In this self‑help video, Renee Garcia (host of Transurfing TV) applies Vadim Zeland’s Reality Transurfing framework to the problem of toxic relationships. She explains that Transurfing requires "free energy" and that trying to "Transurf" a harmful relationship drains the energy needed to create one’s desired reality. Using the concepts of pendulums, lifetracks/lifelines, and induced transitions, she argues that to ascend to higher lifelines one must sometimes leave others on lower ones. Garcia outlines concrete signs of toxicity—non‑mutual support, undermining, competition, disrespect, lack of cohesiveness, belittling, and persistent unhappiness—linking each to the inner‑discomfort signal described by Zeland. She provides a series of self‑assessment questions (e.g., do you feel good or bad in the person’s presence? are you suffering?) to help viewers decide whether to stay or exit. The video also covers the emotional mourning that follows a breakup, the importance of "backing yourself up"—committing to the decision and maintaining it—and the personal benefits of detaching, such as increased happiness and alignment with a higher frequency reality. Throughout, Garcia promotes related resources (Reality 2.0 course, reprogramming stickers, Facebook group) and encourages audience interaction.
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Hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia and this is Transurfing TV! And today, dun dun dun! Toxic relationships! Ooh! Family members that continue to abuse you, and marriages that probably should've ended! Decades ago. Oh, I know, it's such a huge one, right? Because it's like we get used to things, even abuse! And we get used to belittling, and we get used to disrespect, and we get used to dysfunction, and we get used to lack of cohesiveness. And we sort of learn to tolerate it, "No, that's just the way they are!" "Oy, I'm a Transurfer now, I can Transurf this!" Right? I mean, I've actually had people ask me questions like that, where "Well, if you're a Transurfer, can't you just like Transurf any relationship?" This is what I say. Transurfing takes energy, free energy. You have to have free energy to Transurf. You have to have free energy to create your own reality. And if you're using— your free energy to try to Transurf relationships, you're still going to be lacking that energy to create your own reality. A pendulum is a pendulum is a pendulum. And if you're not getting at least what you're putting in, if not more, it's time to reassess, right? So, I'm gonna break it down for y'all and give you an array of questions that you can ask yourself. And decide for yourself if it's time to move on, leaving someone else on a bottom Lifetrack. I am going to be posting a video soon, or either just posted, on leaving others on lower Lifetracks. And yes, look at it like that. Sometimes, dysfunctional relationships, you're existing on a lower Lifetrack. And if you wanna Transurf and move yourself up, The only real way to do that, you can't take people with you, right? Sometimes you gotta leave them on lower Lifetracks. Remember to like this video and comment below "My world is taking care of me" to enter my daily giveaway for my reprogramming stickers. And if you'd like to take the Teachable course, Reality 2.0, down below, check it out, y'all. And join our Facebook group, it is rockin'! I actually had a different video schedule for this time, but I post— I guess kind of an inflammatory meme on the group. I thought it was funny. I have a very dark sense of humor, though, so I should probably be sensitive that maybe others don't have such a dark sense of humor as me. But the meme was, "Don't wait until your deathbed to tell other people how you feel. Tell them to fuck off now!" And some people obviously thought that was a little much. I thought it was funny, but it got me thinking, right? It's not about telling people to fuck off. The meme wasn't literal, right? It's about you stopping right now, in this moment, "I see myself and I see my reality. Am I in a toxic relationship?" that I should maybe start to cycle out of. Maybe I've brought my best, maybe I've done what I can do, and maybe it's just time to evolve out of that space and not kick the can down the road, like Andrew says. Kicking it down the road, right? Kicking it down the road for another time. "Oh, that's just the way they are!" Or "Oh, maybe one day they'll change!" Or "Something will happen and they'll realize that they've been treating me bad!" whatever. Um, I recently got to that place with a number of family members and I decided, you know what, you've been abused for a long time and you've allowed this abuse because they're family members and this is the way that it is. And oh, I can handle it. I'm a Transurfer. I'll just Transurf it. And at a certain point I was like, No! I don't need to do this anymore! There's no reason for me to do this anymore! Nothing is worth your happiness, Renee! Nothing is worth your happiness! So, if you are in a marriage that is toxic and you have been 40 years! But you're 40 years together, then you read this book and you realize "Oh my God! I'm in a toxic marriage and I have been for a really long