My Mental Health Crisis w/ Reality Transurfing

I have done some crazy, crazy, crazy self-abandonment in my life, like big time stuff. This, and to know that these, to have this insight, but I'm going to be honest, it's all I've ever really known how to do is abandon myself in many, many ways in my life. I'm ready to stop. The abandoning, the abandonment of me. I know that if I continue, I will not enjoy this endeavor. This is extended to you, because maybe, right now, you are challenged to make that move, to heal that wound. It's mind-blowing! What I'm about to go and do now, I really don't want to do. It was something that I genuinely, genuinely hoped would just go away in my life. What do you do now? What do you do now? Mic check. 1, 2, 1, 2. My clip mic died on me, so I'm taking it old school. Let's see how it goes. This is Transurfing TV, and I'm Renee Garcia. And today, just a fun and bubbly, effervescent conversation about spiritual bypassing and ego death and dark night of the soul. And I'll even sprinkle in there some cognitive dissonance and learned helplessness, and a topic very, very dear to my heart right now, self-abandonment. You guys are gonna have to— excuse the jitters. It's been about 6 or 7 months since I've been in front of the camera. But before I get started, it's official, my book, Quantum Capitalist, out now. I'm going to go into how exactly this book plays into the story I'm going to tell today about my crash, my nervous breakdown, my dark night of the soul. But I'll get into how you can connect with that book and all of the free resources that come along with it in a little while. So, let's get right into it, guys! So, first, I want to address that I believe there's a pretty big and toxic misconception about the reality creation space. And mental health. Some of you may have seen my YouTube community post or my Facebook group post where I talked a little bit about why I've been absent for these past months and what happened to me. And mostly everyone was super kind and generous and supportive, but there were a few comments such as I should step down talking about Reality Transurfing since I had gone through this nervous breakdown or mental health crisis, and even to go as far as removing Transurfing TV from YouTube, which, you know, I kind of laughed, like, wow, really? You think that I should delete a channel because I went through something that human beings go through. And I realized in that moment that there is kind of some toxic beliefs about mental health and Transurfing or reality creation or, you know, the manifestation genre that your mind is everything, right? All you gotta do is think and you can heal in it in an instant. I know this is kind of why I don't really care for Joe Dispenza very much, and some of these other guys. When people declare instant healing, I believe you can instantly heal your heart, you can instantly heal your feelings. You cannot instantly heal neural pathways that were laid 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years ago, or heal yourself from something that you've been challenged with your entire life in an instant. Do I believe it's possible? Yes, I believe anything's possible. Do I believe it's likely? Probably not. Not even I am at the level where I can overcome my own mental health challenges with all the knowledge I have. So, this creates a bit of an atmosphere where I feel that people could easily fall into this, like, "I'm a failure" mode, right? If there are these beliefs that we can heal in an absolute instant, then what happens when you don't? What happens when you don't? Do you fall into shame and, you know, feeling like a failure mode? I mean, we've got to— keep both of these topics in tandem is fine, but we've gotta keep both of these topics compartmentalized to a certain extent. I do believe that Transurfing absolutely does help with mental health, because it helps us to understand the value of what I call the forward and upward thinking, thinking about everything that is helping you, is working for you, is going well, all the things that you can do right, all the ways that you, you know, are good and what is healthy, and that is the foundation for creating a new reality for yourself. But the things that you're challenged by, especially if they're mental health issues, I don't believe Transurfing is the only answer. Sometimes we need to rely on conventional means to get ourselves help. So, I just wanna state that quickly. How I feel this video will help you today. So, I'm almost 100% certain, without a shred of doubt, that you watching this have something in your life, or something about you that you have not addressed, something that you've swept under the rug. It could be— tolerating toxic and abusive relationships because of a fear of being alone. It could be a continued dependence on drugs and alcohol. It could be continuing to feed things like learned helplessness or abandoning yourself in, um, your professional endeavors or your relationships. So you don't need to figure out what that thing is. I'm sure you might already know. I know that I knew, I just chose not to look at it and make some very, very clever excuses for why I was continuing to bypass this part of myself. And it caught up with me in a really, really big way that I am going to vividly, vividly relay to all of you watching this video today. So, I believe this video is going to help you if you are ready to face that thing, whatever it is, that boogeyman in the closet, if you are ready to face that thing. So, for me, this thing kind of manifested itself