that I hear from parents a lot in terms of them describing their kids behavior and I'd love to hear from your OT sensory perspective, like what might be going on that doesn't kind of immediately meet the eye. Okay. I am telling my 5 year old, sit. You only have to write a few more letters for school. Sit. Right. And they are asking about the song playing and they are looking at what my husband's cooking for dinner. And they are not listening and not focusing. And they are not being respectful. They are not listening, they're not focusing, they're not being respectful and they're not doing the very simple thing that I know they can do.

I love this example. Okay, so how I. So I take a behavior usually and I separate it in two categories. So sensory driven behaviors or not sensory driven behaviors. And for this topic we're just going to, I'm just going to brain dump all of the sensory related ways it could contribute. But please know everyone listening, there could be a lot of other umbrella of things going on there, a mental health perspective, connecting to parents, all of those things. But let's say all of the sensory things that could be going on in this child. So you ask them to sit down at the table and finish writing. Maybe they have already been sitting for 15 minutes writing two or three sentences. So if their brain has a high threshold for vestibular input and Movement.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You lost that vestibular. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Take it back, take it back.

I like it. I love big words. I just like to understand.

I get excited. The vestibular system is housed in your inner ear. And this is what's responsible for telling your brain where your head and your body is in space. This gets activated when your head is out of upright. If you're tilting to the side, if you're upside down, if you're moving, running through the kitchen, that's telling your brain that you are moving through space, and that's your vestibular system being activated. So we all have this inner need to have enough vestibular input throughout the day in order for us to feel calm and focused. What we call regulated as OTs. And neurotypical people who have no sensory processing differences generally get enough of it throughout the day to be able to sit and focus. But there are some kids who have a high threshold, meaning they need more of it to notice it or to feel calm and regulated for it. So kids who have a hard time sitting still at the table, I would say, who have more of a hard time than a lot of kids who generally don't like to sit at a table after school and writing and doing letters and things like that, if they have a really. They might have this inner drive to not even just be sitting. They want to be standing, they want to be moving. They want to feel their weight shift from side to side. So maybe they have a need to be moving from a sensory perspective. That would be a sensory reason why they don't want to sit at the table. Now, maybe there's also, like you mentioned, there's a lot of extra things going on in their environment that's catching their attention. The smell of someone cooking dinner, the sound of the tv, the sound of dad's voice talking on the phone, the dog shaking his tail over there, and everything catching that child's attention, which to the outward eye can look like distractibility and not focusing. But like we talked about earlier in the brain, their brain might not be automatically filtering these things out. They might have a high sensitivity to noticing auditory or sound input. And so the brain is noticing the tiniest little things. It could be visual things that are catching the brain's attention. It could be auditory. And instead of this child's brain automatically filtering it out for them, they're spending extra energy identifying what each sound is and drawing their attention to it. Because when your brain can't label what something is, it might automatically label it as dangerous or, hey, pay attention to that. We don't know what that is. And if you're a child trying to sit down and focus at a table and write letters and there's all those things going on, their brain is already working extra hard just to push those things aside. And then the added academic demand of writing down letters, spelling things right, bumping the line, leaving spaces between letters is just a lot for a child. And they might just feel very overwhelmed in that moment.

So what's one example in that situation, if a parent was thinking, okay, I'm going back to something we talk a lot about at Good Inside. My child's doing the best they can with the resources they have available in the moment. They're not trying to be disrespectful. They're not trying not to write. There's something happening. What is a sensory oriented intervention that could help? That might not come to a parent's mind right away because, again, we're often not thinking this way.

The easiest way. The first thing I think of is what we always talk about, alternative seating. So they don't have to be sitting at a table to write. They can't. You can put a wiggle cushion so they have these like inflatable discs that gives them some movement at their chair. You could even have, I have children when I work in the clinic, have their paper. If they're just writing like one sentence, we will write up against the wall, put the paper up against the wall and write their sentence. And it actually helps a lot with letter formation and a lot of fine motor stuff. If you're working on that as well, you could have them lay on their tummy and write on like a binder on the floor. Just changing up the position, like, we don't have to have them sitting at a desk would be one way to meet that need. In terms of the auditory stuff, then I would look at finding another area in the house, maybe blocking out that sounds, maybe giving them noise canceling headphones to help kind of mitigate those environmental cues that they're getting from the world. And then the last thing I would say is also providing a lot of intermittent movement breaks throughout the activity. So great example. If you have to write like three, you have three more sentences to write for this English worksheet that you have. I know, it's really hard. How about after every sentence you write, we're going to say stand up and do 10 jumping jacks, or we're going to stand up and Have a song break and we're going to dance to encanto or whatever it is some high intensity thing that gives them the movement break they're seeking, gives them a time to connect with you and there's less battle overall. And the one thing I like to remind parents is they're like, but I just want them to get their homework done. I don't want to add an extra 10, 15 minutes of the circus act that I have to do and put on a puppet show and make it exciting. And you know, I 100% hear you and I feel like that on so many days where I just don't have that energy. But what I like to remind parents is if your child is having these struggles and having a hard time and you're already going through that power struggle, you're already adding extra time anyway, this is the way to meet your child's needs and to take off a little bit of that stress from you. And overall, you're going to spend the same amount of time. This is a little bit more beneficial to your child's sensory support and their needs.

