Money & Marriage

Hey everybody, I'm Naisha Pratt and I'm Tim Pratt Jr. And we are here to talk about a subject that is very controversial when it comes to new marriages and just marriages in general. So we wanted to just give our thoughts on this topic. So the topic is, should you merge financial— just merge finances in general when you are— when you're married? Right, so what are your thoughts on it?

So my thoughts is yes, now it is at a very high level to kick it back over to you, and I'll give you some context in this video on why I feel that way now, but I always didn't because just being finances in general, I mean, you make your money, you want to spend your money your way, and the last thing, if we all be truthful, it's like coming together and kind of asking questions like, hey, you know, can I do this? Right, so Yes, I do, but I also see why a lot of people have reservations of doing that, right?

So you don't feel like it's mandatory if you're married to merge, depending on who you're married to?

Yeah, I think that's the biggest thing. Yeah, depending on who you're married to, uh, because each is one, one, like, that's the thing, you know, certain things works for everybody. So it works for us, right? We're for it, uh, and I think one of the biggest things is because we're both natural savers, right, right, and have like kind of, you know, an investment Yeah, yeah, so we are very—

we're different, but we're alike in a lot of areas. We're both savers by nature. Like, he's more into like investing. He knows about that, all that kind of type of stuff. But we're very much savers and we're not big spenders. So we kind of are, you know, together on that. So, but what if it's like a spender? Usually it's the women that like to go spend.

Yeah.

And the man is usually the saver in most cases, or majority cases. Yeah, but, um, so what do you feel like if there's one person and y'all just can't get on the same page as to, okay, you're spending all the money, right? And so I feel like if a person comes to you like, okay, I feel like I should have my own separate account because this person does not know how to handle their money.

So I think it just comes down to an agreement first and foremost. So kind of backing up to give us some context, I think that For one, you have to talk about it. You cannot skate around the topic. You have to have a plan. Yes. From my perspective, I'm a big Dave Ramsey guy. I don't— certain things I agree, you know, disagree with, but for the most part, from his fundamental concept, I think that you have to have a budget.

Yeah.

Or if you don't have a budget, you need to have an automated system because I know a lot of people hate that word budget. And then you have an agreement on like what's what. So, you know, for example, if the person is a spender, maybe give them like a personal spending account within that thing. So everybody's different, you know, some families might make $40,000-$50,000, some might make $100,000 and up, right? So say for instance, like, if, you know, you were the spender and I was the saver, and depending on looking at all our income, you know, versus expenses, I might say, hey, you know, okay, here's $300, you do what you want to do with it. If you have a, you know, or $500, whatever, uh, like I said, it all comes down to what you can afford, right? And if you start going over that then I think, like I said, you know, you might have a bigger problem, right, on your hands. But I think it is little metric, you know, not metrics, but I do think it is like little postings that you can put in to help with coming at each other. Because at the end of the day, with the saver perspective, at least they have like a framework. Like, I don't know if they're going to spend that $300 or $500 or not, but you know, it's like, okay, at least I know it's accounted for, right?

It's still in the budget no matter what. Like, our essentials are taken care of, right? But so why do you feel like it's such a controversial topic when it comes— because I know for one it makes you feel like you lose your independence. Like, we have this thing where we don't spend a large amount of money without each other knowing, and if it's a big purchase, it's usually a surprise from me or him, right? That we don't— if we don't tell each other about it, it's probably a surprise for the other person. It's not like, oh, I'm going out here to buy something that costs $1,000 and I don't consult you about it. Or if it's a big purchase, like, we talk about it months ahead of time. So for some people, it's like, oh, he ain't my daddy.

Yeah.

Oh, I make my own money, so I'm not coming to him.

Right.

So let's get that out the way. If you're married, you're no longer independent.

Exactly.

So it's like, you— like, I saw this one, um, article. It's like, you're in the bed with each other and you all have all these ties together, but you got one foot out the door because you don't want to merge your finances.

Exactly, exactly. No, I agree. And so once again, kind of backing up from an investment standpoint, like when you get into like Roth retirement, you know, those type of things, uh, I would recommend, you know, those are kind of different entities for tax purposes, stuff like that. That's a whole another conversation at minimum. But it all goes back to visibility as well. I feel like your spouse should still have visibility so you can know what you're tracking towards. Uh, going back to the point where, you know, the independent culture, even, you know, most guys, it's just like when you know, you make money, like, you know, like you said, the last thing I want to do is like, hey, I see this, I want it, let me call my wife, you know, like, uh, if it's $200, you know, you know, whatever and stuff like that. But I think that's the biggest thing is that most people don't, you know, for whatever reason, I think that's hard, but it's very— I think you have to reframe it. And like you say, because it's your spouse, You know, it's not—

you're a team.

Exactly, you're a team. You're not trying to, you know, basically control one another. And the biggest thing is accountability. And I feel like when you reframe it and look at it the right way, through the lens of accountability, synergy comes into play. Synergy is like, you know, 1 1 3. I understand 1 1 2, just because I don't want this to be taken out of context. But from a synergy standpoint, you know, like for example, one of the biggest goals is paying off the SUV that we have.

