A therapist reacts to Scotty on The Ultimatum

Name: A therapist reacts to Scotty on The Ultimatum
Uploaded: 2024-12-27T11:00:02+00:00
Duration: 14 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: A short YouTube reaction video by couples therapist Vanessa Marin (uploaded December 27, 2024) where she analyzes a scene from The Ultimatum featuring…

27 Dec 2024 · 0 min

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A short YouTube reaction video by couples therapist Vanessa Marin (uploaded December 27, 2024) where she analyzes a scene from The Ultimatum featuring Scotty and Aria. The clip centers on disagreement about non-sexual physical touch and highlights common communication errors in relationships—particularly the use of absolutes (e.g., “never/always”) and difficulties sharing vulnerabilities.

I don't think we're still on the same page as like the non sexual physical touch.
I see where you're coming from. Like, you have things that you want and I have things that I want. And if we're not giving that to each other, then that's something we need to address.
It's literally never, never, almost never.
I know that that's something I actively have to think about.
That is something that I feel like is hard for me to share improvables with you because your whole mood changes.
Couples therapist here. I'm watching the ultimatum and we have got to talk about Scottie's communication in this scene. I want to point out one of the most mistakes I see couples make, and that is using the words always or never. Those two words can literally derail an entire conversation. Scottie wants more non sexual touch from Aria, which is a totally valid desire to have and also really great for a man to be able to call out that he wants more non sexual touch. And she gets that he wants that. But she also acknowledges that it doesn't come naturally to her, which is also totally reasonable and human. Now, his issue is that she hasn't made a 100% overnight change. And so instead of acknowledging that she's made any sort of progress, he just keeps going back to you never do this. She understandably feels really frustrated. Now. Whenever you use the word never or always, you just send the conversation straight into lawyer mode where you're arguing about the details rather than getting at the heart of the matter. If you want your partner to change, you have to make the space for them to change and have a little patience too.