EPISODE 36: Can We Come Back From This?

There's a big difference between honesty and cruelty.

Yeah, you're just being cruel.

Yeah. Yes, honesty is important. Yes, we encourage you to be honest with your partner, but there are plenty of things that you don't have to be honest about, and this is just such a great example of that. Hello, and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.

And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Today, we are talking about the gray areas in relationships. So we've all heard about deal breakers, right? Like the very obvious, that's it, done, the buck stops here, boundaries broken. Yeah. Kind of thing. So we all know about those. But what we wanted to talk about today is this gray area. Times that our partner has said or done things that have hurt us. And maybe we wonder, like, can we come back from this? Can we ever recover? Can I ever fully forget that my partner said or did this?

Yeah, because this might be that thing. They said it was hurtful, it wasn't that bad. But then you find yourself continuing to think about it and come back to it, and it's like, it's haunting you. And it's like, okay, well, is it ridiculous to want to break up for my partner for this one thing? But I can't stop thinking about it. What do I do exactly?

Yeah, it's not one of those, like, obvious, I have to get out now. Deal breaker, game over.

Every single one of my friends would also advise me to do the same thing.

Yeah, exactly. But it's something that it just. It lingers in the back of your head. You ruminate on it. You can't quite get it out of your mind. So we just thought this was a really interesting, like, nuanced aspect of relationships to get into. We went over to our Instagram audience and we just wanted to add, like, has your partner ever said or done something hurtful that made you feel unsure that you'd ever be able to Forget it? And 60% of people said yes. That's a lot. Yeah. Most relationships have had some sort of gray area type of moment like this. What we decided to do today is do another one of our advice column Style episodes. So we asked people in our Instagram community, tell us what happened for you. What was that moment that has just lingered with you? You're not quite sure you can follow fully, move on from it. You don't know what to do with it. Like, tell us about it. We got a ton of examples. I will say a lot of them were those, like, obvious, get out now. This was a deal breaker kind of thing. So it made me a little bit sad that I think a lot of people are sitting with some pretty heavy stuff that came up. It was actually a little bit challenging for us, like, reading through these responses because there was just so much hurt that has been going on in relationships. But we picked out the ones that felt to us like a gray area. And of course, gray area is going to mean something different to everybody else. But we have, I don't know, maybe like 10 or so different examples and we're going to go through them and give our gut check. Initial reactions of like, how bad is this? Some tips for how to move on past it. Some conversations you might want to have with your partner. Maybe some of these are going to feel like deal breakers to us. You'll get an inside peek at what's going on in a lot of other people's relationships.

Oh, boy.

Oh, yeah. And hopefully get some tidbits about how to handle the gray areas in your relationship.

But first, we are going out of the gray area and into just the awesome area where we talk about other review of the week. We compliment ourselves a little bit.

Hold on though. Because these reviews get screenshotted from Apple podcasts and they actually are gray.

Oh, sadly, sadly, Vanessa is right.

They're totally gray.

She's right there. It's a gray box with text over it. Unfortunately, we are still in the gray, but this is a really good gray area where people tell us how wonderful the podcast is. So today's is becoming a better therapist. Oh. I grew up feeling like sex with a taboo topic and I felt so much shame anytime it was discussed, even with close friends. Fast forward. Years later, I became an occupational therapist and literally have conversations about sexual with my patients. Face Palm. Thanks to your podcast and Instagram stories, I approach any conversation about sex with openness and better understanding. Hallelujah. Heart face.

Okay.

Thank you for your candid conversations and teaching spirits. Your reach far exceeds the people who follow you. Oh, wow. Now we have like a robot bicep.

Yeah, we got some good emojis this time.

Oh, I think this is like occupational therapist style emojis. We Have a. We have a robot bicep. We have a person in a wheelchair. We have a person who is blind, and we have two people standing next to each other. Awesome.

Good job. I thought the robot bicep might trip you up a little bit, but you got it. Also, it sort of looks like it's making.

