Reality Transplaining: Navigating Infinite Realities Aligning w/ Your Soul Frail Reality Transurfing

Well, hello everyone, Transurfers and the Transurfing curious. My name is Renee Garcia, guys, and this is Xavier Waterkeyn, the International Transurfing Institute instructor representing for Australia. Whoa, whoa!

And New Zealand.

And New Zealand.

And New Zealand.

What the hell?

The whole Southern Hemisphere.

Anywhere in that.

I'll take the whole Southern Hemisphere.

And this is our podcast, Reality Transplaining. Today we are going to talk about juicy— we're going to call this one Juicy Conversations About Ripe Subjects because Xavier and I have been out of it for a while. We're going to catch up on video here and go into what we've been doing lately, and there's some mischief going on.

No doubt, no doubt. Okay, so I think, I think we should— shut up, Renee— I think we should begin by explaining to our millions of fans why we have been absent for so long from Reality Transplaining. You go first.

Oh boy, wow.

Just a summary. Yeah, when in, in previously on Reality Transplaining.

God, doesn't it feel like just ages ago we were doing this?

It was ages ago.

Yeah, it was.

It's been about, it's been almost a year.

Oh my God, it's been almost a year. Holy smokes. Wow.

Yeah, because you, because you started having your yearnings to go to Eastern Europe about, what, when was it, November? No, September last year, right?

Time flies when you're—

September. So it's been at least 9 months. Yes, it's been at least the gestation period of a normal human, um, coming to terms with Transurfing took 9 months this time around.

Birthed myself.

So, so, so you've— just for a quick summary, Okay, so why, why Tbilisi? Why Georgia? Why, why, why?

God, you know what? This is, this is an absolutely fascinating subject. And honestly, I don't really know. Um, something, something transpired, uh, probably about a month or two ago where I suddenly had these very weird synchronicities playing out. I mean, first of all, there was my trip here with Andrew last summer. That was bizarre beyond comprehension. Because, you know, Andrew, it would be like, it would be like you and I going on vacation somewhere and being in some random place and then all of these very, very Transurfing things occurring.

It's like, it's like one of those eccentric East European movies where a whole bunch of weird stuff just keeps happening over and over.

Yeah, it was just lit like One day we were walking down the main boulevard in Tbilisi, and the sun was out, and it was green and beautiful, and we were just having the absolute time of our lives. We're laughing all the way down the boulevard, seeing all kinds of things that had to do with Transurfing. And then as we're walking down this beautiful street, all of a sudden there was like just a steady stream of playing cards. And, you know, I'm like, Oh my God. And then Andrew goes and picks up two, and it was a king and the king and queen of, you know, hearts or spades or something. And we took a picture with both of us holding them. But it was just a bunch of stuff like that. And this heart and mind coordination that was, um, immense and very, like, visceral and just an intense feeling of absolute heart and mind coordination, but not about anything in particular other than the space.

I don't, I don't think it's inexplicable. I think that you were following the call of your soul, for real.

Yeah, oh, absolutely. So then, well, two things. One, this weird thing happened to me about, I don't know, I would say 5 years ago, 10 years ago maybe, where I saw something on Georgia. And ever since that moment, I would have these times just pop up randomly where I would think to myself of this country. I had never been here. I had no connection to it, but I would have these weird little callings, if you will. Just, I can't even explain to it. So as soon as Andrew said that he was moving here, I was like, oh my God, I'm coming. And I just, came, and then there was this unbelievable experience, fun one week here, whirlwind sort of vacation. And then I went back home and I had a real estate agent looking at properties here for me, and he came to this property with Andrew, which is another bizarre thing. Like, I have my Transurfing friend showing up to look at properties for me, and I fell in love with this house. And against everyone telling me not to do this thing. I did it. And it was a bizarre experience because I literally had to send the money for the house through a bank wire transfer instantly to somebody that I didn't know. There's no escrow here. So it was like I had to totally trust my world. And everybody was like, oh my God, what are you doing? You're going to get ripped off.

Well, how do you know? It's not an inconsiderable sum of money either, is it?

No, it was a huge amount of— I mean, it was— and sending it in a way where I never had met my attorney. I'd never met these people. I'd never seen them face to face. It was just a bunch of, like, for the typical person, it was a bunch of red flags all over the place. But then I got here and I was like, thank God I had the audacity, the audacious delusion to think that this was for me. And I went through with it. So then after that, you know, all the cleansing, the purge of all my stuff, convincing Eric to come here. I mean, it was wild. And then I get here and, you know, it was just— I can't even describe it. Something—

was it a hard— was it a hard sell for Eric?

Um, at first it was a hard sell, absolutely. And then I think he kind of realized that I was coming here regardless. You know, it wasn't really a 'can we do this?' It was 'I'm going to do this, are you coming with me?' And you know, that's a hard— the, the, the reason that I think most people fall short of following that heart and mind coordination, dialing to the frail of their soul, is because they're looking for everyone in their reality to not only agree but to confirm Yeah, and to come along with you on the ride. Exactly. I mean, this is, um, living this way is, you know, I've built myself up to this point, but man, coming from a reality where I was a debilitated, like, people pleaser, always highly insecure, always looking for people in my environment to confirm and agree with what I was doing and to validate you. Validate me. Exactly. To validate my choices, to validate my thinking. And now to feel this autonomy like I've never felt is bizarre. I mean, it really is bizarre. I really do feel as though I am legitimately standing on my own two feet and I'm being rewarded greatly for it. So I get here and then this weird thing starts to happen where I begin to put together these pieces of why I'm here. And I'm still trying to figure this out exactly. So I went to Batumi a couple of months, which is on the Black Sea coast, a couple of months after I got here. We went for— I can't remember some— oh, it was Eric's birthday. It was in January. It was Eric's birthday. And I went to Wikipedia after I got back to learn more about Batumi. And I can't remember exactly why, But something popped up about G.I. Gurdjieff and Batumi, something I had searched. Gurdjieff.

Yeah.

Yeah. The Russian mystic. Yeah. Who parallels a lot of Vadim's work and— or Vadim parallels his work rather. And it was just this strange connection of information of G.I. Gurdjieff, Tofti, Vadim Zeland, me. So what happened was I saw this stuff that Gyger Jeff lived in Tbilisi and also frequented Batumi, where I had just been. And oh my God, that's so weird. So then I went back and read Gyger Jeff's Wikipedia page, and he had given some sort of seminar or something from a building that I had literally walked by that day. And I thought, God, this is so weird. I'm like following all these different characters and tracks. So for those of you that aren't familiar, and also Xavier, I'm not sure if you know this, but I did a seminar a few years back for the International Academy of Personal Development with Dr. El-Rashad, and I did it on the Center Screen Seminar. And there's a photo of me for promotion that is a picture of me, a picture of Tufti, and a picture of GI Gurdjieff. So here people think that I'm kind of like this embodiment of Tufti. I'm the real life sort of Tufti. Here I am on the border of Russia, Vadim and I have conflict, and also Georgia and Russia have conflict. Then Giger Jeff, I'm kind of following in a lot of his footsteps, and, uh, it just tripped me out. I was like, wow, I don't know exactly why I'm here, but I believe that it has something to do with that collection of information. Just everything.

To me, just, just thinking on my feet, it sounds a little bit like you've stumbled into an archetypal pendulum that Vadim represents a particular sort of, uh, has channeled a particular sort of archetype. You're now channeling another sort of archetype partially, and that's where you're going, and that seems to be in alignment with your soul fraile because it seems to be that things are working, your world is working. So who's— so just, I assume you're just continuing on because it's working., and when it stops working, you'll look at that and revise it and see, look again, which is what we all should be doing.

Traveling a new life track where—

Well, yeah, but we're always traveling life tracks. We're always doing that. It's where the question of course is, do we do it consciously or do we do it unconsciously? And by consciously, are we making a conscious choice to follow these impulses to make particular choices as opposed to certain others? Which would be, I mean, I mean, the worst thing that I think that people in generally do is operate from their ego, which is unfortunately where most people are coming from most of the time. And even those of us who like to think that we don't find themselves doing it every now and then and thinking, there you go, there's ego again, rearing his ugly little head, thinking, oh yes, okay, fine, sorry, let's get back on track, please. And sometimes, and, but that's a, it's something you have to cultivate.

Yeah. And I mean, this is an entirely new way of living. Living for me. Again, I've built myself up to this place, but to be able to make moves and to do things based off of sensations coming from Heart and Mind Coordination and the Alternatives Flow, and, and people asking me, what are you doing? And I'm like, I really don't know, but I know that it feels right. I know that it feels good and obvious. Honestly, I'm benefiting in many different ways— financially, spiritually, personally, with relationships. I mean, to be able to live in a city where I have Transurfing friends. Two nights ago, I went to this music, amazing music performance where my friend Nutzi had written all this music and had an orchestra, choir, and musicians and put this stunning performance. I mean, it was outrageous. And she's a Transurfer, and she's in the group. And here I am sitting in the balcony looking down at her doing this, like, mind-blowing, absolutely mind-blowing performance. And here I am sitting in the balcony. I've got a beautiful dress on. I've got a bunch of jewelry on. I'm thinking to myself, How is this— how is this my reality? Like, this is amazing. Here I am feeling powerful and in my own and loving this exotic place I'm living. I have people—

well, you're— well, strictly speaking, you're the exotic thing in there. You're the one that's coming from the outside. Exotic actually means imported. You're the import, baby.

Yeah, I guess that's— that's—

that's their— that's their— that's their home. Um, for the benefit of our millions of fans though, I'd be interested if you could share how the feeling for you of following the soul frail is different from other feelings. Do you have anything that you can share about that, some insight about how that actually works? Because you're following a feeling, but you're not following ego feelings, and you're not following outer intention, other voice feelings. You're following a soul frail feeling. What does that feel like?

It feels kind of like when you jump off of a rock into some water, you know, that feeling of like just having a nice time being in the moment a little bit, you know, before you jump off something into a body of water. There is that little bit of fear. I won't lie, there is a little bit of fear. I know that's a little bit of the ego talking. But as soon as you take that leap, even in the presence of that little feeling of fear or holding yourself back because like you're afraid of what's in the water, you could hit a rock, maybe it's not deep enough.

Um, what if, what if, what if, what if?

Yeah, what exactly? But when you, but when you finally make that leap, there's, there's such a feeling of like overcoming that internal thing that even if it's just very soft, overcoming that and still jumping, and then there's that exhilaration, and then you hit the water and it feels good and you're swimming. I, I, it just feels very natural. It feels very empowering. And I can almost like at these moments where I really do feel dialed into the frail of my soul, and like I'm really living my highest and best for the moment that I can conceive, I can tap into years ago when this absolutely wasn't the case and just remark on the astounding differences.

The contrast.

The contrast. And I'm just like, "Ah, damn, this really does work!" You know? "This really does work!" And Jordan Peterson has a quote. He says, you're not living the best version of you right now, and you know it. You know, and I love that because there is always a higher version. But in certain moments, I definitely feel as though the version of me that I would choose with my level of consciousness and my level of awareness, I am at least tapping into that to some degree. In that moment, and it feels fulfilling, like I'm not wasting it, you know, like I'm not, I'm not sitting back wondering what life could hold for me.

