EPISODE 45: Busting – And Confirming! – The Wildest Sex Myths

Okay, so this one sounds like an urban legend, right? Yeah, it is actually true. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Zander Marin. I'm a sex Therapist with over 20.

Years of experience and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. I feel like we should have a special theme song just for this episode because we are going to be doing some myth busting.

Oh, boy.

Doesn't sexual Mythbusters feel like it could be its own little song?

Yeah, maybe like the Ghostbusters song.

Yeah, just like myth busting. Sexual myth busting.

My mind is actually totally going blank on what the Ghostbusters song sounds like. So who are you gonna call?

Ghostbusters. You know, for some reason the song that was popping into my head was the like. What song is that?

Abba.

Wait, it. I don't know. We're both.

Oh, wait, it's blank now. Something on me.

Take on me Take on me. Yeah, I don't know who that is. It's a good idea to record a podcast when your mind is going blank. Many times. We have a good excuse, though. We are actually recording for the very first time in our new temporary home.

Yes.

If you've been following along with our personal lives. We packed up and shipped out of LA and we are outside of Santa Barbara right now. We're selling our house in LA and we're renting a place for a little bit while we look for one to buy up here. So this is our new setup. It won't be permanent. Yeah, hopefully not, because we are currently holding our mics in our hands and they're very heavy.

It's a little janky.

Yeah, it's not our. Nice. We had a really nice setup before. We will get back to it, but it's an interesting period of time.

But yeah, well, we'll see if we sound as good. There's definitely a little more reverb in this room than I remember. We'll leave our editor, but yeah, maybe. Maybe Art will just clean that right up and you won't even know.

Yeah. So we were just so dedicated to the podcast though. We could not take any time off. We had to keep recording, especially because today is a very Important episode. You know, being in this field, we see so many weird urban legends, myths, all kinds of stuff floating around out.

In the universe about sex on the sexual ether.

I was gonna say that ether, and then I was like, that's too niche.

I can't say sexy either. Sexy. Sexy ether.

So some of these myths are funny. Some of them are very damaging and harmful. Some of them are actually true or.

Like, have a shed of truth, a shadow shred. Oh, my God.

A shed of truth.

A shred. A shred of tooth. As soon as I said a shred. Oh, my God. A shred of truth, a shed of tooth. The moment I said it, I knew it wasn't coming out right, but I was like, I don't know how to fix this.

So it's a tough day for us, guys, but we are going to do it. So we are going to examine some of your favorite weird sex facts. We put a call out on Instagram and we ask people, tell us, what's something you've heard about sex and you are not sure if it's true or not. And we really want to be clear. This is going to be a shame free zone here. This is one of our favorite things to do. I know it can be challenging to ask questions like this because you feel embarrassed, right? About, like, oh, I don't know if this actually is true or not, but I feel like I should know and I don't really want to ask. So this is a complete shame free zone. We are not going to be making fun of anybody for asking these questions. All of the ones that we're going over are all from our community.

It's kind of like a double whammy. The reason why there are so many of these myths out there is because we don't. Because we don't ask. We don't feel comfortable talking about sex, and therefore, we don't feel comfortable asking about sex. We don't really have a lot of good education around sex that goes on as we grow up. So of course we end up with all these myths and then combine that on the flip side with the fact that we are so scared to actually ask a question later on when we hear this myth or even question it, that it just kind of. We get all ashamed and it's like, oh, my God. Oh, okay. I don't know. I guess I'll just believe this thing. And so the myths just reinforce themselves. So it's really nice to be able to be like, you know what? We're just gonna talk openly about all of this nonsense and a couple shreds of truth.

I was thinking about ways to work shed of tooth back into the intro here. Yeah, we'll put all the fake ones out in the shed of tooth.

Okay. The tooth shed.

No, the shed of tooth. All right, I think that sounds better.

So before we get into the shreds of tooth, before we get into the truths and before we get into the lies, we're going to get into the review of the week. So Xander and Vanessa's podcast is the reason I went from having zero orgasms after almost two years with my partner who tries so hard to now having.

Wait, you skipped over something?

Oh, my God. That is a. I'm. I don't know what to call this expression. Okay. It's a face. I mean, it's sort of like a concerned. A concerned basher. Bashful face. I'm gonna say. Bashful.

Concerned. Bashful.

Bashfully concerned.

Okay. Bashfully concerned.