Is it a prosthetic or is it a robot bicep? I mean, I don't know. Kind of looks like a robot arm. If we can put these type of arms on people, that's pretty amazing.

Am I amazing?

Amazing.

Amazing. All right, well, thank you so much for this review. Great emojis in this one. If you haven't.

Very topical for your situation.

Absolutely. If you haven't heard us talk about our little emoji game before, basically, we challenge you to put creative, unusual, interesting emojis in there for Xander so he can learn what emojis mean.

Yeah. And this was actually great because it wasn't just, like, fate. There was only one. There was a face palm, and then, like, one face emoji, and the rest were other things. So someone actually really heeded your call recently, a couple of weeks ago, of like, hey, guys, we got to branch out from the obvious face ones. Like, you know, it's all good and fun when I struggle to infer what a face means, but there are so many more emojis out there, so we.

Appreciate that and we really love getting your reviews. It's seriously, like, the only way the podcast can grow. It means so much to us, hear your kind words. So we would really, really appreciate if you would take the time to leave us a review. If you've enjoyed any of our podcast episodes, maybe even if this is the first time listening to an episode and you're like, you know what? I'm just gonna really enjoy the hell out of this one. Let me leave a preemptive review.

Oh, yeah. If you give us five stars, I guarantee that you'll like the episode.

These first five minutes have been absolutely captivating, life changing. And we do a giveaway every single week. How it works is leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Unfortunately, that's currently the only platform that you can leave a. Once you do that, you will be entered into our giveaway every week. Going forward, we pick a review at random, but let's just say maybe your emoji game doesn't hurt, and that person wins a free mini personalized coaching session. So you can come over to us on our Instagram account, anessamarintherapy, send us a question, and we will send you back a personalized coaching session with advice. All right, so let's get into it. Do you have any memories of something you've said that I had a hard time recovering from?

Oh, yeah. The thing that sticks out most to me, this was so early on in our relationship, and I was so young. I can't remember how we got onto this topic. I think that you were probably trying to be really cute and be like, oh, like, I never annoy you. Right. And I said something. I said something that I really regret. It took a number of years to live it down, and that was. No, you annoy me all the time. I mean, I think probably I get annoyed by you at least once a day.

I get annoyed by you once a day. Okay, first of all, it was not at the beginning of our relationship. This was like, a couple years ago.

No, it was not just a couple of years ago. It was definitely before we got married. I want to say. Yeah. And I actually realized. I think that I probably misphrased the way I said it. I actually probably said it worse. You annoy me every day is what I probably said.

I think you said, at least once a day.

Yeah, at least once a day. I didn't even take responsibility for saying, I get annoyed at least once a day. I just said, you annoy me.

And you're right. I was definitely like, I don't even know what you would call. It's not like, fishing for compliments. Like, I was being cute. Fishing for insults.

You kind of were. You kind of were. I'm not sure what you were expecting to get.

I was being obnoxious. I think I was probably doing something really annoying, and I was trying to make fun of myself in the moment and be like, oh, I'm just so annoying. But I was expecting you to be like, no, babe, I love you. You're perfect. You're never annoying.

Well, after all the years of grief. After all the years of grief I got from that, and I also suffered from that. I do appreciate you taking some responsibility for the fishing a bit. The fishing expedition you were or weren't on.

Yeah, we're laughing about it now because looking back at now, it's very ridiculous. But my feelings were very hurt, and they were hurt for a long time. Like, oh, my God, what is this relationship that I'm in that I annoy him every single day? And again, like, we're laughing about it now. We were able to have some perspective on it. We have moved past it, but for a long time, it didn't feel very funny. And there was this fear in the back of my head of, like, well, is this not the right relationship for him, then? Am I not the right person for him then? Like, yes, obviously, relationships have ups and downs, and we annoy each other, but the idea of me annoying you every single day, like, that was very worrying to me.

