I Drank the Poison: Shadow Work and Reality Transurfing (Trigger Warning)

But there's this thing called a life trap, and essentially what a life trap is, is it's that same place that you keep finding yourself. Again, Quantum Hillbilly, and then my OnlyFans. I was blowing up on Tinder, and when I say shame is a fucking scam, so I did OnlyFans. Then there's this dark, and my dark is really, really, really dark. Hey, Anne, guess how much money I've made? And she's like, how much? And I told her, and she was like, oh wow. And I said, yeah, all I had to do is dance naked. And my mom was like, you dance naked? This is gonna be the case for you as well if you're ready to dive into some shadow work. You probably know right now what part of your shadow isn't integrated Hello, hello, hello there, Transurfers! Oh, it's been a minute since I've said that! And the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia, y'all, and this is Transurfing TV! And today, this is probably going to be the biggest doozy ever on this channel. I am a new version of me today. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. As some of you subscribed to this channel might have noticed, I've been absentee for a minute, and there is good reason for that. I dove into the deepest, most gnarly, crazy self-work I've ever done on myself in my entire life. And I'm going to admit, I almost didn't come out of it. It was that crazy. And where I did arrive, once I came out of it, has been nothing short of a miracle. I really feel as though I have cracked the code on reality creation. And I'm not just talking about manifesting what you want, or materializing what you want, but how to— really become right with yourself to the extent that you actually know what it is that you want, and you have the ability to enjoy what it is that you create in your life once you get it. I mean, we've talked on this channel a number of times about self-sabotage, and this is really about you going into the basement of your mind and clearing out all the stuff that's in there that is keeping you from those higher states of being, from those higher states of, of wealth. And by wealth, I don't mean just money, but just getting the things that you want out of life. When you become powerful, you can attract a lot as I have in my life, I've attracted a tremendous amount of stuff, right? Stuff meaning relationships, also material things, opportunities, all kinds of things that we position ourselves to get using this knowledge. But when the subconscious hasn't been resolved and there are those, those dirty little anchors, if you want to call them that, that keep you stuck in a place where you're repeating the same patterns, you're falling into the same traps, you keep finding yourself in the same sticky situations regardless of how the set and decorations around you shift. So for me, that looked like when I was in Tbilisi, getting everything that I wanted, but then having the nervous breakdown, not being happy with who I was, how I got the things that I had in my life. And a lot of the different components that made up my reality seemed off and confusing. And again, falling into some of those patterns where I was just like, oh my God, am I destined to always come back to this place where I feel like ending it all? And I I'm confused and I feel disconnected from people and reality, even though I have success, even though I have a beautiful lifestyle, even though I have worthwhile endeavors and things that have given me heart and mind coordination, to still arrive at that place and realize, holy smokes, like, there's some type of renovation, true renovation, needs to occur within my mind. And when I left Tbilisi and I came back to the US, I had full intention of going about that renovation, going about that work in a specific way. And yet addictive patterns. Addiction led me back into the same traps, if you will. And then I realized that I needed to get radical if I wanted to really transcend some of those things and finally find myself out of that place of returning to the familiar basement dungeon regardless of what I had or how much I was evolving in other ways of my life. So this, um, video is going to be chock-full of announcements and knowledge, and there's all kinds of stuff that I've been doing lately, including the release of my newest book, Quantum Hillbilly, which has been the ultimate creative endeavor in going after shadow work in a way that has been meaningful for me. Transmutation, taking that lead and turning it into gold. And my God, doing that this year alongside everything else that I'm going to talk about in this video, you're going to realize just how lit my life actually is and what this type of work can do for you if you feel you are ready. So again, Quantum Hillbilly, now on Amazon, the links below. And there are some other announcements. I'll get into those in a moment, but I want to first state that I have been involved in some very controversial endeavors lately, and people have been very sharp-tongued towards me online. I know