And I want to give another extra plug for that. Right where I know often that extra five minutes, I think pays you back like a million times over. Because if you think of this example, let's say it's a five year old writing letters. We think we want to help them get to the end of that Hallmark assignment. But really what's happening is they're learning. How do I learn? How do I learn best? Is learning frustrating? Is learning something I can feel capable around? And so if what they end up learning is, oh, I learn, I pause, I sometimes need to stand up, I sometimes need to take a break and move my body and come back. Well, let's fast forward to when they're now in fourth grade. Obviously we could also fast forward to when they're 18 or 20 and still learning to some capacity. If they've taken in what they need to do to maintain engagement, then you're saving yourself a lot of time when they're in fourth grade and 18 in college from them calling you and saying, oh, I don't want to do my work, mom, or I don't want to do this, dad. And instead they've internalized what they need to do for themselves to continue to get their work done. So that long term perspective for me, when I can access it, which definitely isn't all the time, but when I can, it makes me realize, oh, I'm not actually putting in extra time, I'm actually Saving time. And I'm one for efficiency because parenting is so tiring. So then I can roll up my sleeve and put that song on and like you said, do a movement break.

Same. I 100% with you on that.

So here's another situation, because I want to talk about sensory sensitivities and anxiety, right? So you're at a birthday party, and your child is with all of her friends. Like, you know, your child loves these other kids. And this is an indoor gymnastics party, right? And I was like, everyone, take off your shoes. Come on. You know the mat. We're gonna do this trampoline thing. We're gonna do this. And your child is just clinging to you, and you're looking around and you're like, I'm not crazy. I have the only child clinging. My child is old enough. I don't want my child to not be able to socialize for the rest of their life. I'm laughing because I know we, like, fast forward these, like, huge truths about our children. I do too. Okay. What might be going on there from your perspective?

Yeah. Oh. Birthday parties is one of my favorite environments to help parents really see how sensory impacts behavior. Because parents are not always in the classroom. But birthday parties or even parks and playgrounds give you more of a complex understanding of the social environment and how that can really, really impact your child's behavior. So birthday party already. The idea of being at a birthday party with friends has that excitement level. But to a child with sensory processing challenges, that internal sensation of excitement can a lot for them to process and already handle. So going into it, that just like, buzzing excitement coupled with that, the change in routine that you probably typically have for every weekend and Saturday, maybe you woke up early. Maybe you're wearing that really itchy dress that your mom said, like, really wanted you to wear because it was cute and it matched with all the friends. Or there was a costume theme and everyone's wearing unicorn tights. And this is hard for you. So there's a clothing component. All of that not even in the environment yet of the birthday party. But consider how much this routine has changed for that child. And for sensory kids, changes in daily routine can definitely trigger or relate to dysregulation. Even leading up to that time. Before going in the jump house, they served pizza, a very common child's birthday party meal. And maybe that's a food that your child is still learning to eat. And they have a very limited food repertoire. So now there's this another unsafe thing. But so they've already Come into it with their sensory cup brimming to the top. And I like to talk about sensory sensitivities as having a small cup and you can barely hold enough input in there and it's already full to the top before even stepping into the trampoline room at the birthday party. And now the echoes from everybody laughing, the music, the conversation, plus like a bounce house with a. If you're a child with sensory sensitivities, it's full of imposed sensory input. When I say imposed meaning out of your control. Kids are bouncing, they might jump on you. There's the sounds, there's a. Smells of people's feet with their socks off. There's a lot. I have a very vivid picture of this in my mind because that's a very common birthday party setting. And so yeah, that's just a very quick snapshot and I could probably say so many more things about it, but.