Yeah. And, you know, I explained it at the time, and, you know, this is still the explanation that I have for it. I just wasn't particularly emotionally intelligent when I said it, but, you know, what I meant when I said that was just little, tiny, minor annoyances, like, Vanessa left her shirt on the bed or, you know, some kind of random little thing. And I kind of, like, thought that I was maybe being really skilled in saying something like this and just sort of acknowledging that, yeah, when you're in a relationship, there's no way you're ever gonna live your life exactly the way that you would live it if you're single and, like, not accountable to anybody else. And so I was just trying to take responsibility for the fact that, yeah, you know, at least once a day, there's some random thing that happens where it's like, if I were at my house on my own, nobody else around, like, I wouldn't do this or that, you know, it would be different because, like, I always put the dishes in that side of the cupboard versus the other side or whatever it is. But what I didn't really realize was I didn't make that clear when I said that, that it was the tiniest little annoyances. And, you know, in Vanessa's mind, she's thinking of what to annoy someone means as, like, a really big thing that really bothers you. Yeah, I just wasn't very skillful in how I said it.

I was thinking of, yeah, annoy. Like, it's a strong feeling. It's like, oh, my God, stop annoying me kind of thing. And so maybe that's our first takeaway of this episode is that words can have very different meanings to different people. So you are thinking of the word. You know, we're talking about the same word annoy, and you're thinking about it in these, like, minor, oh, I notice that something's out of place and that the minorly annoying. Whereas I'm thinking of it as, like, a very active, oh, my God, I'm so sick of this person. Why are they doing this? Why am I here? Kind of thing.

Right? Yeah. And what was challenging for me was that obviously you were upset by this. I felt, like, defensive, like, I wanted to explain what it was that I meant, and I wanted that explanation to cancel out the feelings that you had about it. And so it was a confrontational thing for a while because, you know, because I felt like. Well, I feel like I've explained my side of it. It should be totally understandable now. So she shouldn't be mad at me. You know, what I didn't really realize at that time is that, you know, when you say something like, someone's going to have feelings about it. And I was for a very long time not able to really validate her feelings around that. I just kind of felt like she is annoying me by still being mad at me about this. So, you know, since then, she has continued to annoy me every single day. Now. I'm just kidding.

And you bet your ass. I brought up all the time like, oh, have I annoyed you yet today? Oh, is this my annoying thing of the day? It took us a while to move through that. I haven't been in a while, though.

Took a couple years.

Yeah. I would say, to get out of that gray zone. All right, let's go into other people's examples. So for this first one, I just want to give a quick content warning that this first one just mentions sexual assault. And literally, that's as far as it goes. Just the words. But if you're not feeling up to hearing that right now, then just hit skip ahead a couple of minutes on the recording. Okay, so this person says, when I told my partner about past sexual assault I've experienced, he started crying and saying, why do the women in my life not realize how traumatic it is for me to hear these stories? I stopped and said, are you actually turning my assault into something about you?

Whoa. Wow.

What was that noise?

It was a wow.

What.

Wow? I don't know.

Very inappropriate to be laughing this way, like, right after discussing one about sexual assault.

But let me say what I was trying to say. I was trying to say, whoa. I don't know. This is. This is actually a tough one. I think this is a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge red flag.

Yes.

Massive red flag. The only possible thing that I can think of here is that this person also has some kind of trauma around sexual assault, perhaps, and that there's something else behind this, like how traumatic it is for this person to hear those stories. That's like, the only possible thing that maybe there is. There is some other trauma. I'm not trying to compare traumas, but, like, if there truly is a trauma that this person has suffered around hearing Stories similar to their own or something like that. And this was just a really, really, really, really, really poor way of expressing that. This is a massive red flag.

