Vanessa and Xander Marin break down penis size myths: men think average is 6-7 inches when it's actually 5.2 inches. Most pleasure comes from clitoral stimulation and the outer vagina, not depth. Foreplay, hand work, and specific positions matter far more than size.
Questions this video answers
About 5.2 inches (13.2 cm).
Between 6 and 7 inches (about 15–18 cm).
13 years.
42 positions.
Chapters
Just about every man at some point in his life is going to worry about the size of his penis.
Yep.
And it doesn't matter what the actual size of his penis is. He is going to stress out about it. So today we are going to address and correct so some of the myths surrounding penis size and finally tackle this burning question once and for all. Does penis size actually matter?
But first, we want to welcome you. If you're brand new to our channel, then hello, we are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly exceptional relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, just go ahead and hit that subscribe button right now. So let's jump right into it. Does penis size matter?
The million dollar question.
So I think it's important for us to be honest. Let's get real here. Like, yes, penis size does matter to a certain degree. You know, if you're talking about a really small penis versus a really large penis, like, of course there's going to be a difference in the sensation that the partner feels. But it's a much less important thing than I think most people are worried about. So one thing that we want to point out here, what the expectations are around penis size. So for a lot of men, if you ask them, what do you think the average penis size is? Most men will tell you somewhere between like 6 and 7 inches. The reality is, though, that the average is just barely over 5, like 5.2 inches. Do you want to give them the centimeter breakdown?
Oh, yeah. So for our global friends who aren't on this strange measurement system we have in the United States, that average is people, or, sorry, people think that it is between 15 to 18 centimeters, when in reality the average is just 13.2.
Yeah. So this can play a really big role. Right. If you're feeling anxious about your own penis and thinking like, oh, it's supposed to be 7 inches, 7 inches is the norm. The average, like, of course that's gonna create more anxiety. But if you realize, like, actually the average is much smaller than you think, that might help decrease some of that anxiety.
And for all the penis owners out there, the size of your penis has no impact on the amount of pleasure that you are capable of feeling. And it also has a surprisingly small impact on the amount of pleasure that your partner is capable of feeling.
Yeah. So this is what we mean by like, of course it matters. To a degree, you know, your partner is going to be able to notice the differences between, like, a really small penis and a really large penis. But there's a huge area kind of in the middle there where, like, it really isn't that noticeable. And if you're a penis owner having sex with a vulva owner, the most important thing for you to know is that intercourse actually isn't the most pleasurable activity for us vulvas. The reality is the majority of nerve endings on a woman or a vulva owner's body are in the clitoris, and you're really not stimulating the clitoris when you're having intercourse. And also, your ability to stimulate the clitoris is not at all dependent on the size of your penis when you whatsoever. So all the nerve endings really are in the clitoris. The vagina, which is what is getting stimulated during intercourse, has so few nerve endings that there's not even really a proper scientific tally. And even of those nerve endings, the vast majority of them are clustered on the outer third of the vagina. So you having a longer penis is not going to create a ton of additional stimulation for her if all the nerve endings are at the entrance of the vagina.
And if you sleep with men, the same is true where the vast majority of the nerve endings in the anus are in the outer portion. And similarly, if you're the penetrating partner in anal sex, typically having a smaller penis is actually a bit preferred.
Yeah. So the tissues in the rectum, they don't stretch the same way the tissues in the vagina do. So for any sort of anal sex, actually having a smaller penis is preferred. It's much less likely to cause pain, to cause tearing, and to actually be more pleasurable.
All right, so let's talk about how to work with your penis. If you can accept the penis that you have, it's most likely not going to grow or change unless you are still growing yourself.
Yeah, I mean, I think this is, like, what makes penis size issues so challenging for so many men is it's really easy to get fixated on it and get so much stress and anxiety over it when the reality is, like, there's literally nothing that you can do to change the size of your penis. So it is something that you're gonna have to learn to accept and to live with. But the reality is there are plenty of great ways to work with your body instead of feeling like you're working against it.
All right, so what can we do? The first thing is get really, really good at foreplay. So Focus on improving your manual stimulation skills, your oral sex skills, because like Vanessa was saying, the vast majority of the nerve endings in a woman's body are in the clitoris. There's not very many in the vagina. So you can stimulate the clitoris. Hands, you can stimulate. Stimulate the clitoris with your mouth. You don't even need to be having penetrative sex in order to stimulate the clitoris. So there's so many options.
And if you are having sex with women, it is far more likely that she's going to orgasm from your hands or from your mouth than it is that she's going to orgasm from intercourse. We actually hate the word foreplay because it makes it sound like these are just the things that you do before you move on to the main thing. You know, the main thing. But the reality is that these activities are actually going to be way more likely to be pleasurable for her.
All right? So another thing that you can do is really look for the best sex positions that work for your penis. So in general, you want to look for positions where you can get as deep of penetration as possible. And so depending on the size of your penis, that can really vary position by position, depending on how big you are and kind of what the angles of your bodies are.
We actually have a product called the Sex Positions playbook that details 42 different positions, goes into really step by step techniques about exactly how to use the position, how to move in it, how to transition in between positions. And we have categories in that guide. One of them is a category for deeper penetration. So if you're interested in learning the best sex positions for working with a penis that might be on the smaller side, then definitely check that out. We'll put the link to look at it in the description box down below. The other point that we wanted to make when it comes to positions and intercourse is that it can be much more useful to focus on a grinding motion rather than an in and out thrusting kind of motion motion.
All right, so next, let's talk about a couple different tools that you could put in your toolkit, so to speak. So penis toolkit, your penis toolkit. So the first one is a cock ring. Now, what is a cock ring? It can. It goes around the shaft of your penis, and it can help it feel larger by trapping more blood in the shaft of your penis. You can also try a penis extender or a sleeve, which is something that slips over your penis like a condom, thereby increasing the size of your penis.
Yeah, and those are usually like studded or Textured in some way to create a little bit of extra sensation for your partner.
Ribbed for her pleasure.
Mm. So, you know, the bottom line with penis size anxiety is that for a lot of men, it's really a symptom of, like, a deeper underlying anxiety problem. So if you're finding yourself just really fixated on the size of your penis, like you're thinking about it every day, it's getting in the way of your sex life. You're not able to enjoy sex. And it's definitely something that you might want to talk about with a therapist and practice some daily anxiety techniques. I've definitely noticed in, in my own work with clients that a lot of men who struggle to just deal with anxiety on a day to day basis, it's sort of like all that anxiety gets funneled into focusing on the penis size. So sometimes this can be a sign that there's actually something deeper going on.
All right, so that wraps up our video on penis size. And as we mentioned before, we have this amazing resource if you are looking for deeper penetration. Sex Positions are Sex Positions playbook. There are 42 positions and step by step instructions for how to get into each position, how to get out of each position, and it tells you how to move in each position to really maximize your pleasure and your partner's pleasure. If you liked watching this video, please give us a like, hit the red button to subscribe to our channel and you can hit the notification icon as well so you get notified the next time we post a video.