So what would— so, so, so what would you recommend to somebody who is taking their first step to coming into alignment with their Fraile of the Soul? What would you, what would you tell people? Somebody comes to you and says, my life's a mess. They always come with— not always, but usually it's like, my life's a mess, I hate my relationship, I hate my job, I hate where I'm living, it's all— I don't feel in control, I don't— I'm not doing what I really want to do, but I don't really know what I want to do, blah blah blah blah blah. We've all been— we've all been there, relax. So, but somebody comes to you with that and they say, I— and you, you're talking about the soul fraile, Renee. And I realize that the soul frail is this, is my higher self's best intention for me, for this incarnation of me on this planet in this timeline. And I just need to know how I get back on track. Literally, what's the first step I need to make?

I think the first step is to acknowledge that you do have the power to connect with higher versions of reality, higher versions of yourself. But what I see most people giving into that is extremely detrimental, critical, fatal, is this learned helplessness. "Oh, but I don't know what to do!" "Oh, but I don't have any options!" "Oh, but—" I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas. I'm all out of ideas. Nothing works for me. All that kind of stuff. When people reiterate those sentiments to me, I just cringe because that is exactly what they're choosing in that moment, is to live that version of reality where they have no options, where they're helpless, where No one sees them for who they really are or nurtures something in them that they could expand on to connect to that higher version of themselves. And cleaning your layer of reality, it's not instant. You're not gonna create a reality in a flash where everyone in your life and all of your variables and circumstances are in line with the frail of your soul. I've been at this for 7 years. Yeah, because, because it's—

because because there are so many things at that point that are out of alignment. It's like, yeah, how do you expect, how do you expect to go from A to Z without having gone to B, C, D, E, F, blah, blah, blah? It's, babe, it's a baby step process. You could not, you would not be able to handle a major transition. It's like the analogy we often talk about, the winning of the lottery. It's like, it's if people momentarily get in either into that frame and could manifest that. Or they have— this part of the soul frail is you, at some point you in your life, you are going to win the lottery, and you will have that choice then to either make it work or completely blow it, because that's what was set up for you before you were even born, and you agreed to that. Yeah. So, so it's going to be one or the other. It's either you agreed to it or It was— it's open as a, as an option, because for some people— I hate to tell it to you people— but for some people, you are not going to win the lottery in that traditional way, because— and the only reason that would be having is because it's not part of your soul frail. Yeah, I mean, and you have to just— and you just have to— and we don't know which of those we are a lot of the time until we start going into alignment with our soul frail. Until we start getting in touch with our higher self. We won't know that. So for the most part, let's assume that it's an option, because I think it's an option for more people than it is a restriction, funnily enough, because most people would say it's the other way around. Oh no, only a select few will ever win the lottery. I disagree. I think that for the vast majority of people, that is a genuine, real option. But buyer beware. If you're gonna buy into that reality, you'd better be well set up for it. And if it took Renee 7 years of steady work, live baby steps at a time to get from minus Z. Yeah. To minus Q to minus R to minus D to minus A to A. And then from that neutrality, be able to progress from that. It's going to take time. Transurfing is a discipline. Oh, people, 100%. It's, it's not, it's not a cure-all for everything immediately because you're not a cure-all for everything immediately. You only get what you, you only get what you are.

You only get— that is, that's a fantastic point because I believe that most people are coming to Transurfing and they want to see instant change in the mirror. And it's like, dude, you're not going to see that.

But no, no, but they will, they will see, but they're going to see small changes. It's small, and they're going to just— and then they dismiss them, and that's where they go wrong. They dismiss the small changes, they dismiss— okay, people, stop dismissing the small miracles. Yeah, take every miracle you get and drown it in appreciation. Wring every juicy bit you can out of it. Because if something goes right in the day, say you're getting on a bus and the bus driver just smiles at you as if it's like the loveliest day of the year, and you think, ah, that bus driver didn't need to smile. She could have frowned at me. She could have, she could have done anything or completely ignored me, but she chose to smile. And I'll smile back because what the hell? Life's a small miracle. That's a small miracle. Don't dismiss it. There are a lot of people who live in countries that don't even have buses. Yeah, exactly. Stop taking for granted what you have. What you have, however— and I know I'm saying this to people who might be experiencing challenges in their lives. Believe me, I know what it's like to have challenges. I know what it's like. I had to— I spent 25 years looking after an aged parent. I know what it's like. But that doesn't mean that with every day that you're moving a little bit incrementally, you can't have— if there— I can guarantee you that there is not one day in your life that you do not experience a small miracle.

Totally, totally.

And I would argue existence itself is a miracle. There's no reason why you should even exist. Why is there anything? Why is there anything? And yet we're surrounded by all of this, this stuff and these things happening. And even, even the most awful life, I can, I can say with all truth and honesty, even in the most awful life, there are moments of magic and it's something. And if you can just hold on to that, it's like, you know, when you've got that, the classic problem, you've got a gap, right? There's a cliff, right? And it's a wide cliff. And the only way you're going to get it is by building some sort of tightrope or some sort of rope between the two cliffs, right? Most people do not have a cannon that they can shoot a big rope out of. What normally happens is that you have a bow and arrow, and you've got a very thin thread, and that very thin thread makes it across. And it's a very thin thread, but attached to that very thin thread is a slightly thicker thread. And so you get that very thin thread, and you pull it over to the other side. You're— the higher self is like, this is you, the lower track you on one side of the cliff. Here's the higher self, right? The higher self shoots an arrow of some thread that you can follow, and it's only small, it's a whisper, but it's something. If you tune into feeling it, you'll get it. Then what'll happen is you're going to pull on that thread, and that thread is attached to a slightly thicker thread that your higher self is attached, and then you've got a thicker thread, and you keep pulling at that thread, it gets thicker and thicker and thicker and thicker until at some point it is a rope that is strong enough to support you. And all the time that you're pulling that thread, you're learning how to tightrope walk, or you're learning how to pull yourself over. You're getting stronger and stronger because all that pulling is making you stronger. And then one magic day, the thread that has turned into a rope— and that rope is thick enough for you to go from lower self, which is now a much better version of the lower self because it's a lower self that's been pulling on that thread for a while and understands how threads work and has felt it in their hands and in their body and can feel it and knows when it'll be able to support their weight. And one magic day you have enough rope, and instead of hanging yourself on that rope, which some people still end up doing, you start walking across that chasm between the lower self and your higher self. And one magic day you actually manage. And it's still effort, it's still work, it's still work, it's still work. But one day you'll get across that gap. Yeah. And you will meet the higher version of you that look— for so long looked so far away. Yeah. And then one day you're there and it's like all your Christmases have come at once. And then you can enjoy every achievement, everything that took you from over here to over there.

But it doesn't mean that you stop. It doesn't mean that you stop there. And this is, this is part of the, this is part of the thing that I've realized. I can honestly, with every cell in my being right now, say that I have everything that I want, but it doesn't mean that I go on vacation from trying to continue to climb because it— there's infinite layers. Even though I frequent the top layer of reality, it doesn't mean that I just resigned myself. I'm still trying. And I think that this is— when you, when you asked me actionable steps for the person that's struggling to connect to their Soul Fraile. It's this connection to— it never stops. You're never going to stop, but you wouldn't want to. You wouldn't want to. I saw this thing the other day with Elon Musk. Somebody was saying, dude, why are you still working? You're the richest man in the world, yet you're sitting in a boardroom 15 hours a day. Working? Like, why are you doing this? And he was like, this is what I love to do. And I'm to a point in my life and my reality where the journey really is the meat on the bone. When you arrive, it's good, but that's just an illusion because there's always more meat on the bone to chew off.

It's not like— to extend the analogy right? You've now gone from that terrible Z— minus Z reality, and now you're over here, and you think you've made it for a little while. And then all of a sudden you realize that that's just another— another— oh goodness, there's another one. But the version that's here is so much— sorry, here is so much more developed than the person that was here. Yeah, but now the switch. Okay. And ooh, there's more to go. There's more to come. You climb a mountain only to realize that when you reach the summit, there's this whole mountains and valleys and rivers. And, and if you climb high enough, you see that there are continents. And if you climb high enough, you see there are planets. And if you climb high enough, you see that there's a galaxy. And if you climb high enough, you see that there are galaxies upon galaxies. And if you climb high enough, you see there's a whole universe. If you climb high enough, you see there are universes upon universes upon universes. And the journey never ends.

The journey, the journey never ends. And I just, I just had a very actionable step come to mind for somebody that feels like they're on that lower rock and they don't know where to go or how to do it. Choosing things that are intended for you. Or beginning to make room in your life so when something that is intended for you comes in, you have the ability to take it. This is huge. This is absolutely monumental. So right now, take an assessment of what is in your life that you maybe don't feel is for you. So one thing that I love to do, and this is definitely a powerful exercise to get, simple exercise, but a powerful exercise to get accustomed with and actually use is take yourself out shopping somewhere. Could be for anything, anything that you like. Clothes is the best way that I do it. Um, you could do it.

How girly, how girly of you. Yeah, it's very girly. Girls, dresses and shoes.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dresses and shoes. I don't buy a lot of stuff. Like, I went shopping for the first time in probably, like, I don't know, a few years, just a couple of days ago. I bought 2 pairs of pants and 1 shirt. But what I did was I went around to all the different stores that were by my house, and I walk through and I look at as much stuff as I can. I try on as much stuff as I can, and I look for that thing that when I see it, I'm like, oh shit, that's, that's for me. I'm buying that. I know it's going to fit. I know that I'm going to love it. I know that I'm going to wear it often. Like this shirt. This is a good one. Make Reality Great Again. Every time I put this shirt on, I feel like this shirt is for me. You know, this is my, this is my, it's my color. It's soft. It fits right. It has a great message on there. I absolutely love this shirt. So the feeling that I got when I got this in the mail, because I ordered it, and we have these actually, all these shirts are available on this channel and there's some awesome messages on there. But really, I made this whole line of stuff because I want to wear these things. But like when I got this in the mail, I opened it and I felt this intense feeling of heart and mind coordination. I'm gonna love wearing it. I love it. I love the message. It's for me. That's how I choose my things. So when you feel this feeling, and it could be with anything, it could be with clothes or shoes, it could be with a new electronic, it could be with choosing a pet, it could be with going on a vacation somewhere, it could be anything. But when you have that feeling of, oh, this thing is absolutely intended for me. Take a mental and a physical snapshot, if you will, of how that feels, where your mind is when you realize that that thing is intended for you, or you put that thing on and you're like, oh my God, I love it. So if you can take that, that, that, that whole collection of sensual feelings, thoughts, heart and mind coordination, take a snapshot of that and move through your reality. And when you encounter something that gives you that sensation, maybe it's a new love interest, maybe it's a job, maybe it's a place to live like me in Tbilisi, the only thing that you have to do at that point is check your thinking and all the ways in which your ego is going to try to convince you that that is not possible.

And check your feeling, and check your feeling too, because it's heart-mind coordination, and it's also body coordination, and it's also soul coordination. So you've got to get the 4 things in alignment, like 4 wheels of a car. One thing's out of alignment, that car isn't going to run as well. We've talked about this before, but it's worth repeating. So your shirt, it fits your body, it reflects your mind, It says something. It makes you feel good. There's your heart. And we can't see it, but we can certainly intuit our way there. It's in alignment with your frail, your soul frail. Yes. So it's ticking all the boxes. Ideally, everybody should be doing that as often as possible in their entire lives with everything. And it can start with the smallest things. Remember that little thread that, that Your higher self is arrowing over to you. Shush. It might be a very small thing. It could be as simple as you're walking down the street and there's a flower. It might even have fallen from a tree. You take the time to pick up that flower, or it might be a coin on the street. It's only a small token of money, but it represents a certain amount of wealth. Not merit very much, admittedly, but it's that thread. If you ignore that thread, then you're— so then what has to happen is that your higher self has to keep shooting more threads at you until one day you wake up enough that you can say, oh, this is, this is, oh, this is what I've been getting told all along. People expect to have everything solved at once, but they can't, because you don't get what you want, you get what you are. You have to become the person who can see the small miracles. Before you can get the bigger ones.