Yeah, for me, this just screams red flag. I do think it is hard to hear about things that your loved ones have been through, traumas that they've been through. Of course it affects us to hear about these kinds of stories, but to lead with that. Yeah, that, that, you know, that really is giving the message that his trauma of hearing the story is so much stronger than her trauma. Sharing the story and experiencing the trauma in the first place, which is just fucked up. And to then to even loop in, like, the women in my life, like he's impersonalizing it. It's not even just about like, hey, this is really hard for me to hear because I love you and I hate that you've gone through something like this. It's just the wording is so we. Everything just feels really weird to me about it. So again, I want to validate. Of course, if somebody that you love is telling you about a trauma they've experienced, you're allowed to have a reaction to that. It makes sense to have feelings about that. I would have feelings if you told me about experiencing a past trauma, but I would not lead with those feelings. I probably wouldn't even mention those feelings in the first conversation. That first conversation would be all about you. Thank you so much for telling me this. I'm so sorry that you've experienced this. How can I be a supportive partner to you? Not making you feel bad for tell.

Yeah, don't make it about yourself. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your partner and a trauma that they've been through. But furthermore, the message that this person is expressing, that implicit message is, if something bad happens to you, I don't want to know about, doesn't leave room for trauma to happen in life later on in your relationship. And I hate to break it to you, but life is traumatic and shit happens in life. And this just feels like the partner is saying, I can't handle tough stuff. Not only that, I don't want to know about it. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to see it. This person is kind of living in like a la la land, so to speak.

And also I think the impression that he's leaving her with is making her feel guilty for having told him in the first place. Why don't you realize how traumatic this is for me? You shouldn't have told Me. That in and of itself is an unbelievably fucked up thing to tell a sexual abuse survivor for so many reasons. You know, survivors taught to, like, not tell anybody, to keep it a secret. Other people don't want to know this. You know, there's so many dynamics that come up. And so to tell somebody about your trauma takes a tremendous amount of bravery and courage. And for him to just shoot her down, be like, how could you not realize?

Ugh. No.

I mean, I hate it.

Unless this person immediately afterward was like, whoa. Oh, my God, that. I am so sorry. This was a really fucked up way to respond to you. Wow. I have some work that I need to do on how I handle hearing about traumatic experiences that you've had, because it's really important for me to be there for you and to be a good partner to you. And I'm gonna start going to therapy and talk through what the hell just happened.

Yeah.

Unless that happened immediately afterwards, I would say run away.

Yeah, we're a no go on this one.

All right, the next one is, my husband told me he wasn't attracted to me during the latter half of pregnancy and postpartum. I'm three years out now. I can't get that comment out of my head. Wow.

I'm just going to make this sound after each one that we read.

Guys, don't say this.

Don't say it. I have a really big.

Even if that is what you are feeling inside, don't say it. Yeah, it doesn't help anybody. It doesn't even help yourself.

I could imagine her telling him, hey, that comment really upset me. And him being like. Like, I'm just being honest. Like, this feels like a classic example of a. Like, I'm just being honest. There's a big difference between honesty and cruelty.

Yeah, you're just being cruel.

Yeah. Yes, honesty is important. Yes, we encourage you to be honest with your partner. But there are plenty of things that you don't have to be honest about, and this is just such a great example of that. Like, do not tell your partner that you're not attracted to them. And especially during pregnancy where she is growing your child, she is sacrificing her body to create new life. The two of you have created this new life together, and she's the only one who can do that. It's not like we've made this decision about, okay, who's gonna carry the baby? Oh, okay, I'll do it. Okay, sure, fine. Like, she has to do that. Right. And it's your joint Child together. And she's having to deal with all of these impacts. Like, yes, on the one hand, being pregnant and growing new life is a beautiful thing. And there are also a lot of terrible things that go along with it too, like morning sickness and losing your hair and gaining a lot of weight and not being able to. And having issues sleeping and acid. Like, all these things. And so for him to fixate on the way that her body looks and not being attract. Like, my. I'm trying so hard to just not break into screams right now because I'm so mad at this. It's fucked up. It's so fucked up to say this to her. Her body doesn't just exist for you to be turned on by, like, she's doing something enormous and miraculous and like. Like, sorry if it looks a little different. Like, I'm so sorry to disturb you, buddy. Yeah, but.

But this one is. This is a challenge because. So what do you say? Run away. This is a really tough one because, you know, I think that there are.

