EPISODE 79: Sex Confessions: The Good, The Bad, And The WTF

We have a few long stories, we have a few short stories, and we have some anti confessions. We'll tell you what those are at the end of the episode.

Wow. I'm already intrigued. I have no idea what an anti confession is. Vanessa just made that up on the spot.

She literally just made that up. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex Therapist with over 20.

Years of experience and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. We have a very different kind of episode for you today. We know it's the holidays for all of our US listeners. A lot of people are traveling this week, going to see families. Some people love Thanksgiving, Other people get real stressed out by it. But I think it just tends to stir up a lot for most people. So we decided to do something special and have a confessions episode.

Ooh.

Yeah. So we put up a box on Instagram. It was totally anonymous. We said, share your sexiest secrets, your most embarrassing stories, your funniest tales of sex gone wrong. And we thought we would make you laugh today by sharing some of our favorite stories. Thanks to Julie for supporting Pillow Talks. Julie is an FDA approved morning after pill that helps stop pregnancy before it starts. Julie is aiming to be the emergency contraceptive company for the next generation. One of learning and acceptance, not stigma and shame. You can go to Juliecare Co to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.

But first, I'll do my damnedest to make you laugh with our review of the week. All right, all right. I'm a big fan. Noticing improvement. Thanks, Apple for cutting that off. I noticing improvement in something.

In what? In their. In their sex life? In our podcast, in my performance, in.

Xander's performance, I think is what they're.

Saying in our level of entertainment.

I have no idea. But we'll see. All right, Vanessa and Xander, thanks for all you do. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for five and. And we've been stuck in the roommates phase for over a year. This has left me feeling quite resentful a lot of the time. I found your podcast just a few days ago and have been binging your very entertaining relatable episodes. Last night, I began talking to my husband about what I've been learning and we had a nice heart to heart talk, which brought back that feeling of connection that we've been missing. Today, my husband made a real effort to show me he loves me. Thanks for helping us take a step in the right direction and, and for opening my eyes to new perspectives. I highly recommend this podcast.

Wow. Well, it didn't make me laugh, but that was a delightful review.

It didn't make you laugh, it almost made you cry.

It's really sweet. Yeah. We love hearing your stories and we are so appreciative of you for leaving reviews of the podcast. It is the best way to help the podcast grow and get in front of more people. Help people, like, who stumble across the podcast, you know, they see all these reviews and they're like, oh, okay, this sounds like a good one. I'll give it a shot. You know, if you come across a podcast and it has like three reviews and two of them are bad, like you're not gonna listen to it.

Yeah. I think if, if I read this review and I was anywhere close to this person's situation, I'd be like, wow, I gotta listen to this podcast.

Yes. So as our thank you for taking the time to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, we do this weekly giveaway. So if you hear featured as our review of the week, you can DM us on Instagram at either Vanessa Marin Therapy or Vanessa and Xander. We're not sure where our home is going to be at the time that this episode comes out, but you can DM us over there and ask us a question and we will respond with our best advice tips, a mini coaching session. So thank you again for just taking the time to go to Apple Podcasts. Leave us a quick review. It does not have to be this long. Doesn't have to be meaningful. It can be some funny inside joke you heard from an episode or just like a thumbs up emoji, but we'd.

Prefer it if it was meaningful.

I mean, of course, yeah, but like, you know, I know people are busy. I don't want them to think they have to spend the time to craft this, like, beautiful, meaningful review. Like, it's okay to just say, like, great podcast, love it, recommend listening. Okay, so let's get into our confessions. So we have three different categories of confessions for you. We have a few long stories, we have a few short stories, and we have some anti confessions. We'll tell you what those are at the end of the episode.

Wow. I'm already intrigued. I have no idea what an anti confession is. Vanessa just made that up on the spot.

Literally just made that up. I'm not even sure if it really makes sense, but we'll explain once we get there what those ones are.

Okay. Vanessa's buying time so that she can think of an explanation. I like this. I support this. I will make sure we circle back to this. I'm going to really dig into what an anti confession is.

Maybe like a reverse confession might be a better, better way. We'll get to it. We'll get to it.

All right. I mean, anti reverse. That makes sense. That makes sense. I'm still not sure I understand it, but that's cool. Let's go.