that a lot of the things that I do are not really the ways in which a self-development coach, if you want to call me that, which I'm now starting to realize that I'm absolutely not a self-development coach. That's not what, that's not what I'm about anymore. I'll get into that in a moment. But people's perception of me is that I am this thing and doing some of the things that I've done lately are absolutely not the standards that a self-development coach And I've had a lot of, I've had a lot of this online lately. So I'm going to be talking about some extremely sensitive subjects in this video, uh, sexual subjects, um, things that have to do with drugs, taking drugs, alcohol addiction. I'm going to be talking about abuse and trauma and some different things that bubble up when you really go about trying to resolve or drag that shadow into the light. And this stuff that I'm going to talk about, it's not for everybody. If this video feels triggering for you, turn it off. Come back to it another time. Don't come back to it at all. It's going to be chock full of a bunch of stuff that's probably going to be triggering, and you're probably going to, at a certain point, begin to judge me for some reason. And I want to state that my life, as I have presented it pretty authentically to those in this scene, in this community, I'm not doing this to gain your approval, right? I'm not telling you that I joined OnlyFans, which— surprise— um, I've done in the last month, and it has been a very transformative experience. But, um, I'm not doing this and then telling y'all this stuff so you can say, oh, you know, a self-development coach doesn't act like that, or you're a disgrace to Reality Transurfing. What I'm doing is I'm bringing to you my experiences with this knowledge. If you want to write a couple of books, I could tell you the things that I've done to accomplish that. If you want to get involved in real estate, if you want to be able to buy your own house for cash, you know, in your early 40s or however old you are, like, I can tell you how I did that. I can tell you how I became one of the top— in the top 10% of content creators on OnlyFans in less than 2 weeks. I can tell you how to do that. So it's not so much that I'm telling everybody this to get some sort of approval or, or, you know, exposing to you my life for any other reason than look what I'm doing with the knowledge. This is what the knowledge can do. If those things aren't for you, move on through. You can take what it is that I'm doing and apply it to almost any part of your life and see success. Regardless of how I'm living or how controversial my moves are or how I conduct myself, I don't think anybody can deny my level of success. So it's about finding what it is that I'm talking about, using it in a way that works for you, and finding the results that are intended for you. The things that are intended for you— I'm not telling you to go and get on OnlyFans. I'm telling you that the stuff that I'm doing, the ways in which I'm approaching these different endeavors, this is the formula, right? And you can do what it is that you want with it from there. So, the announcements quickly. Reality School and Shadow School, they're two new products, if you will. Two new— they're not courses, because Reality School is the masterclass that's on Teachable, and Shadow School is a bunch of stuff that I've been doing in the past year. These are Facebook groups. They're private. I'm gonna lead you through a bunch of different things that I've done. And then Reality School is obviously the curriculum for the International Transurfing Institute, which is the masterclass. And I'm going to be giving you coaching, personalized coaching. I want it to be a little more one-on-one. And if you want more details, definitely hit me up and I will give you details on those. Again, Quantum Hillbilly, and then my OnlyFans. Okay, so let's get into it. Shadow work. So where I left off in my last video, I was in Tbilisi, I was getting ready to leave, I was in the midst of this nervous breakdown which was pretty catastrophic in a lot of ways. A lot came down. I had a massive, massive ego death. I had a dark night of the soul that lasted literally months. I arrived back to the US. In pretty rough shape, I have to admit. The relationship of 6, 7 years coming to an end, leaving Tbilisi behind, which I absolutely was still in love with, and I couldn't believe that I had only been there a couple of years and left. Everything that had transpired, the stress, the real estate deals, finding myself realizing that I had some addictions that I needed to finally get a grip on. And coming back to the US, which I hadn't been back to, coming back into a situation where I was living with family, I mean, it was like my reality was a snow globe and it just got shaken up and everything was— I mean, it was chaos. It was chaos. And I realized that— and I talked— I touched on this in my video that I did before I left Tbilisi, but I didn't allude to exactly what it was. And I'm going to