as this sort of gnawing sensation. That's the only way that I can really describe it. It's been there my whole life. It's gotten much louder, especially— I would say it started in probably my mid-30s, and especially after I found Transurfing, I was like, oh shit, you know, I got this thing that I'm not really taking seriously. So I sort of, um, masked it with my success and some very clever tactics to conceal it from the world and from myself, but it was still there. It was like slapping a Band-Aid on a wound and not tending to it properly and hoping that it would heal well. Well, it did not heal well, and that caught up with me in a big way. The visual that has come to mind for this This gnawing thing actually comes from a movie that I saw about 30 years ago. It was a Stephen King movie called The Langoliers, and it was a really shitty TV movie. But the basis of the movie is that there were a few people left on Earth, everybody had disappeared, and people were trying to understand where everyone had gone. And And off in the distance, they could hear this chewing, this, "Chomp, chomp, chomp," and then they started to see something in the distance, like, eating its way towards them, earth flying up, and the noise was getting louder. At least this is how I remember it. Chomp, chomp, chomp. So, this is what it's felt like for me. This gnawing sensation within, is that this gnawing was getting louder and louder and louder, and it led me to the breakup. And then after that, it was like the Band-Aid was off, I saw the wound again, and I thought, "Oh shit, this is really not good after all this stuff, all this self-development, all this all this success, all this work on myself, that wound is still there? Like, how can this possibly be? So my answer to that was to slap the Band-Aid back on. And this came in the form of me reverting back to Renee 1.0 and returning to the buffet of vices that I have used to self-soothe in times of darkness and discomfort. I've gone through a lot of loss in the last year. I miss my family tremendously. I found myself alone living in this developing country, and had a bunch of just stuff like, you know, really complicated business transactions and, um, political things starting to get weird here and not having a, not having a really solid social network here. And it all got very scary. And very uncomfortable. And I thought to myself, ah, you can do both. You can do both. You can be this version of you. And what the hell, Transurfing says that you do you, right? Accept your flaws and accept your ways. And I, again, can be very clever in my thinking, and I told myself a story that it was absolutely okay for me to return to Renee 1.0 while also maintaining Renée 2.0. And the chasm, the chasm between these two versions of me began to widen. And it was in that moment that I abandoned this version of me, that I also lost some of my ability to Transurf. And I know this has been a little bit controversial to say this. People have said, "You can't lose your ability to Transurf." And I understand what is being said when somebody says, "You can't lose your ability to Transurf." Was the ability still there? Absolutely. But importance levels became uncontrollable. Like, my importance shot through the roof. Any, any stressors, any, any variations from the script, I would just come undone. I stopped believing that my world was taking care of me. I mean, imagine this. This has been my mantra for the last 10 years of my life. My world's taking care of me. Everything's going according to plan. Things are working out beautifully and will continue to do so with ease. All of that went out the window. All of that went out the window. And I doubted the knowledge. I doubted the knowledge. Now, what really was happening was I was just in intense pain from realizing this wound still had not healed and the wound being reopened. And I was feeling scared because of my variables and being alone in a foreign country and having a bunch of stuff on my plate. And when I say a bunch of stuff, I mean a bunch of stuff. So this is when, you know, I slapped the Band-Aid back on, start to participate with these lower self coping mechanisms, and the gnawing sound subsided slightly, but it was still there. And I could no longer, I could no longer just tune it out entirely. So it kept going and it kept going and it kept going, and it went on like that for about 6 months. And then my sister had a medical emergency and I flew back to the United States, saw her in a terrible state in a hospital bed, and had some drama play out with one of my nieces. And realized how homesick I was, had extreme jet lag, and insomnia kicked off, and my central nervous system got out of whack. I got thrown completely off my game, and that's when shit popped off. So I come back to Tbilisi, Georgia. A friend had been staying with me for a while, and had left once I went to the United States. So I come back to a house, an empty house, missing my family more than ever, missing my familiar variables, and I just unraveled. I mean, I absolutely crumpled, fetal position on the floor, crying for Mom. I, Mom, crumpled like I have never crumpled before. And I did not know how that chasm between crumpled fetus version of me and this version of me had gotten so wide. And it was maddening. And the reality of it is, is that that wound caught back up with me, and I have realized now that it always will. Whatever it is that you're choosing to bypass, that debt that you can't get out of, get under control, the laziness keeping you from taking action, the dysfunctional