What would you. What would you say?

That sounds like the title of your memoir. Bashfully Concerned. The Sandra Story.

Bashfully concerned. It would work much better if it was like a bachelor's something. A bachelor's tell all. Bashfully convincing. Some good assonance.

Oh, yeah, I would call that on the verge of tears emoji. Oh, that's what that looks like to me. They've got wide eyes. The eyebrows are up. It's sort of like.

Do you think this person is saying that that's how they are feeling because their partner tries so hard? Or the partner who tries so hard.

Is feeling that that's how they're feeling about the partner? Like, oh, my partner tries so hard.

Oh, my God. Okay, well, so this person said they went from having zero orgasms after almost two years with my partner who tries so hard, to now having had three in just the last few weeks.

Hell, yeah.

Hell yeah. That may not sound like much, but as someone who spent the first 30 years of her life struggling to receive in the bedroom, it's honestly been life changing. Thank y' all so much, and cheers to more orgasms. Heart eyes.

Well, thank you for that review. And three in the last few weeks does not sound like not much to me. That is a huge accomplishment.

That's not shabby.

Something to celebrate, and I promise you they will start coming more and more frequently. So we just wanted to take a quick second to say thank you so much for your reviews. They are seriously the best way for the podcast to grow. And honestly, it also just makes us feel really good to read your reviews and to know that we're having a positive impact with this podcast. So we greatly, greatly appreciate you taking a minute of time out of your day to leave a review. The only place that you can currently do it is on Apple Podcasts. I want to explain how to find it because we've been getting some DMs from people who are confused. And I don't blame you because it's very hard to find. This is part of the reason why I honestly never left reviews in the past before because I couldn't find it. So you have to go to the main page of Pillow Talks and then scroll all the way down to the bottom. And it's annoying because you have to go through all the episodes.

So like, you go into Apple Podcasts, you hit the little search search for.

Pillow Talks, the main page that you get to scroll all the way to the bottom. You'll see a review section and you'll see stars. You can just hit five stars and you can leave a review. Like write something into there. It takes sometimes a couple of days for it to pop up. So don't worry if you hit submit and you don't immediately see it, but that's how you find it. Also, Spotify recently added a star rating to their podcast too, so that one's easier to find. I know. Just search for Pillow Talks and then on the main page you'll see kind of in the middle of the first screen over on the left side, there's a little star rating. So you just click the five stars.

Nice. Do it. Yes, smash those five stars.

If you haven't heard us talk about this before, we also do a giveaway of the week every single week to thank you for leaving reviews. So if you are picked, you can DM us on Instagram ennessamarintherapy. Ask us a question and we will send you back a personalized coaching session. So that is just our small way of thanking you for leaving reviews. And also we wanted to ask you, do you have any other ideas for a fun prize? Because we can mix it up. I think the personalized coaching sessions are a lot of fun, but we are happy to mix it up and do another weekly prize. So let us know. Come over to Instagram. Vanessa Marin Therapy okay, so let's get into our myths.

All right, so number one is pineapple can make your vulva taste and smell sweet.

This one is false. Oh, you hear this one floating around a lot, right? And I think it comes from this belief we are taught to believe vulvas taste and smell bad. So there are a Lot of vulva owners who are really concerned with trying to get rid of the smell, make it taste better. And so we go down these weird rabbit holes of trying to discover, you know, what's going to alter our taste. There is a tiny shed of tooth to this one.

Oh, can I guess what it is?

Yes.

If you take a piece of pineapple, rub it, rub it on the outside of your vulva. Yes. It will taste like pineapple for a quick second. You may get an infection. It may be real bad for you. I would never recommend that you do that. But, you know, if we're going to take this one literally, I can think of that would be the one way that this would work. But do not do that.

Please do not.

Please.

Somebody's gonna do that. Now that you've said that. Do not do it. It's gonna lead to an infection or an irritation. Don't do it.

It's probably gonna burn because pineapple's got some acid in it.

Okay. But the shed of tooth to this one is that your diet overall does affect the way that you smell and taste.

Yeah, but I don't think it's not like a one for one correlation. I think people always think, like, if I eat this flavor, then I'm gonna taste like that flavor. And that is completely not true at all. Certain things will make you taste in general in certain ways, but those two ways are not connected.

