In this self‑help video, Renee Garcia shares how her relationship with the words “yes” and “no” transformed over five years, moving from a childhood‑conditioned habit of always saying yes to a balanced, intentional approach. She explains how early family programming—being the oldest of five in a low‑resource household—instilled a belief that saying no was selfish, leading to chronic over‑commitment in adulthood across family, friends, and business. Renee distinguishes unhealthy yes (habitual, over‑extending, often harmful) from healthy yes (branching out when aligned with personal desire and heart‑mind coordination). She also warns against reckless branching out, illustrated by a recent episode of buying canned cocktails and lottery tickets as a misguided attempt at novelty. The video then contrasts fear‑based no (rooted in comfort‑zone anxiety) with boundary‑based no (protective, self‑care driven), providing concrete examples. To help viewers apply these insights, Renee offers a set of reflective questions to assess whether a yes or no stems from habit, branching, fear, or healthy boundaries. She concludes by describing the positive impact of refined yes/no decisions on her romantic relationship, friendships, family dynamics, and overall reality, encouraging viewers to prioritize self‑care before committing to others. The video includes typical YouTube calls to action and promotional links, but the core content focuses on personal growth through intentional language choices.
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Hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia and this is Transurfing TV! And today, I'm going to be talking on a subject that has dramatically changed in my life over the course of the last 5 years, but I haven't really noticed it! It's kind of like the transition— from an unhealthy approach to this topic to a healthy approach to this topic has sort of run parallel with my continual growth via this amazing knowledge. But this is the topic of saying yes and saying no. We say yes in unhealthy ways, we say yes in healthy ways. We say no in unhealthy ways and we say no in— healthy ways! So, I'm going to break it down more for y'all and tell you exactly what my habits have been and how I've refined them over time now! And I'm experiencing a much healthier relationship with "yes" and "no"! Before I get into it though, remember to subscribe and like this video! If you do in fact like it, and comment below "My world is taking care of me" to enter my daily giveaway for my reprogramming stickers! Also, Teachable link! Teachable course, Reality 2.0, down below! So, yes, saying yes and saying no! I have, I'll admit, I am from a childhood, a background, a family where I was the oldest of 5, and we grew up very, very lower middle class, we did not have a lot of resources, and most of the childcare and household duties and certain things that really weren't meant for a child to take on were put on me from a very, very young age. And I was programmed by my immediate family as well as my extended family that I was to always say yes because people were struggling. And if I said no or didn't do what was asked of me, it was selfish, right? So I got this very heavy, layer of programming put on me from a super young age. And this was really resulted in an inability for me to say no, really the self-care, thinking about what was good for me, all that stuff really didn't develop. And as I went into adulthood, I struggled beyond measure with even understanding that I had the power to in fact say no. So I was again, been continuously saying yes to other people's requests of me. This could be in business, this could be with my romantic relationships, this could be with my family. I recently experienced this, or an awakening to this habit and how destructive it had actually continued to be in my life. Just until about 2 years ago, I was still saying yes because I wanted to be the good family member, right? I wanted to be the one that showed up, I really am the one that's got my shit together the most, so people seem to come to me for answers or help, or when people wanted to borrow money. And I was just continuously saying, "Well, you know, you are kind of the matriarch of the family," or "You are the one with your shit together the most, so you should really help everyone else." And at a certain point, I realized that this absolutely was not serving my best interest. And although it's fine to say yes to people— when they need help, you need to make sure, like I did, that I was helping from a place where my cup was full, as I like to put it! So, this is self-care, this is me really, really focusing on having my life taken care of, myself taken care of, my mindset healthy before I say yes! So, it's like the thing in the airplane when they say put your mask on before you assist in somebody else's! Somebody else with their mask. So this is really where it came, it came down to for me is that I needed to retract on some of my yeses, right? And I needed to learn how to say no more. So in my little diagram here, I want to just touch briefly on where and how we say yes or where it comes from or why. So usually yes is either because In a healthy context, we are branching out, right? This could be a friend calling you and being like, "Hey, I wanna, you know, go hike the Pacific Coast Trail. Do you want to come and do that with me?" Branching out of yourself, extending your reality. This would be you saying yes. This is a healthy way to say yes, if it is in fact something that you wanna do. Yes in an unhealthy way is out of habit, right? This is back to my example of me being programmed to say yes. Yes. So that was getting more and more and more destructive for a number of reasons, but it was really stemming out of habit for me. So breaking each of these down, starting with habit first. Now we can say yes out of habit in a way that is helpful to us, right? So has it helped you? Is this you consistently saying yes to something that you know is good for you? Maybe it's a certain type of volunteer work that you take a lot of pride