Okay. So here's our first long confession. Husband and I have a tradition of having sex outdoors on New Year's Eve to ring in the new year. I have done this. Have you?

Out. Oh, outdoors on New Year's Eve?

No, ringing in the new year. Having sex.

Oh, like over the.

No, like literally having sex as the clock strikes midnight.

Yeah. I have not. I have not. I guess that's what this person is saying. I didn't even read it like this when I was hearing it. But yeah, I guess what they are saying is as the clock strikes midnight. Yes, they're doing it.

How have we never done that?

We are usually asleep.

That is not true. That's only been the last like year or two. Get out of here.

I feel like it's been the last many years. I don't know how we've not done this. Maybe like because we're out at a party or something.

Hey, 2023.

Yeah, maybe.

Where are you gonna be?

Better set an alarm.

That's only been like the last like couple of years. Covid times. Okay. Anyways, I have done this once. It was with an old college boyfriend. I was visiting him, staying at his parents house, but they were not cool with letting us share rooms. And so we rented a hotel. But it was like a really gross hotel. And I remember having sex as the clock struck midnight. And I was like, this is actually kind of gross. I'm not into this.

Wait, wait, hold on. I'm not sure I understand. They wouldn't allow you to share a room, but they allowed you to get a hotel room? Yeah, that makes no sense. That's just like not under my roof.

Exactly. It was one of those kinds.

But go have fun. But not under my roof.

That's what it was. Anyways, let's get back to this person's story. Last year we were in Hawaii visiting his parents and decided to do it in their backyard. It's dark. We can hear the ocean. It's super romantic and great. The next morning, my mother in law says I need to check the cameras later. My phone was pinging all night with motion alerts. Oh, Bo, Me and my husband are like, since when are there cameras? We try to access the video on their main security console.

Where do these people live? It's on the main security console in the bank vault. Geez.

Are you picturing one of those, like a room full of security cameras everywhere?

Oh, yeah. I'm picturing like a casino. You know, like, like, like Ocean's Eleven style. Like, we gotta, we gotta break into the security room so that we can knock out the security cameras.

I mean, it probably feels like a whole Ocean's Eleven hijinks. Like trying to figure out how to get in there and get this freaking motion sensor footage off.

I hope so.

She said we easily find the dark, grainy, very obviously sex video right away, but there's no delete option.

Oh, this sounds actually like a very secure security system that they don't allow you to delete the footage.

We end up having to tell his parents that there's video on the security camera of us that they're not going to want to see. So awkward. I think about it just about every time we see them.

Oh, you know what I feel like I would try to do maybe to make this situation a little. A little better. It would be like we're trying to make you a grandchild.

Outdoors in your backyard.

I mean, I feel like it doesn't really. It doesn't matter where you make it.

Like, do you think the parents watched the video?

I hope not. I don't know. I. I just feel like if they're like. It would turn into a sweet moment. Like, oh, yeah, grandchild, thank you so much. Like, thank you for having sex in my backyard instead of like, oh, now there's this video that we can't delete. Like, I know I don't want to watch it, but like, I kind of do because it's here and.

Wow. Okay, well, there's Xander's hack for getting out of it the next time you get caught on the security console.

Yeah, the next time you access the security console and there's no delete. All right, moving on. Next one. My husband and I are super into threesomes. We were both on several hookup dating sites to find people that were interested. One day I got a Private message from my mother with a screenshot of my husband's Tinder profile.

No, no.

Someone had sent it to her, thinking that he was having an affair. Although the intentions were good. She's super religious, and for days she pestered us about it because I told her to let it go. I didn't want to get into detail with her, so I just told her that I already knew about it, but that didn't work. That doesn't sound like, oh, I already knew. Don't worry about it. Like, that is not going to be enough explanation.

I know. I mean, I, I. Well, here, finish reading this one.

I, I eventually had to explain our situation, so she.

I mean, I totally get that. This person, you know, did not want to have to explain to their religious mom that, like, we have threesomes, and of course he's up on dating profiles. But I also totally understand the mom being like, wait, no. Like, why are you not taking this seriously? He's cheating on you. Look what he's doing.

Oh, man, I feel like. I feel like there's gotta be some more specialized dating apps for this type of thing rather than just straight up Tinder where, you know, like, anyone who knows you could accidentally see you or match with you or something.