come clean and be honest here because I know that after I began talking about this stuff in my Facebook group and my other social media channels, that a lot of people are struggling with this right now, especially women. So I'm going to come clean about what it is that I've been dealing with and start from that place because it really was the catalyst for all the work to come. So I realized after the breakup in Tbilisi that I was love addicted. I felt this gaping hole within and was looking to fill it immediately. But as soon as I started to do my same old stuff, I realized that just like an alcoholic, you know, drinks and drinks, and then finally one day the alcohol, the alcohol is no longer working for them. Whatever it was they were getting from it before, it doesn't work the same way. Same with drugs, same with a lot of addictions. And I began to panic because my ways were no longer sustaining me. And I realized something needed to be done, but I was terrified because those patterns, those grooves that I had worn in my reality, in my life, in my mind, were so deep that I just couldn't fathom not being in a relationship, not being in love, not being desired, being single. I mean, I was really in a state of— I don't want to say hopelessness, but it was going there. And I knew that it was kind of like a rock— being stuck in between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, the methods weren't working for me anymore that I, you know, tried and true— being love addicted, pursuing relationships that were ultimately dysfunctional and leaving me in a similar place each time repetitively. I was— but that even wasn't working. And then dealing with it, which was terrifying, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to start. And I started reading some books, and what I arrived at because I'm a freak and because I'm an extremist, I was reading various books. One of them was called Tackling Love Addiction. And essentially the book starts out by saying you're gonna need like 2 to 3 years to cleanse yourself, to rid yourself of, you know, to get over the addiction, to really like, abstain from sex and relationships. And the thought of that alone, I didn't want to be alive. I was like, no, I'm not doing 3 years of no sex, right? So I decided my bright idea is that I was going to do the opposite. I was going to essentially practice hormesis or hormesis. I'm not sure exactly how that's pronounced. Which is the act of taking a small amount of poison to cure yourself of something. But I took a big amount of poison. I was like, I'm going to purge on the poison. And this is where it gets a little bit extreme. I thought to myself, either the poison's going to kill me, the poison's going to— the poison's going to essentially be the thing that I've never looked at. I've never attempted to resolve. And it's gonna be like, I'm gonna mainline this and it's either going to destroy me, which I believed at the time that it should. And I know this is gonna sound extreme, crazy, harsh, out there, radical. But again, this is just the way in which I can get stuff. It has to be an explosion. And I know a lot of people don't agree with that, but for me, it's my process, and I'm just gonna tell you, I'm just gonna give it to you straight. So I realized that I was going to take this poison And I'll tell you in a moment what the poison was exactly. I was going to take this poison and it was either going to kill me or it was going to cure me. And I feel as though I made the right— I made the right call. This was something instinctually that I felt was the right thing to do. I'm not encouraging anyone else to do this. I'm just telling you what happened for me and how me ingesting this poison showed me the depths of the ways in which I was suffering, how deep my addiction actually was, how broken certain parts of myself were and still are. And I really honestly believe that I would not have had these insights if I hadn't thread the needle. That's what— that's kind of the analogy I use. I thread the needle. So what the poison was— what the poison was: love addicted, um, needing to be needing to be coddled by a male, needing to be— I hate to say it, but I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna say it— abused, you know, needing to be abused by a male. So I went on an absolute rampage in Oregon. I got back here, I started going to parties, I started going to festivals. I was blowing up on Tinder. And when I say blowing up, I don't think I've ever seen anybody have the level of Tinder game in which I had over this last, um, 6 months until I called it quits. And I was looking for something very, very specific. I was looking for somebody that I could explore the absolute darkest parts of who I was. And when I say dark parts, I don't mean conversations, and I don't mean exploring things in a healthy way. I went in deep, I went in hard, and I did what I am referring to as entering the cave. So I realized that I had these subconscious anchors, really, but I didn't know how deep they were anchored in