So you're at this birthday party, you see your child and their sensory cup is overflowing. Right. And I love that image too. It makes me think about, you know, here at Good Inside. I think we think about that kind of frustration cup often also. Right. Like why is my child having a meltdown when I cut their pizza in half, you know, even though I thought they wanted it cut in half? Well, it's not just about the pizza. They were full of frustration. That was the thing that poured it over. So, so similar. My child standing next to me. They are overloaded from a sensory perspective. They're also probably self conscious and anxious. The kid knows that they're the only one. Maybe they know that their parent isn't thrilled with them in this situation. Like step one from a parent, from your perspective, if they can ground themselves and access the part of them that, you know, wants to show up the way they want to, not just in a reactive state. So if that's possible, what would you whisper to a parent, you know, and have them maybe share with their child?

Yes. So what I. The first thing I would do is find a way to find some privacy where you can speak to your child without this external stuff. Because I know if you talk there in front of other parents or other kids and you say, do you want to go in that trampoline? They might be pressured by what they see. And not to mention again, if this is a very auditory, over stimulating area, they might not be totally processing what you're saying, what you're asking. So see if they will come with you to a, like a side of the corner or a Trick I always say is like, hey, can you help me get something out of the car? I think I forgot my water bott. Just go for a little walk, like, outside of it. And then, you know, our typical, like, get down on their level, use a regulating voice. Like, hey, I noticed you're really curious about the trampoline. And we've seen them jumping. How do you feel about it? Is that something you're interested in? So kind of give them the opportunity, the space, the safe space is really important for them to be able to tell you, well, yeah, I really do want to, but it looks like it's. There's too many people or really understand. Give them that chance to explain what it is. Or if you can tell, I know that you get really overwhelmed with a lot of people. Why don't we go get a sip of water and then we can come back and look at it together. You can sit next to me, and if you're ready to go in, you can give me a little tap on my shoulder. You can come up with little cues that I like having parents do with their child, especially in these social situations. But the first step is to remove them from that environment in a way that's not, like, forceful. Right. But getting them like, hey, let's go for a walk. Let's go get a sip of water. Can you help me make sure that our present is on the table? Right. Like, just a very quick excuse to remove them and have that conversation and then see if you can troubleshoot ways of what's going on and how to help them if they do want to participate. And sometimes I want to tell parents, sometimes your child will not want to participate, and they're just looking for the permission that they don't have to. So that's something I've learned as a parent and then coaching clients as well, that, wow, just giving my child the permission that they didn't have to go in that, like, was a wave of relief. And sometimes they ended up going in anyway. Otherwise, they were just happy to sit by, but they just needed the permission to not have to do something.

I love that so much. So for parents listening, I have to imagine their wheels are spinning and a bunch of them are thinking, I wonder if my child now, through this perspective, like, I wonder if they have some of these sensory sensitivities. What are some common signs?

Yeah. So I always give my list of sensory sensitivities twofold because I always mention that everybody has sensory quirks. Right. So we all have sensory inputs that we either love A a lot of more than other people or are more sensitive to than a lot of people. Like I am very movement sensitive. I am auditory sensitive, but it didn't impact the way that I socialized, went to birthday parties, participated in school. Even now as a mom, I still, I'm more irritable about certain sounds. But it's not something that like is more like, I should say quote, clinical or needs professional support. I'm able to manage it. So I like to throw that out there. You might have a child who does cover their ears when they they're singing the birthday song, but that might be their only thing, right? Sensory quirk. But when I talk to parents about, you know, it might be time to seek support from an OT for your child's sensory activities, I look at if they are sensitive to things like clothes. So a lot of kids complain about tags, which is a lot of kids do. But then some kids are very limited, like will only wear dresses or won't wear underwear at all or won't wear closed toed shoes even if it's like a negative 10 snowstorm because their skin is so sensitive. We have a lot of kids who are auditory sensitive to loud sounds, but also just like competing sounds in an environment like restaurant setting or birthday party or even the classroom. We have a lot of kids who are sensitive to grooming activities, brushing hair, brushing teeth, taking a bath, washing your hair, all of those things. Picky eating is a big one too. So all of these signs can contribute to what I see as a sensory sensitive child. And I always say this part has to be met for me to really say like maybe you should seek support and if it's impacting them like to a point where it's either daily or just so much affecting your parents as well as a child's quality of life. So maybe like their sensory sensitivities are so bad we can't ever go to a restaurant. Like it stops us from there. We're not going to play dates. They're leaving school early every day because there's a huge meltdown. Like it has to be more impactful on a daily level or super intense. And also I would say typically there's extra like emotional regulation challenges in these kids. So meltdowns, challenge with sleeping. So it's really, really these signs, these outward signs and behaviors of avoiding things for sensory sensitive kids and also some extra like really tricky emotional stuff to deal with because there is such an overlap there.