Yeah, I mean, it's sort of like saying, oh, if you just don't eat bread, you'll lose weight. You know, it's like, well, bread isn't the one and only thing. And like, you know, it's just so much more complex than that. Right. So, like, having a healthy diet overall is going to improve the smell and taste of your body. But like, having a healthy diet overall has so many benef benefits. We're not going to get into all the, like, nuances and intricacies of that. But the bottom line is that there's no one food that you can just eat in mass quantities that's going to change the way you smell and taste. And the real bottom line here is that the way that you smell and taste is perfectly fine and wonderful and sexy and hot. So let's stop thinking about it as this bad thing that needs to be, like, masked and covered up.

All right, so our next one is longer labia equals worn out vagina. And I think the way that this one really manifests is that people will often be like, if your last partner had a really big penis, the vagina Gets loose or overused. Like, it gets worn out by the penis.

Yeah, we're just starting hot with all the bullshit myths about the vulva.

So I think, yeah, this one really comes out as, like, did your last partner have a really big penis? Or, like, oh, you've slept with a lot of men, and now your vagina's been worn out and it's loose and.

Yeah. Okay. So the vagina does not get worn out, overused, or loose or anything like that. The muscles in the vag are incredible. They can withstand so much and shrink back to size. They're incredibly, incredibly elastic. So it's not a. Like, each time you have sex, you're, like, wearing away at it kind of thing.

Yeah.

Also, penises just aren't that big. Hate to break it to you penis owners.

Yeah, I know. You know, like, yeah, vaginas are able to. Are able to birth children. You know, hey, you might have a big dick, but it is not child. It is not child size. I'm sorry, bro.

And also, the anatomy of the vulva has nothing to do with how much sex you've had either. So there are plenty of people who are just naturally born with longer labia, longer outer labia, longer inner labia. There are people born with shorter labia. And it has nothing to do with your sexual experience. It's just pure genetics.

I just thought of this comparison. Like, it would be like, if for men, we set. Oh, if your penis is bent, it means, like, suffered some trauma or like, you masturbated wrong and you bent it.

No, we forgot about my favorite meme of all time, which shows a big sausage and a skinny hot dog. And on the big sausage, it's like, this is a man who has never had sex before, and he's pure and, you know, cheese. And the skinny hot dog is like, this is a man. The penis of a man who's had a lot of sex and his penis has become squished by all the vaginal.

The vaginal muscles have squished his penis. We love. We love posting this on social because we get so many messages from people being like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, is it true?

It's not true. We've got to post that. When we make this episode, we gotta.

Put this on, like, on the. On the show notes page.

Yeah. This is a perfect example of the bullshit myths that women and that vulva owners are taught where it's like, okay, we're talking about the same thing, right? A penis going into a vagina. So why is it that the woman or the vulva owner is the one who's getting all this pressure about like, oh, you're getting messed up. You're getting fucked up. Nobody' to like that. You're getting stretched out. Why don't we have any sort of pressure on the man for like, ooh, bro, your penis is going to shrink. It's getting squished all up in there.

Yeah, I know. It's like, oh, man, you've been jacking off too much. You're squeezing your dick down into nothing.

You're deflating your balloon, squeezing your dick down.

I mean, seriously. Oh, my God, seriously. But yeah, yeah, I mean, it's not like, oh, man, look at that bent penis. Must have gotten, like, hit with a baseball or something. I was just thinking, like, what I.

Thought you were talking about, like, you're having sex or.

Yeah, me, like, suffered a horrible sex accident.

Sex accidents do exist.

But that's. I know, I know.

That's Urban Miss Part 2. Yeah, okay, I'm going.

No, but just like, all vaginas look differently. Penises also look different. They are shaped different. They maybe have a bend in them when they are erect. They're different. Sort of like they might stand in different directions. Down, whatever. You know, it doesn't say anything about the. The sex that you've had or not had or whatever. Same with the vagina.

All right, I've got one for you now. Blue balls. Is it true that they cause excruciating pain?

No, that is total bullshit. What I will say is that, yes, when you are sexually stimulated, if you are a man or if you are a woman, there can be a. A sense of frustration, perhaps, or sort of a feeling of like, you know, you really want something you release that you are not getting. So, yeah, that is true for a man. For a woman, there is a very simple solution, which is to take care of yourself with your hand. That is how you solve that feeling of, I feel like I want to release and I'm not getting it. However, it is not a medical condition. It is not excruciating pain. It's just the feeling of, I'm hungry. Like, yeah, okay, I'm gonna go feed myself. Or like, huh, my penis is really hard stimulated and I'm gonna finish it off.

