Best Kissing Tips - Tips From A Sex Therapist

Maybe I started a video. Kissing. It's one of those things that we all feel like we should be really good at. Even though it's so rare to see, like, very detailed and specific advice about kissing. I mean, really think about it. Like, when was the last time you learned about kissing techniques? Maybe when you were 12 from Tiger Beat magazine. Fun side note, Xander had no idea what Tiger Beat magazine is.

Still don't.

So actually, let us know in the comments down below. Do you know what Tiger Beat magazine.

Is or what magazine did you learn about kissing from? Let us know down below. Was it 17? Teen Cosmo? Is there even Teen Cosmo?

No, there's no Teen Cosmo. Plus, the older we get, it starts to feel more and more embarrassing that we just haven't mastered this thing. That feels like it should be. So basic. But don't worry, we've got your back. Today we are going to be sharing with you our best kissing tips, exactly what to do, what not to do, all based on feedback from our audience on Instagram.

So if you're brand new to this channel, then hello, we are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa is a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you know that you want that, just go ahead and hit that subscribe button. Okay, so let's tell you first a little bit about how we tried to gather information. We asked our audience on Instagram at the time of this recording, we have 100,000 followers. We asked people to share, like, what do you love about kissing? What makes a great kiss? What do you hate about kissing? What makes a bad kiss? So we got tons and tons of responses and we also asked a couple of questions just overall about kissing. One question that we asked is, do you like making out with tongue? And we were pretty shocked to find out that only 68% of people said yes. So 32% of people, one in every three people, basically said that they don't like making out with tongue. Tom, that was quite a shocker.

Yeah, very interesting. I wonder if it is just they truly don't like it or they maybe never learned the right techniques, haven't enjoyed it properly.

The other question that we asked is, do you like how your partner kisses? Ooh, big guy, sensitive one here. So 77% said yes, 23% said no. So about one in every four people does not like the way their partner kisses. So clearly there's a lot of room for improvement for all of us. So again, that's why we wanted to make this video.

Alright, so let's get into first of all things that people don't like during kissing. Because before we tell you all the good stuff, let's talk about stuff that maybe is not so good, but stuff that maybe you see in the movies or whatever. And you get this idea that this is what people do, but maybe most people don't actually like it by far and away.

There was one answer that was the most common and that was too much tongue. People just really don't like when there's a ton of tongue involved. People said, like when the tongue is overly aggressive, when it's too pokey, like it feels like it's kind of jabbing at you, or it just like feels overall like the kissing is just too wet, there's too much saliva going on.

Yeah, that might really explain that. One in three people that don't like kissing with tongue. If you have an experience like that, I wouldn't blame you. All right, next one is pursed lips. I think this is one that we kind of see in the movies. I count. People kind of stick their lips out, like getting ready for the kiss. But you want your lips to be nice and soft, so don't purse them.

The flip side of that coin though is a lot of people said that they don't like fish lips. So when the person's lips are just like so floppy and it feels like you've got like nothing to hold on to, so you want to find that middle ground, be a little Goldilocks of like, that's too hard, that's too soft. This is just right with your lip pressure.

Alright, eyes open. This is an interesting one. We'll talk about this a little later too, because there are ways to tastefully use your eyes while kissing. But I think the key here is that in general, don't leave your eyes open the entire time staring at your partner.

All right, Bad breath was another one. So fortunately, this is one that we can, you know, just try to be a little more mindful of. Brushing teeth, chewing gum, flossing, having some mints on hand, all can be a good thing.

But don't go, don't go too crazy for this one because the reality is our breaths are not always perfect and minty. And unless it's really, really bad, oftentimes after a couple seconds of kiss, you're not going to notice each other's breath anymore. All right, so dry lips is another one. So always Keep some chapstick in your pocket, guys. I know that, you know, it can feel like chapstick is really girly. There are plenty of brands out there that are not flavored, that have spf. It's good for your lips. It keeps them lubricated, not dry. Just go get some chapstick.

Another big thing that came up was going too fast. A lot of people said, like, I don't like this feeling of being rushed in a kiss. So we'll talk about this in a second. But we think it's better to err on the side of, like, being really slow and sensual with your kisses.

Yeah, I'm sure this is another one from the movies where you just see people, like, really kind of going at it. Yeah. I think they're trying to show you what might be happening beyond the kiss that they can't show you with the hands and all that stuff. All right, so teeth is another one. I think that's a pretty commonly disliked thing. So if you're bumping. Yeah. If you're finding that your teeth are bumping when kissing, it's probably a good idea to reevaluate your technique.

It might mean that you're going too f. It might mean that you're getting your face, like, too close to your partner's face or, like, trying to go for too intense of a kiss. So just, like, lean back, ease up, slow down a little bit, and that should help. And finally, another dynamic that people said they really hated about kissing was feeling like kissing has to lead to more. So many people said, you know, I love kissing just for the sake of kissing. I could do it for a long time. Or, like, the reality is my partner and I kiss for, like, 20 seconds, and then we move on to something else. So, so many people are saying they want to have more kissing just the sake of kissing, just to enjoy that time together. So don't put pressure on the kiss to, like, have to lead to the next step. Just enjoy the kiss for what it is. All right, so now that we've got all the least favorite stuff out of the way, now let's talk about some good kissing tips. So these are the things that people in our community called out and said that they really, really enjoyed.

All right, so like Vanessa kind of alluded to earlier, just be gentle and start slow. I think we really can't overstate this one. Like, don't go straight in with your tongue. Don't go for really aggress, fast kisses at first. Like, start really slow. Just give a couple. Give A couple kisses. Ease yourself in. Maybe, like, a little tiny bit of tongue. Just. I was about to say prodding around, but exploring. Exploring and getting to feel each other out. So that's a good start.

