The Value In Understanding Yourself First vs Being Understood w Reality Transurfing Vadim Zeland

Hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia, and this is Transurfing TV, y'all! And today I am going to talk about something that absolutely irks me about the human condition! It's this weird phenomenon where we feel the— constant urge to try to make others understand us. And not only is it a huge waste of time, and your energy is much more efficient and effective in trying to understand yourself, but you have so much more of an ability to create your own reality within yourself, than to try to use Inner Intention to get others to adhere to your version, your layer of reality, your ideas about your reality. I hope I said that right! Sometimes I feel like this all makes sense in my mind, and then I try to explain it and it doesn't come out exactly the same way. Before I get started— Remember to like this video, subscribe, and comment below "My world is taking care of me," because it is in fact taking care of you! So, as you can imagine, Transurfers, I am inundated constantly with questions from people! Questions and emails and comments and messages and all sorts of things people want me to help them try to figure out. And I'm not kidding! You, I would say at least 75% of it has to do with another person, right? So, the message to me is, "Help! Something's not right! This other person doesn't do this!" Or "I'm having problems with this person!" Or "I don't know if I should be with this person!" It always, almost always has to do with another person. And deeper than that, going in a little bit deeper, conflict between another person's perspective and the person messaging me. And it's almost like after a period of time doing this for 5, 6 years, I've started to really see some— parallels to certain behaviors, and people not living in the reality of their choosing having the presence of these certain behaviors in excess, right? Because we're all gonna do some stuff. Even me, I'll catch myself at times. Last night was one of them. My partner has been really, really busy with— his new business, and he said we were going to spend some time together at a certain time, and he didn't show up at that time. And I started to say, "Well, you just gotta tell me! You just gotta tell me!" You know, and kinda like bitching at him. And finally, I caught myself, and I'm like, "Wait a second here. This is your work!" This is not his work. He doesn't need to adhere to your time schedule, to your version of reality, how you wanna see it play out. His purpose in life is not to merge onto what I feel is the right way to do things, right? Now, obviously, if you are— trapped in something where somebody is causing you harm, you absolutely have the right, and you should take it, to removing yourself from the situation. That's not the case here at my house. But there are times that I still feel the need to inner intention my partner or somebody else in my life, and switching that perspective around. To myself and then saying, okay, Renee, what do you need to do to resolve this conflict, this elevated level of importance that's messing things up for you right now? What do you need to do? So the understanding of self versus trying or attempting to be understood is really the money shot of this modality, really! Or any modality that has to do with elevating your level of awareness, right? So, these people that message me consistently with some sort of conflict with another person, really, the perspective is in the wrong direction, because you can endlessly— try— you can endlessly find reasons to view your reality as not being ideal because of somebody else's thoughts or actions towards you, or inability to understand you, all of that kind of stuff. So, I'll sort of explain this as I see it. And one thing that I do wanna mention before I get started— It is my humble opinion that you cannot have a good connection, a solid connection with anyone until you understand yourself, for the most part. And this is why my relationships in the past were so messed up. I didn't understand myself, I didn't understand where I was working from. Why I was working from that place. I didn't understand Pendulums, I didn't understand my relationship to my environment, how I was doing a dance that was resulting in me not really making any headway in forming meaningful connections with the right people. So, the people— and there are a number of them in the Facebook group that are really, really, really challenged— by relationships, interpersonal relationships. And yet these people, as I see it, have no understanding of self. People that are riddled with all sorts of issues internally. And it's like, dude, you need to work that crap out first before you can try to dive into a relationship and do it the right way. Like, it's just not going to happen. At least At least in my layer of reality, that's how it is. So, true connection is only possible when you truly understand yourself, or at least have a good grasp on how you function as a human being. So, breaking it down from the chart here. Your emotions, right? Your emotions— are not going to be managed by someone else. And this is where I royally screwed up in my past relationships. I did not take accountability for my emotions. I would put accountability on someone else, and I would say, "You need to change that behavior in you and start responding to me differently, so then I don't have this emotion of anger or rage or jealousy or—" some other undesirable emotion, right? So, you're either taking accountability for your emotions and breaking it down of why that has— whatever emotion has transpired, why it has transpired, rather than seeking the need for validation of why you feel a certain way, why you're responding a certain way, why— your emotions are what they are, and looking to the other person to try to like help you out of it. Nobody's going to help you, right? Because that other person has their layer of reality and their perspective of you. And believe me, this is the funny part about the whole self-development world and, you know, self-help and modalities like Reality Transurfing and all other sorts of modalities, nobody ever thinks that they're the problem, that they're the toxic one, right? But in me taking accountability for my own emotions and not putting that need for validation of my emotions, or trying to get somebody to fix my crap for me, right? This is me not showing up in a toxic way. Within the relationship. And we're all toxic. It's, it's, I know people think it's never them, but believe me, you're