Yeah, I mean, I think that this one unfortunately gets used by a lot of men to pressure their partner into having sex of like, oh, I'm gonna get blue balls. That's so unfair. It's so mean. It's gonna be painful for me, you know? And so it's complete and utter bullshit.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Also, your balls will not turn blue.

Yeah. You know what I was just thinking? Like, why is it blue balls? Why isn't it something like purple penis?

No, blue is sad. I think that's probably what it is like.

But why is it even focused on the balls? Shouldn' the penis?

It's hard to explain, but you feel.

Like, oh, do you actually feel it in your balls?

Yeah, you. I. I would say you feel it in that area.

What, do you feel it in the penis?

Really? What it is, I think is that it's like you, you maybe you've been on and off stimulated. Your penis kind of maybe like starts to get hard and then the stimulation goes away. It gets soft and you know, so.

You don't feel urge in the penis. You feel it in the bottom.

Like it's later. So look, I have experienced this before.

And he's lived to tell the tale.

I have lived to tell the tale. There was a very easy solution, but I will tell my story. It was the first night that Vanessa and I met. I forgot about this and we had a epic makeout session. Oh yeah. It was in the living room of my house. We were having a party. There was a dance party. I was DJing. Eventually I think I put a mix on or something so Vanessa and I could dance and bump and grind. So, you know, we were dancing and making out for a while. We went to my room. We made out for a very long time. We didn't do anything else that first time. And I walked Vanessa home at like 4am or something like that. I had definitely gone from hard to soft many times that night. By the time I got home, I remember being like, I'm feeling something down here. And so I masturbated, took care of it. But yeah, it was definitely like a. Oh, yeah, I'm feeling something. I was like, oh, there's an easy solution to this. And I took care of it.

Well, that is really interesting to me because I've always thought blue balls, like, why do we call it the balls? That's so weird. I never realized that you actually feel that sensation in the balls versus in the penis.

Yeah, you do. Interesting. It's not. But it's not excruciating. Yeah, yeah, I know it's uncomfortable. Just like the feeling of like, oh, I want to have an orgasm and I'm not having one and like that's uncomfortable. That's the blue ball story.

I was kind of proud of purple penis. I came up with that like, in the moment. But.

I got the per peen. All right, so now it's my turn to throw it back to you. Vanessa. Women can get a UTI if they don't pee right after sex.

Oh, this is an interesting one. That has some nuance to it.

Yeah.

So when I was getting my training in sex therapy, what I was taught is that it's important for vulva owners for women to pee right after having sex so that you could flush out their urethra. Because a lot of people don't realize, like, the urethra kind of gets a lot of action when you've got hands, mouths, body parts, you know, all intermixed down there. And it's very easy for bacteria to get pushed up into the urethra. So the idea was if you pee, it just flushes everything out, kind of cleans it, makes sure that you don't get an infection. A uti, Urinary tract infection. That was always what I was taught, and it made a lot of sense to me. And that's something that I got into the habit of doing, is just getting up right afterwards. Sometimes people freak out and they're like, do I have to do it immediately? Or, like, what's the amount of time that I need to do it? It's like, you don't have to freak out about it and do it that exact second, but in general, like, we're.

Talking, like, 10 minutes, plus or minus.

I don't even want to throw out a general time frame, but, like, just go ahead and do it at some point. But there has been a very small study that was done recently that showed that there wasn't actually much of a connection between women who urinated afterwards and whether or not they got a uti. This was a very small study. It's the only study that I'm aware of at this time that has been done. So my thought is, going pee after sex, it's not really a big deal. You know, it hardly takes any time or any effort. So why not just continue to do it? And especially if you're somebody who has regularly struggled with UTIs, they can be so painful. So if there's something you can do that takes 10, 20 seconds of your time, why not just do it? The verdict is out on this one. I want to see more research done on the connection between urinating and UTIs, but for now, I say just continue peeing after sex.

Yeah, I mean, the reality is, the way this one was worded, like, you could get a UTI no matter what you do you can't. You're not in full control over what is happening. Like, it can happen no matter what. So there's never any guarantee. All right, so now that we're on the subject of peeing, we gotta ask, what is squirting? Isn't it just pee?