time! Well, I'm just gonna Transurf it!" Well, that's great, but you're only gonna go so far, because like I said, if you imagine that your life tracks are linear, stacked up on top of each other, and let's say you find Transurfing and you're sort of existing down here with your spouse or your parent or your sibling or your child or somebody else that you're in a relationship with and it's not a healthy relationship, it's gonna be very challenging to ascend to some of these higher lifelines! Because you're gonna have the weight of that person sort of weighing you down, right? There's gonna be a constant Induced Transition, focusing on what you don't like, energy depletion, all that kinda stuff. So, sometimes it really is necessary to leave people on lower Lifelines if you want to ascend up. So, I wrote out some signs. This is really— I mean— A lot of this stuff is very obvious, but for me, I'll use myself as an example. Again, I'm like, "Oh, it's my mom!" Or "Oh, it's my dad!" Or "Oh, it's my grandparents!" Or "Oh, it's a friend that I've been friends with for a lot of years! This is just kind of the way it is," right? But when I stopped and I looked at what was actually transpiring inside the relationship, that was my moment of clarity, right? Remember, Vadim Zeland said— He says a state of inner discomfort is a very clear guiding sign. So, a lot of these are gonna produce inner discomfort, right? And if you are experiencing inner discomfort and you're not doing something to figure out what that is about or how to resolve it, you are resonating at that frequency. And again, this is gonna result in maintaining a lower Lifeline. So, let's go over them quickly! Signs that you are in a toxic relationship. Non-mutual support. Are you supporting one person and they're not supporting you back? Maybe it's the other way around! And I talked about this briefly on another video a few weeks ago, that in the self-development community, I've noticed that it's always talking about toxic people. And it's the other person, right? "Are you in a toxic relationship? How to get yourself out of a toxic relationship? How to deal with toxic people?" But a lot of times, let's face it, let's call a spade a spade here, sometimes we're the toxic one, right? Sometimes we're the toxic one. Sometimes both people are toxic, they're feeding off each other. Remember, relationships are really just like the mirror concept, just in a smaller way. Most of the time, if you're bringing your best, the other person's gonna bring their best. Is gonna be bringing theirs. If you're not bringing your best, the other person's not gonna be bringing their best. So, look at yourself too. You might be in a relationship where you are in fact the toxic one, and you evolving out of your toxicity might not be an option right now. Maybe it's complex and there's all sorts of things going on. But regardless, if any of this stuff is happening in either direction, it might be time— to let go, right? So non-mutual support, one seeks to undermine the other. This is a big one. My mother was constantly undermining me even when I was bringing my highest and best, and it made me feel like, why am I doing this? Why do I continue to try when I'm just belittled and disrespected and undermined, undermined, right? So if one person is seeking to undermine the other, No! Competition! Are you being competitive with somebody? Are they being competitive with you? Is it always a race or a contest, or one-upping the other person? This can be very, very, very destructive! Disrespect! Lack of cohesiveness! This is a huge one! So, we come together in relationships, in my opinion, for two things, so we can approach— So, we can approach life unified and use each other's support and guidance. Or for pleasure. If you're not being pleasured by your relationship, or you're not benefiting from unification of whoever is in your immediate circle, then what is the purpose? Right? And this is where it had gotten down to for me, I'm like, Wait a second, I'm not pleasured by this relationship anymore, and I'm in a constant battle with this person. There's no cohesiveness here. So, why am I doing this? What am I actually gaining? And remember, again, people are pendulums. Make certain the deal is at least matched, you're getting what you're putting in, or you're getting more than you're putting in. But don't ever get less than what you've put in, right? Belittling, obviously. And persistent unhappiness when in their presence. This is a big one, and I'm gonna talk a little bit more about this when I get to the questions. But when you're in the presence of this person, you know, of course it's not gonna be all roses 100% of the time. We're humans, we make mistakes, we have dysfunction and blah blah blah. But if the majority of the time you are— unhappy, or not at ease with yourself, or not comfortable with the other person, that's a clear sign, in my opinion, that it's probably a toxic relationship. So, what do you do? Ask yourself, "Do I feel good, or do I feel bad in the presence of this person?" And this is so simple, so telling, and so overlooked! When you're with this person, do you feel good or do you feel bad? Remember, Transurfing is