In this solo talk, Renee Garcia applies Vadim Zeland’s Reality Transurfing principles to the modern online dating arena. She begins by reminding viewers that the Alternative Space contains infinite possibilities for a romantic partner, urging a non‑jaded mindset. She then frames the dating scene as a massive “Pendulum” that can drain energy, recommending strict limits on both app usage and actual dating time. Garcia warns of the “Induced Transition” – a self‑esteem plunge that many experience when faced with rejection or low response rates – and stresses the need to protect one’s energy. Core Transurfing concepts such as heart‑mind coordination and excess potential are introduced as tools for making authentic choices, emphasizing that decisions driven by desperation or societal pressure create excess potential and attract negative pendulum feedback. Garcia brings in Carl Jung’s ideas of projection and shadowboxing, describing how people project ideal qualities onto potential partners and simultaneously conceal their own vulnerabilities, which fuels a revolving‑door pattern of relationships. She advises gathering factual information, recognizing red‑flag signs of projection, and avoiding the trap of “blindness” caused by loneliness. Practical advice follows: become “magnetic” by showcasing one’s strongest qualities (a technique she calls “Frailing”), adopt a give‑rather‑than‑take attitude, and treat dating as a game. She recommends dropping importance on oneself and on others, flowing with the process, and using the “Tufti” principle – acting as if the desired relationship already exists – to avoid desperation. The talk concludes with a call to subscribe, join the International Transurfing Institute community, and continue the conversation.
Chapters
Hello, Transurfers and the Transurfing curious! I am Renee Garcia, and this is Transurfing TV, the only YouTube channel endorsed by Vadim Zeland himself, the author of Reality Transurfing. This one is by request, it's kind of a fun one! This is how to hack the online dating scene using Reality Transurfing, or at least how to handle yourself. In the online dating scene. So I have a lot of experience with this. Uh, I have been on and off dating websites since I was, I don't know, 25 years old. And, uh, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. Uh, the first thing that I would like to state is that there are infinite possibilities. Obviously the Alternative Space, has everything that we could ever possibly want, that includes a romantic partner. So, don't go into the situation feeling jaded, or that, you know, there's only scraps left, or anything like that. There are good people to find online, but you have to manage yourself wisely to find them, and you obviously have to maintain a pretty high standard. So, we'll talk a little bit about that later. First, I would like to— or secondly, I'd like to mention that the dating scene in general and online dating is a massive, massive Pendulum. It is a wild Pendulum. So, I suggest that you set limits with your time and your energy, not only limiting your time to looking at the app, Limit your dating time too. Don't go out just to go out. Uh, set yourself sort of what you would think is an ideal amount of time to be spending collectively, both on the app and, uh, with actually going out because these hours can add up. And remember, as Transurfers, we really want to use our energy to further the goals that are really going to help us improve our realities. And I'm not saying that online dating won't improve your reality. But as my next point will suggest, it can definitely hurt you in some ways too. Beware of the Induced Transition with online dating. I read a statistic lately that said that the average person on online dating, their self-esteem plummets dramatically. While online dating. And of course, in Reality Transurfing terminology, this equates to, uh, an Induced Transition. So, as we feel rejected, as people don't respond back to us, as we maybe get people messaging us that we don't necessarily find attractive or we like, or we feel like our options are limited, or, uh, I know the last time that I went on online dating, I was in my late 30s. And I actually had the thought when I went on, I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm actually doing this again. I fucking hate this. Right? So then that's like, that is prime Pendulum food for, you know, I've already set the stage. I hate this. I can't believe I'm doing this. And it's like Pendulum food and Induced Transition City. So, uh, luckily, I was able to sort of navigate my way through and not experience a bunch of bad stuff, but I was also extremely choosy and extremely limited. And not only who I went out with, but who I corresponded with even. So I really limited, uh, dialogue and information coming in because I just didn't want to have to deal with, um, anything that maybe I felt wasn't going to be for me. And being very honest about that, uh, being very honest about that from the get-go. So again, heart and mind coordination, right? If your heart's not feeling it, cut it loose! Don't make poor decisions out of desperation and ignore the voice of your heart because maybe you feel lonely, or your brain says, "Well, I'm getting to be a certain age and I wanna have children, and I wanna have a family, so maybe I should do this." That is not the reason to do anything. Obviously, maintain awareness about excess potential! Excess potential is a huge one in the dating scene, and I will get— a little more into that with some other sort of philosophies. But we build wild excess potential about, um, the people that we are going to meet or the people that we, uh, talk to. So projection, this is a Carl, Carl Jung, uh, term. It's an intoxicating and huge pendulum when you experience this. So what projection is, Finding a person. Okay. So if you're a woman seeing a man, or if you're a man seeing a woman or whatever sex you're attracted to, and you not knowing much about them, which is obviously the online dating scene, and you projecting onto them the qualities that you would like to see in a person. Now, in a romantic partner, this is extremely easy to do. We all do it. And I think it runs rampant in the online dating scene. And the reason that it runs, or And the way that you can see that it runs rampant is if you're participating in online dating for an extended period of time, you will start to see the same people circling back. So, they go online, they find a relationship, and then they go into the relationship, and then it ends, and then they come back onto online dating. I've had a number of friends— that are just constantly revolving. It's a revolving door. They go online, get into a relationship, relationships and ends, go back online. So the reason that