Oh, another big misconception. This one is false. So squirting is not pee. It is a fluid that is produced by the Skene's glands. The thing is, though, that it passes through the urethra on its way out, and so it can pick up traces of urine. So sometimes people squirt and they feel like it smells like pee or it kind of looks like pee.

I imagine it feels like pee if it's passing through the urethra.

Exactly. But it's not. It is a separate fluid. I will mention that some people do urinate during sex. If you have incontinence issues, public pelvic floor issues. So if you really feel like that's happening for you, definitely go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. But the answer to is squirting pee is a resounding no. All right, I have one for you. So this one came to us from a woman, and she said, using lube will offend your husband. So what do you think about that one, husband?

Oh, well, let's see. I can answer this personally, and then I can talk about what I think may be going on with some men. Okay. So I would say no, using lube would not offend me. Lube is an important part of sex. You know, your body does not always self lubricate the way that you want it to or as much as you would like it to. Every vulva owner has a different level of self lubrication. Yeah, Lube is just a great tool to achieve the level of lubrication that you want.

So I will say something that is so important to know about this. If you are a vulva owner, your level of wetness is not an indicator of your arousal. So there's actually kind of two myths wrapped up in one here. I think we're taught to believe that, like, oh, I'm wet when I'm horny. Like, the wetter I am, the hornier I am, the more turned on I am. And that is just not true at all. There is some relationship between those two. But you can be completely turned on and dry as the desert, and you can be very wet and not at all turned on. And this works for penis owners too, right? Like, you have gotten plenty of erections at times where you weren't actually horny, right?

Yep.

And you have also been horny but not able to get an erection.

Yep.

So what's going on in our bodies and in our brains is not often in perfect alignment. That's another really important piece of this.

Oh, yeah. I mean, in this one, the opposite is true of this. Like you were saying, you know, there are many people who think that someone having an erection is the one for one indicator of how, how into their partner they are. And that's also not true.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I was also talking about how fun lube is to use as a product, especially if you buy high quality lube. There's a whole other thing. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of lube out there. Oh, don't use it. So a lot of people may have had experience, bad experiences with lube or it's kind of sticky. It doesn't last for very long. That's really bad lube. You know, if you buy high quality lube, it's really great. It lasts for a long time and it feels really good. I would just say it's a fun product to use. Regardless, we highly, highly recommend using lube.

Yeah, absolutely. You don't have to just use lube if you feel like you're dry, you know, like, it's not like it's fun to play with.

Yeah, it's not a matter of, oh, we only use this when your natural lubrication isn't enough. Like, so if you get rid of this idea that it's like, ideally we never have to use this stuff, then it's way more fun. It's just like, yeah, lube is another tool in this actual toolkit that we use. Shoes, you know, bust out. Got my utility belt. Bust out the lube. Lube and handcuffs, baby.

Do you keep that in your shed of tooth?

Yeah, my tooth shed. I've got this actual tool kit. It's loaded with the lube, the handcuffs, what else?

Holster. A lube holster. Can you imagine it's just like wrapped around your belt and you just pull it out.

Oh, I'm sure this exists. I've never seen one myself, but I can, I'm sure, sure that this does exist.

I was just picturing you with like assless chaps and a little utility belt full of lube.

Yeah. What I do want to get back.

To is just passed right over that. He's like, no, I don't want to.

Think, you know, I'm over it, I'm over it. You know what I do want to get back to though, is the way the question was originally worded that using lube will offend your husband. I think I do want to get realistic here. There is some shred of truth here.

We've got to find a new phrase.

I know there. There is some shred of tooth here. Oh, my go. I. I really. We really do.

There is an ounce of truth there.

There's an ounce of truth here. There's an ounce of lube. It's probably a lot. Don't use an ounce of lube. It's like half. Half a bottle. Because isn't like. Yeah, isn't it like 2 ounces is like. Is like the. The TSA approved amount of liquid. I'm thinking that's a lot. Yeah.

Don't use an ounce.

Don't use an ounce.

Great advice.

Oh, my God. I'm like, I'm totally lost.

That will offend your husband.

Yeah. All right, well, I'm a little lost on where I was going with that.

But talking about that, like, maybe, like, people have had bad reactions to it in the past.

Yeah, there definitely have been bad reactions in the past, which is where this myth comes from. And it's a self perpetuating thing because I think a lot of men believe this myth as well. Like, lube is, you know, sort of like a lesser than or something like that. Yeah.