relationship relationships in your life that you tolerate, the lack of self-love, substance abuse, whatever it is, whatever it is that you're choosing to ignore, there's no amount of Transurfing or spiritual teachings or mystical knowledge that will heal whatever it is inside of you that has manifested as a wound in your life. So, I realize that this spiritual bypassing that I did was extreme. Again, extremely clever ways of concealing parts of me from the world and myself. And my tactics had been extreme, so my breakdown was extreme. And it was in this moment that I, I needed some help. I absolutely needed some help. And I'm very grateful for the people that showed up for me in that time. I was actually surprised at who showed up and As soon as I decided that it was time to address that wound that had been left festering for so many years, reality started to pick up again. I started to feel like there was some hope. This is challenging for me to say because I don't know how it can be the truth, but for the last year and a half living here in Tbilisi, Georgia, I have never once felt that I was in the Alternatives Flow. It's all been struggle and grinding and forcing things to happen in negotiations and emotional hardships, and it's been really, really, really hard. About the only thing that was easy and good and pleasurable was this. So, I'm not completely writing off my experience here. But I realized that I was not in the flow. And once I took back my power by addressing what it was that I absolutely needed to address, the flow picked back up. The flow picked back up. And it's been now 6 weeks or so, maybe a little bit longer, and I'm finally starting to understand that this knowledge is what will take you out of that place and get you back to some of those higher versions of reality, along with some conventional mental health tools. So, it was the pursuit of ego things that had kind of brought me to my knees. In this past few months. I realize this now. Um, somebody made a comment on my post that said, you are very real, Renee, but your creation of a reality for your followers is not, or something like that. And I realized that I had been doing Transurfing to show people that I could do Transurfing, but I had bypassed huge parts of myself, like the need for family, like the need to address this open wound that had been there, here, my entire life, and I was continuing to ignore it. And ignoring that big thing and the harm that that does, to you and your personal evolution just exponentially increases over time. It was keeping me from launching this book. It was keeping me from launching this book. I was in lower self because that gnawing was— I couldn't escape it. Inescapable. There was no way for me to run and hide from it anymore. So I was there sitting with it and resonating at the frequency of Renee 1.0, which was not able to launch this book. And that's the danger in choosing to bypass. Now, I've talked at lengths about taking your junk with you, right? Taking your junk with you. Bring it with you. You don't need to resolve all your crap to start that thing. You don't. You can bring it along, but you cannot bring it along and not address it. You've got to work on both. Um, Vadim Zeland in Tufti: Live Stroll Through a Movie talks about this, the triple threat, right? Working on yourself, working on your current frame, and then propelling yourself through reality. Working on yourself simply means that you've got to continue to address that stuff that's holding you back while also propelling yourself through your reality. You can't just do one, right? There's no golden ticket out of yourself. So you can take it with you, but you've gotta work on it. Um, let me talk about ego death for a moment. Um, what happened to me was a rupture, really. It was, it was a rupture in that moment of reality where I realized these pursuits of the ego, creating a reality just because I could, this life that I've made here. And, you know, it's really fascinating. It's like I convinced myself that all the things that I've done were for this higher version of myself. Oh, I need to buy a house and have it totally paid for so I have low overhead so I can have lots of free time creatively to write and do the things that I want to do for, for this movement. Um, in actuality, it was my lower self really craving some stability that I was unable to provide myself within. So I was looking to external things to provide that comfort, and it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. So Through this example, along with many others, I realize many parts of my life, many attributes of my reality, the set and decorations of this current life track, were pursuits of the ego, and this rupture was a call for me to seperate from those parts of myself. Now, this is a very dangerous topic because this happens to us all. This happens to us all. Sometimes it happens and we get confused about what's happening, because I know The day that I got this book in the mail was one of the worst days that I've had in a long time. I had just returned back from the US. I was in this mode of realizing I had bypassed so much. That Band-Aid was off, but the wound was still there. Um, I was scared. I was alone. And I didn't know what to do. And I get this book in the mail, I unwrap it, and I just came undone. I couldn't reconcile the difference between the anxiety I was feeling, the depression I was feeling, the fear I was feeling, that version of me feeling all these very, very human things, and this version of me. And honestly, I felt like I just wanted