A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule?

It's date night. You've gotten all dressed up, maybe even have some lingerie on under your clothes. You hired a babysitter. You have a dinner reservation. You are ready, ready to go. And you have every intention of having sex when you get home.

Totally going to do it.

What better way to wrap up date night, right? Some hot sex afterwards. But then with all the dinner, maybe the drinking, by the time you get home, you are just not in the mood. So you end up passing out and just going to bed instead. So let us know, has this ever happened to you? Leave us an emoji down in the comments to let us know if you can relate to this all too well.

And today we will be giving you our number one tip to make sure this never happens again. But first, if you're brand new to this channel, we just want to say hi. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist and we've been together for 14 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tricks and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if that's already something that you know you're interested in, just go ahead and like this video, subscribe to our account so you can make sure that you get notified about new videos.

Alright, so today we want to introduce to you one of our favorite rules. It is called Fuck First. The concept was created by a guy named Dan Savage who is a sex advice columnist. He recommends having sex before a big event or a date instead of waiting until afterwards. Because when you do wait until after.

You, we all know what happens.

We all know what happens. You probably had a little too much the eat a little too much to drink, or it might just be really late and you might be feeling bloated, tired, you might just really want to go to bed. I know, I've been there. And this is a really, really bad time and a really hard time to try to have sex. I'm sure you've tried and it maybe didn't go so well. And yeah, most likely you're like, oh, it just doesn't feel like a good idea.

I remember when we heard about this rule for the very first time. It was a total light bulb moment. Like how have we never thought to fuck first before?

Seems so simple.

Yeah, just to do it beforehand. That way you get to go into your date feeling like it's this sexy little secret between the two of you. You're having fun, you're already feeling connected, you get to enjoy the rest of that Date. Rather than thinking ahead of, like, oh, God, it's getting really late. It's taking forever to get through this date. We still have to have sex at home. So when we heard this rule, we decided, you know what? We want to play with it a little bit and kind of expand it to have a broader meaning. So the and Savage really focused on just, like, it being before date night. But we thought, you know, it's actually a really great idea for couples to prioritize having sex as early in the day as possible. So most couples, we have this tendency to leave sex until the very last thing that we do. Like, we're already in bed, we're already tired. We just have this association with, like, going into bed, you know, at the end of the night. That's the time that we have sex.

Turn towards your partner, should we?

But I think most of us have had this experience of realizing even without a date night, at the very end of the night, we're exhausted, we're tired. Like Xander was saying earlier, this is just a really rough time to get super excited and energized and enthusiastic about having sex. So intimacy in general is just so much better when you have the energy for it. So obviously, everybody's life, everybody's schedule looks different. Different. But you can get creative with the fuck first rule in a bunch of different ways. So maybe you realize that morning sex actually works really well for the two of you. Maybe you like having a casual afternoon delight. Even if it's just occasional, it can be really fun to play around with, like, having sex at different times than you usually do. If nighttime is really the only time that you guys have to connect, another little trick to do is just prioritize it over whatever other activities you usually do at night. So, like, most couples do spend a lot of time watching tv. Tv or doing chores, like folding the laundry. Like, at the very least, you could prioritize having sex over some of those activities. We do always hear from parents when we talk about fuck first, who say, like, I can't do that. Like, how are we supposed to do this with kids? So we have a really sneaky little trick for you. If you have a babysitter coming over, you can ask them, like, can you take the kids to the park? Or walk them around the blob so they don't get upset while we are leaving. Also, also, we've even just heard from, like, nannies and babysitters who say, like, we get it. You want to have a little alone time in the house. Like, just tell us. It's really not a big deal. Some parents have also told us we just let the kids watch tv. We lock ourselves in the bedroom, or we go into the closet or the bathroom and just have a little quickie before we're gonna leave for the night. So, again, everybody has a different schedule, but we think it's possible for every couple to really try to prioritize having sex.

Bottom line is just try to get creative and sexual. See how you can put sex first as often as possible.

All right, well, that wraps up our video about our favorite rule. The fuck first rule.

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Thanks for watching.

See you next time.