about resonating at a specific frequency. Because when we resonate at a high frequency, that's when Heart and Mind Coordination happens, and all this sort of good stuff where our frequency is higher, therefore we correspond to a sector of reality that matches that frequency. If you're on a low frequency, a low Lifeline, then you're going to correspond to a reality that matches up with— I mean, you're just gonna get more of the same! So, if you're feeling bad in a relationship and your reality isn't what you want it to be, there's your answer, right? So, do you feel good or do you feel bad? Predominantly good or predominantly bad? Obviously, 100% is unrealistic! Is there more positive or more negative? So, breaking it down even further. There's going to be attributes of both, but is it more positive or is it more negative? I know with the relationships that I purged, it became more negative. Well, I don't wanna say it became more negative, it was always kinda negative, but I realized and I woke up to the fact that it was predominantly negative. Have I suffered? This is a huge one! Are you suffering? Do you continue to suffer? Do you feel as though being in that relationship is painful? I mean, this is such obvious stuff, but now's probably the time. If you haven't been addressing something and you're kicking it down the road, so to speak, this is a big one! If you're suffering, it's probably time to— evolve out of that space. And I will leave it at this, are they suffering? For me, I really, at a certain point, could see that— first of all, I was suffering, and I was focused on my pain. I was like, "Oh my God! I can't take this anymore! Why do I continue to always feel undermined and disrespected and belittled?" And undervalued, really. And then I stopped myself and I was like, "Wait a second! Remember, people are mirrors, right? Reality is a mirror. How are those people feeling?" And I realized that those people were suffering too because of me! They would make me feel a certain way about myself. I would get upset, project that back to them, this cyclical thing would start to happen. I'd try to correct it, but then I would just get more of the same. And then it was like, "What's the point?" And it was just kind of a clusterfuck at a certain point. And I realized nobody's happy here, but I have the lucidity and clarity to see that this is a toxic relationship. That's probably not necessary for anyone. So, I'm going to take the initiative, not continue to kick it down the road, and I'm just gonna call it, right? I'm just gonna call it. So, what happens after that? First of all, I will be honest, there's a very visceral period of mourning and feeling regret, right? "God, could I have done something else?" "Well, what would've happened if I would've waited? And maybe I could've just tried to redefine the terms," or whatever. And I believe I did a video called "Backing Yourself Up," or I at least talked about backing yourself up. That's when you make a call, you make a choice in that moment, and you say to yourself, "Okay, in the future frames—" I'm not going to question that version of myself that made the call. I'm going to back up that version of myself by standing strong and maintaining the position that I took, right? So, backing yourself up is key. And really just embracing all the emotions, all the sensations, all the loss, all the regret, all that kinda stuff, and dealing with it and getting yourself through to the other side. Because what is at the other side is nothing short of a miracle! And I'm experiencing that right now. The feelings that I have of honoring myself on a very, very deep level, and being able to say, "I'm only going to allow in what is good for me!" And I'm not going to allow in anything that's not good for me anymore, not if I can help it! The one-off events, or people get a couple of chances and then I call it, right? That's one thing! But if it's habitual, consistent abuse, or neglect, or belittling, or disrespect, or whatever, I'm not honoring myself when I tolerate that sort of behavioral stuff! So, me being able to really rise up, call it, and stand firm as an autonomous, self-respecting individual regardless of who it is or how challenging it was to detach, there is an immense amount of pleasure and personal profit and feelings of— succeeding and being strong, right? So, this is what's on the other side. And it's awesome. It's a challenge to get there, I'm not gonna lie to anybody. It's a challenge to get there. But boy oh boy, is it absolutely worth it! So, remember, nothing is worth your happiness. If you're not happy, ask yourself what can you do, and are you just kicking it down the road? Right? Or are you just kicking it down the road? So, let me know your thoughts on this. If you have excused yourself from a toxic relationship recently, or in the past, a big one, comment below. Maybe somebody watching this needs a little bit of extra push, or some words of wisdom. This was my best. I will definitely tend to this comment thread if you have any questions. And good luck in determining what is good for you and your reality, and what you can simply go without! Thank you so much for watching my video, everyone! Bye!