to die. Like I just wanted to die. I couldn't, I couldn't figure out what I needed to do to help myself. But it wasn't me that wanted to die. It was that part of my ego that's saying, "Let it go. Let it go, for crying out loud. Let it go." So I kind of had 3 options in that moment. To die. To go back to my old ways, slap that Band-Aid back over that wound and continue to ignore it. Oh, allow yourself to be you. Oh, you've done great things in your life. You can, you know, you can entertain Renee 1.0. Or option number 3, to walk through that shit finally. To finally, finally, finally walk through it. And I'll tell you what, this is the most scared I've ever been in my life. I have now made the commitment that I'm going to exit this current layer of reality because I don't believe it supports me in walking through what it is that I'm going to need to go through. And I am going to finally, come hell or high water, I'm going to finally tend to that wound. And this is ego death, right? This is allowing that part of you that is continuing to hold on to that thing that you know you need to work on, that you know you need to let go of, that thing that you have not addressed, that thing that you continue to conceal and shroud in excuses and illusions and masks, or stuff it so deep down inside that it barely makes a murmur anymore, but you still know it's there. When you're protecting that thing with all of the stuff, the human stuff that you can do to protect it, that is the ego keeping you stuck. And allowing that part of you to decay and die off, well, this is where Dark Night of the Soul comes in. So, Dark Night of the Soul, it's kinda like that— it's kinda like separating from everything that you thought you knew about yourself and reality, and letting that part of your ego decay, is super, super hard, because there's negative space there. What's there? That's kind of where I am right now, is feeling okay with that negative space, acknowledging the negative space and knowing that it's going to be filled. And this is where the concept of the Soul Fraile in Reality Transurfing comes in huge. That ego stuff, that protection mode for the ego that keeps you stuck and concealing that wound or that thing that you know, that gnawing within, that space there —when you can work on that and cause that part of you to decay, this is where the Soul Fraile has a genuine opportunity to start that intrinsic little coding within. You know, the Soul Fraile is— that intrinsic code within that makes up who you are in your absolute glory, your purest and best, highest version of you. For me, it's this. For me, it's becoming an author. For me, it's continuing on with all the things that I love. But that Soul Fraile code cannot write itself when your ego is continuing to do that stuff. It's kind of one or the other, right? It's one or the other. Now, I don't want to turn it totally polarizing. It's not like if you still have that ego stuff going on, you're a failure and the code isn't going to right itself within. I'm still challenged, even now, with letting go of many of the things that I'm talking about in this video, but at least now I'm facing them, and I can call it out, and I know that working on one allows for the other thing to happen. The soul frail coating. So what about my story could I have improved on? And this is going to be some meat here for, for you, so you don't have to go through a complete nervous breakdown and dark night of the soul and massive ego death. Refusing to ignore that gnawing is the number one ticket towards those higher sectors of reality. And I know this is hard. I know this is hard. This is like, this is like, You know, when you're binge-watching a show on Netflix and you can't get up, you know, because you're so into it, and you can't get up, and you know that you shouldn't be doing it night after night, binging Netflix, but you can't seem to get up because you don't really know what else you would be doing anyway. This is taking anomalous action, beginning to understand that continuing on with the exact same methods aren't going to get you here. And even if you can see yourself to some place— and this is my experience— even if you can see yourself to some place, writing a book You're probably not going to reap the spiritual rewards of it if you're continuing to ignore that blaring thing. Just like my story, crumpled fetal position on the ground, completely wrought with fear and anxiety and insomnia and panic, holding a book that I wrote that I can't seem to launch, couldn't seem to launch, and seemed like a complete separation from my state of being in that moment. Very, very, very real. This is very for all of us. We are doing this in some way in our lives. In some way. So ignoring the blaring, I could've definitely addressed that thing earlier on, and I chose not to do it. And now at 44 years old, it's finally caught up with me. As I stated in my post, "Nowhere left for this bitch to run and hide." And there really isn't. I no longer can put the Band-Aid on. I just can't. My tools and methods of self-coping that have been destructive and ego-driven no longer work, period. Um, creating something to prove myself to myself and to others, like this lifestyle in Tbilisi. Now, like I said, I'm not going to write the entire thing off. I came here to do something and I actually accomplished it. I did. I actually accomplished it. So I'm successful in my endeavor, but again, I bypass some pretty massive parts of myself. And I realize that in attempting to prove something to myself and others, I was keeping