They think that the woman's not turned on.

Yeah. Like, she's not turned on. Something is wrong with her. Or they turn it inward and it's like, I'm not enough for you. Are you not enjoying sex?

So what's the solution then?

So I think the first solution is, guys, you know, listen to this podcast, invite your husband, invite your male partner to listen to this podcast so they can hear it from the horse's mouth. But also, are you the horse? I'm the horse. Like, I don't know, but we're getting weird on this podcast, you know, really weird. New new loc holding mics in her hands.

You're the one tripping over your words today. Usually it's me, and you're messing up idioms.

I am.

You're taking over my job.

I know.

Should I just leave and let you finish recording it by yourself?

All right. But anyway, where the hell was I? So, yeah, the solution is, yes, of course, get your husband, get your male partner to listen to this podcast with you. But also what you can do is introduce Lube into your sex life in a really fun way as a. As something that is only going to add to the Experience, rather than it being like, sex isn't very good. I'm not very wet. Let's use this thing. It's just like, introduce it as an enhancer. And maybe a great first step is use it to give a hand job to your partner, because that's really fun. I mean, no one likes a dry hand job job. I mean, I should. I shouldn't say no one does. I was about to say, I'm sure. I'm sure some people do like dry hand jobs more than wet hand jobs, but try out some lube. Get some high quality lube. We'll probably put a recommendation to our favorite in the show notes. Give your partner a hand job with some lube. Be like, hey, isn't this fun? This is really sexy. Talk about how sexy and fun it is, and then be like, oh, wouldn't it be fun to, you know, use some of this and get really wet when we're having sex? Try that out. See how it goes. All right, let's turn it back on you, Vanessa. Swallowing cum has health benefits.

Okay, so this one sounds like an urban legend, right? Yeah, and it's actually true.

Interesting.

Maybe. Maybe so. There are some very small studies, but they have shown that there are health benefits to semen. And whether that's ingesting it orally, like from oral sex, or even from getting it into your body, like, if you're having, like, PNV intercourse. So again, the studies are small. We need to replicate them to look into this more. But there have been some studies that show that it has a number of health benefits, which is actually pretty shocking.

Is this, like, more health benefits than, like, taking a supplement, or is it, like, something that you couldn't get elsewhere or that you're maybe already getting from your natural diet?

Okay, so one of the studies was a little controversial, but it showed that semen has a natural antidepressant quality. So it improves the moods of women who are regularly getting exposed to semen versus women who are using condoms with their partner.

I guess from an evolutionary perspective, that does make a lot of sense.

Yeah, I mean, you can think of evolutionary reasons why that might make sense. But I want to be super clear here. Like, we are not saying, oh, stop taking your antidepressants and just give your partner a blow job every day.

Yeah, I was listening to this podcast. Sex Therapy just told me I should. Yeah, I should just disregard. I should just completely disregard my psychiatrist and just start swallowing cum. No. Sorry. Sorry, people.

And rubbing my vulva with pineapple. No, it is definitely not like that big of an effect. So it is not a replacement for antidepressants. But it was shown to have like mood boosting properties to it, which is really interesting.

Interesting. I was, I was going to say like, you know. Well, yeah, obviously Cummings has some type of macro breakdown. So like when protein. Yeah, like, like there's gonna be something in it. It's not just water, vitamins. And so, you know, obviously ingesting anything is going to have some type of health benefit. It might also have like a health drawback as well.

But I also found a very small study where researchers are looking into the flame retardant qualities of semen. Why, I don't know why thinks of this stuff. Like, who was the first person. I'm sure this is how it happened. Somebody just like jizzed on a desk. It's like, let me try to light this on fire, see what it does. Science man.

What I am curious about is who is, who is funding the, the jizz fire, the flame retardant properties of semen? Because I don't know, I was also thinking, I imagine this is a tough one to really research you the health benefits of semen because like how do you ethically design a research study around that? You, you cannot do a double blind study where, where the researchers and the participants don't know what they're ingesting. Like that's not gonna work. And typically, you know, typically double blind research is like, oh, the gold science standard for, you know, how we actually, you know, how we actually make kind of scientific discoveries and you know, there's ethically, there's no way you can do that. Yeah. Maybe you're getting semen, maybe you're not.

So this one's a maybe. But I think again, this is like another one where if it's being turned into any sort of pressure of like, yeah babe, you should swallow. It has health benefits. Like, that's bullshit. Don't let a partner do that to you. But it might, it might actually have some health benefits.

