How To Transcend Pain, Uncertainty & Constant Work w/ Reality Transurfing Vadim Zeland Renée Garcia

Hello, hello, hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia, y'all, and this is Transurfing TV! Don't let the upbeat intro fool ya! This is gonna be a humdinger of a video! Kind of one of my deep dives into the abyss of my mind. Oh my God! I don't know how to say this without coming off as kind of godlike, but I think I've realized the meaning of life. And in doing so, I'm not quite certain anyone's— did anybody ever answer that question? What the meaning of life is. I know it's something that we hear a lot, but I think that I've maybe happened upon the meaning of life, y'all! And it was kind of in a way and at a time that I would never have expected. I know some of you have been a little bit worried about me, because I dropped Exiting the Matrix. The course and then sort of just disappeared. And it wasn't intended. I have been going through a number of things in the last month that have really taken all of my emotional bandwidth, and I've just been in a state of processing and understanding the onslaught of events and information. Deciphering them alongside the Transurfing knowledge. And it has helped me to level up yet again. And I know I say this a lot, but it is so true. Reality Transurfing never ceases to amaze me at how it continues to evolve, in my mind, I mean. I don't even know how to say this. I have— let's just take Exiting the Matrix, for example, my latest offering. I kinda created this thing to help people see that there's a way out of conventional reality, the financial matrix, the conventional reality matrix, that you can kind of hack it and find your way to a better reality with— ease in a way that most people don't want to believe is available to them. And this was to kinda like show people, "Yes, it is available to you. It's available to all of us. It's available to everybody." But this course connected me with insights after the fact that put this knowledge in an entirely different arena. In my reality that helped me connect with something that's so much more meaningful than hacking the financial matrix. I fucking hacked the meaning of life matrix! I've hacked the meaning of life matrix! I've hacked the emotional matrix! I've hacked the suffering matrix! And— I think this is why a lot of people fail when they come to something like Reality Transurfing. They're attempting to apply it and only seeing it from a single facet, "What can it get me?" You know? "How can it help me to make the million dollars?" Or, "How can it help me to find the—" partner of my dreams, or how can it help me to live this physical, materialized reality that I have deemed good? And I am not shy, I've stated this many times on this channel and in my teachings, that Reality Transurfing has helped— me to connect with all of this stuff. It absolutely has! My physical reality, how it has materialized as a product of applying these things to my life, has created me all the good stuff that every human wants. But as I learned in this last month, there's something even more meaningful and more valuable. And I know that sounds cliché as fuck, but— I think we— and this is really gonna be the meat on the bone of this lesson. We look to the material, we look to the success, we look to the culmination of energy and what it creates, money, the life, all the physical stuff. We look to this stuff to alleviate certain parts of being a human. And once we realize that it doesn't work like that, for the most part— and I'll speak from my own experience here, I'll speak for myself— that once we see that that isn't where it's at, we kind of resign to simply managing. Our suffering and our pain via things like Reality Transurfing, or therapy, or whatever. I love that little rant that Dr. David Hawkins in 'Letting Go' goes off on in the beginning of the book, where he talks about all the spiritual and metaphysical things that people do. I'll post it down in the comments, because it's really hilarious, and it's so true! And I have realized, in this last month, that true personal success— and I'm not talking about what you can physically materialize in physical reality, but how you can transcend things like pain and suffering and discomfort and loss and all these massive things that human beings battle with and toil with on a daily basis, how you can transcend these things, things by doing the opposite of what we are programmed to do in the presence of these things, how we can transcend these things by sort of embracing them and working with them in a way where— The analogy that comes to mind, and I know it's a little bit crass, but this is just what comes to mind, and I know I've used it a couple of times before. But it's like chewing the meat off of a bone, and then sucking the marrow out and leaving nothing left. It's in the embrace and acknowledging when you are attempting to escape, and rerouting your mind to what it is that I'm going to speak of here today. For me, at this point, having an epiphany, having a breakthrough about something— Man, I'm fucking here for it! I'm super, super here for it! But it sneaks up on me, and it snuck up on me. I actually wanted to do this video a couple of weeks ago, but I was so thrown off, and I was in such an unbelievable state of loss and mourning and all the things that I'm gonna talk about in this video, that I knew that I wouldn't make it through. I sort of had to gain my footing. And