myself hindered and connected to lots of those ego pursuits. And that shit just doesn't serve me anymore. It's just not serving me anymore. Focusing on lifestyle and not inner comfort. This is a huge one for the reality creation scene. I love Transurfing. I love these tools. I love Tufti. I love all the stuff that I've learned about creating your own reality. But there is so much focus on the material, it is absurd! To the people that continue to ask me about the Bugatti on my channel, I'm like, man, it's not where it's at. Even if you get the Bugatti, the Bugatti is only going to drive that chasm between the pursuits of your ego self and that high version of yourself even wider. This is why many billionaires, you know, don't make it. End their time in their reality, right? This is exactly the reason that chasm becomes so wide, and the pursuits of the higher self create results, but the pursuits of the ego keep you grounded in the false I, and that chasm has to be reconciled at some point. Period. Period. Period. So I've made some errors in focusing on lifestyle and not the comfort of the internal. When I got here, I felt so damn proud of myself. My God, my house is just like this, exactly like I want. And people come in and they say, "Oh my God, it's beautiful, Renee." And I've got my businesses just like this and just like like that. And all my little pursuits, perfect. My relationship of 7 years, handsome fellow, handsome fellow. People saw us together and thought, "God, look at them. They're good looking and in their 40s and successful." And— but the relationship was toxic and dysfunctional. And my state of inner comfort for much of that time was telling me, "This ain't it." And that's where the self-abandonment comes in. So, I abandoned myself in many ways, and I have abandoned myself in my life, especially in relationships. My God! And I found myself to that same mode, trying to put that old-ass bandaid back on the wound. And I realized that that song by Simply Red, Holding Back the Years— listen to it after this video if you're challenged with some of the things that I'm talking about today— that, that song might bring you to tears. Just like he says in the song that nothing has the chance to be good, and he's talking about holding on, and in holding on, nothing has the chance to be good. And for me, You have to excuse me if I get a little emotional here, because man, I have done some crazy, crazy, crazy self-abandonment in my life. Like, big time stuff. Huge. Especially with men. Especially with men and giving away my power. When you abandon yourself, be it in a relationship, or professionally, or with ignoring what it is that you have not addressed, nothing really has the chance to be good. It really doesn't. And I'm— feeling extremely grateful in this moment that I have the opportunity to see this and to know that these— to have this insight. But I'm going to be honest, it's all I've ever really known how to do is abandon myself. In many, many ways in my life. So it's hard for me to be moving forward now with that negative space, knowing that I'm going to have to create new methods and new ways of being And when you reach some of the, you know, over-the-hill years in your life, it's a little scary. You know, it's a little bit scary. It's a little bit scary. So I'm ready to stop the abandoning, the abandonment. Of me. I know that if I continue, I will not enjoy this endeavor, and I will in fact be a fraud. I will in fact be a fraud. I will in fact be a fraud. How everything has benefited me. This is where Make reality great again, right? This knowledge is incredible because it's like the Bible. Whatever you've done, like wherever you've, you've, you've misstepped, wherever you've messed up, wherever you've forsaken yourself, or others, you can always— you can always come back and extract the advantage. The advantage is always there. It's always, always, always there. So when I was in crumpled fetal on the floor position crying for Mom, I thought to myself, what have I done? What have I done? How am I going to— how am I going to get out of this? How am I going to— I've got dogs in— for those of you that know issues with having dogs in a high-risk country for rabies, very difficult to get them out. I panicked., and I felt trapped, and I felt like suddenly I wanted to U-turn out of this layer of reality, and I wanted to do it quickly and, and, and get away. I was panicked, and I stopped, and I thought, nope, you're not choosing that script. You might leave, but there is advantage in absolutely everything that has transpired here, including me achieving what I came here to achieve. I'm going to— if I leave, I'm going to leave a published author. You know, this is what I came here to do. Um, it unlocked all these doors. It unlocked all these doors within It helped me to unload a toxic 7-year relationship that was not serving me at really any point in the relationship. Um, it helped me to gain all of these insights that I believe, since I'm walking through this planet as an extreme being, I needed an extreme scenario to wake me the fuck up. And all of these doors opened. Now it's on me to walk through them. It's on me to move through them. It's on me to embark on the journey ahead and continue with letting those parts of my ego keep me from what I set out to truly accomplish, letting those parts of my ego decay. And this, in my opinion, is absolutely the best thing that we as human beings could possibly hope for ourselves. That we arrive to a place in space and time where there's nowhere left to run and