this is happening in, uh, Carl Jung's belief, and this is my belief as well, is that what's happening is you are projecting or they are projecting onto the person what they want to see in a romantic partner. And then when that person doesn't meet up with their expectations, they're not happy, and the relationship ends. So it's about gathering facts, gathering true information about a person, and maintaining awareness about our human, uh, our human thing that we do about projecting onto others what we want to see for ourselves. So if you are curious about this, just Google Carl Carl Jung and projection, and you will see lots of information. This is a very classic, um, you know, this is a very classic, uh, psychology point in Carl Jung's work. And, uh, when you start to see it happen, you can pinpoint it. Now, be aware of when you're doing it to someone else, and then obviously be aware when somebody is doing it to you. Don't let someone, uh, glorify you. Don't let somebody fall head over heels in love with you super, super quick. Again, this can be an extremely intoxicating dating thing. Signs of projection are an intense satisfaction in whomever you've just met and almost like an obsession or feeling that everything is perfect right off the bat. So this is like red flag warning. Uh, if you are feeling like, oh my God, I just met the love of my life and this is absolutely perfect and this is meant for me. And they're like, oh my God, I just met the love of my life. And they're saying all the same stuff and you two don't even know each other yet, there's a good possibility that you are, uh, you are taking the drug of projection and it feels really good. And that's why online dating can be extremely addictive. Okay. So, um, another thing that we experience or that happens, I think, with online dating is another Carl Jung idea, it's called shadowboxing! And what shadowboxing is, is it's an urge to know someone else, yet a refusal to want to divulge information about yourself! So, remember, if you're doing it, they're probably doing it too! Okay? So, again, this is you maybe being like concealing, or smoke and mirrors, or you don't wanna tell! Somebody, certain things about yourself or parts of your life, or maybe things that have to do with your past or things that you have in your life right now. And, but at the same time, you want to know everything about the other person. So the other person may very well be doing the same thing. They may be shadowboxing you. So they're going to want to know a lot about you, yet they are going to divulge very, very little information about themselves because, uh, we're, when we do this, we all do this, uh, especially in in the initial stages of relationships, and especially in online dating, is that we are trying to conceal and protect our vulnerability. So, this is really a lot of what happens online. It can be gross, it can be scary, it can be very misleading. There can be all sorts of smoke and mirrors. So, it's about maintaining awareness of these concepts. Keep projection in mind, keep shadowboxing in mind, and look at your situation from the perspective of a Transurfer. Try to gather facts. Don't let yourself just roll and get rolled, really, because that's what can happen. We consent to blindness when we're lonely. This is important. I know that there have been times where I'm like, "Oh man, why can't I find someone good?" And then I would be like, "Okay, hey, you over there, you look alright!" You know, this is not the way to conduct yourself in relationships. Do not allow yourself to be blinded to reality just because you are lonely. Open your eyes, right? Be aware of the situation. And remember my talks about connecting. With that higher version of yourself. If you are single right now and you want a life partner, they might not exist with, with, uh, on the track that you're currently on with the version of yourself right now. Maybe you need to go, maybe you need to ascend to a higher track and a higher version of yourself doing something you really love, finding your purpose, being surrounded by a reality that's really satisfactory and good and everything that you want. And then maybe your partner is there, up there. They might not exist at the frequency, at the level, and the stage that you are at in right now. Uh, heart and mind coordination. Again, oftentimes our heart knows what's up. I know for sure in the past, I have gotten myself into relationships where my brain said, "You know what, this is a good idea," but my heart was screaming, "No, don't do this. This is not a good idea!" And I would say, "Well, you are getting older, Renee!" Or, "Well, you have had a lot of failed relationships. You could make this work!" That is all the mind! So, listen to what your heart's saying! When you meet the right person, finally, you will know this! Your heart will know this! Being magnetic. I will leave everyone with this. Being magnetic. This is part of one of the courses that I am going to be giving shortly. This is showcasing your qualities, right? This is you really just putting out your strongest, uh, your strongest physical qualities and your abilities, right? Really showcasing the characteristics of who you are that makes you unique. Okay. Makes you special and showcasing those qualities. Talk about what you have to offer. Do not speak of what you want or don't want. Okay? So this is Frailing. This is classic Frailing. First, put it, put it online. If you're doing online dating, talk about what you have to offer and your strong suits. Don't go at it with the take. Okay? Go at it with the give. If you go at it with the give, you're going to have other people that come at you with the give. If you're going to be going like this online, then, then you're just going to meet people that are doing that too and that are going to take from you. Um, view it as a game, right? It's all a game. Don't take it so seriously. Drop importance, drop importance on yourself, drop importance on the other person and really just go with the flow. Flow. Don't let yourself be drained emotionally or physically by spending too much time doing this and going on dates and all that stuff. Limit your time, strategize about how much time you want to spend doing these things, but then flow with it. Just let it, let it, let it do its thing. Um, remember Tufti, go into situations acting as if you already have the thing that you want. Okay? Don't go into it desperate. Or from a place of lack. So, I'm curious to know your thoughts on this, guys! Please subscribe here if you have not already. And of course, join us at the 'International Transurfing Institute' Facebook group, if you have not already, for more conversations like this! Fun ones, dynamic ones, and meaningful ones! Thank you all so much! And peace!