And if you, and if you are in an active state of not acknowledging or ignoring or discounting those small things that come in front of you on your path, all is lost until you can, until you can connect with that thing. There are people in the Transurfing community and in my real life not many, because I typically— as if Transurfing community—

that's so funny— as if Transurfing community isn't your real life. That's—

well, my online life, my online life, as opposed to my, my physical reality. But like, people choosing things that aren't intended for them and then continuing to try to force those things so hard, you know, like relationships or the profession that's not working.— I don't wanna name any names, but there's somebody semi-big in the Transurfing community that's having a very, very challenging time professionally and is seemingly a mess, but they still continue to try to inner intention the hell out of this one thing that they're trying to do. And I'm thinking, "Oh my God! You're missing, like—" you're missing it. You're missing it. Being able to let go of that thing and give into the alternatives flow, you will connect with exactly what is intended for you. And if you can acknowledge that and grab that and hold on to it and get familiar with how that feels, this is your way across those two things.

It's a bit like— it's a bit like to go back to our poetic analogy. This person is on the cliff. They have maybe an intuition of their higher self on the other side of the gap, but you can't hold on to that thread while you're still holding on to something else. And they've got a rock in their hand, a stone, and they're squeezing this stone, trying to get blood out of this stone. And occasionally they get a drop or two of blood, but what they don't realize is the blood isn't coming from the stone. The blood is coming from the bleeding hand that is aching trying to get something from this thing that isn't theirs. And if they could just, like the monkey that we talk about all the time with the rice, right? If they could just let go of the stone and then give their hand a massage because it's been held for so long in one position, they really need to sort of chill out and do some self-love and self-care, take a long bath, the usual stuff. And then when they're calm, say, okay, I'm ready for the thread, and then actually pick it up. But they're not going to be able to do that while they're holding up on the stone.

One of the things— one I fear I can't let go.

Exactly. One of the things that I learned, uh, the— in the first book I ever wrote that got published, which was called Women in Crime— it's still in print, hint hint— um, and it was about how guilty adult— guilty— how innocent little girls become guilty adult women. And one of the great people who refused to be acknowledged in the book out of humility, and I completely respect her for that, I don't even remember her name, which is better for her. She was a Salvation Army worker. And she generally gave me hours of her time in an interview because she worked in women's prisons and she had talked to them and talked to them and talked to them. I don't know how we got onto the subject, but at one point she said, she said to me, one of the things that I learned early on was that if it doesn't have my name on, I'm not going to pick it. She had learned that. Is so powerful. And it stuck with me because this book was now written like 20 years ago. But it's like, yes, absolutely. If it doesn't have your name on it, don't bother. It's not for you. It's not It, so what she taught me in that moment was something that I had needed to be reminded of. And occasionally I still have to be reminded of, but if you can just, even if you can just start there and say, and just ask yourself, really, what has my name on it? And the, and the weird thing is that what has your name on it is really easy to tell and to get and to get. So let me give you an example. I'm gonna pick up this random object here, right? This is actually a tamper for a coffee basket, right? But I thought it was an interesting object. If you pick up a random object and it's a bit like the Marie Kondo thing about when you, when you've heard of Marie Kondo and her, does it bring you joy? Pick up the thing. Does it bring you joy? Yeah. Oh, it doesn't maybe not bring me joy, but it doesn't bring me unhappiness. And I'm certainly, and do I have a, a slightly warm and gofy, even if it's just a slight warm and fuzzy feeling about it, hey, it's got your name on it. Might be in small letters, but it's got your name on it. You pick up something else. Unfortunately, I don't have anything here that doesn't work for me, but I'll just grab anything like this card, for example. If it feels wrong, doesn't have your name on it. Therefore, I would make the top priority for people, for our millions of fans who are listening, The top— one of your top priorities should be to acquire and develop and cultivate your sensitivity of what has your name on it.

Oh, it's so good, right?

So, um, and it can be even a banal thing, and it may not even be rational. And this is something else that people have to get with— the soul frail speaks to you in a language that transcends logic and rationality often. There is no logical reason why this pen would be better than any other pen. But if I'm going into— Lovely, lovely. It doesn't have to be an elaborate object like that either. It can be a simple, humble pen. I go to a newsagent and I buy a pen and I'm gonna feel out all of them. I'm gonna say, ooh, that's the one that has my name on it. And if nothing has my name on it, I say, okay, this isn't the store.

You're gonna say, well, you're talking about a pen and I'm talking about some extravagant Cartier jewelry that I just bought for myself. And it's, it's kind of the same thing in a way. The pen is not really rational because it's like, it's just a pen, who cares? And then this is like extravagant and you my, my current layer of reality. I just not only bought a home, but I bought multiple pieces of property. The expense of coming here, everything that that entails, uprooting myself from all my gigs and having to find my footing again with, um, and then for me to come across something very expensive and very extravagant. And I think most people would, you know, in my life, you know, Eric actually knows me, so he understands how I operate. He would never say, I don't think you need to be buying that for yourself right now. But I think that a lot of people would say something like that. Is that reasonable to do something like that? But it's not. But it doesn't matter. My soul's real.

But this is something that we had before because people behind the scenes look at our conversations. Before we started this conversation today, we were planning what we were going to talk about in this particular program. And one of the things that we discussed was this idea of— it came from a quote from your book about— what was it? It was about my— something about not being— I don't have to satisfy your reality.

Wait, wait, wait. Let me, let me, I wanna, it's a good one. It's a good one.

It was a good, it was a good quote from your book.

Uh, my reality does not exist for your standards or something like that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I exist, I exist outside of your standards.

I exist outside of your standards. There's another take home gem today, people. I exist outside of your standards. I being you exist outside of everybody else's standards. It is not you. Okay, right. With a very— I am not for everybody, right? There's another one. I myself, right, I am myself, am not everybody's cup of tea. I, I know this, you're going to find this— millions of fans, I know you're going to find this incredible, this next revelation— but I am not universally— you don't say. I know, amazing but true. I'm not universally admired. I'm not universally respected. I am not universally liked. Wow. Why? Because every— because my name— these people look at me and they will think, he's not got my name on him. Yeah. I'm not for them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're not in— and I think that's— I think this is part of the reason why we get along so well and why we have such a connection when we talk. Is that we both are these types of characters that we, we really are not for everyone.

And some— a friend of a friend once described me as a strong flavor. Strong flavor, exactly. An acquired taste. And I'm sure that a lot of the people— I mean, in, in a sense, everybody watching this is their own strong flavor. And you've got to be— and you've— and that's something else you'd have to come cultivate your own flavor. I'm not everybody. I don't have to be everybody. I— if I can— if I put my attention on me, and I'm not talking about ego me, I'm talking about higher self, higher soul frail me, higher alignment me. If I just stay in that space, I will look at the particular way, I will look a particular way, I will feel a particular way, I will smell a particular way, I I will taste a particular way. I will sound a particular way, right? And you may not like that flavor and that's okay. And you—

I am living in that space right now.

I love it. Exactly. Exactly. And, and what I'm saying to everybody out there, you're, you're all the same as well. You're a particular flavor. Now you, your ego wants, might want to be universally loved, universally admired, universally respected, universally loved. You, your ego might want all that, but your soul couldn't care less. Yeah, because your soul, your soul already is love. So I know that when I'm in my soul alignment, I'm coming from a place of absolute love. If you can't see that, frankly, it's your problem, or it's an— or, or I'm not for you because I'm not part of your soul frame.

Yeah, I think this is where most people— I think this is where most people— and now we're getting into some pretty deep stuff. We're getting into this idea that you've got to choose things that are universally standardized, and you've got to adhere to ideas and beliefs and morals. This is a huge one for me right now, throwing a lot of that stuff out the window.

Oh yeah. Do you wanna talk a little bit more about that or do you wanna save that for another podcast?

Oh, I was wondering if you were gonna bring it up.

Well, do you wanna, do you wanna save it for another podcast? Leave, we'll, we're just hinting, just make a note, make a note. Um, we're just hinting.

We could talk about it a little cuz I think that it's in line with what we're— Okay.

Give, give people a little bit of a taste and then we can go into it later next time. Okay, tell us a little bit about what's going on. Oh boy. Un segundo, mi teléfono está hablando a mí en español. Just a second, my phone is speaking to me in Spanish.

So I decided— I don't know why it does that.

Because you speak Spanish. No, no, no, but I don't understand why all of a sudden it will think that it wants me to talk and it starts speaking to me in Spanish. I don't know, it's very strange. Artificial intelligence is really weird. That's a whole other conversation. I have a great relationship. I have a great relationship with ChatGPT that I can talk about later. But yeah, let's talk about you and the Transurfing and ChatGPT. Talk about what's going on with you at the moment. Let's, let's, let's talk about that because that's all about you being you and you not being everybody's flavor and you not being for everyone.

Well, if I were a flavor right now, I would be like the flavor of battery acid and sugar. I mean, I really am. Um, I decided, I decided that when I moved here I was going to do a bunch of stuff that I've always wanted to do, and I was just gonna really let my heart lead when it came to choosing things intended for me in regards to business and throwing out things such as conventionally perceived morality, or morality in a conventional sense, and cultural shoulds and shouldn'ts coming to a new country where I'm a foreigner and I'm also kind of an extreme foreigner. There's lots of Europeans here. There's lots of other nationalities, Indians, Bengalis, Asian. There's not a lot of Americans. Americans are, you know, it's kind of weird. Usually Americans are sort of the hated nationality. Wherever you go in the world. Here they're absolutely loved, and I stand out, um, I stand out in many, many ways.

And as an Australian, I'm more used to being universally loved.

Yeah, I— yeah, so here I'm kind of like, yeah, it's, it's, it's an interesting role to find myself in. But then at the same time, I'm doing things that people are like, wait a second, this doesn't fit the mold of the much-loved American. This woman's a freaking maniac.

Like, what are you doing that— so specifically, can you give us one example of something that you are doing or actioning that is pressing certain people's buttons?

Oh God, okay, just one thing.

Don't go, don't go too deep because I want to do a whole podcast on just this subject, but just a little bit of a taste.

I got into buying properties that are being, um, auctioned by banks because people lost their homes in foreclosures. They took loans and they didn't pay for them. And I started distressed properties, they called, aren't they? Yeah, I, I got involved and I have quickly become, uh, a character of great controversy here in Tbilisi. And somebody, an attorney, actually just put a video up of me online yesterday, had over 55,000 views, and there were people in the comments calling for me to be exiled, thrown out of the country, executed. Oh, executed. But the entertaining part about it is the attorney's actually just using me because I'm a flashy kind of character to suit his own his own intentions and his own purposes, and he's leaving out many of the details that are very interesting that I'm actually doing something with, especially this, this house in— that's the current topic of conversation online. I'm doing something with the people that own this house that is unheard of, that nobody has ever done. And that is essentially trying to help them in a pretty massive way that even the judge on the case says she's never heard of anyone doing what I have done, what I have offered these people. I essentially came in and was like, listen, you guys are on a very low life track right now. I'm going to help you in a substantial way to a higher life track. But if you don't take the offer, then it's game on. And they didn't want to take the offer. And I'm 100% in the right with virtually every point along the way of what I'm doing, both legally, morally. I'm doing everything that I could do to help these people to a better situation. They don't want to—

Why is it ended up— why has it ended up in court?

