Renee Garcia reframes chronic loneliness as disconnection from yourself, not others. She uses the "empty cup" metaphor to show how relying on people to fill emotional needs backfires, then outlines practices like self-care, volunteering, and shifting your thought frequency toward abundance instead of lack.
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placing expectations on the partner that ultimately could never be filled because no other person was going to do that. Hello, Transurfers and the Transurfing curious. I am Renee Garcia and this is Transurfing TV. And this is gonna be a talk on loneliness today. This is by request, and I myself have struggled with loneliness for years, and I am going to give you my take on it from my perspective. I can't speak for everyone else or why they are choosing to be lonely, but I can, uh, talk about what my experience was exactly. Um, but what I really came to understand and believe was that Loneliness, for me, was a feeling that I wasn't truly connected to myself in a way that I gave myself everything that I need, which I have gotten into the habit of doing now, into the art, really, of— I say in my 'Becoming Magnetic' course, filling my cup full, right? Making sure that I have tended to all— all of my needs as an individual, like not expecting my world or anyone else to tend to me or any of my needs. So, what loneliness was for me in the past was me not having my cup full, right? My cup being half full. And me thinking that another person needed to fill the cup the rest of the way up, and there was— something missing there, that there was— the cup was only half full and there was something missing. So I needed to search for someone that was going to fill that empty space up for me. And I actually lived like this for a lot of years. And I think this is why a lot of my relationships ultimately failed too, is because It wasn't about the other person filling the cup the rest of the way up. It needed to be done by me. And when I did it myself, then I wasn't coming into a relationship from a place of lack or need and then placing expectations on the partner that ultimately could never be filled because no other person was going to do that. It was only me. Me that could do that for myself. So it was my lack of connection with myself that kept me looking for another person that I felt I needed to connect with to give me the stuff that I felt was missing in my world. So, um, Another thing that really changed, I would say, in the last 2 years, huge for me— this is just 3 years, and has to do way more than just feeling lonely or feeling like I have someone, or feeling though I'm comfortable and I'm not by myself. But in my past, I was— constantly telling myself, "I don't wanna be lonely. I don't wanna be alone. I don't wanna live life by myself. I don't wanna keep struggling to find my companion. I don't want to have to do all the things in life alone." These thoughts kept me resonating with loneliness. And projecting an image towards my mirror of a lonely human being. And remember, we, we connect with what we resonate with. And if I'm resonating with loneliness, then I am not going to connect with abundance of meaningful connection with others because that's not my resonating frequency, right? My resonating frequency is that of loneliness. And this was probably my number one My number one thing that I did wrong consistently— and again, not only with this, I did this with many, many, many things in my life— but it was overtly focusing on what I didn't want, what I didn't have, what I felt was missing, what mode I didn't wanna be in, how I didn't wanna live, "Why can't I have that? Why can't I have this?" So, as soon as I realized— and I gave a video on this the other day, for those of you that have seen it. As soon as I realized that that was the version of me that was looking back and down, okay? That was lower me acknowledging lack, or creating lack. That was scared me, worried me, fearful me. Feeling let down, disappointed, dissatisfied me. This was my lower self looking back at what I didn't have. Okay. And when I decided that I was going to turn my perspective around and only look forward at what I do have and what I intend to have rather than what I don't have. So in regards to loneliness, I said, that's it. I'm not going to be a lonely person anymore. I am going to be absolutely satisfied in being single and being myself and filling my own cup up and doing all the things that I need to do to get me feeling whole as an individual, not needing anyone. When I brought this version of me, this version of Renee that's looking forward and up, only focusing on the positive, only looking to what I intend to have or I'm striving to have. That version of Renee wasn't coming to relationships any longer with expectations, complaints, requirements, neediness. I was a full, whole person that didn't need a void to be filled. And in my opinion, again, the void thing, nobody could fill it because it was me. It was absolutely me that needed to fill it. So how I started to fill it, I basked in the pleasure and joy of being alone. When I was alone, I took care of myself immensely. I made my space, my home beautiful. I spent beautiful nights, eating nice meals with lighting and music and enjoying myself and texting with my friends and having conversations on the phone with my grandma and taking hot baths and really just basking in that alone time and really, really enjoying it. I found more meaningful ways to connect with people when I could. I know it's a little bit challenging right now to connect with others, But I realized very quickly, I was expecting people to come to me, but it was actually me that needed to go out. Not go out searching. I wasn't gonna go search for anyone. I was simply going to go out and put myself out there. Get a new profession, volunteer at a new organization, take care of my nieces, take care of people around me that needed taking care of. Volunteering to do stuff for other people, being a part of my community, put myself out there and really start resonating with connection rather than loneliness. I forgot about time. This is a big one. In my past, I was always like, "Oh Jesus, the clock's ticking! The clock's ticking! And oh my God, I'm almost 40 and I don't have a boyfriend! And what am I gonna do?" The time thing was always there. And as soon as I realized, "You know what? Who cares? Who cares? Time is a human construct. And when my world wants me to have the right thing for me, it's not gonna be on my time schedule. I'm gonna relax and I'm gonna take what the world gives me when my world decides what time I need to have something." Seeing the advantage. This was huge! This was huge for me, seeing the advantage in being alone, not looking at it as a negative, looking at it as a positive, right? Now I look at being in a relationship as a positive. This is about you choosing whatever state you are in, that it is the right one for you right now, and see the advantage in it. Start making the choice to be not lonely. And I know this sounds kind of silly because I'm sure for people out there right now that are feeling lonely, they're like, well, I don't want to be lonely, but set the intention. I'm not going to be a lonely person anymore. I'm not going to feel loneliness. I'm not going to feel longing. I'm not going to feel longing for physical connection. I'm going to embrace what I have now. I'm going to intend to have more in the future. And I am going to tune my thought frequency, which is that of a person that is not lonely, and take action in the direction of no longer being lonely. So again, forget about the version of you that looks down and back and start looking to your future forward and up. Don't think about what you don't want. Think about what you strive to achieve instead. Don't think about what you don't have. Think about what you do have. Think about your future and what is to come for you, because remember, that variation of reality absolutely 100% exists, and now it's your time to tune in to that variation of reality via your thought frequency and your action. So, let me know your thoughts on this, everyone! It's a good one! And for all of you out there that may be feeling lonely watching this video, you're not alone! You got me and Transurfing TV! Watch all my videos! No, I'm not trying to minimize, y'all! I spent lots and lots of years being lonely, so I get it! But you aren't alone! You got ITI! I'm sure you are a beautiful, charismatic— loving person that if you put yourself out there, people would love to have you as a friend or a lover or some other type of relationship. So best of luck to everyone. And let me know your thoughts on this video, guys. Bye.