Yeah. So if you, if you enjoy, if you enjoy swallowing cum, you know, you can use that as reason to keep swallowing cum. Just tell your partner, hey, hey, give me some of that vitamin D and vitamin C, vitamin S or you know, sperm semen, cum. I don't know, just thinking, whatever, whatever letter you want to give it.

What was the episode when we were like a D a day.

A D a day keeps the doctor away. Yeah. So, you know, probably just as much as an apple a day keeps the doctor away. A D a Day probably keeps the doctor away an equal amount, because sure, apples are not going to prevent you from getting sick. I hate to break it to you.

Only pineapples.

All right, Pineapples won't either. I feel like we have to constantly give this disclaimer. Someone will come away from this being like, wait, but. But they didn't say. It doesn't help.

All right, so the next one, the entry that we got into our question box on Instagram, was simply, belly. Belly button sex.

And if, you know, you know, if you don't, maybe you should just stop listening right now. Because, you know, you know, you don't even need to know about this, but you might be intrigued.

This is such a weird episode, and it is about to get so much weirder. Okay, so belly button sex, if you have never heard about this before.

I had not until about three months ago.

Yeah, it was a recent thing that started going around the Internet. I will give a lot of credit to our Instagram friend and style fit fatty. She was somebody who started, like, compiling stories of this.

She did not start this. Let's be real clear. I don't. I'm not sure if she's ever engaged in it. Didn't start it.

She started sharing stories. So basically, in the Mormon community, there are a number of people who were, like, male and female partners who were having intercourse, and they were attempting penetration in the belly button instead of in.

The vagina because no one taught them what intercourse actually is.

And so that's the thing about this myth, is that, like, it's pretty funny to think about trying to have sex in your belly button. Like, I'm looking at my belly button right now. Like, there is no room for addiction. Like, it's hilarious.

You got, like, maybe a quarter of an inch of depth in there.

Maybe you won't even touch yours. Yours is too sensitive.

Mine's kind of deep. I maybe have, like, half an inch. Half an inch deep, baby.

Xander's got a very sensitive belly button. He's got that B spot.

Put in my B, baby.

Okay, so it is funny to think about, but the reality is that it's actually incredibly sad, you know, that people are attempting this because of a complete and utter lack of sex education. So it's couples, because they're saving themselves till marriage. They're doing what they've been taught to do. You know, this is the right thing to do. Save yourself.

But they weren't taught a key element how it works.

And I think that's unfortunately something that comes up so often. You Know, this shame that we have around sex, it prevents us from having honest and open and realistic conversations about even the most basic of mechanics around it. Right.

And at the end of the day, you can't really blame them. There is a hilarious and sad logic to it. Babies grow in the belly.

Yeah.

You know, like. Yeah. Like, when you see. When you see someone who's pregnant, it would appear as if perhaps the belly button might somehow be related to that. Right. Like, it's right there.

Yeah. So, I mean, again, that's, like, a big part of why we do this work. It's so important to us to share the truth about how sex really works and to take away the shame and the stigma that we're all taught to have. And, you know, regardless of what your religious beliefs are, if you want to save yourself till marriage, marriage, it's your sex life. You do what feels good for you. But we want people to be prepared and equipped with accurate information. I mean, I will say, too, like, in my private practice, I had a number of clients who had no idea how to make penetration happen. Some of them were just rubbing along the labia. Rubbing, like, kind of between the labia and the leg. They didn't know that, like, you know, you were supposed to use your hand to help it. So, like, there are a surprising number of people who don't understand the basic mechanics of how P and V intercourse is supposed to work. It's really heartbreaking. Like, I worked with couples who hadn't consummated their marriage for years because they were trying to figure it out, and they felt such an enormous sense of shame. Like, can you imagine having to tell a therapist or a doctor? Like, we've been trying for years, and, like, nothing's happening. I mean, I remember there was one couple who came to me because they were trying to get pregnant, and they thought that they were infertile, and they even went to an infertility specialist, and nobody at any point ever told them.

Or, like, asked them, are you really having sex?

Yeah. What are you doing? Do you. You know, what are. What is it that you're doing during sex? And so it was in our session that we were able to realize, like, oh, they didn't understand the mechanics of penetration.

One week later, they were pregnant. I have no idea. I have no idea.