develop the insights to the extent that I can express them here today. So, first of all, warning for y'all, I'm gonna be emotional, most likely. I have attempted to film this video a couple of times today, but I couldn't quite arrive at what I was really— the essence of what it was I was really trying to say. And also, my emotions were getting away from me. A little bit. I'm gonna roll this one out and just kinda let it fly. Whatever is going to be is going to be. And this is just gonna be pure train of thought and what it is that I've experienced in this last month, and where I've arrived as a product of this. So, probably about 3 weeks ago, my dear sweet old granny, Barbara Grass passed away. And for those of you that know me, my grandmother played a pivotal role in my life. She is my most special lady. And losing her, even though she was sick for a while before she passed away— I've had people die in my life, I've had people commit suicide, I've had people die of old age. I've had— when I was young, I had a best friend whose My brother died of leukemia at 4 years old. I mean, I've definitely— I'm no stranger to death. But Grandma rattled me to the core. At the same time, I was diagnosed with some tumors in my jaw, my lower jaw and my upper jaw. I've actually got 4 of them. And this video is being filmed on the eve of my surgeries. So, I'm gonna be getting one of them removed tomorrow. And they're going to have to take out at least a tooth, if not more, and part of my jaw. So, it's gonna be a little bit exploratory. I don't know what to expect. I'm having surgery done in a foreign country. The doctors don't even speak English. So, it is— A fucking trip! It's a trip! And I responded to all of this information, the onslaught of events and things that I've encountered in the last month with the typical way that humans respond to shit. "Oh, why is this happening to me? Why me? Oh, I was just getting all my ducks in a row!" and ready to relax here in Tbilisi, and now this! Oh my God! I don't have time for this! All that kind of stuff. And the loss of my grandma, like, I really, for the first time in my life, even with the tumors, I really just made a solid intention that I was going— and this is even pre all the stuff that I've realized and the insights that I've had as a product of going through all this. But before I even had these insights, I told myself, "You are going to walk into these things just full heart open. You're not gonna try to escape or evade or mask or repress or stuff down emotions or cope." I'll admit, I come from a lifelong habit of attempting to medicate myself. Transurfing definitely helped me with this. So, 7 years, I can say that self-medicating hasn't really been my thing. But there have been other things that I have used to mask or shield myself from pain and things that I didn't like in my reality, things like jewelry, adventure, other coping mechanisms. We all do it. And I told myself that I wasn't gonna do it this time, that I was just going to step into these moments and feel it all, really, really get in there and let myself— go through whatever it was. And this is completely new to me. I've done it at some levels in the last past 7 years, but to just really go in and embrace everything and not attempt to, again, mask, evade, escape, all that kind of stuff. I never thought I would arrive on the other side, or still in the midst of it now, to the place that I ultimately have. So, I let myself go into this. Grandma died. Side, crying, letting myself really feel, and the fear and uncertainty of my medical situation, just going into it and not trying to get myself off the hook by doing something to take away my pain. And what happened is— I don't know how to say it. I'll talk about the moment that I first felt it, which was about 2 weeks ago, I'd say, when I was walking down the street here in Tbilisi, Georgia. I was going to see another specialist about my jaw. And I'm walking down the street, it was cold outside, I was by myself. So, I'm feeling all this stuff, and— It was kinda like the gloves came off. I was walking down the street, feeling every cell of my body, feeling each step. I wasn't 100% in the moment, in the Center Screen. I was a little more in my mind. I was kinda doing the self-pity thing. I started crying a little bit, walking to this appointment. And— I have this epiphany that the meaning of life is found in your ability to feel all the positive things in reality, to be chewing the meat off the bone of life. Opportunity, new adventure, new experiences, jumping into the unknown, really going into living life at the absolute fullest, at your absolute fullest, and at the same time, being able— to allow yourself to feel all the stuff that we, as human beings, typically try to run from. This moment is hard for me to put into words. I wanna know if you have ever felt this, because as I caught myself in that little moment of self-pity, being kinda in my Inner Screen, And then catching myself and waking up and tuning into the beauty that is the world that I've created for myself. It was like a crisp, early spring day. The sky was blue, there was birds chirping, there was little buds out on the trees starting to form. And I decided in this moment that I wasn't— going to exist in this Inner Screen tuning me out of the beauty, again, that I've created in my life. And I wasn't going to try to escape the sensations, emotions, or state of being either. That I was going to