a toxic person. You can be a toxic person. I can be a toxic person, but we are not in a power position when it comes to needing acceptance. We are then giving the power over to the other person to either accept us or not accept us. And then we base our emotional state off of their acceptance or non-acceptance. So, with your shortcomings, we have the ability truly to grasp our— or recognize our own shortcomings and be okay with them, therefore lessening the charge they hold in our reality pertaining to our interpersonal relationships. If you are in a place of non-acceptance of one of your shortcomings, you are going to hang that on every person that's in your life, and then you are going to, you know, in either a very, very silent way, or sometimes a loud way, you are going to ask for acceptance of this shortcoming, which may or may not come. When it doesn't come, that's when the conflict arises. In my personal experience— and things become off balance. When I accept my shortcomings, I kinda just lay it all out there, whatever it is, it is, take it or leave it, right? This is why my relationship works with my partner now. I am who I am! And excuse my language, but I don't give a fuck anymore! I don't give a fuck about certain habits or attitudes or things that sometimes, you know, I mess up, or ways that I act, or whatever. I'm a human being. I allow myself the luxury of understanding my humaneness. And if I can go into that with a lighthearted acceptance of this is who I am, it actually doesn't make that big of a difference in my relationships. Now, if it does, then I have the power to not have that person in my life anymore. So, it's me owning and accepting my shortcomings, and only allowing people into my layer of reality that are okay with what I'm okay with. And if they're not, out! It's as simple as that. Management of my layer. Okay, so this is obviously talking about management of my layer of reality. I can manage my layer of reality. I can lower levels of importance. I can understand the pendulums and negotiate with the pendulums in my life, negotiate the deals. I can go with the flow, I can— all the Transurfing concepts, I can do those things! But I cannot attempt and be successful to manage the layer of reality for another person! So, in regards to understanding of self and being understood, If you are in conflict with someone else over not being understood, the best way to manage your layer of reality is to work on understanding yourself and not attempt to try to be understood, because this person is not coming to that equation with the same tools and insights and perspectives that you are. And this is where energy loss is abundant, right? Is when you attempt to manage what is outside of your control rather than just managing your own layer of reality. So the last point, evidence to support all theories. This statement alone has the power to change absolutely everything in your life, your relationship to your external environment, your relationship to yourself. How it supports your relationship to yourself first is when you are understanding of yourself, when you are understanding of your humanness, when you are accepting of your shortcomings, when you are really in a position where you're like, I know me, I know who I am, I'm okay with it. "this is cool," and "I'm going to only let people into my layer of reality that are cool with that too," you are going to really start to create a reality based off of evidence that will support all of those ideas about you and yourself. And going against the grain on that one is going to feel wrong. This is what has happened— for me. So, evidence to support all theories also helps you in dropping your desire or your urge to be understood by someone else. And how this works is that you just are enlightened, you understand that that other person has a theory about you. That they have also pulled evidence to support, right? And this is their truth. There is no right or wrong. And again, getting back to the like, everyone's toxic, everyone has the ability to be toxic. So, somebody could view you as toxic even though you don't think that about yourself, and they could pull evidence to support that theory, just as you could pull evidence to support the theory that someone else is toxic, right? So, all you can really do, all you really have is your ability— all you really obtain the power to do truly is understand yourself, understand what you are bringing to the relationship, to the equation, to the deal, right? And work on that stuff. So, briefly— I know this one's going over time quite a bit. In my past reality, I really had a very, very difficult time trying to have others understand me, and I was constantly in battle, especially with the men in my life, wanting to be understood, and "You don't do this for me!" and "You don't this!" and "This isn't this way!" and "I want you to hear me!" and "Are you listening to me?" and all these types of things! And I felt if I just did that enough, if I just did that harder, if I just did that more, if I put on more pressure, I could finally get the guy to conform and adopt my version of reality. And in doing that, I really screwed myself in so many different ways. Primarily, loss of energy that I could've used to better my reality in some other way that did need fixing, that did need betterment. Right? And also, it kept me, obviously, from having a functioning, healthy, fulfilling relationship with another human being. So, once I really started to understand myself, I could bring that to the table. And anytime a conflict has come up— and my partner and I have gotten into very, very few arguments. We've maybe gotten into 2 arguments, and we've been together 3 years. So, anytime I come up against him with my inner intention and he comes up against me with his inner intention, I don't try to inner intention the hell out of the situation. I back off, I try to understand myself, I try to understand when I'm working from a place of inner intention, will, ego, trying to go against the flow, all that kinda stuff, and I back up off it. "I manage myself, therefore I manage the situation, therefore I manage my relationship, therefore I manage my reality. And a true connection is possible because I'm taking care of my own shit!" So, are you doing this, trying to be understood? Or are you working on understanding yourself first? I'm curious to hear what your stance is on this. And remember to like this video and comment below "My world is taking care of me"! And subscribe and comment and like! And thank you so much for watching my video! Bye, guys!