Leanne Davy and Ron Dunlap's concept of conflict debt describes unresolved issues that erode trust and drain team energy. The speaker explains how resentment builds when conflict goes unaddressed, and offers strategies like pausing conversations and bringing in facilitators to resolve tension before it compounds.
I wanted to, uh, get on here and just share a little thoughts on this term called conflict debt. So I first heard the phrase from Leanne Davy, um, in the book Good Fight, but I was just finishing up her book Thought Load that just recently came out, and she, she went a little bit further with it. And she's— just to kind of give some context, she, she sums it up as conflict debt is the sum of all contentious issues that need to be addressed to move forward, but instead remain undiscussed and unresolved. And so she goes on and kind of talks about how it's, uh, when issues pile up unresolved, people carry resentment, doubt, anger, and frustration. Over time, this erodes trust, drains energy, damages relationships, and prevents teams from moving forward effectively. And again, so you can kind of link it to how like financial debt accumulates, accumulates, and eventually we're just so drained by it. And it does, it affects everything. And so she's saying when conflict is not addressed, same thing happens in our organizations and things like that. So, but one of the things that she really unpacked is this is the part that I really loved about it. And again, like I said, I think this is just one of the most underrated, unrelated, let me back up. I think this is one of the most underrated skills, especially in this climate that we're navigating. And I love how she said oftentimes we don't do really good at conflict management and conflict resolution. And a little bit is coming from Ron Dunlap as well, is because we don't take time to first prepare emotionally and intellectually. And, um, and like Rod Dunlap says, that we don't take time first to understand our pressure points, what makes us pop, what makes us snap. Sometimes the best times when we're trying to navigate conflict is in the moment. Hey, we're veering off, this is not addressing the problem, so let's take a step back, you know, or we both need to maybe come back and revisit this later. And just walk away because we want to keep the main thing the main thing. And that's one of the most difficult things with conflict management, conflict resolution, uh, depending on how bad it is. Because a lot of times, like, I sit in the midst of a lot of unhealthy conflict by the nature of my job being an agility coach, um, but I'm trying to move that to, you know, a healthy conflict spot so we can keep, again, the focus on the outcome, and that's delivering successful products, uh, successful software products to amazing clients. And then I deal with it in the context of the local church. So, and then like just everyday life. So anywho, man, I just want to encourage you to next time as you have something going on, like if it's conflict, if it's tension, uh, think about the term conflict debt. Think about, hey, what this is doing. Because I can tell you this, oftentimes, especially in a leadership level, when it is conflict that's not being addressed and leaders are avoidants, people know. They're just not saying anything. Trust me, they know. They see the conflict, they see the tension, and you're making it uncomfortable for everybody. And so it's best to just lean in and try to find a way to deal with it. And then worst case scenario, bring in someone that knows how to facilitate dialogue, facilitate conversation, that has a strong background and understanding in the art and science of facilitation and coaching. Uh, and then also too, to my faith-based community, always pray and lean on the Holy Spirit. Uh, always start with self, man. And then hopefully, by the grace of God, like I said, we can lean into that and have a practical and, uh, just like loving conversation, kind conversation. Uh, so it's going to be tension. That's cool. Tension is not a bad thing. Conflict is not a bad thing. It's all about what we do with it. You know, if we become overly emotional and we be led by our emotions, then that's when it's a problem. So again, emotions is not a bad thing, but when we allow them to lead us, that's when we, where we go wrong. Uh, so anywho, I hope that helps, man. Again, if you take nothing else from it, just always think of the term conflict dead. Conflict dead. When you're not addressing or confronting certain things within your local context.