And what is the relationship, if any, between sensory sensitivity and this term neurodiverse Neurodivergent.

Yes. So the way I describe it is all humans, we are all considered a neurodiverse species. So that's a common misconception. I hear neurodiverse being used interchangeably with neurodivergent. But from what I've studied and what I've learned from the autistic community, from the neurodivergent community. So as a human species, we're neurodiverse, meaning our neurons, our brain, our wiring is all diverse. We all are different, we all have different brains, we are a neurodiverse. So that is neurodiversity as a whole. Every brain is different. There is more of a common pattern of brain behavior and brain wiring and the way that we process the world and the way that we communicate and learn. There's a more common pattern that we consider more neurotypical that most of us fit some sort of pattern where it's a little bit more predictable and things go a certain way. There's an alternate, even more neurodiverse subset of people where their brain patterns and their brain wiring and the way they process the world, the way they learn, the way they behave, the way they communicate, diverges even more than from the neurotypical brain. And even the way that those brains diverge also may fit a certain pattern, but it might be related to a sensory sensitive profile, it might be related to autism, it might be related to adhd. So there doesn't, it doesn't always go hand in hand with a specific diagnosis, but their brain, brain is neurodivergent in the sense that it is not considered neurotypical. It is a little bit more different than how brains are different in general. And so sensory sensitive brain processes some sensory inputs a little bit more intensely and might label it as more dangerous than a neurotypical brain would.

And how does OT help some of these struggles? Right, so kids with sensory processing struggles or kids who do have sensory sensitivity. If you're a parent, you're thinking like, what would happen in an OT office? Like, I don't actually understand. Okay, yeah, my child does have a really intense reaction to loud sounds. Like that is definitely true. My child gets really distracted when there are multiple sounds in a room different than my other kids. What would happen with an OT?

Yes, so OTS like many other professions, but OTs have two approaches to work with children. So there's the bottom up approach and there's a top down approaches. And we usually do it like a mix of both bottom up approaches just means that you're working on those underlying sensory foundations that are impacting your child's behavior. So again, let's take the behavior of, let's say like clothing sensitivity because that's one that I work on a lot. They're sensitive to clothes. They're not, they're wearing like three things. They won't wear underwear. Like this happened. So top down approach would be OTs working on finding sensory friendly clothing, helping the child change their mindset about clothes. Helping the child come up with fun, playful challenges to practice clothing in a safe way, helping the child rate their experience with clothing on a comfort level to make that more objective for them. That would be like top down approaches that's still very helpful for the child. There's bottom up approaches that work on the tactile system, which is the touch system, which is all on your skin and is what's over responding to some of the way that the garters fit or the seams in the socks. So they have a very over responsive or sensitive touch system. So a bottom up approach for an OT would, would be working on that system by finding ways to provide touch input in a sensory gym, in a sensory integration. So a lot of times parents will look into a sensory clinic, an OT clinic, and your kid is doing obstacle courses and running and jumping and like rolling around and they're like, I'm paying for this, like what are you doing with my child? I could do this at the park. But what you're not seeing is OTs create a lot of what we call just right challenge environments to target those underlying sensory systems in your child to help your child create positive experiences, successful experiences, so they can master those experiences. And their brain is starting to build pathways towards regulation while having that sensory input so that it can hopefully have more efficient pathways of regulation versus right now that brain might have a shortcut pathway to dysregulation or getting upset or having meltdowns because that's all they know. So OTs really provide this integrated approach and customized experience for your child that meets them where they're at so they can feel successful. And their brain is starting to have more experiences of regulation with that input.

So helpful. So I'm sure this is an unfair question. Okay. But if you kind of could give parents like three of your top tips, right. And I know from talking to you here that I want to hear all of your tips, but if we kind of focus on three, like what would you, what would you tell parents?

Yes. So the, the first tip I, I Tell parents if you have a child who has sensory sensitivities, they're covering their ears when you talk. Or they like swear that their sock has a seam even though you bought the seamless socks. And they swear they can still feel it.

It.