A lot of people also said they like feeling like their partner is fully present in the moment.

So starting slow helps with that.

Exactly.

Yeah.

People said, you know, I can tell if my partner's mind is somewhere else or my partner's trying to make the kiss lead to more like we just talked talked about. So focus on being, like, really present in that moment, connecting with your partner and enjoying the kiss.

Yeah, so another one is paying attention to your partner's cues. Like Vanessa was saying, rather than having this idea of, like, okay, well, we do this for five seconds, and we do this for 10 seconds, and, like, this is just how we kiss. Like, see how your partner is responding to you, how they're reacting to you, and, you know, kind of try to play into that so that you guys are going on this journey together. Someone on Instagram said that they're looking for someone who pays attention and isn't pushing ahead.

Okay, so now let's talk about tongue. A lot of people did say that they enjoyed using tongue, but they want tongue to be used a little more sparingly. So having just a little bit of contact between the tips of the tongue or having the tongues make contact but then break apart, it seems like a lot of people are, like we were saying earlier, having, like, aggressive tongue, just, like, too pokey. Trying to maintain constant contact between the tongues. So we like to think of tongues as, like, more like doing a little dance with each other. Like, they're coming into contact and then.

They'Re breaking that contact, only inhabiting the space kind of in between your mouths. Like, if that one tongue is in the other person's mouth all the way, that is. That is a sign that it's too far. All right, so once you're into a good place with, you know, a little bit of tongue exploration, then you can think about gradually increasing the intensity. But the key word here is gradually stay slow. As you increase that intensity, don't go, okay, cool. We are, like, touching our tongues now. Let's, like, ratchet it up. Like, try to go really slow, because most people we talk to really describe their favorite kind of kissing as slow. So just always try to be slower than you think you need to be.

Okay, so those are some, like, general tips about how to approach kissing. And now we want to share some more specific feedback that people said that they really Enjoyed during kissing.

All right, so the first one is switch which lip you are focusing on. So oftentimes you might be having contact with both part of your partner's lips, you know, using tongue. But then you can switch it up, and you can kind of put your lips around their top lip or on their bottom lip. They can do the same to you. It's a really good way to switch things up. And it can also feel really nice.

Similarly, a lot of people said that they like switching the positions of their heads. So rather than getting stuck, like always in the exact same position, kind of like moving back and forth.

Yeah, like, I'm going left, she's going right. Nibbling on the lips is another one. So you can give a little suck. You can give a small, light nibble. Don't go hard on the nipples. No chomping on the nipples. And also really double check with your partner to ask if they like that. You know, just give it a try, a really gentle one, and say, hey, what do you think about that? Because some people dislike that. A lot of people we talk to really do like that.

Some people said they also really like when you take your tongue and run it around your partner's lips, kind of on the inside of their lips because their lips are so sensitive.

And then do not forget about your hands. So a hand on the back of the neck or on the head can feel really amazing. You can even use your fingernails a little bit to very lightly scratch the skin you can hold onto their face. I think a lot of people kind of just use their tongue to increase intensity. But the reality is you can use your hands as an extension of your lips to kind of, you know, increase the intensity of what's going on and use that to kind of gauge how your partner's feeling. Like, oh, are they responding as well? Like, is it feeling more intense? Like, okay, let's increase the intensity of everything.

Also, don't forget to kiss other places, too. So you can take little breaks from the lips to kiss their neck, to kiss their ears, their color bone. That can be a really fun thing to do too.

All right, now, eye contact. We talked about this before. Like, generally, do not have your eyes open the whole time, because then if your partner opens their eyes, they just see you staring at them, which maybe feels a little weird. However, I think that there is something to be said for subtle eye contact. So you guys are kissing. It's feeling super intimate, and you might just open your eyes for take a quick peek. Sometimes you guys will catch each other and it can be a really nice, close moment, but the key is that, you know, you're not doing it too much. It's just a quick thing like, oh, huh? Are they looking at me? Like, what do they look like?

Another thing is to breathe together. So some people said it can be really nice to kind of take little pauses in the kissing to sync your breath up together. And this is something that you don't want to get too nitty gritty about. Like, you don't want to be sitting there in your head, like, trying to make sure your breath is perfectly aligned with your partner's. But sometimes it can be a nice little, like, literally a breather in between your kisses.

Yeah. And speaking of taking a breather, just take breaks in general. Like, just in a makeout session, you do not have to be kissing, like, lips on lips the entire time. You can take a break. You can take a break by kissing, like, their neck. You can take a break and just look at each other and use your hands or use your bodies. Like, there are. There are a lot of different options here. And so I think a lot of people don't enjoy the experience of, like, constantly having, like, lips to lips. So. So, yeah, try to take some breaks, switch things up.

All right, so that wraps up our video about the most loved and the most disliked kissing tips.

If you like this video, please just give us a, like, hit that red button to subscribe to our channel and hit the notification icon as well so that you keep getting notified as soon as we post more.

And if you would like to talk about kissing with your partner, but you're just feeling kind of nervous, feeling like, oh, gosh, do we really have to talk about this really basic thing in our relationship? We've got you covered on that, too. We have an absolutely free guide called how to start talking about sex with your partner, even if you never have before. So this guide will give you word for word scripts, specific examples, and all the encouragement and support you need to start talking about sex and kissing and everything in between with your partner. So we'll put a link to download that in the description box below. Thanks for watching.

See you next time.