there. And it took me a series of experiences where I gained access to certain schema— if you don't know what that word means— maybe we'll put it up right here— um, things that trigger you that are often, um, parts of you that developed when you were a child. So for me, this was abuse. This was visual stuff like anger issues from other people, holes punched in walls, and abuse of drugs and alcohol, and certain things that felt very familiar to me. And instead of running, because even in my most dysfunctional times pre-Reality Transurfing, the things that I entered into in this last year, I would have went screaming from the hills from, even pre-Transurfing, even though I was dysfunctional then. I would have run screaming for the hills because those sights and sounds and sensations and all that schema would have been very, very scary. Very scary. But with my self-awareness high and my understanding of what it was that I was embarking on, what it was I was trying to do, I stepped into it. I stepped into it. So again, I want to make sure that I'm being crystal clear here. I am not encouraging anyone to do this. This was extreme. This was dangerous. This was an extremely outrageous, over-the-top approach to self-development. But instinctually I felt like it was what I needed to finally get it. So the analogy, the dark cave. So imagine there's a cave, and at the very, very, very back of the cave is a wall, cold wall, just made of stone. And that represents your beginning, right? Your beginning, or your dark beginning rather, where you first encountered attachment issues and dysfunction and family chaos and abuse and all that type of stuff. And as you move through your life, you come out of the cave, right? You come out of the cave and finally you see light, and you're living your life, but you're not exactly settled, or you're not exactly happy, or you're not exactly content, or you don't exactly like yourself, or you don't exactly like your spouse, or whatever. All the blips and reasons why we continue to, as my friend used to say, luxuriate in your suffering. Right? So you still got all that stuff. And it's almost like the cave's there and you know it's there, but you don't look at it and you definitely don't go inside. Now, some people, sometimes they do go inside. This is shadow work. I think many people that approach shadow work, they do, you know, from some of the things that I've been reading, it's okay, okay, right? Maybe step into the cave a little, maybe go in halfway and then, oh, and run out. You know how that is when you go into a cave. I'm sure you found a cave before and it's like so dark. And the sound is weird and it smells weird and you sense water and, you know, there's— and it just feels like every, every little human thing in you gets triggered and you just, you don't want to go in, you want to run out, right? Well, I decided that I was gonna walk all the way to the back of the cave and I was gonna touch that fucking wall, and that's what I did. That's what I did. And I did this with my family watching me, which was, you know, humbling. They saw essentially me in feral mode, me in feral mode, me unhinged, because that's what I became, and me letting it out. Now, outward appearance, may have been that, you know, I was just partying and I was coming and going. And yeah, I was still being productive, writing, writing my books and doing my stuff. But there was a very deep, deep unraveling of myself occurring. And I have to admit, I was a little bit I was a little bit taken aback by it myself, and everybody watching me, I could tell that they were like, holy shit, this is either good or this is bad, right? So what going to the back of the cave meant, or what it looked like, I'm still amazed at myself that I did this because it was scary. It was really scary. I went into full-on hillbilly mode, you know, Mountain Dew, Sour Patch Kids. I was living in RVs, camping, and doing drugs, doing drugs, drinking, smoking cigarettes. I mean, I was out of control in a full state of awareness, and every day was a conscious decision to take that poison. You're going to see it through to the end. It's going to kill you or cure you. I got involved with people that were domestically violent. I was assaulted a number of times. I was taking more drugs than I should have been. Yeah, there's some really, really wild shit. I was very open with everybody in my life about what it was that I was doing, including my friends I've been close to for some of them 20 years. Um, I became a grown-up version of 5-year-old me, scared, abused, subjugated. Um, and the reason that I did this is because I wanted to see the depths of that cave. I wanted to see— I wanted to see how deep the wounds actually were, how much that unresolved stuff was unresolved. I brought it all to the surface. I brought it all to the surface, and I looked at it every single day that this was going down. And I wrote. I wrote like a motherfucker. I wrote Quantum Hillbilly. I wrote other things, other— started other books, and I poured myself