The first tip is to believe them. I always say believe what they perceive. This is their sensory perception. This is how their brain is interpreting it. I know it's really, really hard, but this goes in hands with validating. It's not just validating their feeling, it's validating their experience. They think those seams are like nails to their toes. So that is hard. So that first step will already give you buy in and already bring you more into like a supportive role with your child. So that's the number one step is believing them. Believe what they perceive. The second step is to once you identify and you can know your child's sensory triggers from a sensory sensitive perspective, try your best to prepare them and let them know what's coming up. And my example for this is for like blenders or flushing toilets or a lot of things in the environment that you can predict and know I'm going to push start in 3, 2, 1, go. So they have time to cover their ears. They have time to protect their body. But preparing them also goes with letting them know what to expect at the birthday party. Hey, when we go to the birthday party, we're going to see a lot of kids jumping on a trampoline. I know that the sounds and a lot of people can overwhelm you. So what should we do? What code do you want to give me when you need a break? So preparing them also includes preparing them with the tools ahead of time and being okay with the, and giving them permission that they don't have to do what the other kids are doing, being okay with giving them that support and those accommodations. And then my third tip is especially for things that are daily and like non negotiables like grooming tasks like brushing teeth and putting clothes on and brushing hair is try to practice them outside of those actual times. So a lot of times we only do it like, oh my, my child like is so hard when I cut their nails. So you only do it the bare minimum that you have to do it and you never. So every time your child sees those nail clippers and you talk about nail clipping and you do it is in those moments of stress. So you need to actually, I call it like poking the bear or like try to find ways to play with it to talk about it. And There's. It sounds weird. How are you going to play with nail clippers? I have a lot of creative ways to make cutting nails, like, a more fun and like, practice through play type scenario that you need to do outside of the actual moment that they're experiencing it. So you could have time and opportunities to build up the positive associations with these things. So the end message, there's don't completely avoid the task that they're afraid of, but also don't completely flood them with it. You need to meet them where they're at and practice things through play.

And this, I think, will feel so in line for listeners with so much of what we talk about from more of a psychological or emotional perspective. Right. Believing kids is huge. The idea you're the only one in your body, you're the only one who can know what you're feeling. Right. And I often think too, with feelings, it's the same thing from anything we're taking in from a sensory perspective is we can only learn to manage what we allow inside our body. And if so, the message is over and over, no, you're not feeling it, you're not feeling that. Right? No, it's not a big deal. Well, the feeling or the sensation wins. And now I just don't have any skills. So we want to help our kids build skills. And that starts by believing them. And then the other two elements really are, I call it like emotionally vaccinating. Right. Emotional vaccination, like let someone know what's coming so they can build those antibodies. I love that. Right. And same thing for senses and exposure, like practice also. Right. And I love that image. If everyone right now almost puts up their two hands so they're slightly apart, and then we look at kind of avoidance on one end and flooding on another. Right. And then there's a lot of space in between. We want to be in the in between. Right. We don't want to avoid all of the things that are uncomfortable for our kids. That's sending the message of, I am also as scared of those things as you are. And then a kid is like, oh, well, now that thing is even scarier because my sturdy leader is also wanting to avoid that. And on the other side, flooding a child and what that does to their nervous system, that also is a situation that is not conducive with learning. And I think that stuff in between, I think maybe a parent listening is thinking, okay, well, what's the in between? What's exactly the in between? Trust yourself. Trust yourself. You know, your kid, you Know the situation. Right. The in between with different, let's say noises is not going to be okay. Here's the blender and the vacuum and I found a fire siren and I'm gonna put them all on right now. No. Having silence all the time. No, it might be preparing for a sound and turning it on, saying, oh, let's turn up the volume a little bit. Oh, let's turn it up a little bit more. That might be something where I'm exposing safely and I'm kind of building my child's window of tolerance.

Yep.

How did I do, Laura?

Yes. That's great. That's exactly. I always am trying to provide parents with how can we get your child to continue to participate in this scary environment, overwhelming environment, and what tools can we provide them to support them already where they're at? So sometimes it is noise canceling headphones. And after listening to autistic voices and adults who have sensory processing disorder, a lot of them do still rely on the noise canceling headphones. But guess what? That gives them them so much more cognitive space and energy to actually participate in things versus completely just stay home and. Yeah, so that, that's a great example. And same thing. Tolerating messy play. Like, okay, you want to really do this painting activity. Your friends are using their hands. You want to use. You're not ready to use your hands yet, but you also don't want to use a paintbrush. Can we use like a cotton swab? Cotton ball. So you're. You're physically closer to touching the paint, but not quite touching the paint yet because you're not ready. But this is way better than you just running away from the table and then not playing with your friends or participating in the art class or doing the things that are also contributing to other parts of your development that I need you to be part of.