feel it all, like really, really intensely. Embrace and feel every single bit, squeezing every last drop, chewing the meat off the bone and sucking the marrow out. Like, this, for me, was hands down, without a doubt, the most profound moment of my life so far. And it lasted my entire walk. I had tears streaming down my face at a certain point, because I was allowing myself to really, really feel the loss of one of the dearest people to me. I was allowing myself to feel the fear of having my face operated on in a foreign country. And I was also allowing myself to feel— an uncut happiness like I've never in my life felt before. And as I was doing this, this deep meditation on embracing and accepting my humanness in this moment, I realized, "Holy shit! This is the meaning of life! This is the meaning of life!" Taking the bull by the horns. And living without leaving anything— again, like squeezing the last drop out of it, doing everything you wanna do! And doing everything you wanna do alongside everything that's playing out. And regardless of how that makes you feel, to not give in. To that pain and suffering, loss and longing, whatever it is, but to allow it all to exist in this tornado of humanness inside of you. And I did this, and my God, I felt more alive and more meaning than I've ever felt in my entire life! And I thought, "Oh my God! Good for you, Renee!" Good for you! You're fucking doing it! You are doing it! You are absolutely doing it! So, this video today, I wanna talk about— First of all, there's a documentary on Netflix, I believe it's pronounced "Stutz." It's by Jonah Hill. It's about his psychiatrist that he has been heavily impacted by. He made a documentary about him. If you have not seen it, I would run! And watch this thing, it is absolutely brilliant. And there's a part in there where this psychiatrist talks about the presence of pain, uncertainty, and constant work, and how we, as human beings, are essentially attempting to escape and evade these things, and everything we do— is more or less aligned to trying to eliminate them. And I heard this information, I thought, "God! It's genius!" And then, right after that, I plunge into this world of grandma dying and jaw tumors and surgery in a foreign country, and all this kind of stuff. And go into my own abyss of pain and uncertainty, and feeling as though I was being inconvenienced, and this vibe of like, "Okay, what next? What next? What next?" And how this mode, this way of operating is a trap, and how Pendulums in the world, in our realities, in our lives, essentially attempt to exploit the fact that all human beings strive to do is alleviate pain, uncertainty, and constant work. And the epiphany, the insights, the breakthrough that I have had as a product of watching this documentary, experiencing the things that I have, in the last month, and then also taking the Transurfing knowledge and applying it over all of this, I have made peace with my own demons at an even deeper level than I have ever before. The lightness that I feel right now is mind-blowing. And at the same time, I'm also— grief-stricken and scared, and feeling it and loving it. And I'm gonna talk about some things that I think a lot of people in this space don't talk about. Again, and I'll go into this deeply a little bit later, I really do feel as though not only Pendulums, right? Drugs. Alcohol, the need for money, wanting to be in love, even things like politics and social media, and all these things either numb us, distract us, or convince us, try to convince us that there is a way out. And this personal development space, I think, is more or less guilty of the same thing. There's people out there in the world, that are attempting to try to convince you that there is a way to escape these things. And not only is there not a way, but it is in leaning into these things that is actually the way to find happiness amongst these things. And again, that documentary, Stutz, touches on this, but I'm gonna go deep into my own insights. About this exact topic, and some other stuff that I have managed to formulate in my old mind. So, before I get started and go a little bit deeper, join us on the Facebook group, the 'International Transurfing Institute' Facebook group. We're almost 10,000 strong now, y'all! And we are a robust community of fun and engaging Transurfers. And— All the things that I talk about, like Rapid Materialization Magic, Exiting the Matrix, Anomalous Action Challenge, and— there's some other stuff there! Down below, there are playlists and social media accounts and the website, and all kinds of things. For whatever your Transurfing heart desires, we have resources! So, let me start by saying— Again, that this concept, pain, uncertainty, and constant work, these ideas. You know, we, as human beings— and I've touched on this myself in some of my more nihilistic videos that I've done. There are brief moments in my life where I can really see so lucidly that life is these things. And can we find brief moments to escape or evade these things? Absolutely! That's what we are mostly attempting to do as humans. It's in— accepting that these things are a constant, that relief can actually exist from them, and more so, understanding how you can use them to your benefit. And this definitely isn't a new concept. I mean, even in Tufti, Advantage, finding the Advantage in everything, it's the same with pain, uncertainty, and— constant work, how do you find the Advantage? How