into processing all of it. I also read a lot. I got a very, very good therapist that has been absolutely life-changing for me. I did everything that I could possibly think of to do to help myself. Jumped off all of my addictions— drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, everything— did a hardcore purge. I'm on the 75 Hard now. It's part of the reason why I started the 75 Hard. It was a slow lead-in, and I was dropping a lot of addiction stuff leading up until that moment. But that one, particularly with sex and love, It was like cold turkey, all of it. Cold turkey, all of it. If you don't know what 75 Hard is, take a look. And if you want to join my 75 Hard group, we've got a pretty killer bunch of people doing this program. And talk about dragging your shadow into the motherfucking light. It's got no option in the 75 Hard, that's for sure. So I did what I needed to do. I entered the cave, I went all the way to the back, I touched the wall, I stared all that shit down on a daily basis. I read, I went to therapy, I purged. I— it was like triage on my shadow. Triage on my shadow. So This is where integration comes in. There are two pretty profound parts of me. There is the light. That is a lot of what you guys have seen in the Transurfing community. That's me being ready, willing, and able to help people, right? Here, here's the way, here's a bunch of stuff here. You know, the amount of time that I spend answering questions to people, Um, that's the light, right? That's the light— my connection to the alternative space, the quantum field, my ability to download insights and give this information to the people in the ways that help them in their lives. That's the light. Then there's this dark, and my dark is really, really, really dark. I'm a sexually dark person. I'm a psychologically dark person. I have a lot of nihilistic beliefs that run parallel to Transurfing. I know that's a little bit of a contradiction, but it's the case. I'm prone to depression. I'm prone to— I don't want to say the word because I don't want them to mess with this video, but You know, I'm prone to, um, ideation of that nature, and it's just who I am. For a long time, I tried to hide this stuff because I felt like it didn't belong in this life that I wanted. And a lot of these things are of a sexual nature, and this especially has been powerful and difficult to coordinate with my light. So I'll just get into a brief story to shine light on it. When I was 18 years old, I danced. Was for a short period of time, a year and a half, maybe 2 years. It was really the only thing that I could do because I didn't even have high school diploma. And I found that I really liked this thing. It wasn't just the attention or the money, which was nice, and I did kill it, and I did get a lot of attention and a lot of money, but it was the expression of my sexuality. It was the expression of my sexuality that I really loved. And when I left this I entered into my dysfunctional marriage and the relationships that came after that. And once in a while I would, you know, party with a boyfriend or do whatever, but I felt like it didn't belong, that part of me didn't belong. When I was 30— and I tell this story fully in my book Quantum Hillbilly— when I was 30 I went back to it as a way to raise capital for my business. And again, I tapped into this expression of sexual energy and it felt really good and I loved it. I absolutely loved it. Again, lots of attention, lots of money, but it was the expression of this part of myself that I really felt. I loved it. When I left it the second time, there were moments where I would have this energy boiling inside of me like it was gonna spill out. And if I didn't have a partner to express this with, I'd get out of the shower, I'd throw on the stripper shoes that I kept, turn the music up, and I'd let it out by myself. But there was something that wasn't exactly being satisfied. And again, I tried to just like kill this part of myself because I felt like it didn't belong, right? It didn't belong. The relationship that I had for 7 years was killing my sexuality. Um, I was very undernourished sexually, and there was a sadness being a woman mid-40s. Yes, I'm in my mid-40s. Being a woman, mid-40s, and me believing this was going to be a lifetime relationship, I felt like, again, my sexuality just didn't belong. So I had, you know, Transurfing TV. I could wear my little half tops, let a little bit of it out here or there, here and there. But I didn't, um, I didn't have a really good way to express this part of myself. So relationship ends. I come back to the US. I realize I've got chronic love addiction, but I'm going to thread the needle. I'm going to go the other way. I'm going to ingest the poison and I'm going to let this motherfucker out. And boy, oh boy. Did I let it out. And it was destructive, and it was hot, and it was crazy, and it was a wild, absolute wild, wild ride. But it was consuming me. It was harming other people. I won't get into that, but it was harming other people. And