Yeah, but, you know, there are stories of other people getting really bad, you know, infections, irritation, because they're trying so hard to make the penetration happen in the belly button. Like, you can really damage your penis, your belly button. Like, a lot can go wrong. So, again, like, I get that it's funny, and, like, yes, we can. We can giggle about it, but it's also, like, a really sad thing that so many people just don't understand.

All right, well, shifting gears now. Let's get into our last one for today. You know, we actually. We had a lot of questions, so we might have to do a part two of this if you guys like the myth busters. But let's do our last one, which is simultaneous orgasm should always happen. So, first of all, what is simultaneous orgasm for the people so simultaneously? You might not be sure.

Simultaneous orgasm is when you both orgasm at the same time. And I think we are all taught to believe this because this is what we see in movies and tv in porn, like, characters always orgasm at the exact same moment. And that just feels like kind of the peak experience. Right? Like, you both just have an orgasm and it's over with. And it's so great and wonderful.

And it usually happens in, like, 30 seconds.

Oh, yeah. With only intercourse between a male and a female, of course.

Or maybe it even looks like their clothes are all still on. And it's like, how is this even happening?

So this is a male. In reality, simultaneous orgasm is quite rare. And I like to tell people that it's just not a good goal to work towards. Because if you're trying to work towards it, somebody's always trying to speed up. Somebody's always trying to slow down. There's a lot of pressure on both people. And if you've had any sort of challenges or difficulty with your orgasm, like, it just makes it so much harder. So I say do not set it as a goal. Do not expect that that's the gold standard of your sex life. And it can be a lot more fun to focus on just having your orgasm. Orgasm at your own time, too. Right. And then letting your partner focus on theirs. I will say, however, that it is something that you can work towards if it feels important to you.

Yes. I think the work is the really important part. Simultaneous orgasm does not happen naturally.

Exactly.

It does not happen. It may happen one out of a hundred times because you're just talking about chance. Like, person one takes x amount of time. Person one, it takes Y amount of time. And, you know, if you roll the dice, like, occasionally, you're going to end up with the same time, but it does not happen naturally with regularity unless you work at it.

So I will say that Xander and I do have simultaneous orgasms. And that's because, as Xander was emphasizing We've put a lot of work into.

It, but still not every time.

Yeah. Yeah, not every time. And we really prioritize my pleasure as much as his, which is something that does not happen in the vast majority of male female pairings.

And it's not something I did. At first. It took me a little to figure out that I was being a little selfish.

So there's a lot of other stuff that goes into this myth, but the overall thing that we want to say is it's not something that just happens naturally. It's not something that should just happen naturally. Like, let's put this one to bed. All right, well, that is all the myths that we can be busting, all the busting that we can do today.

We busted our. Not today. On these myths, guys.

Our brains are busted today. These are all the myths that we can get to today. But if you want to hear a part two, we have so many more that we could get to. So come on over to Instagram and let us know. We're at Vanessa Marin therapy, and actually, we can bust one more myth for.

You or you can bust it yourself. You have to take an action to bust it. We're going to set you up, and then if you want to bust this myth for yourself.

So convoluted. So in the description of this episode, we will put a link to a report that we have put together about how long sex should last. I think this is a question a lot of us have, right?

Yeah. Should you be able to go all night?

All night long, baby.

Real men go all night.

So we this and see tens of thousands of people have filled it out at this point. So we put together, we crunched all the data, we looked at all the numbers, and we will let you know how long should it last, because you are wrong, whatever it is that you're thinking right now, unless you are thinking.

Of the right number in the right range, I don't know.

That's something that there's a huge misunderstanding about. So you're definitely going to want to check this out.

All right, well, that's it for today's episode of Pillow Talks. Thank you so much for listening. Join us again next week when we talk about a very hot button issue. Attraction and hygiene.

I'll be honest, this is an episode that we have been like. It's been requested of us many times, and I have felt very nervous to record it because. Because it's such a sensitive issue. You know, it stirs up so much for so many people thinking about, like, I love my partner, but I've lost my attraction to them. My partner doesn't take care of themselves. How do I, like, nicely ask my partner to do these basic hygiene things? Like, it is so sensitive. So we've been thinking about this one for a long time and we think that we have an approach for how to handle it as sensitively as possible. But it's going to be a really interesting one.

Yeah, hot button. Not hot belly button.

And on that note, goodbye.