do you pull from that something, a lesson, an opportunity, an insight that's gonna better you or your reality? None of this is new. I think Buddhism, and Tibetan Buddhism probably touches on this the most, the concept of acceptance, really, And David Hawkins' "Letting Go," if you have not read that book, my God! That is the Bible on acceptance, not judging yourself, not trying to repress, not trying to extinguish, not trying to escape, but simply going into any negative emotion that you're feeling, which I believe now is a product of either pain, uncertainty, or constant work, and— Figuring out why and what is in there that you can benefit and value from long-term. Again, meaning of life shit here. And immense release and relief. Immense, immense, immense. So, lifelong escape artist here. I was always looking for— something that was going to dull the pain, numb me, drugs, alcohol, being a love addict, falling in and out of love with people all the time. Because, let's face it, when we fall in love, we feel good, so there's the absence of pain there. And then also, uncertainty, right? "Oh, this is gonna be the person I'm with for the rest of my life!" And, "Oh, now I'm gonna get married, and now everything's gonna be great!" Everything's gonna be good, because I know exactly the direction that I'm going. But then, the majority of marriages end up in divorce. So, why is this? Well, I believe that— and this is one of the massive insights that I've come to recently. I believe that the Pendulums in our lives, and also the things that we do as human beings, want to convince us that there's a way out. That there's a way out. People coming to things like Reality Transurfing wanting to make a million dollars. I know I use this one all the time, but it is such a good example. And I'll be the first to admit it, I've done it myself. When I came out of my trailer park, whole into the world, I thought to myself, "If I could just make some money, then I can be happy, then I can allow myself to love myself, then I can be comfortable, then I can feel good in some way or another." And I embarked on this endeavor to try to make as much money as I could. And I did do that, I was successful at doing that, and as I was increasing— increasing in my levels of success in life over the years, I got more and more depressed, I had more and more anxiety, I used more and more things to cope with the uncertainty that was my reality. And this created a desperation, really, at a lack of understanding, "Okay." Why? I said if I got money, I would feel happy, I would feel whole, I would feel complete, I could allow myself to relax, I would feel comfortable. So, why the more money that I make, the less I feel like this over time? Or why when I fall in love, I feel so good, and then the whole thing deteriorates and falls apart, and I'm left in a dark hole worse off than when I got together with the guy? Okay. So, this is because of what I am going to call the void. The void. We have this pit of despair that we find ourselves in sometimes, and we believe that we will use devices and tools to get ourselves out. "If I can make some money—" If I can— Sorry for the barking and all the birds and stuff. There's a cacophony of animals outside, and it's spring, and it's like kicking off right outside the door. But we believe that we can utilize things like money and love, or substances, or material things to climb up out of these voids. But when we operate in this mode, we are telling our reality that we are in a hole, and we are going to fill the hole with the stuff that we've deemed able to get us out, to the extent that we can rise up out of the hole. But there is no doing that, because— As you attempt to rise up out of the hole, you inadvertently dig yourself deeper, as I have in the past, and you never quite gain any headway. It's like the classic tale of the billionaire committing suicide, right? So, Pendulums want to exploit the fact that we, as humans, are in a perpetual state of pain, uncertainty, and constant work, and show us an illusion that there's a way out. And when we buy into this illusion, that's when we become trapped. That's when we become trapped. And that's when— we lose touch with the value that pain, uncertainty, and constant work actually offers us as human beings. So, I found Transurfing 7 years ago. I've used it to great success. I've been very vocal in that. I've managed to create for myself The reality of my dreams! But even me getting sideswiped by grandma dying and tumors in my jaw and impending surgery and new country and all the things playing out around me that I have no control over. I don't know, maybe some of you have heard, in Tbilisi, Georgia, this last week, there were like massive riots because of— some political hubbub that sort of threw everybody into a state of uncertainty here. And in the past, I would've used my ability as a creator to create ways to distract myself from the pain, uncertainty, and constant work, and to— numb myself. "Ah, some new jewelry, nice shopping trip, a cool vacation," all that kind of stuff. I'm just as guilty as everyone else, or I have been, realizing that it is in stepping into that fire and not attempting to run or evade, And feeling it all, really embracing all of it, this is where I have found a freedom like none other I have ever felt. Vadim Zeland says in Reality Transurfing: Steps I-V, towards the end of the book, that everything that he said on Pendulums in the