I'd gone rogue, you know, I'd gone rogue. The energy was just flowing out of me and I was letting it. So then things started to get a little bit out of control to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. So I withdrew, and that included leaving some of the company that I was keeping. One of the gentlemen that I was keeping company with was not happy about me leaving, and he threatened to put one of the videos of me dancing up on the internet. And I got this in a text message. I was driving and I pulled over and I had an absolute panic attack. Freaked the fuck out, right? Oh my God, they don't my community, they don't know. Oh my God, they can't see me. What? This is going to be the end of me. I mean, the response that I had, what my— how my nervous system responded, how my, my, my stress levels, my stress hormones. I mean, it was profound. I'm gonna be found out. So I stopped myself in that moment. I see myself, I see my reality. What in the hell is going on here? Why am I so scared for me to be known? Why is that so scary to me? Why am I having such a visceral response to this shadow part of me being found out? So I took it as an opportunity and I decided that I was going to flip this event on its head and I was going to take control of it. And that's what I did. So what I decided to do was let this part of myself out on my own, because in that fear response, in that flood of stress hormones and anxiety and thinking that the world was going to come undone for this part of me to be seen by anybody that I knew, I knew that that was the key. Not the key to everything, just like me acknowledging my past and writing Quantum Hillbilly. It's not the key to everything, but it's part of it, right? That was me transmuting that part of my life into something creative, positive, can help other people. It was a journey for me to go through that, to write that, to have to put those things into stories and words. Same with Shadow Stripper. Wasn't the full thing, isn't the full thing, but it's a part of it, right? I needed to bring her out into the open too, and it's okay. And for anybody that wants to, you know, here I put a note on judgment, fear, shame, societal standards, and hiding. If you believe I am a teacher, you believe I'm a teacher. Here's your lesson for the day. Shame is a fucking scam. It's a scam. And if you are ashamed of anything about your life, who you are, what it is you like, your shadow, your past, whatever, let it out. Figure out a way to let it out. It's kind of amazing we live in this culture right now where people expressing themselves in certain ways is so celebrated, like the LGBT community. I now have a profound respect for that community because I'm like, damn, I get it now, right? But a woman in her mid-40s expressing her sexuality is still like, off with her head, you know, burn her at the stake, she's a witch, right? But that's the exact resistance that kept me from the fullest expression of myself. And in reconciling this part of myself, finally bringing this part— and I know for some of you, you're probably going to be like, it's not that big of a deal. So what, you like to dance naked and put stripper shoes on? Like, who cares? But for me, And I would say the same thing about, you know, if I had a friend that was gay and he didn't want to come out to his family, I'd be like, who cares? Everybody's gay. Or there's a lot of gay people, like, who cares? But to him, right, it's a big deal. Or to her, it's a big deal. So for me, this was kind of a big deal. So I did OnlyFans. And one of the funny things that I did on OnlyFans is that same video that was threatened to be put out, I put a little clip of it myself. Let me beat you to it. Here you go. You're gonna threaten me? Then I know a couple of tricks. And oh my God, did that feel liberating. Unbelievably liberating. It was like any ammo that life had against me— yeah, that felt really good. That felt really, really good. Last night I told my mom that I was going to be doing OnlyFans. It's been a trip to have my family see a bunch of this stuff. Not see the OnlyFans, but see me go through a bunch of these things, like the drugs and the partying and all that stuff. Um, I told my mom about OnlyFans, but she didn't know what it was, and she was like super supportive. She's like, yeah, you do you. And I was like, wow, that's really cool. She's being way supportive. So yesterday, while we were at the dinner table, I said to our friend Anne, who was there, I was like, hey, Anne, guess how much money I've made? And she's like, how much? And I told her, and she was like, oh, wow. And I said, yeah, all I had to do is dance naked. My mom was like, you dance naked? Oh my God, is that what you're doing for your shadow work? And I said, yeah, Mom, what did you think I was doing? And she's like, I didn't know. But Oh my God. And to me, just my mom knowing that part of me, just me being out in the open with myself, me being unafraid to let others see me for the first time in my life. I feel like my two feet are flat on the ground. I feel— I feel solid. I feel like a solid human being. I make my choices. I live by if they're successful or not. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm taking accountability for them. If people like me, if they don't, if they like what I do, if, if they don't, all of that stuff. It's like I've accepted myself. I've accepted myself and I can't believe it. So I believe that what I was suffering from was a lack of integration, especially in that long-term relationship that I was in. I was trying so hard to be the good girl, the good girlfriend, to do everything right, to be loyal and committed and faithful and, um, model myself after what I believed a woman in a long-term serious relationship should be like. And that's fine, but I also needed that, that integration that was not happening. And I believe that it not happening was ultimately the reason that the relationship didn't work out, and that I found myself very, very unhappy towards the end of it, for sure. So Transmutation was the book. Was the shadow dancer, whatever, shadow stripper, whatever you want to call her. And, um, it's funny because if I had known that— okay, so this work wasn't easy, but it was obvious. It didn't take much. And for you, I kind of feel like this is going to be the case for you as well. If you're ready to dive into some shadow work, you probably know right now what part of your shadow isn't integrated and needs to be worked on, right? It's that stepping, that couple steps into the cave and then being like, oh shit, this is scary, run out, you know? So again, I'm not advising anybody to take it to the extreme levels that I did. I'm happy I did it the way that I did it. I trust myself. Again, I'm a 45-year-old woman. I have had enough life experience. I know what's going to hit for me and what isn't. And I trust my experience and I trust my insights. And I extend that to you as well. I think ultimately we do know two things. We know what's wrong regardless if we want to acknowledge it or look at it, and we do know how to fix it. Now, a lot of times reality's shooting a bunch of stuff at us, right? Especially in a space like this where there's all these different modalities, all this different advice, all these different ways to resolve and evolve and grow and develop. And there's not one single path from point A to point B. There's infinite paths. It's about really going in and doing it, finally doing it, doing the work, committing yourself to it and seeing it through finally. It's taken me 45 years to get here, but I've arrived. I have arrived. Thank fucking God. I want to talk about life traps quickly, and this is something that I'm going to go over deeply in Shadow School. This isn't, this isn't a concept that was created by me, but it's very much in line with Reality Transurfing, and I love it. And it helped me to understand something that was so obvious that I couldn't quite put my finger on until I did, and then it all became clear. So just like we have life tracks in reality, right, these linear— if you want to do my visual representation of how I see it, they're linear layers of reality stacked upon each other. The top one is like the best, it's where all the stuff that you want is: love, money, comfort, security, creative stuff, you know, success, all that stuff. And then the bottom one's the bad one. Depression. Don't like yourself. Don't like reality. Addiction. All of the junky stuff we don't want. And then there's everything in between. And Reality Transurfing helps you to climb those layers. But there's this thing called a life trap. And essentially what a life trap is, is it's that same place that you keep finding yourself. Over and over and over. It could be your relationships always kind of play out the same way and end the same way, and you're left in the same way after the ending of each one. It could be that your professional endeavors always end up the same way. Oh, I, you know, try to start a business and I put money in and the business goes, you know, flat and I lose all my money. So it could be professional stuff, it could be family patterns, all that kind of stuff. It's finding yourself. It's like you're doing all this work and you're navigating the spiritual realm, self-development scene. You're doing all this different stuff and you see some successes and you have some wins or you make headway in one direction. But then you find yourself in the same place. This is a life trap. And there are a number of different life traps. They are the flavor, if you will, of the patterns that we are repeating, like things that lead us to addiction, things that lead us to abandonment, things that lead us to subjugation. Things that lead us to feelings of inferiority, things that lead us to places of learned helplessness, of feeling marginalized in life. That's one of mine, right? Oh God, I always end up finding myself on the fringes of reality. I'm always pushed to the outskirts. I was pushed to the outskirts as a child. I was pushed to the outskirts as an adult. I don't fit in