Renee Garcia argues that putting others first depletes your energy and keeps you stuck. She calls her approach self-passion: meeting your own needs first, using the Pendulum metaphor to spot unequal relationships, and refusing to compromise on boundaries. Her claim: shift your focus to yourself and you shift your reality.
Chapters
Self-Passion. I think I'm gonna start with this version first, because this is where I started first, right? Is this faulty logic that it was always better to think— no, no, no, not even that it was always better to think of— others first, but it was bad if I thought about me, right? Not even that it was good to think about others first, that it was bad if you think about you. So, what does that look like, and what sort of results does that yield? And how do we do that as human beings? Well, first of all, what the thinking is. The thinking is that first you must think— of the good of the whole, right? This is you playing like a team member, right? Or putting other people before yourself first. Sacrifice. This is you being in codependent relationships, right? This is you losing by giving others something that they need. This could either be with time— energy, money, lifestyle, you giving up something so someone else can have something. Again, you providing for others, you sacrificing. And most valuably, where this takes us. And some of the things that I've heard— now being in this for 5 or 6 years, I've heard a lot of stuff, I've had a lot of people come to me. With lives that are in shambles, wondering what they can do to start creating their own reality and start living a better experience of life. And a lot of people, from what I've noticed, the more that they feel— and I know I haven't gotten to this version yet, but I'll move over here in a moment. But the more that they feel like "this is bad," Or even just watching this video now, like if you're feeling a sense of guilt, or like, "Oh, I shouldn't be thinking like that," or, "That's not the right way to be. Helping others is the most important," or, "Thinking of others first is the most important." The more severe this thinking is, the more I see people struggling to survive. And this is what the result is, right? When you are passionate first— about yourself, and you put yourself first, that struggle with basic survival starts to evolve, it starts to change. And this has been exactly my experience. The more I lived in this mode, providing for others, thinking good for the whole, sacrificing, putting others first, depleted energetically, codependent relationships— losing while trying to help other people, the more I struggled with survival. The more I did this stuff here, the more I survived at a higher level. It's really about energy. And once you can put yourself first and really develop a passion for yourself and shift your focus— you focus away from all of this stuff, you can start living a better life. This is exactly what I'm doing right now. And again, getting back to what I was originally saying, that it's not that helping others is bad, it's about ignoring the value of helping yourself first. Just as they say in the airplanes, put your mask on first before you assist others in trying to help them put their mask on. So, again, just to close this one out. Really struggling to survive right now, if that's you, you're probably doing a lot of this and you're probably not doing a lot of this. So, what is this exactly? This is the "me first" thinking. And this is where I'm going to sound like a heretic, right? "Oh my God! She can't say that! That's horrible!" This is you putting your personal evolution at the top. Of your priorities, always, no matter what. Now, it doesn't mean that's the only thing that you focus on, but this is your primary concern with your life, is you evolving as a person, you fully developing first before you try to do anything with anyone else. This is you putting yourself first. This is you putting self-care and self-love at a priority. Now, I think that these two different versions of me— this is one point that is so, so, so valuable. This version of me had no self-love and didn't participate in any self-care. This version of me put self-care and self-love at the top. The top, right? This is the most valuable. Again, remember, the Mirror is going to reflect back to us exactly what we present to it. If you're presenting to it self-care and self-love, this is going to create an environment where there is a lot of care and a lot of love. And this version of me, not having any self-care or self-love, man, the whole thing was— The whole thing was out of whack, right? So, the next 2 points that I'm gonna make are gonna sound kind of the same, or like contradictory almost, rather. Contradictory. But they're not. I just want you to hear me out here. So, the first one, are others in your life providing you first with what you need? Now, I know this is gonna sound like, "Oh my God!" But what I mean when I say this is— Are you approaching your relationships, all relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, relationships with family, that you are getting what you need first? Now, for me, this was like a really big time in my life where I could address my different relationships and really look at them from the perspective of, The other person being a Pendulum, right? And negotiating the deal with the Pendulum. Am I getting at least equal to what I'm putting in, if not more? And if I am not, let's say the Pendulum's getting more, how can I renegotiate the deal that would make it equal? Right? And if that's not possible, which it wasn't in the case with a lot of my relationships, it was time for me to disengage from the Pendulum entirely, because I couldn't figure figure out a way that the Pendulum and me were equal, or me getting more. But I was no longer going to stay in relationships where the Pendulum was getting a lot more than I was getting, and it was continuing to feed off me. This is a big step, right? This is a big step for anyone. And this means, just what I'm saying, that it might be time to let certain relationships go. And I know a lot of people aren't prepared to do that. I was, and I have benefited— from asking myself, "Are the others in my life providing me with whatever it is that I need first?" Putting myself first, me first. Oh God! I even now saying this, and this is Tripp, I feel kinda like, "Oh my God! This is horrible!" It's programming! Deny it! You don't have to accept that program. So, the next point. All you need is you. Now, I know I just said, "Are others in your life giving you what you need first?" But it's more— it should be want, right? Rather than need. "All you need is you" is this line of thinking that you don't need what anyone else is offering. It's nice to have it, it's a luxury to have it, it's fun to have it, good to have it, beneficial to have it, you appreciate it, all that stuff. But getting yourself to a place where you are totally self-sufficient and you do not need anyone is a real development of self-passion, right? That you are full, you don't need anyone else, and you can do for yourself. It doesn't mean that you're alone, but if that were— If that were what was necessary, you would be totally okay with that. This helps you to stay free of, obviously, codependent relationships, where, again, that Pendulum might be giving you some of what you need, maybe not all of it, but it's asking for a lot more. You filling yourself up ensures that when it comes time to negotiating that deal with the Pendulum, that you're coming to the table with a good position to negotiate. "Listen, I don't need anything. It's nice to have it, but at the end of the day, I can do for myself. This is my version of me first, self-passion, and me really, really evolving to make myself feel whole first." Basic needs are being met. Plus. So, if you're in a space that you can say, "All of my basic needs are met, and then some," you're probably more in this category than you are in this category. Again, this person's struggling to survive, this person is basic needs met and then some. And finally, I put in here "Don't compromise." And what compromise— Not compromising, what that really means is that you know what it is you're doing, you know what it is that you feel, you know what the circumstances you need to feel comfortable, and you're not willing to compromise on that, right? There are certain things that just— are the way that they need to be, and anything outside of that would be infringing on you, and maybe taking away from you being an entirely whole, self-sufficient person filled with your own self-care and self-love, and you evolving. As a whole person being nourished from within by you, me first, self-passion. You get where I'm going with this? I actually am feeling a little bit bad for even saying this stuff. And it's absolutely programming. It is absolutely 100% programming. So, are you here? Are you here? How can you start to shift your focus over to you more, developing your passion of self, taking some of that energy that others are getting and giving it to you, helping you to grow and evolve and create your own reality starting today? Pretty simplistic, different perspectives. Really hard to implement. Especially if you're in this zone for an extended period of time, which is what happened to me. But I can happily say that I'm over here now, and I feel full, and I feel like I'm being effective, and I feel as though I am doing right by myself. And this is the key, right? I'm doing right for myself first. So, let me know your thoughts on this one, everyone! I'm actually very curious to hear your thoughts! And remember to like and subscribe! Subscribe and all that jazz, and I will see you in the Facebook group! Bye, guys!