book, is just scratching the surface, or something like that, that whatever he said is still just minimal information to the depths at which Pendulums are responsible for creating our realities for us, if we are not aware of it. And I think, in this last month, me understanding the value of not trying to dig myself out of the void, but simply embracing it, and at the same time, allowing myself to feel happiness even in the presence of immense loss. And fear, and uncertainty, this is where it's at! This is where it's at! I'm just amazed that I've had the opportunity to have these insights to the extent that I have. It's some pretty wild shit, y'all! So, this is what I'm calling the meaning of life cocktail. This place where you can find yourself, that there are no excuses. And I think if I can just say, the one thing that annoys me the most about some of the messages that I receive is people wanting something to happen, so they can begin creating their reality. Or let me say that better, needing something to happen first so they can get to a space where they feel they are able to create their own reality. So, "As soon as I make the million dollars," "As soon as I move to the new city," "As soon as I fall in love and have a baby," "As soon as I get the job," "As soon as I lose the 20 pounds," "As soon as I—" as soon as I, as soon as I, as soon as I. And creator's mode is your ability— the power of creator's mode is your ability to do what it is that you need to do right now in the presence of whatever you are challenged by, whatever is causing you pain, whatever is causing uncertainty in your mind, and whatever it is that you are constantly having to work at. I think a lot of people get caught up with this creating your reality idea, because they think to themselves, "Well, how am I going to create my own reality when I have a 9-to-5 job?" You become absolutely invincible when you are able to reconcile how to do this in the presence of that 9 to 5, in the presence of that relationship that's holding you back, in the presence of your limited thinking, to continue to push through and take action in new directions and create in your life regardless of your circumstances. The circumstances are never gonna clear up! They're never gonna clear up! Look at my situation, I just moved to this new city, I'm happy, I've got all my ducks in a row, and then, now I'm gonna have to go into surgery and recovery, and also dealing with mourning the loss of the closest person to me. There are always going to be things! But what are you going to do? Are you going to allow Pendulums to convince you— that there is a way to escape all of that stuff, or are you going to continue to create in the presence of all of that stuff, and actually live and do it and drink the meaning of life cocktail? I mean, this is kind of the simplest way that I can state it. So, it gets down to what is it— that you're producing? What is it that you're producing? So, I have a lot of trauma with my mouth. I maybe have mentioned this before, but I was born with a pretty small mouth for the amount of teeth that I had. And I, as an adult, 18, 19 years old— my parents didn't get me braces when I was younger. I had to have 8 teeth removed from my mouth so I could get braces on, because there wasn't enough room for my teeth to be reoriented with the fucking layering of teeth that I had. And I went through some very, very traumatic extractions while I was awake, dealt with huge gaps in my mouth. A lot of insecurities about my mouth that took years to clear up. So, me hearing that I've got tumors in my jaw and I need some teeth removed, and they're gonna take out some of my jaw, and I'll have to get, like, a bone fusion done if I want to get implants, and it's gonna be a lengthy recovery. I mean, for me, this is kinda like worst-case scenario, right? I'm like, "No! No, no, no!" And at first, I kinda thought to myself, "Well, I'm just gonna Transurf this! They'll see! I'm gonna make the tumor go away on its own! They're gonna see what a Transurfer can do!" And I realized, at a certain point, that I wasn't Transurfing shit! I actually had a lot of Importance over the teeth, and this was producing a ton of Excess Potential that I didn't account for, like— actually needing to go through with the surgery. So, when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to solve the problem on my own, and to truly Transurf it, I really just needed to have the tumors removed and the tooth or teeth removed. And that previous mode of not letting go, giving in to trauma, trying to control the situation, Having Importance over the teeth, all of that kind of stuff. This was creating, again, Importance and Excess Potential, and a bunch of stuff that wasn't going to do anything for me or my evolution, or the insights that I later gained as a product of being like, "I'm just gonna let that shit go! I'm gonna let that shit go! I'm gonna come and do videos, and if I've got teeth missing—" I'm just gonna own it, and I'm going to embrace all of that past stuff and show whoever's watching that you can use trauma and pain and fear and all of these things. You can either continue to create in the presence of them, or you can actually use these things. Things to create a message or a product or a thing that is not only going to benefit and free you, but may actually do something for your world or the people in it. And my partner remarked on this to me when I kinda gave it up. I was