I mean, there definitely are, but I'm thinking that they were just trying to, like, you know, cast the net wide. Cast in that wide. And of course, Tinder would be, like, the one most likely to, to come up.

Yeah, I mean, they did say they were super into threesomes, so they needed. We need as many threesomes as we can get.

Can you imagine your mom seeing your dating profile, like, just you saying you're super into anything sexually? Your mom just, like, stumbles upon it.

Like, Xander, I don't understand why you're saying this. I don't know. I've never, I've never had a dating profile, so I don't. I don't really know.

We met before dating apps.

Man, I gotta say about dating profiles. Like, it seems really hard.

Okay, let's do the next one. My husband is a naval officer. He shipped out for officer candidate school three weeks after our wedding. OCI is 13 weeks long, and it was the longest we had ever been apart. When he got back, we were both horny af, but still had to wait all day for a moment alone. We go out to a bar, and he looks at me and was like, I can't wait. The bar we were in was divided into two huge rooms separated by sliding barn doors in order to keep everyone in the main bar area. We sneak into the second room that is completely empty and go behind the bar in there, and I proceed to give him head. A bartender walks through to get to the storage room and starts to say, this area is cloth. Then he's like, oh, shit. Sorry. But please use a napkin. All caps.

What is a napkin for? What?

So I replied, spitters are quitters. We don't need a napkin. And he ran out of there so fast.

Needless to say, spitters are quitters is a. Is. Is a hilarious line. I have never actually. I have never heard that in my life, but it's such a good line, and it rhymes. I feel like that must be a totally common saying that I've just never heard.

So do you think the bartender thinks that she was gonna spit it, like, on the floor or something?

I think so. That. Like, that. Oh, my God, there's just gonna be cum everywhere.

I mean, he was gone 13 weeks, so there's probably a lot.

Likely. Likely, but still, like, blow jobs don't tend to result in, like, a large mass to clean up. I like, there's. Blow jobs don't have a reputation for being particularly messy. Right. Like, you can kind of do it. You can kind of do it anywhere.

People. People who don't want to swallow. Which, to be clear, you're allowed to do whatever you want to do.

Yeah. But they don't spit it all over the place.

I know. The vodka thing is really funny. Like, it's. Where did he think she was gonna spit?

It's not like a fire hose or is like.

So she says. Needless to say, my husband lost his boner, and we couldn't stop laughing. That was our one and only attempt at public sex.

All right, next one. Me, my husband, and our two best friends, male and female, would hang out. And once the drinks got flowing, we would always end up naked and have sex in the same room. And it was so much fun. I would make out with the other wife while the guys watched, and then we'd go back to our respective husbands and have sex with them. After having kids and moving to other states, we don't do it anymore, but we would if we could.

Oh, very sexy. Would you be into this?

I feel like I could probably get down with this.

Really? I would say no.

Okay, you would say. You would think that I would say no, or you are a no?

I would think that you would say no, that you wouldn't really be into, like, other people having sex in the same room. You'd feel like the Idea of you being watched while having sex with me. I don't think you'd be into that.

Well, I mean, I guess maybe the difference being watched by two people that you know versus, like, however many anonymous people I don't know. It doesn't make any sense.

I think the funny thing is you think of public sex and you think of, like, oh, I'm just in the middle of the street and, like, hundreds of people are walking by and watching. But it doesn't mean that you're so against public sex.

That's not weave K. We've had some.

Give public sex a chance, babe.

We've had some quasi public, like, yeah, hotel pool. No, like, our own pool in our own hotel room.

Quasi public.

Not. Not like in the middle of.

That's what most people mean of a large hotel pool sex. People aren't just, like, out there in the middle of the street doing it.

Well, maybe. Maybe I'm kind of into public sex now. I don't know.

Oh. Stay tuned for episode 80. Xander tries public sex in the middle of the.

This. This situation. I feel like I was one time in college, I was close to being in this situation.

This feels like a very college thing.

And. And it got. Yeah, I think it got shut down by either my girlfriend at the time or the girlfriend of my other friend or something. Like, I remember it getting shut down. It was like. It was like, oh, whoa, this is like, is this about to happen? And then one person was not cool with it. My girlfriend had a room, like, right next to this other girl's room. And so then it was. Someone had to go to their room really quick.

All right, well, let's move on to our short story.

Wait, wait. But you didn't answer me. Would you be down with this?

