In this solo instructional video, Renée Garcia (host of Transurfing TV) addresses the pervasive, often unconscious fear of being alone. Drawing on her personal experience and the Reality Transurfing framework, she argues that the aversion to solitude stems from an unwillingness to truly know and love oneself, leading to distraction through external relationships. Garcia outlines how this resistance creates a negative emotional frequency that reinforces the fear, and she proposes a systematic shift: develop deep self‑care and self‑love, consciously change focus from what is disliked to what is desired, and use the friction created by uncomfortable situations as a catalyst for personal growth. She provides concrete practices—center‑screen meditation, creative side‑projects, intentional intention‑setting, and frequency‑raising activities—to replace the old emotional state with a new, empowering one. Throughout, she emphasizes that the same Transurfing principles (merging with reality, shifting frequency, and intention) can be applied to any challenge, not just loneliness, and invites viewers to reflect on their current friction points and actively merge with them to evolve into a higher version of themselves.
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Hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia and this is Transurfing TV! And today, being alone, learning how to be alone, or— Dealing with an unshakable fear of being alone. This was by request, and it was actually in response to my video "Addictive Emotions" where I talked about these neural pathways, these patterns of emotion that we carve. Where we can't seem to find any exits, right? Reality Transurfing has taught me how to exit emotional states that are no longer serving me. So, I'm going to really dive into this one. And again, this really can be applied to anything, fear of being alone. This can be, you know, maybe you've been alone for a long time and you actually have a fear of being with others, or whatever. But this is going to— This is going to be about separating from that state that you are no longer resonating with, that you know you must merge away from, and exactly how to do that. But obviously, I'm going to gear it towards the request of getting over a fear of being alone. So, before I get started, remember to like this video and comment below "My world is taking care of me" to enter my daily giveaway for my reprints. 'Programming Stickers: Reality 2.0' on Teachable, down below. And please subscribe and like this channel, and all that good stuff! So, yes, this is something that I have been challenged by for a good portion of my adult life. And I really attribute— looking back retrospectively, I really attribute— My aversion to being alone, to this. Resistance to being alone may come from an unwillingness to truly know yourself, a distraction to actually getting to know yourself. So, let me break it down. When I was alone— and— You know, here's the interesting thing about being alone versus being with other people. And I know that I get lots of messages about people challenged by both scenarios, right? I get messages from people that are like, "Oh my God! I still live with my family, and because of quarantine and everything, like, people are driving me nuts and I can't stand it anymore!" Or I get messages from people— that are single right now and going through this quarantine time, this pandemic, alone, and very challenged by feelings of loneliness or lack of connection and all that kinda stuff. Now, when you are consistently having some kind of aversion there, right? So, let's say you're alone and you don't like it, right? Or you're living with people and you don't like it, I really view this as there's something there to learn about yourself, and there's an unwillingness or a lack of acceptance that there is something there for you to learn. And distracting yourself with the ideas that, oh, I don't like "this," right? "I don't like this circumstance. I don't like this version of reality." Rather than settling into it, accepting it for the way that it is, and taking or learning what there is to be gained from the scenario, rather than fighting against it, right? This is the difference between fighting against the flow, or fighting against— your world, or flowing with it and figuring out what there is for you to take from it that is going to aid you in a better reality for yourself. So, again, resistance to being alone may come from an unwillingness to truly know yourself, or maybe you're distracting yourself— with other people, right? So, for me personally, when I was really, really challenged with being alone, there was— again, looking back on this retrospectively, there was a lot that I needed to do. There was a lot of self-development that I needed to embark on. There was a lot that I needed to build. There was a lot that I needed to learn. And I think inherently, all of these things that I was yet to gain, they were intimidating to me. And this was me putting myself into a box, right? Where I just said, "I don't wanna be alone." But really, what it was, was that I didn't wanna look at myself, right? I didn't wanna look at myself. I didn't wanna put energy into myself. I didn't want to spend time getting to know myself or love myself. I constantly distracted myself with other people, or preoccupied myself with other people so I didn't have to actually do that self-work, if that makes sense. So— and I'm not saying this is for everybody. This is the case for everybody, but this was the case for me. Me being challenged with being alone in my life was really my inability to accept that I had work I needed to do on myself and dive into that. Instead, I chose to focus on what was missing and what was wrong in— a direction that meant I didn't have to take accountability for some stuff that I really needed to do for myself, if that makes sense. Being alone holds many gifts, as does being with others. Don't close yourself off to either. So, again, lots of people challenged right now, either living in families where you're in close quarters and not being happy, right? "Oh God! I just wish I was alone!" Or "Why do I have to be around so many people?" "why do I have to be around people that don't agree with my way of seeing things or my beliefs?" And feeling that sort of agitation or irritation, rather than merging with that specific set of circumstances and really evolving out of that. So, if there's friction— with other people, this friction, this resolution of the friction is where you're going to come out a higher person, right? It's the exact same with being alone. If you're challenged with being alone, this friction of you meeting up with that reality, Let's say it's the partner leaving for a week and you're scared and you don't wanna be alone and all that stuff. So, that friction there, if