like, "Fuck! You know what? I'm not gonna fight it anymore. Fuck it! I'm just gonna go and have the surgery." I'm having the surgery tomorrow. I'll admit I'm a little nervous. A little scared. The doctors don't speak any English, and the standards here in Georgia are very different than the US. But my God! Talk about chewing the meat off the bone and sucking the marrow out! Here I am, living my life, mourning my grandma, embracing this whole new world, diving into opportunities, rockin' my business, all this stuff playing out in my external world, and I'm having surgery, and I'm getting part of my jaw removed, and I'm— I mean, there's nothing left! I'm squeezing every last drop out of it! But this is because I've made the conscious decision that I'm not gonna try to mask myself, run, hide, evade, escape, escape, numb myself. I'm just going to embrace it and allow myself to be happy in the presence of whatever kind of bullshit is coming my way. I'm going to turn it into something that not only I benefit from, but my world benefits from as well. And that is the meaning of life, y'all! So, What are you producing? Are you allowing your own trauma to produce more events to be traumatized, and then simply succumbing and being a victim to these things? Are you letting Pendulums convince you that there's a way to escape, to the extent that you're producing— a deep pit of despair. I'm sorry, I know that I've, in the past, some of my videos, like, I've talked about some super heavy shit, and then I immediately follow it with a laugh, and people are like, "Why'd you laugh at that? That wasn't funny! You mentioned about that guy committing suicide, and then you laughed! That wasn't funny!" But to me, it is kind of funny, because it's our choice. It's our choice. And if you want to— create a pit for yourself, and then spend your life trying to dig yourself out, only putting yourself deeper into the hole. And this is your choice. And this is kinda like the darkest humor that I think there is. And it's us doing it to ourselves. So, What are you producing? And are you willing to take whatever it is that you don't like about your experience of reality right now and start extracting from it something that is going to provide you or your reality value? So, this is where it's going to be hard for me to not cry. My grandma! Was a hell of a lady, looking back on it. She was a ballbuster. She had a sharp tongue. She used to say some of the funniest stuff. My God! You know, people say, "Not in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine!" My grandma would say, "Not in my wildest nightmares!" She would say things that she thought that was the actual way of saying it. And it was— I'll never forget some of those things that she said. Not my wildest nightmares! So, she had her beliefs, she had her political beliefs, she had her beliefs about people, but she wasn't in an active state of judging. She never judged me. And I think that's part of the reason why I loved my grandmother so much. She was the only adult in my life, besides my Uncle Bob, that I felt never judged me, always excited to hear about what it was that I was doing, even if I was doing something that I look back now retrospectively wasn't the right thing to be doing. She was always excited! She was always excited! She was the only relative that came and slept on my boat with me in Marina del Rey. And that was a wonderful evening that I'll never forget, me and Grandma sitting in my galley of my sailboat and enjoying each other and our conversation. She didn't judge. She was, in her own way, Center Screening like a motherfucker! She was a crafty person who was always making stuff. She was always creating. She did ceramics, she made cards for years, made her own cards, cutouts and stamps and stickers. And I have a box about this big filled with hundreds of cards my grandmother made me over my life. There were times that I felt burdened by them, and I thought, "Goddamn! Why am I saving all these? What am I gonna do with them? I'm gonna carry them around?" "for the rest of my life." And the moment that she passed, I realized, and I thanked myself for saving those cards, because that was my grandmother in the Center Screen! You know? She was always creating, she was always in a mode of creating, never judging. She followed a lot of the things that I live by. And did so in her own way. And I realize that now. She was married at 17. She wasn't really a motherly person. She had children— had my mom anyway, one child. I don't think motherhood was for her. She created a daughter. Motherhood wasn't for her either. And I was able to— acknowledge these things and sidestep them and say, "Okay, I'm not going to follow this same generational kind of pattern, or curse, or whatever you wanna call it." So, indirectly, she taught me a ton of stuff. And she was just a really, really wonderful person. And she didn't do anything special, you know? She didn't do anything special, but she affected a lot of people. And she had a lot of people that really loved her, and she was a very giving person. And she was an animal lover like me. I mean, I could go on and on and on and on. What I wanna say is— I've had a number of times in this last 7 years doing interviews and podcasts and that sort of thing, and people ask me, "What do you wanna leave behind? What's your legacy? What do you—" You know, kinda like these very ego-driven questions of like, how I wanna be remembered. And all this