I would do it. I don't know if I'd necessarily be, like, super turned on by it. And it would. It would. I was trying to think, man.

So you give me all this shit about my. About not being into public sex, and now you're like. Now you're like, well, I'm not into it.

I mean, can you think of any of our friends that you would feel comfortable.

Now you're just throwing on. By now you're just throwing our friends under the bus.

We have very attractive and sexy friends, but I'm not sure that I want to watch any of them have sex.

I guess I'm thinking, like, a theoretical situation. Like, I don't know, we meet a new couple. I don't know.

I guess I would rather like I'd. I feel like I'd rather have an actual group sex experience than just, like.

Oh, you just want to go for it all the way, not even dip.

Your toes in, then just have two couples in the room like that. It just feels kind of like college to me, not to be, like, judgmental of this person. We love it for you, but I don't know, it just is like, I've got my own room now. I can have sex in my own room. So I'm like, I guess.

Oh, like. Like, these people is like, God, the only place we can have sex is in this room here together.

I'm just not, like, I'm not super turned on by it, but I would. If the. If the moment strikes, babe, the time's right.

Sure.

But, yeah, it's not like a fantasy or a big turn on.

Yeah. I don't find myself fantasizing about this, like, ever. I just feel like somehow if we got into this situation, which it seems very unlikely given just, like, the way that we live our, like, I can't really think of a scenario where we would be, like, with another couple and then, like. Like, making out and.

Yeah.

So it's probably not gonna happen.

I just also think the logistics of it are funny too. Like, would it bring up performance issues of, like, could. Like, what if one guy comes way faster than the other guy and then you're just, like, sitting there like, oh, okay.

Whoops. God, we really fucking wrap it up. I know. Yeah. Like, yeah. One person's, like, taking, like, 20 minutes, and the other couple, like, okay. I feel like we can't really get up, go anywhere without causing a scene. Yeah.

Like, the logistics could be.

Could get on. We'd be like, hey, bro, like, 30 more seconds. Like, let's do this. Like, checking in with, like, I'm sending the timer on my phone.

Give me a thumbs up when you're close, bro.

Come when the alarm goes off.

That sounds so weird. Okay, so let's go into our shorter stories. We also just got a bunch of, like, you know, one to two little sentence, like, quickie confessions here. So let's run through these. Looks like you're getting all the group sex ones, babe.

Yeah, I guess group sex is. Is my new thing. I don't know. Group, public, group sex. Bring it.

Stay tuned.

Bring it.

81.

Xander has group sex in public. Can't wait. Can't wait.

Okay.

All right. Oh, yeah, this one sounds hot, though. Okay. Had an orgy with six of my female co workers. I'm female. We're all nurses.

Oh, so six female nurses having an orgy altogether. Do you think they did it at the hospital?

Do you think they scissored? No, they didn't.

We just talked about scissoring in our story a couple of days ago. Somebody asked what that is. If you're not familiar with the term, it's kind of like a slangy joke term for.

It's kind of a joke that I think probably 99% of the time only happens in lesbian porn. Yeah, that is. That is for straight people.

Imagine, like, two. You're making two peace signs, and you kind of, like, interlock them together. So it's like you're rubbing your vulva on each other's vulva. But, yeah, it's like a. It's a jokey kind of thing. Totally cool if you're a woman who has sex with a woman and you enjoy doing it. But in general, there's a lot of.

Better ways to rub. There's a lot of better ways to rub vulvas in more precise and pleasurable ways.

They'd be doing three sets of scissors if this is what they were doing. But really, though, do you think this happened at the hospital? It feels really gross. You're, like, in your scrubs.

Was it sanitary?

Barfed on, and been carrying around little bedpans all day?

I don't know. I guess we'll never know unless we ask this person to clean.

We love you, nurses. We know you guys work your asses off, so I can't imagine.

Yeah, sometimes you gotta blow off some steam with a little orgy.

Little orgy in the supply closet. All right, next one. I fake O's after my real one. He loves giving, and it turns me on to fake. I feel like a hot actress.

Huh. Interesting. I've never heard this before.

Yeah.

And I wonder, does he. Does he know that she's doing that and he just. They both get into the performative aspect. Or. Or is it, like. Because. Yeah. I've never heard of faking of, like, a woman faking an orgasm in addition to having a real.