Oh, to her.

Yeah. Like, you know, this is.

You're saying to him, your wife's pregnant. Run away.

No, no, no. What. What I'm trying to say is, like, this one really. It's a really shitty comment to make. Yeah, but. But what do you do afterwards? I think you need to go to couples therapy and you need to talk about this. This guy needs to understand that that's a fucked up thing to say and that he needs to understand the difference between honesty and cruelty. And if this is so much of an issue for him and he's just straight up not attracted to you, like, maybe he needs to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life.

Yeah, but.

But it's. It's not. Yeah, it's not okay to just be like, hey, I'm not attracted to you, with the assumption that that means that your partner's just gonna go out and like, what did the. I don't even know what this guy expected his partner to do.

That's a good question. Like, what does he expect? Like, was she not supposed to gain any weight? Was her body not supposed to look different? She was just supposed to have some, like, miraculous conception where she stayed, like, like, exactly the same, never changed. Like, what the fuck were you expecting, dude?

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess the only thing I can think of is that he's like, now she's gonna go hit the gym until she's super hot or she's.

Gonna go get a second half of her pregnancy. And it sounds like he said it twice because she says this latter half of pregnancy and postpartum. So this sounds like a repeat offense. Which raises more red flags for me. If it was like, we all say dumb sometimes and we all say really hurtful things without meaning to. Like, we've all been there, right? Where you're like, oh, my God, I can't even believe that came out of my mouth. How did I say that? So if this was like a one time thing, something else was going on. Like, it's very hurtful, and they're probably going to need time and maybe therapy to process it. But the fact that it sounds like it's multiple times is really upsetting me too.

Yeah. So, I mean, that's why I think you got to go to couples therapy. This is not. This is not a one time conversation. This is like something you got to really process us a lot of aspects of this. What was going on in the moment when you said that? What do we do now? How do we rebuild trust that, like, if you change your mind about whether you're attracted or just like, yeah, what do we do? Where do we go from here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely think a lot of therapy for this couple. Couple therapy. He'll probably need to do some individual therapy.

Yeah, I was gonna say that, like, he needs to figure out, like, what is it that. That he wants and are there genuine needs or desires that he wants to express to her that are more specific than, yo, I'm not attracted to you. Go do something about it.

Yeah. I mean, the one thing, if I'm really, really digging deep to try to throw this guy a bone is like, what he was trying to say instead of attracted is like, feeling disconnected to you. Because I think that for some people, they don't think about it in terms of connection. They think about it as like, oh, I'm not feeling attracted to my partner anymore. There's not that spark. I'm not feeling drawn to them or important to them. Maybe he was feeling like, you know, you've got so much going on with the pregnancy. I'm feeling left out of it in a little, in some sort of way, Especially postpartum. We hear about this a lot with dads kind of feeling like, where do I fit into this? Like, she's bonding with this new baby and it's this, you know, huge change in our lives. And, like, the baby is so reliant on her, and I'm not being relied on in that same sort of way. So again, this Is like, really digging deep.

Oh, yes. Or, yeah.

Or it can be like, yeah, maybe it was more about the connection for him rather than, like, straight up physical attraction.

Yeah. Or it could be. And again, I'm really digging deep again. But, you know, I'm just trying to imagine a scenario where maybe she is being really down on her body. Her confidence is really suffering. There's sort of more an emotional aspect to that attraction for him where he's like. He's trying to kind of express, like, oh, I'm bummed out by, like, how down on yourself you are. And that's not feeling attractive to me. And again, this just gets back to. He could have expressed that in a much different way. There's a way better way to address that topic than just kind of doubling down and being like, I'm not attracted to you. And I'm not even going to clarify what that means.

Yeah. All right, next up, we have a submission from a male member of our audience. All right, what are we at now? Like, 10% of our audience? I think it's even less.

Yeah. Get your male partners to follow us. Get your male friends to follow us.