It's ended up in court because they don't want to leave the house.

Oh, I see, I see. So you've given that— you've given them an offer that they, in a, in the nicest possible way— we can talk about the details later— an offer that they can't refuse, that they actually have refused. And for some bizarre reason of their egos, or it could also be part of your collective soul frailing because you don't really know where this is ending, it could, because your world is taking care view. So it could just need me— that all of this seems to be irrational, but it has to play out in a particular way. Just leaving that as an idea. Um, and it wouldn't— because they haven't played ball in spite of your doing something rather extraordinary. Um, this— they're sticking to their guns and not moving out when they ought to, and that's why it's in court.

So yeah, well, they lost— they lost the court case. And even, even after losing the court case, I still offered them the money. And the attorney's like, why did you do that? That's crazy. You don't need to do that. And so here I am, I'm operating professionally in a manner that's absolutely in line with my soul for real. I'm like, this is for me. I love this. I love it.

Ethically. And, and ethically.

And ethically. And generously. Generously, but also their house is for me. I know that it's for me.

You can't have it both ways, people. I'm letting you— I've made you an offer. I really, we really do need to go into a specific podcast or— but the point about this, with the— about the point of this whole story is that when something has your name on it, It has your name on it, and it will come, and it wants you as badly as you want it. That's the other thing. There is no such thing in the universe as something without consciousness. Even this non-gender-specific, non-binary ginger person, right? There is consciousness in this. It may not be—

God, who the hell made that? Why is the face all messed up?

I bought this, right? I bought this because I'm currently doing Asian cookery. As one of my school subjects because I believe in continuing education. So I'm doing Asian cookery, I'm finishing off my patisserie course, and I'm also doing a course in training and assessment to hone my skills in teaching, coaching, etc., etc. Very, very intense course, very systematic. It's a really excellent thing that anybody who is in a teaching or a coaching environment, I think, should do because it makes you very, very disciplined about it, honing into exactly what your clients or the people who are taking your services from, what they really need. Anyway, the point is, why does he look so wonky? Well, because it was made by a student who didn't know what they were doing. But that's an aside. Okay? Wasn't me. I'm just putting that out there. Wasn't me. The point is, though, that even this Even this non-binary gender, non-specific ginger person has consciousness. Now, maybe during this conversation, or maybe a little bit afterwards, this will become temporarily part of this physical body. It will transform and transmute. Its consciousness will become subsumed into mine. We will create a dialogue.

Why is that off? Why is that off? I want to see you bite his head off.

Bite his head off. The things you make me do, Renee.

Bite it. Yeah, bite it. Rip it off. What was that all about?

There's injury. The point I'm making though here is that if that gingerbread did not have my name on it, I wouldn't be chewing its head off right now. Yeah, it was intended for you. Well, yeah, exactly. It was intended for me. And if I can get through this conversation without choking on gingerbread bits that are going down my throat as I'm talking, I will know definitely that that gingerbread was for me. It was easy to get. One of the things that you need to— I mean, one of the practices I, I do regularly is that if I have to queue for anything, I have to ask myself, is the universe trying to tell me that what I'm queuing for really isn't for me because it just depends on how I'm feeling in the queue. If I'm okay about the queue, because while I'm in the queue I'm thinking about other stuff or I'm planning something and I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere else and I'm feeling good, then I'll stay in the queue. But if I started getting testy and I start thinking, oh, I'm in the queue, oh, blah, blah, blah, tap, tap, tap of the foot, that's my ego playing up and that's telling me know probably what's at the end of this queue isn't for you.

You know, it's interesting that you say that because, you know, I talked about going to a store and buying 2 pairs of pants and a shirt a couple of days ago, but a few weeks before that I had gone into the same store and bought— picked up many items. I picked up maybe 10 items and I went to the dressing room and there was a thing across it and they said, oh, there's people in the dressing room, you can't— you're going to have to wait. And I stood out there for like 2 or 3 minutes. And then after the 2 or 3 minutes, I was just like a little confused because I felt like some of the items in my hand were for me, but then the dressing room was blocked off. So I was kind of conflicted, but ultimately I just went and put the clothes back on the rack and I left. And now looking back— yeah, and, and now looking back on it, those things actually weren't for me because they were very heavy items and they were things that I wouldn't be wearing right now because to the weather. So even though I felt—

but if they, but if they had been for you, I would argue that you would have probably just bought them and walked out the store with them.

Maybe I wouldn't have even—

but, but, but, but the, yeah, but the, but the waiting period made, made you reassess. Yeah, because sometimes we can— maybe, maybe, I mean, I'm second-guessing here, but it could be that they were only for you for those few moments.

Maybe. Well, I think this is I think this is a good point because now you're getting into the mechanics of you've chosen something for you. So then does the world pave the way for you to have that thing easily? Or like in my circumstance with, uh, the circumstances, the situation with the, the eviction house, the world around me is saying something to me about these decisions and this path that I'm taking? Are these things standards that were set by somebody other than me, codes of moral conduct, societal stuff playing out?

I think I can resolve this reasonably easily because what the danger here was, a potential trap is that you can try to second-guess things constantly. Is this for me? Is it not for me? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Remember that you're also a dynamic thing, right? You are constantly changing. What might be for you 5 minutes ago might not be for you 5 minutes from now. And brilliant. That intent, and that depends entirely on who you are in that moment. This is why, and because, and those of us who are constantly changing and evolving through life, which is everybody, it's just that some people do it, shall we say, a little bit slower than others. Need to understand the taking and the giving away. This thing that I loved for so long is now meaningless to me. I will give it to somebody else because it doesn't mean anything anymore to me. Yeah, I need to make room based on my current capacity, my cup, right? Over time, my cup might get bigger, but it's only ever going to be a finite size. The finite size might be absolutely huge, but it's still a finite size. It's like billionaires. Billionaires have a really big cup for money, but it's still not an infinite cup. Yeah. Right. And very, very poor people have a very small— monetarily poor people, I should say, have a very small cup for money. And even though it might expand over time, it's still a finite size. The point I'm trying to make here is that you're a constantly evolving being. So you're in the store, you buy this stuff, this is for me. Oh, maybe it's not for me. I'm waiting. I'm being— I am— I accept that I— that, that the mirror world is reflecting who I am in this moment. And who I am might have changed in the last 30 seconds while I held this. And now I'm holding this, I'm thinking, I don't really want this now. And so you put it back on the rack, but you might have moved in a different direction and you might have felt, no, I'm being— I, I feel that I'm being told by the mirror that I don't need to wait for the change room. I can just buy it and go. That's, that's—

I, I think that also too is it's not so much about the thing itself than it is the state of being that the thing evokes, you know.

The thing isn't evoking anything. The thing isn't evoking anything. The thing is just mirroring who you are. It feels like the thing, it feels like the thing is invoking, but it's only all you're looking— but it is your state of being, and the mirror world is reflecting who you are. If, if gingerbread is make— gingerbread non-binary person is make— it doesn't make me feel anything, it just mirrors what I— who I am.

So, so this, this, this is fascinating because I actually just realized something kind of monumental about myself just having this. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's—

I look, it's not, it's a, it's not a podcast between you and I, at least until one of us at least has some sort of monumental epiphany. So please, by all means, share your epiphany.

I think, I think what the epiphany is, is that I am really feeling being this version of me that is kind of rogue and doesn't really give a shit what other people think. Like, I'm doing things that I don't even know anyone in my life that has done anything like this in lots of different ways. And I think, like, in the morning when I wake up and I put some music on and I put some jewelry on and I've got a nice silk robe on and I'm sort of sauntering around my house with my dogs. I'm feeling this vibe of being like somewhat controversial, somewhat rogue, kind of just doing my thing, not caring if I'm not hurting anyone, not caring if I piss people off, not caring if people are unhappy with me. And this must come from? It comes from your state of being.

What's that thing that people—

what, you know, where it's coming from? I, I know, I know where it's coming from. It's coming from— it's the polarized version of me being a chronic and debilitated people pleaser to now just feeling like I've shed that part of me and it's okay for me to not be liked and it's okay for me to not be. Like, I'm, I'm just, I'm, I'm happy to be in that mode of just not needing to please anyone other than myself.

So I'm just imagining, imagining the people among the millions of our fans who are looking at this now, and some of them are going to be people who are going to be really relating to this. They recognize that they've been people pleasers their entire lives, and they've realized that, wey, Whoa, hold on. What about pleasing me? Yeah. What's wrong? Why can't I please myself? And then, well, people, this is what it looks like on the other side of that. If you find that confronting and frightening, that may or might or might not be such a bad thing, but be aware that, um, the ethical thing is that you're coming from is the place that you're coming from is saying, I'm not harming anyone. Now people can go into debates about what constitutes harm or not, but most of us really know when we're doing harm or not. And if you're being who you are and you're not harming anyone, that's fine. And what's that thing that people say all the time? Other people's opinion of you are none of your business. Yeah. If people hate you, it's none of your business. If people love you, it's none of your business unless they choose to share that. If they want to share their hate, it's still an offering. They're offering hate, and you can say yes or no to it. You can play with it. Oh, I'm sure it's— I'm sure you're going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not. Go ahead.

It's actually gotten to the point where, especially like with YouTube comments or somebody saying something about me publicly, or like this video, for example, that's got, you know, as of yesterday, 55,000 views and people on there. You should see some of the comments. It's unbelievable. This actually makes me feel better than receiving a positive compliment.

That's because you're a sick, sick person.

Sicko. And I realized that the reason why it's making me feel better, which was kind of unbeknownst to me until this very moment, was be— is because just like you were talking about the gingerbread man, it's not that the thing made you feel something, it's reflecting back to you how you feel. And when somebody says a negative comment about me publicly, it reflects back to me my progress in not giving a shit what someone has to say about me.

The fact that you can read these comments and in the past you would have been crumpled up into the— and would have melted into a pool of your own self-created inadequacy, right? The fact that you can look at this stuff and laugh— when you can laugh at things, that's not such a bad sign. I mean, obviously there's such a thing as cruel and nasty laughter, but we're not talking about that sort of laughter. We're talking about the, the laughter that comes from having a sense of your, of the comedy of your own life. If you can look at it, if you can look at a bad review, God knows I've had some of them as a writer, and you can look at it and go, eh, or you can think, oh, you think that's really insulting, but I'm also thinking that's very funny. And I can appreciate that. I don't mind, like, I generally don't mind being insulted anyway, but when I really enjoy being insulted when somebody is witty about it. Because I appreciate the wit behind it. I'm thinking, this person, this person cares enough to have been witty about how they've insulted or attacked me. And that's, in a weird sort of way, a compliment. But as you said, it's also a confirmation that the mirror world is reflecting who you are, and you like what you see. Yeah, or at least you find it funny, which amounts to more, which is— yes, if you, if you, if you look into the mirror and you find yourself entertained, that's not a— that's—

and I think this is a bad thing. Yeah, and I think this again speaks to confirmation that I am indeed choosing the things that are intended for me, because even if it creates what would be typically perceived as a negative as, as a negative product in my reality. I'm not even seeing it as a negative. I'm seeing it as a positive. I want to challenge you. I want to challenge you. The next video that I post that you comment on, I want you to try to very, um, wittingly insult me in that. Oh, this is a director. Yes, yes, yes. I want anyone out there, anyone out there listening. Okay. I want you to try to, in a witty way, really just give it to me.