A real one. Yeah. Yeah. To continue. I mean, this is, like, one of the rare instances where I totally give my stamp of approval to faking. Like, if you're turned on by it, you've already had a real one. So, you know, you feel satisfied. You don't feel like you're deceiving your partner or kind of, like, depriving him of the ability to, like, learn what you actually like like this.

And. And you're enjoying.

Yeah, yeah.

She's clearly enjoying it.

Saying, you're turned on by it. Like, go for it, you hot little actress, you.

I would guess that maybe he doesn't know because I could see it going either way. Or he could just be like, I don't give a shit. Like, I love doing this.

Yeah, I think that's hot. Go for it.

I'm into it.

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Okay, continuing topics. I had a threesome with my girlfriend and her friend. Just to be clear, this is what they wrote in. I'm. I didn't do this.

This is the first one that you think you're reading all these stories in first person and this is the first one you think to clarify.

Well, I didn't put in like any transition. Like, okay, here's the next one. I was just. Well, I. Well, okay, well, I had an orgasm. Wait. Well, I had an orgasm just now. That was cool.

That's Andrew's confession. I use this orgasming over here.

I just. I just faked one just sitting here podcasting and faking orgasms.

All right, casting and faking, but for real.

I had a threesome with my girlfriend and her friend. Girlfriend and I broke up and now I'm dating the friend.

Oh, this is like so many people's worst nightmare of having a threesome that, like, your partner will be more into the person that you're having the threesome with. And so not only, like, who knows how the actual threesome went, but. But not only did he potentially enjoy having sex with the friend or we don't know the gender of the person writing in, not only did they potentially enjoy having sex with the friend of the girlfriend more, but now they're with the friend. Like, ugh.

Yeah. I mean, of course, we don't know. Like, is it a tumultuous situation or is it somehow, you know, is everybody cool with it? But probably not if the threesome is the thing that precipitated the breakup. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think that is why a lot of people do recommend with threesomes. Like, do it, you know, have the third be someone that is not a friend. Like, you know, find someone where it's. It's literally a one night thing so that it's not like, you know, you're gonna see them the next day or the next week and have this connection.

All right, next confession. After a long time of flirting, I slept with my very attractive mailman. Let's just say big fan of overnight delivery. Wink, wink.

Interesting.

I have questions. Did you sleep with the mailman during his route time theft?

You gotta pay USPS back. I mean, I don't know, maybe you did it really quick. That's my Dwight Schrute. You're. I mean, you're literally stealing from usps. You're stealing from all of us. Because USPS is like a government organization, is for all of us. That's how we get our mail. I'm mad at this person. What if. What if I was the next person on the, on the route? And I'm like, I have a very important piece of mail. I'm like looking, you know, I'm like tapping on my watch. Where is this motherfucker? And you see him like sauntering out of your neighbor's house. You're like, oh, this. And then, and then, and then there's just like come all over my letters.

Because, you know, I had sex on the mail.

Well, yeah, because I mean, it just gets everywhere, right? Like, use a napkin.

I stomach her. I don't know why, but dying theft is like one of the funniest things you've said in a long time. That's the thing you focus on. Oh, my God, I have to catch my breath.

I think we're gonna have to edit some of this.

Laughing out because squeezing. We just have to go to the next one.

All right, I'll move on for us.

Okay.

We have had a quickie at almost every party and wedding we've been to. Wow.

That's actually impressive.

Get It. Get it. That sounds challenging. Or. Or I do wonder, like, do your. What I want to know is, like, do your friends know about this? Is this sort of like. Like an annoyance where they're like, oh, God, if we.

These motherfuckers.

Yeah, these motherfuckers. If we invite them, like, they are for sure gonna have sex in our laundry room and not use a napkin. Or maybe they just stock napkins all over the house. Cause they know, like, it could happen anywhere.

The fucking napkin. Oh, my God, you're on a roll page.

Thanks.

I have to confess, I was really worried about recording a podcast today. We were not really in the mood. But I'm actually crying right now.

Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. So, yeah, what I'm really curious about is, like, are you guys really so surreptitious that, like, none of your friends have caught on to this or. Because it's either. It's one or the other. I think this is a situation where there's zero middle ground. Like, either nobody has any idea and you guys are somehow super, super stealthy, but I think it is more likely than not that it's like the dirty secret of your fat friend group.