you merge into what those circumstances are and figure out a way to see that from the positive— again, this might be getting to know yourself better, or stopping distracting yourself and working on the things that you need to work on, you're going to evolve up out of that friction. Friction a higher version of you. So whatever scenario you're in, if you're challenged, this is exactly where some resolution can occur, where you can actually evolve out of that challenge the higher version of you. Fear of being alone. And this is for me, again, this is my personal experience. Um, so I'm not speaking for other people here, but for me, My fear of being alone was a lack of self-love. I was not in a place where I even really liked myself. I had extremely low self-esteem. And again, instead of working on that, I would distract myself with others. Instead of me really looking at how I could evolve as a person, how I could develop— Instead of me doing that stuff, I focused on external relationships, or needing to get in one, or the challenges in my external relationships, constantly working on those, right? Rather than simply detaching emotionally, pulling myself back to my center and working on myself, which was what was really, really needed. Once I really developed— a very, very solid self-care and self-love relationship, all of that fear of being alone dissolved. Because now, anytime my partner leaves, let's say for a week to go away on business, I really think that that's time for me to develop now, that's for me— to really be in my Center Screen, to work on my projects, to self-care and self-love without any distraction, even if it's just luxuriating in the evening and doing my self-care routines, or whatever it is. But it's me really being able to get into a place where the focus is myself. And again, in my previous versions of self, that was painful, because there was a lot of work that needed to be done, and I didn't wanna look at that. So, it's kinda like there's no real way around it, you gotta go through it, right? There's something that needs to be developed in you to get yourself okay with being alone. Whatever that is for you. It might not be the same. But for me, it was definitely self-care and self-love was my way through. So, finally, this is a big one! I talk about this all the time, but this has been my solution for so much! Me overcoming poverty mentality, me overcoming depression, me overcoming anxiety, me overcoming fear of being alone! Me overcoming pretty much every aspect of my reality that was no longer serving me, it was this: stop thinking about what you don't like and start thinking about what you strive to achieve instead. So, this has to do with frequency, really. When you are resonating at a frequency where you don't like something, it just continues to get worse and worse and worse and worse. And like when I was young and I did not like being alone, anytime my partner would leave, I would get myself worked up more and more and more, and more scared and more insecure. And I would just sort of spiral down. So remember, whatever it is you focus on continues to exponentially increase in your external environment. So if you're focusing on the fact that you don't like to be alone and you're you're scared of being alone, you are going to get more and more scared. That's just the way that the cycle goes. Now, I know it's tricky, because it's like, "Well, how do I get out of that?" But again, for me, focusing on self-care and self-love. Anytime— and it's not like it's just gonna go without any— it's not like you're just gonna suddenly go into self-care and self-love mode. And stop thinking about what you don't like about being alone and how it scares you and all that stuff. But you've gotta start somewhere, right? There is a crack there that you will have to sort of squeeze through to get the ball rolling and get your thoughts going in a different direction. So again, getting back to this original statement, resistance to being alone may come from an unwillingness to truly know yourself. Maybe instead of resonating so hard with the idea that you don't wanna be alone and you fear being alone, maybe you dive into a creative project to occupy your mind in another direction, right? Maybe this is you finally taking the initiative, and "I'm going to start that small little side hustle." Or "I'm gonna start that creative project!" Or "I'm going to do something instead of just focusing on what I don't like and what I don't want!" So, again, it's all about shifting that perspective away from that carved-out emotional state and creating a new emotional state to move over to that is going to replace— that which is no longer serving you. Now again, it's not like it just happens like that. It's a practice, but it starts with setting the intention to do just that, right? I am going to replace this emotional state with this. Now, it doesn't mean that you're gonna just— you're just gonna merge over. You may flip-flop in between for a while. I know this was the case with me learning to be alone. I would tap back into that —especially when I bought my own house and I got all those feelings of being insecure again, right? "Oh my gosh! What if something happens?" And thinking about all that bad stuff. But then I would catch myself. I wake up, I see myself, I see my reality. Instead of resonating with the fear and what I don't like, I'm going to shift my attention to doing something positive or creative instead. Instead, continuing with my self-care and self-love routine and getting myself into a place where the meaning of being alone had an entirely new definition than what I was previously defining being alone as, right? Being alone is scared, something's gonna happen, I'm insecure, I don't like it, I don't want it, to time for self-care, time for self-love, time for creativity. Time for Center Screen, all that positive, good, beautiful stuff that has allowed me to create an entirely different version of reality just surrounding this, right? Just surrounding this. Now, again, this— all this stuff I'm talking about can be applied to virtually anything. It's shifting the focus away and creating a new meaning. A new meaning for yourself about whatever it is that you are looking to redefine. If that makes sense! I hope I'm making sense here! So, let me know your thoughts on this one, everybody! Very curious to hear your thoughts! And are you challenged right now by your current external circumstances? And how can you merge with those a little bit more deeply today? And flourish up out of them, right? Use whatever friction you are experiencing in your external environment to help you sort of polish off some of those rough edges and become that higher version of yourself. So, thank you so much for watching this video! Let me know your thoughts, and have a good day, everybody! Bye!