Okay, all right, okay, I'll take you up on that challenge. I'm quite, quite happy to do so.

Okay, so now I want to ask you, Xavier, we just talked about, you know, my relationship with this, um, the, this topic transcending, um standards and shoulds and moral codes of conduct and all this stuff while choosing something intended for you regardless of what the feedback is from your external world. And you have a lot of experience with this thing.

The question is what specifically?

How has all of what we've just talked about, how has that helped you? To separate, I guess, yourself and what is intended for you and your soul frail, and separate you from, from the world maybe putting up some resistance to that thing, or telling you that's not the, the, the, the right way to do something, or the right thing to do. Well, what—

well, let's, let's talk about— let's— and this comes into why another reason why It's been a long time between podcasts. My mother died in February after an illness that maybe started when she was 60 and continued until she was 92. Very, very slow progression. She suffered from— and she did suffer, there's no way of putting it nicely— from a condition called inclusion body myositis. Which is something— it's like multiple sclerosis lite. It's like you get debilitation in only very specific muscles, but they're the muscles that are designed to make your life tolerable. So for example, it'll affect the thigh muscles, but the thigh muscles are what give you stability. And if the thigh muscles conk out, then you can't even walk properly because you're always fearing that they're just something— your legs are just suddenly going to give out on you and you're going to fall down. So even though the other muscles in the legs might be okay, the stability provided by your thigh muscles go. The muscles in her forearms gradually went. So even though the muscles in the upper arm were okay, her hands started not working properly. And the, the tone of her esophagus, which is the tube that connects the mouth to the stomach, started collapsing. So she was always choking on her food because the tube was partially collapsed, right? This is a long, slow, progressive disease that went on for like 25, 30 years. So I'd say for the last quarter of a century of her life, I was progressively involving myself more and more in looking after her. Now, my mother, in retrospect, I'm not sure whether this was an agreement that we made before we were born whether it's some— an exercise of her free will that went horribly wrong. But she became rather nasty and abusive. Hmm. So I was in this position where, out of a sense of my own self-definition, my definition of self and who I was, I was going to continue to look after her out of a sense of duty, because I had taken up a position I don't— if it doesn't matter how badly she behaves towards me, how nasty she is and how horrible she is to me and how she is constantly complaining and how nothing I do is good enough, blah, blah, blah, even though I'm always there for, etc. No matter how badly she behaves, I will not abandon her. Now, there was a period once during that 25-year period when she was just so relentlessly horrible to me throughout an entire day that I lost the plot, and I basically walked out the door, and I did not speak to her for about a year. The only thing that got me back speaking to her— what?

I remember you telling me about that. Yeah.

Okay, so, and then what happened was that, uh, my brother-in-law got mentally ill, and that sort of brought the family back together again because everybody had to handle that. And so I started looking after again. Of course, her behavior might have been okay for a little while, but then it just went— we went back to the old pattern of her being nasty, abusive, and horrible, and my being very stoic about it. Now, so you've got to understand that I'm coming from a place of somebody who had a very intimate relationship with a parent, to the point where I was wiping her bottom. I don't know too many sons that end up wiping their mother's bottom. Homes because there's nobody else to, to do it, to do the job, right? And some people might think, oh, that's a bit rough, but sometimes you just got to step up to it. And I'm the sort of— I think, again, I'm not sure because there are a couple of possible— and this is the problem with second-guessing your life. It could be that before my mother and I were born, um, it was like we made this decision in, in, in Heaven or wherever it is that we were, the outer place, and, and we agreed, okay, Xavier, for your spiritual development, I am going to be a complete and utter bitch towards you for decades. Wow. In fact, for your entire life, you're— I'm going to be an extremely difficult person, and your challenge is, can you rise to the indica— to the occasion and maintain your integrity? Can you still be there for me no matter how horrible I am. Can you practice unconditional love to that level? We're not talking about art, we're not talking about unconditional like, we're talking about unconditional love, which isn't the same thing. Unconditional love is showing up over and over again even when somebody is behaving horribly. There's this wonderful saying: people most need your love when they least deserve it. Yeah, it's a good one. So yeah, it's nice to talk about, but try living it. Try living it. Try living it for 30, 40, 50 years.

You must feel an unbelievable sense of accomplishment now that she's gone, that you actually—

every psychic that I've— every psychic that I've spoken to has said whatever it is that you did burnt off huge amounts of karma, whatever that means. And whatever thing that you set out to accomplish in your life, you've accomplished it in spades. Wow, good for you. Good for me. It is not an easy path. Yeah, it's a path I'd imagine that not many people are willing to contract to. The other thing, the other possibility is that, oh yeah, I'll be your loving parent, etc., etc., but understand that I'm a weak person and occasionally I'm going to need to lean on you for strength.. And that instead of just leaning a little bit, it turned out to be like Atlas holding up the world. I'm lucky enough that I live in a country that has a sufficiently well-developed system of social services and social care that the government was willing to foot a lot of the bill for me putting him into aged care. But anybody who is in an— who has had to deal with an aged parent would realize that that is a huge thing, but it isn't everything. As effectively, even though I have a sister who lives in Melbourne and who has a— has her own issues, like the mentally ill husband and having to basically bring up her two children for a long time on her own, being the sole breadwinner of the family, having all that on top of her, my sister had to marshal her own strength in order to get through that. Again, I think that it might be something that she and I both contracted to before we were born, and we're both going to be in the same family, and you're going to end up picking a sick, a sick partner. Which is really strange because there was something in her— she was going to marry somebody else at one point. I mean, she was thinking about it, and if she'd ever asked me about that particular guy, I would have said no way, no way. She, she never did, but she'd never married him anyway, and he ended up dying prematurely of, um, a very severe case of Lou Gehrig's disease. Oh yeah. So somewhere along the line, it was within her karma— and by karma I mean soul frail decision before birth— that she would have a very challenging relationship, romantic relationship. That seems to be playing itself out. She's still going through it. But in the process of having her having to do that, she basically abnegated on a worldly level her responsibility towards our mother. So I ended up taking the whole burden of my mother 99% onto me. Jack, my sister Jack occasionally said, says, I feel guilty about all that. And I said, don't feel guilty. We made the decisions that we made. You've, you're doing your bit for the family, whatever that means, by having your children, my nephews. That's great. I took on this with our mother. Whether or not she still has things to play out with my mother, I don't know. I just don't, because I'm not in tune enough with my soul frail to be— to have gotten a revel— a major revelation on that score. It is enough, I think, that like every psychic I've spoken to has said blah blah blah blah blah, because sometimes psychics can see things that you can't, no matter how highly developed you think you are. Purely because some— because they see a real— because they, they're outside of you. Yeah, we never really see ourselves, we see our reflection.

I've got a question. Sure. Do you, do you feel, looking back retrospectively on the entire situation, that because you, you don't seem resentful, or— I mean, a lot of people would be resentful for taking care of a parent 99% of the time for 30 years. Do you feel like that was part of your soul frail? Was it part of your soul?

Well, let's, let's, let's, let's look at this from a, from a, from a technical point of view, because I think it'll be very valuable for people to understand this. If something is within the soul frail, I think the intolerable becomes tolerable, no matter how awful the situation might be, if you, if you find when you look inside yourself that you're still okay, no matter how awful it might look like to the outside world, no matter how many times you answer that phone in a day dealing with somebody who's basically behaving like a, a very, very badly behaved child, um, who happens to be a parent. And the role reversal is like total. Like, I mean, it's like, and I, and they would, and I will not lie to you, there were many times during those decades when I was thinking, I never actually thought, why me? Which is odd. Maybe that's some another indication that it was part of my soul fraile. It was more like, well, why not me for a start? Uh, there was also this feeling of, I really just don't want to answer the phone again for the 16th time today to deal with yet another medical issue or having— because every time she'd call me, it might be— the pattern was like this: she would call me, and what should have been a 30-second conversation, by the time she'd blabbed her way through the whole thing, it was a 15-minute conversation, usually at the worst possible time for me because I'm a very busy person. I was trying to do other things. But during those 15 minutes, I would then— she would generate enough work for me that I would have to spend 2 or 3 hours making calls to other people. Because especially if you've got a parent who has abdicated responsibility for learning the language of the native country in which you have spent more years than you did in your own country of birth, then you're constantly playing translator. Immigrant children will understand this among our millions of fans. Those of you who are immigrant children, I have a very close friend who is also an immigrant child. He was born here, but he was the first— he was the son of immigrant parents who had never bothered to learn English. He remembers being 12 years old while his parents were trying to buy a business and being in the lawyer's office translating for his parents this legal speak to the best of his ability. What sort of thing, what sort of people do that to your 12-year-old kid? That my friend should have been out on the, on playing and being a 12-year-old. Instead, he had to step up and be an adult at 12 to, to do something because his parents just weren't capable of it. And I remember many instances from my own life where I simply had to step up because somebody had to be the grown-up in the family, and my parents had abnegated responsibility for being the grown-ups. So you did— but am I resentful? Is that the question?

No, it's not, are you resentful? It's, it's, do you feel now looking back and you saw your way through the entire thing? I mean, this is a huge accomplishment. I wouldn't be able to do it. I can honestly say that at this point in my life, my, the majority of, no, not the majority, but a few members of my family, some of the critical members of my family, are absolutely not for me. And I feel more in line with the frail of my soul and actively connecting to the frail of my soul because of the absence of them. Like, I'm able to connect with a higher version of myself more simply because they were relentless at trying keep me lower. So now you coming out of that on the other side, like, you saw your way through that entire deal. Are you arriving at— so when you said that contractually you signed these agreements, you and your mom, that to spiritually evolve you were going to go through 3 decades of hell in taken care of a very—

I could argue, I could argue my entire life with my mother was hell because she— for all sorts of reasons. But never mind, let's just stick with 3 decades.

But so, so, so did that happen? Did you come out of it spiritually evolved? Did you fulfill all the things?

Okay, so looking back on who I was when I, when I was a child, I was hyper hypersensitive. To the point where I could barely exist on planet Earth. It was like, imagine being a poet among barbarians. Like you have the poetic soul, but you're with these drunken Vikings all the time. And everything that they, yeah. And practically everything that they do or say or feel is like abrasive and it hits you and you're, ow. And it's everything is an ow. Ouch. Yeah, it's either an ouch. My parents were never physically abusive. They never actually hit me, um, but in every other way they were abusive. They're psychologically abusive, emotionally abusive, financially abusive. Just physically though, there seemed to be a limit to how much I was going to take, and I wasn't going to agree to that in any lifetime. Um, so there was that point where over time, and also living in Australia I love Australia and I love Australians, and rightly so. They are a nice bunch of people, but they're not exactly known internationally for being incredibly poetically sensitive or able to deal with a lot of intellectual complexity. Generally speaking, I would say, right? When you think of Australians, you think of beaches, you think of kangaroos, gurus. You think of football. You think of cars. You know, the great outback. You think of all that. You don't often think of writing poems on handmade paper into which flower petals have been pressed. And sent— and then sent and sent.

So I identify as being Australian, and that is unbelievably offensive to me, Xavier.

Tough titties. Australians at least are very realistic, are realistic, and they know who they are. Love it. They know who they are, right? And it's not that being somebody like— it's not that being a Japanese aristocrat in the 9th century who did all of these things like writing poetry on parchment into which flower petals had been pressed, and then sending them off to a prospective lover, and then getting it back with another poem with allusions to the seasons and all of that. Or having a refined sense of aesthetics where you just sit beneath a tree and you marvel at the beauty of a single drop of dew on a petal as it falls and cascades and the light shines in a particular way, and you suddenly feel all wabi-sabi. Sabi about everything. Okay, fine. That's how I came into this world. You can understand that that does not make for a very viable way of being here. This world will knock you around. So if part of my, um, evolution— so if part of my spiritual evolution was stay, keep the poetic soul but learn to build some armor, or you will collapse after every rainstorm. Be the cherry— be the cherry tree with the beautiful petals, but at the same time be the tree, be something that has deep roots in the earth and that can grow tall and strong and reach up to heaven. And be all of those things, but be strong enough to survive any storm. And I think if that was the— if that was the soul frail, I can tell you something, every time that somebody is nasty to me or rude, the 8-year-old version of myself would have gone crying into his bedroom and for hours say, how could people be so nasty? Because as we've discussed before, I also had this peculiar neurological condition called, um, uh, mirror-touch synesthesia, whereas I look at something and I feel it in my body. If I watch you fall down, I feel as fallen down. Interesting. If I walk through a, a, a field of flowers waving in the, in the breeze, I feel as if my body is waving, right? Okay, so it makes me— it forces— it, it's like imposed empathy. Like, I can't even detach from the world that much. It was like, it was almost as if I'd spent too long away from the material and my soul needed a dose of the material for some reason of evolution that still slightly escapes me. But what I want to get out of this is, to get to the point, whenever anything— I get any crap from anybody, all I can say to myself is, you're nothing compared to my mother. Oh yeah. Or my father. You are nothing. You think you're being abusive? You are such an amateur at this. The lessons that I could teach you in, in mental, psychological, and emotional cruelty. I could have— I could in a few sentences turn you into a pile of blubbering mush. Yeah, I have that power, and it's not a brag because when you live— when, when you live, you would know this— when you live with dangerous borderline psychopaths psychopathic parents, you learn to read people really, really well. Oh yeah, because you're always walking on— because you're always walking on eggshells, because you're always— because you always think you're just waiting for the next penny to drop. I spent years being terrified of my father because I never knew when his irrationality and craziness would erupt into physical violence that never actually happened. But when you grow up under that, it's like being tempered in flame. It's like being beaten by the sword, being beaten by a hammer, and you're beaten and beaten and beaten, and you think it's going to kill you, but it doesn't kill you. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and stranger. And stranger. I think that— And stranger to yourself.

Yeah, I think that what you're saying is essentially what I was saying about being almost, or taking pleasure in the negative comments or taking pleasure in somebody defaming me publicly.

Well, you're turning it around. You're reframing it, aren't you?

You're, you are, I am now comfortable in an environment where there's an abundance of information and things happening and environmental feedback that just an iota of that previously in past versions of myself would have been absolutely destroyed. So yeah, it's, it's this feeling of rising to the top and being like, what else?

Dear God. And it's not just the capacity, Adama, the capacity to tolerate abuse. It's also like, and it's also not the don't screw with me thing, because I know that if you screw with me, I will annihilate you. Yeah.

Oh, I could absolutely right now. This is a very interesting point. I could absolutely absolutely right now annihilate this attorney doing this to me with very little money. I've got an extremely high-powered attorney that is just wanting to go after this dude. She's like, everything he's done is illegal. We could take his head off, we could sue him, we could this, we could that.

She could eviscerate to do this, huh? Oh, you could eviscerate.

I, I could, I could disembowel him. Yeah, disembowel him publicly. I mean, I could really do something very, very bad to him. But I don't want to.

I don't want to do it. And that's a measure of— that's one measure of power, the capacity to destroy, but only to use it if somebody was really, really a threat. I have very, very seldom felt so threatened that I wanted to destroy somebody. Usually I feel threatened, and if I feel threatened enough, I think I will withdraw because I don't want to see that my shadow self go to town on this person. I mean, we talked about Jordan— we talked about Jordan Peterson before, and he did say something is that you have to cultivate that sense of danger about yourself. It's not nice, but you have to be— you have to get to a point in your life where, at least to a certain extent, uh, you will not crumple if somebody attacks You have to.

That's exactly how I feel right now.

I mean, I feel like, no, I don't want to tempt— I don't want to— I'm just kind of—

but it's not that big of a deal.

I don't want to tempt fate, okay? I don't want to say, Universe, bring it on, because I'm a little bit tired from having spent decades of doing this. And I do— and, and when you stress a body, and like when you stress it and you exercise, and the muscle needs time to recover and grow because the recovery— the growth happens during recovery as much as it does during the exercise. I've spent decades exercising. I need time to recover and grow. And I know that there are some situations, there are some evils that are bigger than me, there are some fights that I would lose. But for the most part, I would say— here's something else you could crush skulls.

Well, I could, but there's also something else.

When you are in a position where you haven't worked for a few years because you've been looking after your parent and you're on a really tight budget because you're living off all of the money that you made earlier and you just don't have the time or the mental strength or energy— you've been there too, a lot of people watching this will have been there— and you're finding your savings slowly and slowly depleting, but not so much because you know how to handle things, you know how to stay above water. You are surviving, but you're not thriving and you're not growing, right? At least not in that area of life, because all of your energy, mental, physical, and emotional, is going into this bottomless pit that can never be filled. So what I had to do at some stage was— it's not like I didn't have the money, but it was more like all the money I have is tied up in assets and not in income. So I was asset-rich, cash-poor. And they were sort of assets like that, like that belonged to me. The government could— the government in this country looks at assets when in these sorts of situations and doesn't count like the house that you own, etc., etc., etc. So I had to find a way of getting on very relatively short notice my mother into an aged care facility with no money to spare. Right now, I know that in the United States and in many other parts of the world, this would be unheard of.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very expensive. But in Aus—

but in Australia and in Scandinavia and certain of the other countries of the world that have embraced a certain level of socialism and believe in looking after their citizens, there were means of being able to do this. But I had to do it on very short notice. I had my learning curve for this was cliff steep, right? I had to learn who to talk to, how to talk to them, fill in the forms in a particular way. Thank God I'm a word guy, so I could know exact wording of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and who to speak to. Talk about things with your name on it. That nursing— my mother had a particular nursing home in mind, and I got her into that particular nursing home. On her pension. Yeah. With no upfront money. Wow, nice. The gratitude I feel towards the Australian government for having done that. The gratitude I felt to every person along the way who— every bureaucrat. It was like a dream run. People are always complaining about public servants and their attitudes and the bureaucracy and the red tape and all of that sort of of stuff, in many cases rightly so. But you do not get what you want, you get what you are. Whatever I had evolved into, I had evolved into the sort of being who could get people on my side. Perhaps it was because I was male, perhaps because they very seldom see the sons taking on these burdens, because very often it's the daughters that do that. Very often, and the women here who have had to look after aged parents will get this. Very often the brothers, nowhere to be seen. They suddenly end up having, oh, they've got their lives with their children. You've got your life with your children and whatever, but you're still looking after mother or father. It's still for some reason, you want to talk about sexism, that's a deeply rooted sexism in our society that it's the daughters that end up taking care of the parents. Very rarely do you see the sons doing it unless they're only sons. I wasn't an only son, but I took it, but I took on the burden anyway because I think looking back on it, it was a soul frail thing. But maybe it was because of that. And they'd look at this and the, I would often be talking to women across the desk and they could probably see that I was exhausted, et cetera, et cetera. But they probably thought, my God, it's a miracle. A man is actually doing this work.

Yeah. So I have a question.

And maybe that had something to do.

That, that as well. If, if you were to tell somebody right now to look out for something, let's say that somebody is in a similar circumstance. Sure. A family member or something that's depleting the person. Yeah. How would someone know? Because like with family things in particular, there's lots of programming in there. You know, there's societal programming, familial programming, and DNA programming, obviously. Oh, I'm the son, I'm the daughter, whatever. So like, there's a lot of programming, and, um, then also external feedback that pressures a person into specific roles. How, how do you differentiate if someone is in a situation where they're having to feed a pendulum, especially a destructive pendulum for an extended period of time, how would somebody differentiate the difference between knowing that that challenge and that relationship and that pendulum is in line with the frail of their soul, or that they're just giving in to external and internal programming leading them along that script? How would somebody know?

That's a very interesting question. Let me unpack a little bit. That a little bit. Unpacking one, and this is a, and this is a problem. I have many problems with the original source texts for Reality Transurfing that we've often discussed. One of the problems I have is this persistent idea that a pendulum is automatically a bad thing, right? A pendulum is simply an energy vortex. You're an energy vortex. I'm an energy vortex. We live in a world, in a universe, in an multiverse, in an omniverse of systems of energy that are all in their own sense vortices. They all take in and they all spit out, right? There's always two ends to this thing. Even at the other end of a black hole, probably in the center of black hole, there is a complete distortion of space-time which is actually causing the explosion of an entirely new universe. For all we know, and Physicists have said that we live inside a black hole, that outside of this incredible universe that seems to be billions of light years across, we're actually this tiny, tiny infinitesimal point within a black hole within another universe. Well, that's a big idea. Let's move on to actually answering your question. The point is that a pendulum is not necessarily a bad thing. It might feel bad, But it all depends on how you deal with it, because the pendulum cannot have an effect on you unless you choose to contract with it at some level. No matter how much it might feel that it isn't, at some level you have made a spiritual or ego-soul-based— it's either a spiritual soul-based decision or a mundane ego-driven decision of to engage with this, this thing. My relationship with the incredible pendulum that was my mother and my relationship with her was a heavy-duty, maxed-out pendulum. It was, it was heavy. How I chose to deal with it, I've already partly described. I made a decision that I would practice unconditional love. No matter how bad it got, I would not abandon this person. That was my choice. As a result of making that choice, I ended up having, like I said earlier, and that was a point I didn't finish making, getting her into this aged care facility, getting her the help that she needed from doctors, finding the specialist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all of these things constantly. The resourceful us, the sheer resourcefulness of being able to pull rabbits out of hats time and time again. So many hats, so many rabbits. But there I was. Okay, fine. I need to do this now. I need to do this now. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. But whoa, there it goes again. I discovered aspects of myself and my own resourcefulness that I didn't know I had. And I would never have known that I'd had them had I not been involved with that pendulum. You were acting impeccably. I wouldn't say impeccably, but let's say the pecks were quite small. Okay, in the greatest scheme of things, I showed up again and again and again, as so many people who are watching this are probably saying. Yes, I know what that's like. I know what it is to show up over and over again. Can you imagine being the the parent of a disabled child. You show up, you show up, you show up. Very few parents abandon disabled children. Some of them do, some of them abnegate, and maybe that's part of their soul trial. They agreed beforehand, I will abandon you and you will be looked after, these people who will love you unconditionally, because you need to experience an unconditional love from a source other than a parent. Could be that's the contract, I don't know. The point is that in engaging with whatever pendulum we engage with, we have to be conscious of why we're doing it and whether or not it's on our terms or not. It doesn't always feel great, even if it is the soul fraile. So your feelings are not necessarily going to be the indicator, because people often say— I mean, a lot of people, especially in the New Age type space, think, oh, if it feels good, it's aligned with your soul fraile. Oh, if it feels good it's the voice of God, of the angels calling you. No, that's an oversimplification. There were very many times when being involved with the day-to-day running of my mother, which was like— the analogy I always came to come with is like from a Doctor Who episode. This is, imagine this bag with a hole in it, and you have to fill the bag with water because that's what the bag needs. It needs to be filled with water. But the more you fill the bag with water, the bigger the hole gets. And the bigger the hole is, the more water you have to pour in all the time because the hole's getting bigger. And so the bag never gets full. And the more you try to fill it, the bigger the hole gets until some one day the bag just bursts and collapses. My mother, the bag, the old bag did not, did not burst until she was 92 and a half. Oh wow. I don't know how much longer I could have stood it, but maybe at— by that point, uh, my guardian angels, my spirit guides, and her guardian angels and spirit guides had said, Xavier has had enough. Yeah. And maybe also you too, Marcela, you too have had enough. Maybe you've lived in this horrible body long enough, and maybe you were meant to transcend this body and its limitations, but you didn't. And maybe we're just going to have to undo the whole thing. 'Take your soul to—' Yeah, yes, let's, let's, let's get you back into the great beyond. Let's do a life review and look at all the decisions you ever made, and let's set up a new lifetime for you where you actually can do this because you screwed it up again. Or another possibility: 'God, what a brilliant performance! An Academy Award-winning performance for 92 and a half years.' You managed to be narcissistic, self-absorbed, entitled, and you made your son's life an almost living hell. Nevertheless, nevertheless, the question is, how do you know whether or not it's a soul frail and that you need to just grin and bear it, or how do you know that it's— or that it's your ego? What I have learned is this.

No, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. A little bit different than that, just a little bit. How do you know? So you, you hung on, it was part of your soul frail. And like with my family, with my own mother, it was my soul frail to go no contact and to let go. Yes. And I'm not, I'm not gonna say that it's easy, it sucks sometimes, but you know what, I am like extremely satisfied with myself and my ability and your decision and your decision and my decision to let that go and to continue making that choice every day rather than letting people's pressure and, oh, how could you do that? No. So here we have two totally different things. So how do you know which one is your soul frail? How do you know which one is the right one for you?

Okay, in your case, I would say that there are plenty of clues. If— remember, remember, the journey, I believe, is one from weakness to strength, from no options to many options, from no choice to many choices, and from disempowerment to empowerment. Generally speaking, that is the soul's journey. In fact, the hero's journey is all about that. I'm in my normal life, Suddenly something happens to discombobulate me or the world I'm living in, and I have to show up and step up. And if it's a tragedy, I will fail and everything ends in misery. But if it's a triumphant journey that fills everybody with hope and, and, and the triumph of the hero, the hero goes through their trials and tribulations and comes back to the normal world stronger. And in the fully developed hero, the hero then passes on his or her, um, learning to others, right? In the same sense that you're doing that now, in the sense that I'm hoping that I'm doing that now, right? We've been through our trials and tribulations. In your particular case, your weakness was pleasing other people, not living for yourself. If you had stayed with your parents and your family, you would have been doing it out of wanting to please them or needing to please them. So I would argue that your soul frail journey was Renee, or whatever your real name is, because Renee is just the name that you have for your body. Everyone has a true spiritual name. If you go into deep enough meditation, you know who your— what your true name is, or at least the nearest earthly equivalent to it. Okay, but I'll speak to Renee because that's the ego name that we're dealing with at the moment. Renee, your soul frail will be— will put you in this situation, which is horrible. And you will— your desire to be nice or to help people, because you're also driven by helping people, right? You need to know your soul lesson is to learn that some people are not ready for your help, and you, you— their name is not on you. You are not going to be their salvation. You have to learn that you're not going to be everybody's salvation. You're going to have to learn to move beyond. You're going to have to learn to say no and walk away. The indication that I think that that's why your soul friend is, is that you have gone from weakness to strength. If you are involved— and, and the same thing with me, Xavier, which isn't my real soul name, but let's work with that. Xavier, we're going to put you into an abusive familial situation, and you are coming in as an overly sensitive person who cannot survive in this environment. And you will also be the sort of person who would like to have been loved by their parents, but you will need to find a whole bunch of lessons, like sometimes parents are not capable of loving you, sometimes you are going and And, and if you are here to learn unconditional love, then you're going to have to learn how to love unconditionally. And loving unconditionally means loving without condition. It means we're going to put you in position where all the love you give will not be returned. It will— in the process of becoming that, you will become much stronger, and you will be able to deal things with, things that you haven't— can't even imagine now. 'Because in fantasy la-la land in which you live in your golden poetic bubble, these horrible things do not happen to you. We're going to put you through this wringer over and over and over again. We're going to put you through hell. But at the other side, you will have such an interesting contrast because you will know what it feels like to be not God. You will know what it feels like to be so distant from our loving spiritual origins that you won't even know why you exist. There will be times where you will just want to end it all, but you won't, because within you is the seed of being able to transcend all that.

I would— let me just say something quickly though for those watching, and a quest— a small question for you. What if someone is in a dysfunctional romantic relationship and they think to themselves oh well, I gotta endure because Xavier's— Xavier, that would be me, that would be me— came out the other end.

It could be dangerous. It would be, it could be. And but I'll tell you what, what, what the tell is. Listen very carefully, all of you who are in abusive relationships. I'm about to tell you something that might be the most important thing that you'll hear at least all day, maybe for your entire life. Listen to me very carefully. You will know whether or not to endure by two things. The first thing will be, are you stronger for it? Do you come out of your interactions with that Pendulum or with that abusive relationship stronger? Now be very careful that it's soul strength and not ego strength. Don't be thinking— don't get into a pride situation and think, oh, I must be so special that I can put up with all of this. That's your ego talking. The soul strength is much quieter. It sort of says, well, today I've got to do this, doesn't feel good, but I've got to do this. At least that's how it is for me, right? You might all have to find your own way. And if people want to come to me for, for, um, for, um, counseling or, um, or for Reality Transurfing training in this matter, bring it on. I'm quite happy to go into specifics because this is a very personal thing, but in general speak, in general terms, if you are a very— if you've come out of each transaction slightly stronger than you were before, and it's— and you can put up, and you can, then you can, and you think, okay, I'm learning from this, I'm growing from this, I'm actually getting better as a result, and I'm also more detached, like I'm not emotionally involved. That's an—

that's the other thing, like Are you taking from the pendulum as much as you're giving to the pendulum?

Am I taking, am I taking something that is worth the price? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not about getting, giving as good as you get. It's more about like, it cost me something every day to pick up the telephone. It cost me time to go and take the trip to the aged care facility and spend the day looking after somebody who was ungrateful. Or to take them out while they would be abusing me while I was wheeling them around, getting things for them, micromanaging me about how I think I ought to do things. I couldn't even sing to myself while she was— while I was wheeling her because she's, oh, shut up. Anyway, the point I'm making is, wow, are you getting— are you getting from the pendulum something that is worth the price you're paying. So you've got to be very, very conscious of what am I getting out of this? I was getting— it was like, it was like being injected with a vaccine every day. And it was like, you are in a really toxic environment. It's just full of disease everywhere. But we're going to give you this, this dose of this vaccine today. And it's going to hurt because these jabs hurt. A bit, but the value that you're getting from the jab is worth a lot more than the price of the jab, right? If I could, if I could, if I could, if you had to say work in a disease-ridden part of the world for whatever reason, and I say, well, here they've got endemic malaria, I could give you a jab and it'll hurt for a second, but you'll be okay and you won't get malaria, or I cannot hurt you, but you might get malaria and you probably will get malaria. You'd take the jab, wouldn't you?

And this video just got demonetized by YouTube.

Why? Whatever it is, the point is I'm not talking about that other thing. I'm just talking about malaria. No, I hear what you're— I don't even know whether there's a jab for malaria. Anyway, the point I'm making is—

No, it's a pill.

It's a pill. Okay, well, yeah, or it used to be quinine. Tonic water. Anyway, the point I'm making is that it's a very personal thing, but in general speaking, if you are getting something that's more valuable than what the abuse is giving you, you stay with that. But if you're in a situation like— if you're in an abusive situation and there are children involved, 99.99% of the time I would say get out of that because children do not deserve that. Children are there to be looked after. You're an adult. Make the choice that's in favor of the children. Yeah. And that could, that could include, that include, that could include like dogs or cats or whatever as well. But human children, no child, no child deserves to be abused. No child has that coming to them. Yeah. You have to get out. You have to get out.

So it's circumstantial. Absolutely.

It's Sergio Isabel and deeply personal. But in general, you have to say, what am I getting out of this situation? There was a— there were times when I felt that this is— this— the screwing I'm getting is not worth the screwing I'm getting, right? The, the, the, the amount of abuse that I'm copping, the amount of, um, sheer nastiness and horrible experiences I'm getting God, is it really worth it? But at the same time, it's— yeah, it's your mother. Yeah, it's your mother. It's like, it's my mother. Anybody else, I would have walked. I would have walked after 5 minutes. Yeah, well, so maybe that was part— but that was part— but maybe that was part of the deal. We're going to make this a real— we know that you wouldn't put up with this from a, from a friend. We know that we— you wouldn't put up with this from a romantic partner. Partner or a work colleague, you wouldn't— you would annihilate them, or you would just walk away and never walk. But we're going to do it with your mother. You're not going to be able to walk away from this.

So this is where I think that it's very interesting, our own personal circumstances regarding family and Reality Transurfing, you know. And I tell lots of people when I talk about it that, you know, Divorcing family members may not be for you, you know. Just because I'm doing it and I've looked deeply within, I understand the implications, and each day I make the decision to be steadfast in my choice. And this choice I benefit from, I know I do, I can see it.

Yes, you have to ask yourself Yeah, and that's— and I think you've hit the nail on the head in that sense. Are you— which choice would you both most benefit from? If walking away is going— if you go deep within yourself and you have to say, at the end of the day, I'm better off walking, yes, then you walk. If at the end of the day you say, you know what, I think I can put up with this for another day, and because at the end of the day some deep part of me knows that I have to go through this. I know that at the end of all of this, because it's sort of, it's ended now, uh, there is, there is of course a lag because I'm still in post-traumatic stress from having dealt with it for all, all that. But a Transurfing perspective makes, makes me aware of a much bigger picture. And I, and the story that I tell myself about this is a story of triumph. I survived that. I slayed the dragon in its den. It took years of fighting, but at the end, hey, I'm tired and I'm a little bit burnt, but that will heal. I might be a little bit scarred, but the scars will heal and will fade in time. And it's the same—

I'm not concerned about that. It's the same for me. Yeah. I feel the exact same thing. Two different routes to the same destination. I feel triumph. I feel, you know, like—

because that was you. But that was— yeah, you have come through because that was your lesson, or that was your growing, or that was your spiritual growth. And mine was to do what I did. And in retrospect, would I have done it— could I have done it differently? I don't know whether I could have. Because like I said, I would have walked away from a friend, work colleague, romantic partner, or whatever you want to call any— but any other relationship, I would have walked. Yeah, I would have said no, no, I, I'm, I'm powerful in this situation. I don't, I don't deserve— because it's not like I had a bad sense of self-esteem. That was another thing. It's not like, it's not like, oh, I'm a terrible person, I deserve to be treated like this. I was very conscious throughout the entire process. This is not okay. I wouldn't put up with this crap from anyone else. In fact, even from my mother, I didn't put up with it for about a year or maybe closer to 2 years. I don't know. I lost track of time because it got beyond— it got— there was just one point where it just got beyond. I'm thinking, look after yourself, woman. I mean, this is just ridiculous. I mean, I've come all of this way to cook dinner for you, and all this I'm getting is this relentless stream of garbage coming out of your mouth. And the energy— and because remember, you're dealing with somebody who's got a neurological— I'm not neuro-normal. So if somebody is violent towards me or they're agitated, I'm feeling it in my bones. I'm thinking, oh God, do I really need to put up with this? And I just— I lost it. I just I left the food on the stove. I turned it off because of safety, but I said, cook your own bloody dinner, and I just left.