hide. You understand that that urge to crawl into a hole and die isn't literal. It's your ego wanting— it's your higher self wanting your ego to release. And then, if you're fortunate enough, you've accessed and developed tools and ways to move through life and to evolve your mind that are going to help you in this evolution. Getting back to the few comments. That I should not talk about Transurfing anymore and that I should shut Transurfing TV down. Where this stuff will take you, if you have the nuts to let it take you there, this is the reason for these things. The reason for all of this knowledge is to bring you to a breaking point, dark night of the soul, where you can rebuild and truly connect to the frail of your soul. This is the money shot. This is where it's at. I feel a lot of conventional spiritual teachers don't really show you this part because this part is uncomfortable. And shadowy and gross. When I first came back from the US and I was in crumpled fetal position on the ground, I reached out to somebody here that knows me from the Transurfing community, and I got this vibe like, "Ew, gross. Is that you, Renee? Oh my God, gross." And And I have to admit, in that moment, I felt shame. Like, God, yeah, how is this possibly the— how is this possibly the case? And I remember talking about it with the psychologist that I hooked up with, which by the way, man, Georgia, Tbilisi, Georgia blew me away with its, uh, mental health system here. Private, but really, really amazing. Far, far exceeding any of the care or methods that I got in the U.S. That's a huge advantage to being here. They walked me through this stuff. It was unbelievable, unbelievable, the professionalism here. Amazing. But I talked to him about this, who I was, what I was doing, this Transurfing persona, and he just shook his head and he was like, "They're not the same thing. You experiencing what it is that you're experiencing now and this version of you doing this thing, those should never be intertwined. You're still a person going through human things." You've got to allow yourself the grace to go through those things without applying the pressure of my online persona. So, this is extended to you. This is extended to you, because maybe, Right now you are challenged to make that move, to heal that wound, to address that gnawing, um, to walk through that door, to do that thing, to bite the bullet and really take that next step towards that higher version of yourself because you you have fear of letting go of how you're perceived, or how your ego is telling you that you should see the situation. This has been huge for me, as you can imagine. And in embracing me, Renee, not Transurfing TV Renee, not high-powered, ambitious, go-getter Renee, not businesswoman Renee, not all these things that I've held onto, ego things, but the real me, the scared, broken, wounded, from a wound that, you know, hasn't healed. Embracing this version of me now has made me feel infinitely, infinitely closer to this version of me who I've been fighting to keep that version and keep this one tucked away. And the liberty in this is fucking mind-blowing. It's mind-blowing. What I'm about to go and do now, I really don't want to do. It was something that I genuinely, genuinely hoped would just go away in my life. I genuinely thought that some success and development of self, I just thought it would go away. And I really don't want to go and do this thing, but the liberty in releasing and just accepting that I'm going to go do it, it's like the most Transurfing thing I've felt in a long, long, long time, in a long, long, long time. And suddenly, I feel as though everything is clicking. The flow is moving again. I feel like my reality looks better. Just that rose-colored, those rose-colored glasses are back on. I feel like my soul frail has been activated again. I feel like my importance levels are starting to, starting to become manageable again. And this is, this is it. It's like jumping out of an airplane, you know. It's that freedom of releasing from fear and just allowing yourself to go into it. So as I wrap this video up, what do you do now? What do you do now? Well, I would start by just calling it out. Simple as that. Go write it down on a piece of paper, whatever it is. And if you don't know what your thing is, what your Lengelier is, what that gnawing is, um, find yourself to a quiet place for a bit of time and bring a journal and it will come. It will absolutely come. But I'm pretty certain that you know what it is. Again, addiction, addiction to dysfunctional relationships, continuing to feed learned helplessness and laziness and excuses for yourself and not taking anomalous action and not doing what it is that you know you need to do and allowing yourself to remain stuck. Um, write it down and just start doing what you're soul is telling you to do. I know that sounds really cliché, like, oh my God, really? But once I looked at the thing and I thought, okay, you know what this is, you know what it is, what, what now? And the answer came like that. And that's when the flow activated again. "and the world is helping me along my way, like, in the most Transurfing way you could possibly imagine, benefiting the entire way." Write it down, get it out, go see a freaking psychologist, go do whatever spiritual stuff that you feel is going to connect you with the next step, and just— focus on that. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. For me, in the last 10 years of my life, I've wanted to design my reality so I felt like I was hitting all the things. And for the first time, I honestly can say that it's a relief that I'm walking forward not knowing what's next. I only know the one step. That's all I need to know. And I only need to know that I'm now addressing and tending to the wound. And the next step is the next— is the first phase in that. And then after that, if I stay connected to what it is that my, my intention, it's all going to come. It's all going to come. You don't need to figure it all out in advance. The book, the book is available on Amazon. What I want to say about the book, and it's actually very interesting timing about all of this, this book Quantum Capitalist is about you achieving a high version of reality. When I went through this thing, this Dark Night of the Soul. Never once did I actually feel like I was on an induced transition, which is kind of interesting. I still felt like I was in an upper layer of reality financially, with the level of comfort of my material realm and my security that all felt very real and very tangible, even through this experience. But without coming to that as the actual higher version of myself, not this lower self, higher self routine with this big chasm in between.. But without actually coming to this version of reality as my higher self, it's not going to be as rewarding. Again, this is why billionaires opt out of life, in my opinion. High, high rate of billionaires opting out of life is exactly this reason. You gotta do all the things that I'm talking about in this video. Primarily, it's one thing addressing that gnawing within, and then you can enjoy what you're creating. And then you can enjoy what you're creating. Now, you can do this at the same time, but I advise against just doing this, because if you have that that thing within that's unaddressed, that chasm will need to be reconciled at some point. And that, my dear friends, is the motherfucker of all motherfuckers. Truly, truly, truly, if I have experienced anything in my life, and this is not the first time that I've experienced this, it is not being able to enjoy what it is that I've created because I have left certain parts of myself unaddressed and festering. And if we are lucky in our lives, if we are lucky in our lives, we will have the opportunity to circle back and do another round of cleanup. Hallelujah. So this book, you can get it on Amazon. I've made it very inexpensive. If you want to get the ebook or the Kindle, I think it's, I think it's a Kindle version. It's 99 cents. I think the book is priced at $20. It's a pretty meaty book. There's lots of exercises in there. There's tons of practical exercises. It's essentially Reality Transurfing pitched a little more user-friendly and broken down in much more digestible chunks. And there's lots and lots and lots of resources. The exercises in the book— we have a Facebook group. I will put all the links below and even comes with a Spotify playlist, which was quite fun to make, and a new YouTube channel where you can watch all the videos if you don't have access to getting the book on Amazon. You can watch all the videos for free. And there's 77 very short little digestible lessons, very engaging. Again, each one comes with a pretty powerful practical exercise to help you really put this stuff into action. And I hope you enjoy it. This last year and a half has been a wild, wild ride. But making this book, writing this book, designing these exercises, building these YouTube videos, I mean, this is where it's at for me. I plan to continue on with my endeavors and pursuits of spreading this knowledge to the world. For those of you that find it inappropriate for me to do so because I am susceptible to the occasional nervous breakdown, well, you don't have to watch the videos. You don't have to buy the book. That being said, I want to thank everyone for how much love and care and support, like I said in my post, It was hard for me to engage with the community because I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to be in a nervous breakdown leading people with the knowledge I know— I knew that I had to kind of work through some things before I could come back. And when I made that post, the outpouring of support, not only on Facebook and YouTube but privately with instant messages and emails— my God, this was just absolute food for my higher self. It felt so damn good. So I really appreciate everyone sending me positive energy and, and positive thoughts, and I really feel as though this energy has aided in me connecting with that next step and everything that's transpiring right now, which is pretty awesome. I'm just bouncing back like never before in not only mindset but also reality as it's playing out, and my world is now in fact taking care of me once again. And I thank you all for your care as well. So with that, um, all questions, please ask them. We will put the links in the description for everything and also the comment section. And move over to Quantum Capitalist Facebook group if you want to discuss topics of, um, topics that are in the book, and also the YouTube channel. It's It's going to be pretty amazing. I hope to see you there. And thank you so much, everybody. It's been real, and it's been an experience that wouldn't have been the same without everything that this community means to me, truly. So I, again, appreciate everything, and I wish you all the best, not only in this and the pursuits of higher lifelines, but also in addressing that thing within that could finally use some care. So thank you again so much for watching my video, and I will see you guys soon. Bye!