in. So you consistently say yes, and it has in fact helped you. So acknowledging that it does fuel your heart and mind coordination, or it makes you feel connected with your community or whatever it is, this is a healthy way to say yes out of habit. Now, has your habit of saying yes hurt you? Again, this is me with my family. Maybe this is you with your family. Maybe this is you overgiving to your romantic partner, or giving too much to friends, or maybe you don't have a lot of money but then you're donating money, right? Are you doing something habitually that is hurting you, that is via you saying yes, right? So, really breaking that down and taking a look at it from a wider perspective. How can you start to acknowledge ways that you— said yes continuously that have in fact been hurting you! So, back to branching out! Now, when you're branching out, is this because of your heart and mind coordination? Are you saying yes because something has lit up in you and you're like "Oh my God, this is for me, this is exactly what I wanna do, I'm feeling this!" This is you branching out by saying yes in a healthy way! Now, branching out in a negative or dangerous way, being reckless! I'll confess to you guys something that happened to me about a month ago. For about, I don't know, 5 or 6 days, I got into this weird habit of needing to get out of my house, but I didn't wanna spend time outside. So, I would run into the local liquor store, I would buy a little canned cocktail, it was like, I don't know, some ginger— a Moscow Mule cocktail, and I would buy like $20 worth of scratcher lottery tickets. And then I would bring it back to my house really quick and I'd sit there with my dog and drink my cocktail and scratch my lottery tickets. And what I realized I was doing is I was trying to branch out, I was saying yes to doing something new, but it really, really was not a healthy thing, right? I mean, obviously, this is not healthy! Spending money on lottery tickets or drinking a canned cocktail every day, this was retarded! I mean, it really was not a good thing for me to be doing at all! So, branching out can be right! Reckless if it's not in the right direction, right? So, I caught myself rather quickly and I was like, "Renee, you know what, it doesn't matter how cooped up you feel or how you just wanna like get a little momentary pleasure, this is really bottom of the barrel crap, right? So, that needs to stop!" And I checked myself, I realized I was being reckless, and I did not say yes to the canned cocktail or the scratch-off lottery! I guess anymore! Okay, so getting to "no"! So, we say "no" out of two— really two reasons! One is out of fear, and the other is because of our boundaries, which is positive, right? So, getting to fear first! Are you saying "no", a fear-based "no" because you have issues with your comfort zone? Maybe again, this is your friend inviting you to go hike the Pacific Crest Trail and you saying "no"! Because you're afraid of venturing outside of your comfort zone. So again, ask yourself and challenge yourself when that question comes to you, why are you saying no if you feel that it is a fear-based no? Usually it has to do with comfort zone issues or insecurity, right? "Well, I know I can't do that because I'm not good enough," or "No, I don't have the skills," or— or "No, people will laugh at me," or "No, I don't know how to do it," or something like that! So, really addressing if you are saying no from a fear-based place, and where that fear is oriented, right? Comfort zone issues or insecurity levels. Saying no in a healthy way that is in line with you keeping your boundaries. So, are these healthy boundaries? Are these like, "Okay, I'm not taking angry phone calls from my mother anymore. I'm just not doing it!" This is a healthy boundary, right? This is me drawing a line and saying, "I'm not doing it anymore. This is the boundary that I've placed, so I'm not going to do it. That's a no!" But it's from a place of health and consideration of what is good for me, what is good for Renee! We can say "no" that is in line with boundaries that are actually negative, right? And this is fear-based boundaries! This would be like you've been single for 5 years and somebody asks you out on a date and your immediate response is a "no" because you have created some fear-based boundaries keeping you from things! Again, getting back to comfort zone issues! And insecurity. Boundaries can be healthy. Certain boundaries— and I know the terminology is a little funny here, boundaries is typically associated with health, but I see people that are creating fear-based boundaries that are not actually good for the individual or their intentions. So, when you really step back and take a look at— your habits of saying yes and your habits of saying no. Maybe take a screenshot of this real quick, and next time you come up against something that you either need to say yes to or say no to, ask yourself these questions: Is this coming from habit? Am I branching out? Is my no fear-based? Is it because of a healthy boundary? Is it because of an unhealthy boundary? Am I having issues with comfort zone and insecurity? Am I being reckless? Is this in line with my heart and mind coordination? And of course, the most challenging for us is the yeses that are coming from habit that are hurting us, and choosing a new way to respond to these yeses. External requests, right? Really breaking it down. And again— and I'll wrap this up, I know I'm going over my time a little bit here, but me really refining my yeses and my nos have had a wild impact on my reality, primarily with people, you know, putting me in a place where I've overextended myself. My romantic relationship is much healthier, I've got much healthier friendships. With family, it just really helps you get yourself to a position where you are taking care of yourself first and understanding where these yeses and these nos are coming from. So, like this video and comment below "My world is taking care of me" again to enter my daily giveaway. And let me know your thoughts on this, everyone. Bye!