Yes. So toward the end of an episode, I'd love to kind of bring things together. We talked about so many different things, and I'd love to co create it with you to give parents three kind of main takeaways. And then after that, I'll ask you to tell everyone a little bit more about where they can find you and learn so much more from you. So. So let's come up live with the three takeaways. I'm happy for you to take one and three, and I'll jump in with number two. Okay, so people take three things from this episode. Where should they start?

I think they should start by observing your child's behavior. Yeah. So observing their child's behavior and then trying to notice what they are communicating by that and if there is a sensory component to it. So I don't know if we're expecting too much of the parents at this point to know, like, how new they're coming into this, if this is the first. First episode they're hearing sensory. So I don't know if you want to help word that differently besides observe their behavior, which is, you know, such a big theme.

But I love that. I think that's very usable to people because what I think it's like, you don't have to do anything yet. Right. Observe, collect data. Right. I think me too, as a parent, I'm like, okay, what am I going to do? But what am I going to do? Then what the. Then what? Then what? Then what exactly really stops us from collecting the data. We need to then trust ourselves with what's next. So I love. I love observe. And my step two, as like a second takeaway would be just understanding that so many of the things our kids struggle with have a sensory component. And so I think there's a question there for a parent. Hmm. Is there a sensory component right now? Is there a sensory component to what's happening? Right. If I go back to that first example, I'm so frustrated with my child. I know they can write letters. Wait, hold on a second. I remember that episode with Becky and Laura. Is there a sensory component, something about touch or sound or the way their body is positioned that can really change our mindset? So I think that's a great question just to ask yourself when you know something is going on with your child.

Yep. Okay, perfect. And then I think the third one would definitely be once you observe and you understand where they're at, the third one would definitely be finding a way to meet them where they're at and not. And sort of adjust your expectations. So if it's back to that example of writing letters and saying, okay, my child is not ready to sit down and write five whole sentences right now, that is just too much. I would love for us to get that where. But today, on this Thursday afternoon, in this battle, in this moment to meet him where he's at, he is needing to get up and move. How can I adjust the task to meet those needs and set this boundary still, we still have to do this homework. We're not going to avoid it. But how can I meet his needs and follow through with what's expected right now? Because you can't do both.

Great. Now, I know people listening are going to be thinking, okay, this Laura person, like where do I get more of her? Where do I learn more? Where can I connect with her? So can you give us all the info?

Yes. So I think that, well, I'm hanging out on Instagram all the time at theotbutterfly. But I decided right before we talked, I said there I have a lot of free resources that I want parents to, to access. And I have. If you're, if you're really thinking that your child has some sensory behaviors and you want to just help decode those behaviors more, I will. By the time that this is live, I have a mini course for parents called Sensory is Behavior and I give you a lot of top common behaviors. And just exactly what Dr. Becky and I did earlier, I will brain dump all of the different reasons why that behavior might be occurring from a sensory perspective. And I also list out some common non sensory related links to those behaviors. So that will be out. But I will put all of that on just one page and I just thought I would put it on the otbutterfly.com DrBecky and all of it will be there so that you can just dig in and find what works best for you guys right now. But definitely find me on Instagram heotbutterfly. I'd be happy to hear from everyone.

And I'll add that link to the show notes so anybody can go and check that out. Well, Laura, I know people will ask to have you on again and get into kind of more detail and you are such a wealth of information and I really love the way you explain things and break things down. So just thank you. Thank you for sharing so much knowledge with all of us and I can't wait to talk with you again.

Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for helping me celebrate Occupational Therapy Month so to spread more awareness about this amazing field. So thank you.

Thanks for listening to Good Inside. I love co creating episodes with you based on the real life tricky situations in your family. To share what's happening in your home, you can call 646-598-2543 or email a voice note to goodinsidepodcastmail.com There are so many more strategies and tips I want to share with you. Head to goodinside.com and sign up for Good Insider, my free weekly email with scripts and strategies delivered right to your inbox. And follow me on Instagram and Facebook rbeckyoodinside for a daily dose of parenting and self care ideas. Good inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Beth Rowe and Marie Cecile Anderson and executive produced by Erica Belsky and me, Dr. Becky. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review it or share this episode with a friend or family member as a way to start an important conversation. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves Even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside.