Busy person’s guide to romance - How to be romantic when you're too busy

We need to start a video later. Most of us lead incredibly busy lives these days. So between family, relationships, friends, work, school, religion, taking care of ourselves, recording YouTube videos. Yeah, it takes a lot of time. It can feel like there is hardly any time left for romance.

And if you have kids, you probably know this to be especially true.

Now we know firsthand from our own relationship what it feels like when romance starts to slip under the back burner. It feels like you're just not as connected as you used to be or you want to be. So if you feel like you just need to hit the pause button or like the refresh button in your vacation button. Yeah. Like, bring some romance back, bring some passion and energy and excitement back into your relationship, then this video is for you. Because we are going to be talking all about how. How to bring the romance back into your relationship. Even if you feel like you're just too busy.

And if you're brand new to our channel, then we want to say hello. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude. We've been together for 13 years.

And our account is here to give you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you're interested in that, please just go ahead and hit that subscribe button. We would love your support. It really helps us in continuing to make these videos.

Oh, yeah. All right. But before we get into this video, we really want to know from you what is, like, a small thing that you like to do that brings romance or connection into your everyday life, into your relationship? Like, just let us know in the comments right down below. Like, what's a small thing that you like to do that feels good for you and your partner?

All right, so here's the deal. We are titling this video like the Busy Person's Guide to Romance. But we want to give you a little tough love first. We kind of want to call BS on this idea of being too busy for romance. So, you know, we are all going through different seasons in life. Our priorities shift. We have different stuff on our plate. Like, that's okay. We, like we said earlier, like, we've definitely had phases of our relationship where we've deprioritized romance and intimacy, but we think that it's just too easy for us to, like, get caught in this trap of feeling like we're too busy and almost using that as an excuse. And so we think it's really important for all of us to, like, Be honest with ourselves about, all right, I've got this, you know, whatever it is on my plate at this point in my life. But, like, what is it that's really important to me? And we all have to make this active and concerted effort to prioritize our relationships, intimacy, and romance.

Yeah. So the problem with using the excuse, I'm too busy is that what you're telling your partner, or what they're likely going to hear, is that the other things that I'm choosing to do today or this week or this month are. Are more important to me than spending quality time is with you. So instead of saying, I'm too busy, try acknowledging that you are really busy, because that's a reality for you. And also express that you would like to spend some quality time with them. That way you can say both of those things rather than saying, I am too busy to do this with you. I'm really busy. That's feeling stressful. I'm. I'm also missing spending time with you. That's also something I would like to do. Here's the deal. We have this tendency where we just feel totally powerless against our schedules, our calendars, that feeling of constant busyness. But the reality is that on a daily basis, you are making dozens and dozens of decisions about what you're doing with your time, what you're prioritizing first, second, what project you're working on.

And we promise you, like, you're not spending every single second of your day being productive. Like, we all waste a fair amount of time.

So, yeah. So the reality is you are not too busy for daily connection with your partner. In one of those many dozens of decisions that you're making, you could make a decision to have a small bit of connection with your partner. Just five or ten minutes.

Okay. But let's talk about some, like, easy ways to incorporate romance into your relationship. Because I think a lot of us hear the word romance, and we think it has to be stuff that's, like, really big and elaborate. Like, I have to whisk my partner away on this incredible, like, surprise vacation. And, like, sure, that's fun. That's one of my favorite romantic things that Xander does. But that's just not something that we can do every day. So we have to find these, like, little ways of bringing romance into our days, even if we're busy, stressed, tired, whatever it is. So the first recommendation that we have is to ask your partner, what things feel romantic to you? How could I help you feel seen and appreciated and loved on a daily Basis this, because we're going to give you, like, some other tips here. But everybody has different ideas of what feels romantic to them. So we want you to start with your partner. I'm sure they have a couple of ideas of things that they would really love from you. And it can just be a fun conversation to have too.

Yeah. And asking, like, what types of things they love, that doesn't make it less romantic. The reality is we all like to receive love in a certain way. And. And just because we can tell our partner, hey, I really like it when you do this. It doesn't make it any less meaningful. Which brings us to our next point. We all prefer to experience love in a different way. We all have different love languages. So it's really important to talk to your partner about what is their love language, how do they like to experience love and connection? And so learn that language. Identify. If you guys have different love languages, you probably do. And that can really help you with figuring out what are some good small gestures that are really gonna speak to them in their language.

I think we should do a video about love languages I don't think we have yet.

Huh. Wow. Really? Okay.

We should keep an eye out. It's coming. Our next tip is to create rituals. So rituals are ways of making, like, these small daily activities feel more special. If it feels like this is this little routine that we always do together and this is the special that now we have an inside joke about it or a special name for it. Like, it just takes these mundane things and makes them feel more special. So, for example, you could have this little ritual that whoever gets home from work first is going to set some wine glasses out for the two of you to have a little drink together. Or maybe they're gonna light your favorite candle. It's these just small acts, but we create a routine and a pattern around it to make them feel more powerful.

Another tip is to try prioritizing that quality time really early in the day, as early as you can. So don't wait until the end of the day when you're both exhausted. So there's been a lot of research done on, like, how. How you spend your time when you're working. And here's like a small little hack in research. When you look, when you give someone a task and you give them varying amounts of time to do it, the longer the time you give them, people tend to figure out how to stretch out the task that they have or compress it down to figure out, fit the time frame. So the reality is we feel really busy, but oftentimes, if we are forced to spend less time doing that task, we can get it done. And if we have a longer amount of time, we figure out how to stretch it all out. So if you prioritize quality time early in the day, then you have that connection, and maybe you feel like, oh, God, now I don't have enough time to do all my work or all my tasks. But just give it a shot. You will probably feel. Figure it out. So here's a couple suggestions. Have coffee on the porch together. Can have a quickie during your morning shower. You can do the crossword puzzle together over breakfast. So these are just small, easy things. You do them early in the day, and then you can feel good like, hey, we're connected. Now I'm gonna go do all of this really busy work.

Yeah, it's like you're starting the day on a good note, and when you start on that note, it makes it easier to stay connected throughout the day rather than you're at the very end of the night. You're both exhausted, and you're like, we should do something romantic, right?

Yeah.

And by the way, all the things that Xander mentioned, those could be rituals, too. Like you could have. Yeah, it's our ritual that every morning we spend five minutes together and we do the crossword puzzle. Our next tip is to send sweet, sassy, romantic text messages or emails back and forth to each other. I think there's a lot of talk these days about how harmful technology and cell phones are to our relationships because. But the reality is we can use that technology to our benefit. You can even schedule an email to send to your partner for later, and that way you kind of just have your bases covered, maybe don't tell them that part of it, but I think we really underestimate the power of those really simple gestures, like just a little text that says, I love you. What? That takes two seconds to write, but it could make your partner's day.

Also, touch as much as possible whenever you have the chance. Give a hug, a kiss, a playful little smack on the butt, little, little squeezes. The more physical touch that you incorporate into your daily life, into your time together, the more connected you're going to feel, even if your time together is limited or even if your partner's love language isn't necessarily physical. Touch. But, yeah, it just. It feels good. That's a very easy way to get connected.

And our last tip is to de. Stress together. So this can actually be a way to kill two birds with one stone because guys are feeling really busy and overwhelmed. Have the romance be the kind of unwinding and de stressing together. And so it's like you're taking that time to connect with each other in those moments. So this could be something like taking a bath together. Maybe you go on a walk around the block together, a dance party to some of your favorite jams. Just like literally shake out that stress. Maybe an at home yoga class. Whatever it is like that that helps you guys de stress. But it can feel romantic to do that that kind of stuff together too.

Oh yeah, definitely. So that wraps up our guide on incorporating more romance into your busy schedule. If you like this video, please give us a thumbs up. Hit that like button. Hit the red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel. That helps us out so much. And if you want these videos, as soon as we post them, hit the notification icon so you keep getting them the minute we post them.

And we have a free gift for you if this is something that you are really wanting to work on in your relationship and date into even more. We have a free guide called three simple daily habits to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Like the title says, it'll give you three really simple, actionable, easy things to do. These are like the three like best bang for your buck kind of things that we've discovered. So we will put a link to download that for free in the description box down below. Thanks so much for watching.

See you next time.