You were like me leaving the clothes at the store when I saw the lot, the— that there was a line and I couldn't get into the waiting room. You were in the dressing room.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, like there was a point, it's just like you get to a point where you choose something else. I'm just choosing it. I'm just going to make another choice here. Yeah, so And this is so, and, and this comes back to another really important— in Transurfing, there is a psychological element and a spiritual element. Now, Transurfing, because of the way that we talk about it, or its historical development, or maybe just the way that we market it, tends to attract the new agey, spiritually type people, right? And they look at the spiritual aspects of Transurfing, et cetera. And they tend sometimes to ignore the psychological psychology. But Transurfing is a psycho-spiritual discipline. It requires you to look at your psychology as well as your, um, spirituality. And they're separate and they're different, this distinct— they're like two legs. There's the psychology leg and then there's a spiritual leg. And if you use both, you can actually walk or run. But if you've only got one, you're only hopping around and you're not really doing it properly. And NASCAR contest. Exactly. You end up thinking you're going to the spiritual side all the time and say, why isn't this working for me? That's why it wasn't working. And I'm, and, and I'm tempted to say often, it isn't working for you because you need a shrink. Yeah, you don't need Transurfing. You need, you need serious psychological help because you've got this programming inside you where you have really low self-esteem. So you're constantly masochistically looking for people people who will abuse you, or you've got this programming that says blahdy blahdy blah. And unless you work on the psychological level, you're going to be the one-legged person at an ass-kicking contest. You're not going to be able to kick Reality Transurfing ass on one leg. And if you're on the psychology all the time, oh, I've got myself really well sorted out, but all of this mumbo jumbo, like, oh, um, stepping into your into your frame and creating your own reality. That's a lot of— oh God. And, and, and I say to them, well, until you've experienced actually framing something, like it happened the other day, it's like another one of my banal examples. I'm on the train going into my pastry class. I have my toolbox full of expensive knives and things I use for pastry, et cetera, et cetera. I leave it at the train station because I'm just so tired. Oh, no. But I was just like, I'm, look, I wasn't there at the time, but somebody handed it in, blah, blah, blah. I never, I never doubted that I'd get it again because I've done this. I've told you the story about the computer ages ago. It's the same situation. Yeah. Yeah. I just imagined myself in the frame. I am in the living room. I'm holding this in my, in, in my left hand. I'm looking at the ta— I'm looking at the table. I'm feeling the weight of the thing. It's coming back to me. It's coming back to me. Sure enough, I get to Central Station. I go to the stationmaster's office. I said, hi, I've done this, this, this. Stationmaster goes into the computer and says, oh yes, somebody handed it in. It's exactly what you describe, a plastic blue toolbox. It's waiting for you back at Petersham Station. I said, okay, fine, good. Go back to Petersham. I'm late for 2 hours for my pastry class, but I got my toolbox back and hundreds of dollars worth of equipment didn't go suddenly missing. It works. It works. But if you're a masochist who thinks, oh God, I've lost it. Oh, it's not— and not— you're not even gonna bother checking in the stationmaster because in your head you've already lost your toolbox and there's no point looking. You don't deserve it.

You don't deserve it.

I don't deserve a break. Yeah, exactly. I just accepted. I've got a really dear, really good friend who is turning his life around quite radically at the moment because I guess his soul had had enough of him. But for years, for decades, it was like everything was bad. It was like he'd lose, uh, he'd lose something and I'd say, why don't you just go back to blah? Look, I'd say, for example, something would go wrong with my phone and I'd say, just go to And my friend would go, oh yeah, Apple will charge you a fortune because you're no longer on the plan, blah, blah, blah. And I'd say, no, I can frame a situation in which I go to Apple and say, can you please look at this phone for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they do it and they didn't charge.

Yeah. Right? Oh, believe me, I encounter daily Hundreds of people coming to Transurfing knowledge that have just the worst way of framing things, not aligned, um, people just completely off the mark. Assuming the worst, assuming the worst, assuming the worst, and then, and then being like, this is the way that it is, this is what I've got, and I'm just You know, you've got to— like you said, you're not going to kick Reality Transurfing ass with one leg. Yeah, exactly. You've got to look at the part—

you've got to look at the psychology, and you have to look at the spirituality, because people got it.

And you've got to start choosing the things intended for you. When you're endlessly choosing things not intended for you, you will end up lost in a sea of—

and as you say so clearly in your book— plug, plug, plug— as you say so clearly in your book, there comes a— there you have to accept the first, or one of the many first steps, because there are many first steps you can take. But if you're just starting off on this, a really important first step is accept the reality that you are going— that the, the universe, the timeline that you're in, the track that you're on, actually exists. That if you're only— if you've got a zero, number one track and a number 10 track, at least acknowledge that the existence of the track 10 somewhere exists.

It exists.

You might not be experiencing it now, but the only reason you're not experiencing track 10 is because you have not become that track 10 person. You don't get what you want, you get what you are. You need to become that Tracten person. And the first step of taking that Tracten step is saying, Tracten exists. I might not be experiencing now, but I can, I can see it. I can see the glimmer of it. I can imagine.

I can take a step.

I could imagine, I could imagine there was a time when my mother would actually finally— and I, and I, and I, and I could I knew, I knew that there would be a point where I would be free. Same here.

I, I, I thought, I believed, I felt there was a time, there was a place, there was a version of reality that I could be free from emotional and psychological abuse from my mother. Now, it came about in a very different way than I thought, but it's still— it's— and that's another thing, isn't it?

Don't assume the path. There's only one way. Assume, assume the destination. The law of assumption is much more powerful than the law of attraction. Yeah. You assume Track 10 exists. You assume, and you take it upon yourself to say, if trans— if Track 10 exists, if that highest available version of reality exists for me, how would I feel and how would I interact with life? And then you take that on and you feel your way into it, and you visualize it if you're a visual person, you, you hear it if you're an audial person, you feel it in your body if you're a kinesthetic person, you taste it in your mouth or you smell it if you're an olfactory or gustatory person. You use every sense that God gave you and you put yourself in that position and you say, I'm gonna frame the shit out of it. Yeah. Until— and then you go, and then you just relax. Yeah. You drop importance. Okay, I've done— my world is taking care for me, I care of me. I don't know how I'm gonna get— I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I will follow the little threads, the little, the little droppings of, of crumbs. I will do whatever it needs to do. I I will be sensitively aware while continuing on my path, etc., etc. So that's what you do. And for those people that are having a horrible life right now, I'm saying there is a way out, but that way out might not be what you expect. The way out might actually be a way in. The way out might be that you've reframed the situation. You might say, okay, I'm going to check— I'm going to deal with this as a spiritual exercise. I'm not going to abandon my mother. I will deal with this, and I will show up, and I will consistently show up, and I will consistently, consistently make this happen. And I will say, okay, I've got to do this, gonna do this, don't like, would rather be doing something else, but I'll do it. And so you do, and then, okay, it— and then you grow stronger from it. You've reframed it. This is a spiritual exercise. This is a spiritual—

it's all in the frame, it's all in the setup. This is exactly what I talked about in the last chapter cover of my book on importance, all in the setup. It's all in the— it's all in the frame.

But you have to be willing to—

we're 2 hours. Oh God, we're gonna have to—

we're gonna have to do this into 2 separate episodes. I can see.

But man, we can, uh, we can really— we can really talk, huh? Like, we can really just get in there and just— how— if, if we had, like, if you had some snacks and some water and you could make quick trips to the bathroom, same for me, how long do you think we could go on a rant talking about Reality Transurfing until one of us tapped out?

Yeah, I think it would depend more on— I think what it would depend more on is who we were in the moment because— and because I think we would follow our soul frail to whatever we felt would be the point.

You feel this is the point?

My throat is getting dry, which doesn't often happen, but I think, but I think that, I think we've given our, our millions of fans a really good, uh, some really good stuff, and meaty. And I think we've given them, I think we've given them at least 2 episodes, which is fine. And it, we do this again when our souls call us to do.

Let's do it, let's do it. Okay everyone, for those of you that have stayed till the, uh, the, the, the end of this, the bitter end, the bitter end, uh, join us on the Facebook group, join us, yeah, yeah, yeah, yada yada yada, all down below the links. There's courses, there's my book, there's free audiobooks of Vadim Zeland, there's—

and I'm available for coaching, so Xavier is available for coaching.

I am not available for coaching. I have had a number of requests recently, and I do not want to do that right now. So if you have any interest in having a Transurfing coach, I highly recommend Xavier, and he is definitely game for some one-on-one. So contact him if you're— and I don't want all of my—

and I don't want all of my pain to go to waste. I'd rather— I want people to benefit from what I've learned because I value it. I value the experiences that I've had. I don't want to throw them away.

And other people will value, will find value.

If their name is on me.

Yep. Their name's on you. There you go.

If their name is on me, that's—

Xavier intended for you. Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly. Am I for you?

And then I decide, well, are you for me? Because I have been there, people that I haven't taken on because I'm saying, no, you really need, you really need something that I'm neither in— I'm either incapable or unwilling to give, right? But that's— they're rare. They're rare. Most of the time it's people catastrophize their lives. It's not nearly as bad as as it— they think it is often. And part of the first thing that people need to realize is, okay, let's look at the goods. Yeah, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Yeah, you're alive, you're breathing. I'm all full of gratitude at this moment, and I'm actually, uh, kind of enjoying my celebrity status online in Georgia. See, even— even exactly how I thought I'd be a celebrity here, but I'll take it.

Hey, look, even it's The only thing worse than not being talked— than being talked about is not being talked about. So, oh yeah, if, if 55,000 views and people know who you are, maybe some of them will come to RT through this.

You don't know. Yes, you don't know. I almost, I almost commented on the video just so I would drive a bunch of traffic to all my stuff, but then I thought maybe that's not the right type of traffic.

I don't know. You, you don't know.

You never know. You don't— you never know. Maybe I should say something.

Maybe you should say something. At least then people will know I'm willing to. And then you can make a determination at that moment, because these determinations have to be made in the moment. You can't assume that something is going to be bad. Remember, we're not— in Reality Transurfing, we're not focused on the means. The means reveal themselves. The road is hidden from us of the time. What we do with Reality Transurfing is that we're in our cars and we turn on the high beam, so we see a little bit further ahead. It doesn't mean we see the end of the road, but we see a little bit further ahead. We can avoid the potholes, we can avoid the fallen trees, we can drive around them, and we know what we're doing because we were on the high beams at night. But we're not focused on the road. The road reveals itself. We're more thinking about what's on the sat nav. The sat nav tells us blah, blah, blah, we're getting close to us.

You can blast your, you can blast your car off that cliff over to the other side of the cliff where you're higher self waits.

Yes, exactly, exactly. But yeah, that's a, that's a good, that's a game that is, that's more advanced. That's advanced techniques for the more experienced driver. Don't bite off more than you can chew, kitties. Yes. That's a good one. It'll end in tears. It'll end in tears.

Yeah, don't bite off more than you can chew with Reality Transurfing. All right everyone, thanks for tuning in. And yes, Xavier bit the head off of his gingerbread man, gingerbread person, gingerbread non-binary, non-binary. Another reason this YouTube video got demonetized by YouTube. And we will, um, we will Catch y'all on the next round. Thanks for tuning in and see you all next time. Bye!