Yeah.

By what, next year? Yeah, next year. Um, although she's more than capable if we had our own separate, you know, things and whatever finances, and more than capable of doing it, and I was running my own thing over here. Yeah, it can be done, right? No questions asked. But however, I think we can do it a lot faster by just being on one accord.

Exactly.

And it just kind of goes back to that synergy. You can make things compound at a lot faster rate. But, uh, all in all, to really like make sure I answer the right question, is that the biggest thing and why I feel like it's very controversial is because of the independent mindset. We are taught my, my, my, my. We really live in a selfish generation. Yeah, yeah, to be honest. And that's why I say each is one own, right, right?

But, um, and that's something that you need to focus on for our people that's dating, courting, whatever. You need to focus on who that person is before you get married to them. You need to see their if they say that, oh, I don't like to spend money, but they always out spending money, right? You might need to investigate a little more before, because that can be a whole nother problem. And like, talk about finances before you get married. Understand like how much debt, student loan debt, somebody's bringing into the picture. How much? What is their credit score? Because I was on my husband's credit card before we were even married, right? Truthfully, like— but that's— we were very serious. So I wouldn't recommend that to everybody, but he was focused on helping me build. And also, ladies, find your man that's gonna help you build, okay? Yes. So, um, but like another thing is legacy. Even outside of, you know, just the short-term goals we have, like, you know, we were buying a home, certain time goals, paying off our debt and stuff like that. We have to look at it as legacy that we try— we're trying to build for our kids, you know. So when you have I got a bucket over here, you got a bucket over here, and we're both pouring into our buckets but we're not bringing it together. Like, eventually, like, we're building our own, our own things instead of building together.

That's it. If that makes sense, right? And I think, like I said, you're straddling, you know, it's just a lot of things. And I'm not saying that it can't be done, you know, like I say, but however, I just personally believe in what both— primarily with both of us being people of faith, right, you know, we just see it that way to come together and, you know, become that oneness, just doing doing it the right way. And, uh, and then the biggest thing I like that you said was about legacy. Yeah, you know, just in general, you're able to just make bigger moves. You're able to pass things along, you know, to your kids and your kids' kids. You're just thinking so much more down the line. And I think it all goes back to that accountability, because there's certain things that I used to buy just because, but now it's like, okay, I have a wife, you know, my wife sees this, my kids and things like that. So it just brings everything full circle from my perspective.

That's true.

So, and like I said, but you just have to get out of that independent mind.

Like, if you are married, it is no longer just yours. Even if it is just your account, it still affects y'all as a whole.

Exactly.

Like, it doesn't matter if we have a different— like, you gotta count, I gotta count— it's still gonna impact, right? You're still under one roof. Right, like it's all the same.

Exactly. And so I think, you know, to kind of wrap this up, I think if you totally disagree with it, yeah, you know, it's not for everybody.

We're not saying this is for everybody.

If you do, I think that at minimum what I see a lot of people do and what I used to recommend when I was kind of really into real deep personal finance coaching was a checking, at minimum just have a joint checking where all the household stuff, yeah, come out of And if, you know, if you're doing your own thing and stuff and you really just want to hold tight, like I said, because it does depend on the person, you know. And then sometimes you can marry individual and people can change, you know. But the thing is though, you should see— and one of the main things I just kind of want to back up real quick is what you're saying about, you know, if a person is saying they're not a spender but you see them shopping all the time. I think too, you know, most of us men, like, we can put on a facade as well sometimes. It's like you know, I'm out here, nice hotels, nice restaurants all the time. What you want? You want something, I got it. Yeah, swiping the card. Yeah. And so if that woman gets accustomed to that, right, that's the facade that you put out there.

And another thing is, I see a lot of women that say, um, I make more money than my man. Yeah, but it doesn't matter who's making more money if it's all going into the same pot. I don't understand it. That's the only way you can differentiate, like who's making more money. Like, we really— I know my husband makes more money than I do, of course, but at the same time, it's all going into the same pot. So I can't say you spending my money or I'm spending yours.

It doesn't matter, we spending money, like, it's just our money, you know. So, and so as you get pushed more to dreams, like, that could totally change, right, by the landscape. But, uh, the point I want to make real quick on that one is that that's barbershop talk. When I used to be in a barbershop, like, guys were all like, I 'How would you feel if you're a woman?' And most guys that I hang around, bro, like, it's like, 'Whatever.' Like, I don't— it doesn't matter. And I think that just comes down from a security standpoint. You kind of have to get out of that old school hierarchical, you know, point of view of things.

Exactly, that's true. All right, y'all, so if y'all have any questions, comment down, you know, let us know your view, your perspective on it. We're not saying— again, we're not saying that this is the way that it should be for everybody because because every marriage is different. So what are your thoughts? And also let us know different topics that y'all want us to discuss, and we will.

Thanks guys, appreciate it.