Understanding The Difference Between Self-Love and Narcissism w/ Reality Transurfing Vadim Zeland

Hello, hello, hello, Transurfer and the Transurfing curious! My name is Renee Garcia, guys, and this is Transurfing TV! I just filmed this video, it was 25 minutes long! And then I went to look at the video and I realized that I completely cut off the entire whiteboard and you couldn't even see it! Oh boy! So, here I am, doing it again! So, today we are going to talk about a topic that I have yet to address on Transurfing TV. And it's actually something that— I get asked a lot. I get this question primarily from people that I believe have not yet read the book, people that are accessing Transurfing concepts through my social media platforms, these videos, seeing little bits and pieces of stuff, but haven't comprehensively gone through the knowledge. And I will be the first to admit that my— especially my Instagram feed, It's very self-focused. It's very self-focused indeed. But this is intentional. And for some people, the programming of guilt of taking care of self first, or guilt of thinking of self first, or guilt of putting your own oxygen mask on first, I can definitely see how— Some of my content could rub people the wrong way, and people could label Transurfing a modality that promotes narcissism. So, here's the interesting thing. For me personally, I won't go as far as to say I was a narcissist before— Reality Transurfing. But I was struggling constantly to put my own mask on. I was suffering, I had a lot of depression, I had a lot of anxiety, I had a lot of— I was ruminating a lot with what had gone wrong in my life and why things weren't working and why things weren't good. This constant struggle to breathe on my own, gasping for oxygen and air in my life, it wasn't necessarily that it made me a narcissist, but it completely tuned me out of the needs of others. And even though I was empathetic in nature, my focus— was on figuring out what was wrong with me. Now, after I found Reality Transurfing, Transurfing helped me to fill myself up first, stop that act of grasping for air and struggling for breath and trying to make things right in my life. It actually showed me the ways. In which I could fill myself up finally. Now, in doing this in an extreme way, I actually became able to then help other people, which is what I'm doing right now. So, when I get this, "Well, is Transurfing promoting narcissism?" It's kinda like, "Well, you tell me!" I used to not really care about the wellbeing of others, not because— I didn't care about others, but that I was too focused on myself. Now, I'm in a position where I have my own oxygen mask on, and I can try to assist others in putting their oxygen mask on. So, I'm gonna go through and kinda debunk the differences between self-love and self-narcissism, because in me putting my own oxygen mask on, this is— all my self-love and self-care and self-focus to the extent that I have developed who I am, and then have something left to give the world. And this is really what I respond to these people that ask me this, is, "Are you a whole person yourself? And are you actually being effective?" in helping others. Because this is the big lie that the Pendulums convince us of, it's bad— try to convince us of, it's bad to take care of yourself, it's bad to self-love, it's bad to put yourself first. You must care for others. But then the person isn't whole enough to even care for others, so they're not effective in loving themselves and being effective for themselves, and then they're not effective in actually loving others or caring for others. So, I'm gonna debunk this whole thing! Before I do, remember to like this video, comment, and subscribe to this channel! Join us on the Facebook group, the 'International Transurfing Institute' Facebook group! And the courses, 'Reality 2.0' and 'Tufti 2.0', links below! And follow me on Instagram @reality_transurfing! Okay. So, I'm gonna kinda give this a Transurfing— tilt, if you will. Because I can actually see the differences between self-love from a Transurfing perspective, and the narcissism from a Transurfing perspective. So, first, acknowledge equality is self-love, and the narcissism— narcissist favors dominance. So, from a Transurfing perspective, acknowledging equality, really boils down to the first part of the Transurfing knowledge, that there is evidence to support all theories. This has been a huge weight off of me in regards to me needing to get somebody to agree with my perspective or my beliefs, or trying to convince someone that my way is right, or my perception is right. Coming to this stage from a Transurfing perspective and acknowledging equality, evidence to support all theories, everyone is right, this really helps just sort of lay the foundation for a chill external environment where you do not feel the need to defend, or argue anything, and extend to others that you believe in their theory too. Now, sometimes people don't like this, because some people are looking for a row, some people are looking for a fight. But the self-lover acknowledges equality, evidence to support all theories. Second, recognition comes from within versus recognition comes from praise. I would not be able to do what I'm doing right now if I truly did not have a profound level of recognition coming from within. Haters' comments alone— I get a lot of praise, I will admit. I also get a lot of people that are very critical, very harsh, and have extremely negative things to say about me. Now, the self-love that I have cultivated for myself over time allows me to do things in my life from a standpoint of not needing the external acceptance of others. Now, that's not to say that I don't get it. But my movements and all of my drive— is coming from a profound state of Heart and Mind Coordination, and also being tuned to my Soul Fraile, that allows me to do things because I have that recognition from within supporting me in my endeavors. The narcissist is only looking for praise. And if it's not there, the whole system falls apart. This is why oftentimes— and we all know a narcissist in our lives. And just a side note on this. Typically, from a Transurfing perspective, we don't want to label people, because again, we're seeing what is within. Our traits and characteristics become very recognizable