Your cousins, your dad, your brother. We need some more men in our Instagram audience. All right, this is what this guy said. My partner told me that the man she was with before me had a bigger dick than I do. She said that she didn't like it because it caused her a lot of pain. But I can't get over the fact that she's been with someone, someone bigger. This is such a common one. We hear about this one all the time. And I think that a lot of men have the experience of feeling self conscious about their size if they hear that their partner previously was with someone well endowed. A lot of guys really ruminate over that, like, comparison, getting stressed out. And I think a lot of men have a very hard time recognizing that that bigger is not always better.

And in this case, it is very explicitly not better.

Not at all.

She literally said that it caused her a lot of pain, which means she didn't enjoy herself. She didn't get very much pleasure. It was bad sex for her.

This would be another example of, like, the I'm just being honest thing. Like, if she was rubbing it in his face about, like, oh, the last guy I was with is, like, so big. And it was. It was so great. And I love. That'd be like, girl, you don't need to tell him that.

Or it was like, oh, it was so big, but you're okay. Oh, God. Yeah. So, like, hey, that would not be cool. That's just making us feel bad about. Or, you know, making it really easy for us to feel bad about our body. But in this case, yeah, she could have worded it slightly differently.

Well, we don't know exactly how she worded it. All that we have is that she said she didn't like this bigger penis. Cause it caused her a lot of pain. So she didn't even necessarily say, like, oh, it was such a beautiful dick. I loved it. It was so great. Oh, but it kind of caused me a little bit of pain. Like, all that we're hearing is that she said, I didn't like it. It caused me pain.

Yeah. Actually, she. I mean, he wrote it caused her a lot of pain.

Yeah.

So I guess here's another question for you, dude. Do you want to cause her a lot of pain? Do you want. Do you want. Do you want a bigger dick that she doesn't like? Would you rather have a dick so big that you feel good about it and nobody else does?

Ooh, yeah. We have a YouTube video about this, about, does size really matter? We will link to it if you want to learn more about this. Because, again, this is, like, a very common anxiety that comes up for men. I would guess probably every man has felt anxious about his size at some point in his life or another. Right?

Yeah.

So we'll link to that if you want to dive more into this. But I think this is an example of him really needing to just take a look at what was actually said. Yeah, she's talking about something unpleasant that she did not like, not saying anything hurtful to him.

Yeah. To the guy writing in. If you're finding yourself really unable to let go of this idea that the person that you're with may have had larger penises than yours. If you're just really fixated on that, no shame. There's no shame in that. But, like, you may have had a trauma in the past where somebody maybe made fun of of your size, or maybe you've gotten a really unrealistic view of penis sizes from porn or something. But this is a great indication. You might want to go see a therapist to just kind of talk through, like, what is up with you and your fixation on penis size. I think at this point in time, you're having regular sex with someone that probably is good because she's telling you that she was with someone bigger and it wasn't good. And, you know, it sounds like she's trying to make a positive comparison. For you. Hey, your penis is great. It doesn't cause me pain. It hopefully gives me a lot of pleasure. Yeah, I've had bigger, and it sucked.

Okay, I want to put you on the spot a little bit here, though. You know, I have been in the same situation. I have been with somebody who is very large, and it did cause me pain. But what does that feel like for you? Just like that pure, emotional, guttural reaction of knowing that I've been with somebody who's bigger than you.

I mean, you're not with them now.

Oh, zing. I mean, it doesn't.

It doesn't bother me. I know you've been with other people. I've been with other people. You've been with other people. That's just the fact of life.

We have comfort in talking about people that we've been with that most people do not share. We get a lot of comments from people on Instagram saying, like, how could you possibly talk about that openly? Like, I would just die of jeal. Jealousy.

I'll be honest. When we first. First shared numbers, there was a bit of jealousy. There was a bit of jealousy, and I worked through that. For me, the thing that I keep coming back to is, who are they with now? And I say, who are they with? Because I'm talking about, like, you know, I've had this with previous partners as well, where, you know, like, I probably dealt with my jealousy a lot with girlfriends I've had in the past. I knew that they'd been with other people and I would just keep coming back to you, well, who are they with now? Like, who are they fucking tonight? It me.