anywhere. Right? Reality isn't doing this stuff to me. I'm performing a series of movements in my life, be it my actions, my words, the ways in which I connect to people, and it's bringing me back to that life trap repetitively over and over and over. And when you get to be middle-aged, that shit can become maddening, right? You're like, why am I always finding myself coming back to this place? Well, spoiler alert, you're doing it to yourself, right? You're doing it to yourself. Reality's not doing anything to you. You're doing it to yourself. So this is a huge part of the shadow work that I've just done on myself and the shadow work that I'm bringing to Shadow School. Which is now live. And I hope for everyone that those subconscious anchors that are keeping you anchored down to a life trap where regardless of how much work you do on yourself and how much time, effort, money, you do, you spend to develop, and you end up finding yourself back in the same mindset or back in the same dysfunction or back in the same circumstances. It doesn't matter how well you use these concepts of Reality Transurfing, manifestation, any materialization modality, Joe Dispenza, um, Neville Goddard, All this stuff works, but it's like building a house, and you can't build a house on a faulty foundation. You've got to either repair the foundation or lay a new foundation, because if you try to build that house as I have— this is exactly my problem, if you want to call it that. I am very, very good at building. I'm very powerful. I'm very resourceful. I'm very creative. I can get myself into wildly successful situations and be successful at them, make the money, do the thing. But my foundation had some cracks. And they were pretty serious ones. And I'm not going to lie, the work's not over. The work's never going to be over. I've accepted that. But I finally have arrived to a place where I feel whole, where I feel accepted by myself. I'm accepting of myself. I'm finally in a place where I can say I love who I am. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. And it's taken a lot for me to get here, but that foundation needed tending to. So for those of you watching this video, I know this has been a long one, a little slow moving. I appreciate you sticking in there. Um, I'll put the link for the book that I read about life traps below. If you would like to join Shadow School, we are going to ball hard with the shadow. We are not holding back. It's going to, uh, it's going to be extreme like I am, but For a lot of you, that's what's necessary. And Reality School, if you need to start at the beginning. So with that, I want to thank you all for allowing me this opportunity and this place to express myself and transmute so many of these things that I've talked about on this video. I don't think Many realize what this community has meant to me, um, the people that have been there for me. Even the, um, the last go-around with one of these characters that were dangerous. Susie, man, you hung in there, girl. My dear friend Susie, she took a call from me that no transer should ever have to take. But I've had people show up for me here, and I want to thank you for those of you that have shown up for me. This has been amazing. I mean, to attract people by me putting out this information, and then they end up like years later supporting me. Through some pretty serious work, that's the pot of gold right there. It's way more valuable than any of the material gains that I've ever manifested using Reality Transurfing, that's for sure. So, with that, we are a community. Come into the Facebook group, all the links will be below. Come in and talk about it. I'll be there giving my two cents, kicking my two cents in. Enroll in Reality School or Shadow School. Read Quantum Hillbilly. Oh, let me state this, Quantum Hillbilly, before we, before we get off here. It's my memoirs, but it's also a self-development book. After each story, there's a number of very, very serious, very deep questions to ask yourself. And at the end of the book, There's the Quantum Clearing Method, which was one of our best courses at ITI, and it's just included in the book so you can gain the benefits from that. So with that, I will bid you all adieu, and I appreciate you listening to my ramblings. And for those of you that want to, you know, throw some shade at me and say that I'm not the I'm not the poster child for mental health. You know what? I'm okay with that. For the first time in my life, it's like, yeah, I'm cool. Whatever you want to say, I'm here for it. And the only thing that I ask you to ask yourself if you want to throw some shady comments my way is, um, What is that going to do for you? One. And I hope you find a way to approach that part of you, that shadow part of you that feels like you got it all figured out. And I hope that you can— I hope that you can resolve that stuff because Doing this work is humbling, and there's a better way. So with that, goodbye everybody. Thanks for tuning in, and I'll catch y'all in the next round. Bye.