in others, and people are essentially mirrors to us, as our reality is. So, going forward with this information from this video, Don't be like, "Oh, I'm a self-lover and all these other people are narcissists!" Right? Because this, in itself, is imbalance. But that being said, I'm sure you can definitely call to mind a narcissist that doesn't actually have very much, because all of their gains are contingent upon the praise of other people. And this can make reality pretty damn messy if you don't catch it quickly. The self-lover accepts their imperfect self, and then the narcissist camouflages their imperfections. So, remember, Vadim Zeland says it multiple times in the book that our imperfect self, our imperfections, or our perceived imperfections actually becomes our charisma. The narcissist does not feel that way, and not only highlights their imperfections, while trying to hide them, they may be limiting themselves and their movements within their realities because of these perceived imperfections. Self-love, feel good about their being, and the narcissist, insecure about who they are. I mean, this is a no-brainer! Self-love reflects humility, and the narcissist involves arrogance. And jealousy. Self-love understands and reacts to others' emotions, and the narcissist has no empathy. Okay. So, this is kind of a big one. And this is probably where you could mess up with Reality Transurfing, if there is a place to mess up. For me, again, my story is that— Transurfing helped me to fill my cup up so full that there's overfloweth, if you will. There's some for others. My level of compassion and ability to connect and care for others has grown. Now, that being said, you could take these concepts, and use them to the extent that maybe you do only think about yourself, and you start to truly only be concerned with your emotions and your wellbeing. Now, I don't believe that having no empathy is a learned behavior. I think that there are certain unfortunate people in this world that are born without the ability to have empathy. So, I wouldn't necessarily worry about Transurfing doing this to you, right? Helping you to develop lack of empathy. But I will say this, if you stay tuned in to your Soul Fraile, or you continue to dial in to your Soul Fraile, and actively sense when you have true Heart and Mind Coordination and move on that stuff, I do believe that this will help you to develop a more profound connection with other human beings. I do not believe that a Soul Fraile— your Soul Fraile and Heart and Mind Coordination would lead you to a place where you lacked the ability to care for others. That being said, if this is the case for you— let's say you're an artist, or you're doing something that simply doesn't involve other people. I have a friend like this. He's an artist, he lives alone, he's in his 40s, he's been single for 10 years, and he just genuinely does not give a rip about anyone. All he cares about is doing his art. Now, would I consider him a narcissist? No way! Because his Heart and Mind Coordination and his Soul Fraile— just doesn't involve other people. It's not that he doesn't have empathy, it's that his layer of reality doesn't really have the set and decorations and where he is being asked to connect with people in an empathetic manner, if that makes sense. So, being aware if you are going down a path towards your goal through doors intended for you and it just doesn't involve— the interests, or the emotional needs of other people is very, very different than you going down a path towards your goal through your doors and being an asshole about it. This is kinda the way that I see it. Let me know if you think that I've got that one right, or if you think I've got it wrong. Curious to hear your thoughts on it. Okay. Self-love sees others as valuable beings. And then, the narcissist only sees themself as being valuable. So, getting back to my original— the way that I started this video, talking about my pre-Transurfing reality. This is where I had a little bit of some floating around of this one. It wasn't that I didn't see others as being invaluable, I just was so— focused on trying to get myself right. I was the only one that was valuable in my layer of reality at that time. And again, it wasn't because I discounted other human beings. But I was able to invert that and flip it around, and really not only improve my own value as a human being, but in doing this, back to my Mirror, really start to see the value in other people as well. I have to say, I have an extreme amount of self-love, and I am self-focused, and I am doing my thing. But at the same time, I absolutely love all of you in this community that are finding Transurfing, that are finding some value in what it is that I'm doing, hearing your stories of self-development. "this is the gold in my life. This is the gold in my life." So, am I self-focused? Do I spend a ton of time caring for myself, thinking about myself, doing things for me? Absolutely! But I can also see from my external environment the response back that I'm getting, even though I've got a lot of self going on. I'm getting a positive response back from others, and my level and intensity of love that I feel for the people that I've connected with grows exponentially. So, this is kinda where it's at. If you're in this mode, your external environment is gonna show that to you. If you're in this mode, your external environment's gonna show that to you. Sorry, you guys, my nose is running so much. The wildfires here are out of control, and I'm sniffling 24/7 now. So, are you here? Are you here? Has Transurfing helped you to go here? Are you venturing into there with Transurfing? God! Hopefully not! But I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. And I hope you can feel. Figure out the threads of these characteristics and start to move them over here with Transurfing, starting today, if you are experiencing that. And I'll leave you with this. If you're doing this, don't feel guilt, don't hate on yourself, don't try to change these parts of you. Just focus on this more, and it will naturally move you out of that space. You don't have to actually try. Just shift your gaze a bit, shift your focus. So, let me know what you think of this video, everyone! I hope you enjoyed it! And have a good day! Bye, guys!