stuff. And I have said— and this is a Gurdjieff or a Spinski, one of his students, it's one of their concepts, I can't remember which. But one of them has said that at the end of your life, you feel for 3 seconds the essence of who you were, your time on Earth. For 3 seconds, you feel this very, very, very powerfully right before you die. And I read this and decided that this is my ultimate intention. It's not to die with a bunch of money, It's not to leave behind a legacy, be an important person, all this kind of ego shit. I want to do the things that I feel are meaningful to me, adventure, seizing opportunity, Continuing with my personal evolution, trying to help people, trying to find, every day, regardless of the circumstances, the beauty in the day. For me! I know I'm helping some people doing this. But really, my help is selfish, because— I wanna feel like a help. I wanna feel like a help. I wanna feel like whatever I've got, I wanna give it to someone else. But it's not because I actually wanna give it to you, it's because I actually wanna feel like a giving person. I know that probably sounds selfish as hell, but it's the truth. I wanna feel like a giving person. I wanna feel like a person that finds beauty. I wanna feel like a— a person that seizes opportunity. I wanna feel like a person that embraces the sadness. And I want, at the end of my life, to feel as though I fulfilled those orders and that I lived that thing. You know? And I'm not trying to call anybody out here, but like, whatever it is that you're doing right now, just think to yourself, Is this what I wanna feel in those final 3 seconds? Do I wanna feel like my whole life, I was just grasping at that carrot? Do I wanna feel my whole life that I was judging others because they didn't align to my political ideals? Do I wanna feel those last 3 seconds of life that I was just constantly trying to dig myself out of my emotional abyss and never gain headway? Or do you wanna feel something better? And if you wanna feel something better, start creating that something now. I think that if I were to ask my grandma if she could go back and do anything differently, would she? And she probably would've said, "I would've had more adventures." She was 17 when she got married. She was married to my grandfather for 63 years. They had some adventures together. My grandfather was a motorcycle guy, and at a certain point, she got her own motorcycle and she was going cross-country with my grandpa. And she moved to Japan when my grandfather— Her grandfather was stationed there, and she had her fair share of adventures. But I know that she's always admired my independence and the level at which I can adventure like a motherfucker! And she would probably say, "I wish that I would've adventured like you!" I get to live that for her now, and I'm very grateful for that opportunity. I'm not gonna throw it away. And this is my gift to my grandmother, and it's the gift to myself. And it is what will help me to feel that 3 seconds at the end of my life the way that I want to feel those 3 seconds. So, again, to wrap this video up, what is it that you wanna feel those final 3 seconds? And what can you do to start creating that? Creating right now that will allow you that state of being that you wanna feel that final 3 seconds? And can you do this in the presence of the events, turbulence, unforeseen circumstances, pain, uncertainty, constant work? Can you— pushed through all that shit and still managed to find your Center Screen in a place where you can create this thing for yourself. This is a testimony to me! This is a testimony to me! It's taken me a long time to arrive at this place. It's taken me a long time to arrive to a place Where I'm okay with having a part of my jaw removed and saying, "I'm still gonna make videos!" You know? Or not giving in to the sadness to the extent that it disables me and I don't continue with my creator's mode. You know? So, I am walking the fucking walk right now. So, So, I don't know what else I can say on these topics other than be cautious of that desire for escape. Be cautious of attempting to evade emotions or sensations, or to evade a state of being. "I don't wanna be in a state of fear." "I don't wanna be in a state of pain, or longing, or uncertainty," or, "I don't wanna work anymore!" There's no way out of it! There's no way out of it! These are human things, and the best thing to do is mix yourself up a nice meaning of life cocktail served straight up with all— With all of it. And keep in mind that final 3 seconds, what do you want it to be? So, with that, I will say goodbye. I'm dedicating this video to you, Grandma. And I hope your 3 seconds were really, really good. Because you deserved it. You were an amazing lady, and I'm so grateful that I got to have you as a grandma for 43 years of my life, and I'm gonna miss you so much. And, um, I'm happy that my loss right now for you is able to create something beautiful and meaningful that maybe somebody else will benefit from. And I'm just gonna keep going! Keep on going, Grandma! So, with that, thank you all for watching! I hope this wasn't too rambly! Much love to you all, whatever you're going through! And don't get caught up in the illusion that there is a way out, because there's not! Only death! Just make your life here on Earth what you want it to be, so those 3 seconds before you kick off are the best. Thank you all for watching, and have a good one. Bye, everybody!