I wish you guys could see the look he has on his face. He looks very pleased with himself.

So I think that's a good thing to remind yourself of. To the guys out there, like, who are they having sex with now?

Yeah.

If that dick size was so important, who would they be with? They'd still be with that person that's causing them a lot of pain. But they're not. No, they are not. So, yeah. Yeah.

Bigger's not always better, guys.

Bigger is not always better, and absolutely is the truth. Try to separate as well. Like, as a guy, like, sure, I can totally empathize with that feeling of, like, yeah, might be fun to have a really big dick for myself just for the pleasure of, like, the pleasure of whipping it out and seeing a big honker. But.

You did not just call it a hunker, that big old dick.

But.

Wow, we got a DM to. I'm crying. We got a DM today from a woman. We had a woman say, like, my boyfriend calls it his pee pee.

And he asked, don't ever do this, guys. Don't. Just don't ever take this. Take those words out of your vocabulary, please.

You imagine being like just whipping out your big old honker. I mean, look at this big old pee pee.

Oh yeah, yeah. So you know, there would be a novelty. There would be a novelty to being like, oh yeah, look at this big pee pee. I gotta two hand this thing.

Two handed pee pees. But what would you do if you just had like a massive dick? Tomorrow you wake up and it's just like, like double the size.

I would be very worried. I would be very concerned about my ability to continue having sex with you. Or anybody for that matter.

Or anybody. Hold on. Why are you worried about having sex with other people?

No, I mean, what I'm trying to say is I would be worried about my prospects forever. Having sex with anybody ever.

Why are you thinking about other. You are in trouble, mister. Why are you thinking about having sex with other people ever?

Well, I'm thinking if my penis was magically twice the size tomorrow, like, would you stay with me? What would happen? Be like, this. This isn't what I signed up for.

This pee pee is too big. I'm out of here. You think I would leave you because your penis was too big?

I mean, so what would we do? It would be huge.

A crack in your voice.

I don't. What would we do? We'd never have sex again.

We'd have like five onuts stacked on top of each other.

I'm just being real. Like my prospects would really diminish.

I'm joking. What would we do?

I also just like might pass out from the amount of blood required to fill that thing up. That pee pee up.

Wow.

Okay, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. Let me, let me roll it back. What I was trying to say when we went on this huge digression on my double penis size, which please, please, to anybody listening, please don't like wish for that to happen to me because I don't want to wake up tomorrow with that. However, what I'm trying to say is, guys, I think that it's important to differentiate, like your own personal desire of like, oh, that might be fun. How would that feel for my confidence to be like, oh, I got a huge versus. In your experience with women, what do women actually like? Like, are you a. Are you able to have good pleasurable sex with women or like, with your partner? Are you having enjoyable sex with them? If yes. Ding, ding, ding. You got a great penis, and, like, you don't need any. Like, let's not rock the boat with your ability to have great sex with someone. So I think it's important to make that distinction of, like, yeah, you know what? Whatever. To scratch that weird manly itch of mine. It would feel good to have a big dick, but, like, I don't need that for my partner. She's literally telling me she doesn't want that. Yeah.

All right, let's move on before I actually die.

Yeah, man. We kind of really went down a rabbit hole in that one.

The episode's just gonna all be downhill from here.

All right, so here's another one. No penises involved in this one.

Oh, no, no pee pees.

Only tangentially. Right?

I'm gather myself and be a professional here.

All right. Pull it together, lady. All right, so he told me he wished we never had our child.

Oh, God.

So I said tangentially, obviously, a penis was. Was involved in creating that child. He's been a tough kid, and it's been stressful for us.

Okay, now I'm going back to Earth.

This is a tough one. I can see both sides of this one. I do think, though, that this is still an example of how there are more productive ways to share a feeling. But to say it like, this is not cool.

Yeah. No. So I think what you're getting at is.