They're really annoyed with you guys.

Yeah, I want to. I would love to hear from the friends. Do any of you out there, like, do you have, like, a friend? I feel like it's more likely that you would have a friend that does this rather than it being you that does this. Like, do you. Does anyone out there have friends where it's just like, God damn it. Like, they snuck off again? We know what they're doing.

Okay, let's move on to the next one. I gave my husband a BJ and we had intercourse while sharing a. And then they made sure to put in parentheses, small room with my mother in law.

Okay, why did you feel the need to add small? Like, does it make a difference the size of the room?

Oh, I mean, they're bragging like, like this was not a big room where we were on opposite sides. Like, we were in close quarters.

I mean, my point is, like, unless the room is so large that, you know, it's like. Like a great room or something where you're on totally other sides. You can't. Like, the bar where it's really two rooms with, like a partition in the middle. But, like, I don't think it even matters. Like, if. Even if it's a large bedroom, like, you being on the other side of the room isn't really going to, like, make it quieter.

Okay, so let's imagine you haven't had sex for three months. You haven't masturbated either. So you've had, like, no sexual release for three months. But we're in a room with my mom. A small room with my mom. Could you do it?

No. For sure. Well, definitely not with your mom, because your mom is notorious for waking up at random hours. Like, your mom, like, sleeps, has a very weird sleep schedule, and so there's no guaranteeing that she's ever really asleep.

She would for sure be, like, eyes wide open the second that, like, clothes started wrestling. Like, what are you guys up to?

Yeah, true. Then again, on the flip side, whenever they have dog sat for us.

Oh, wait, no, no, no.

Our dogs sleep in their room and snore so loud and they never wake up. So your mom. It's a bunch of contradictions.

Okay, wait, I read this incorrectly. It's your mom.

Oh, no, just hard pass. Hard pass. I mean, at this age, I am never putting myself in that situation. Sorry, Mom.

I don't think she's upset. Trust me, even you wouldn't. What if it was, like, all year? The only time you could have sex for an entire year has to be in a room with your mom.

Well, let me just say. I mean, that would be pretty rude of my mom to be like. Be like, you guys haven't seen each other for a year, and I'm insisting on being in this room with you.

In this small room with you.

Yeah, you know, I think I'd, like. Could you do it? I might be. No. No, I don't want to do that. No.

I mean, that's. Yeah, that's really something.

And, like, I feel like, though, the only thing that I would maybe be okay with is, like, if it was really dark and, like, maybe if you were gonna, like, give me job, like, under the covers or like. Or like, a blow job.

Well, it was a blow job. And intercourse.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the intercourse. I feel like there's just no way to do that. True as. I feel like we always think, like, oh, yeah, we're going to be really quiet.

You hear, there's wrestling, there's rhythmic movement, you know?

You know.

Can'T do it.

All right, well, what about this one, babe? I love to imagine in detail. They put in detail in parentheses.

Maybe it's the same person as what.

My friends are like while having sex with their partners.

Mm. Well, we've already talked about how we don't want to see any of our friends having sex. I Don't know if I want to, like, think about any of our friends having sex like that. I mean, I've definitely, like, thought about it from time to. I think I have a pretty good sense of, like, if you're good in bed or not. So I think about that.

So Vanessa's constantly judging everyone. Good in bed, good in bed, not good in bed.

I mean, I'm not consciously doing it, but I get a vibe. So there's like, a little vibe check going on, but I don't know if I wanna, like, again. Our friends are all lovely and sexy and attractive. We love you all, but I don't think I really wanna, like, think in detail about what they're like having sex.

Yeah, I've never really. I've never really done that. That. Yeah.

Interesting. All right, let's move along. My mom walked in on me and my boyfriend during my first time. Absolutely mortifying.

I'm sorry that happened your first time. I feel like that's a scarring. It's a scarring experience.

It's already so awkward and like, oh, man.

I mean, I guess we don't. We don't know. Like, was it, you know, was the mom, like, pissed?

Where was it, like it could have been?

You know, was it an okay situation? Was it a horrible situation? Were you grounded for a whole year afterward?

Were you, like, 30 and your mom walked in like she has a key to your house kind of situation? Who knows?

Oh, yeah. We can come up with some interesting scenarios here, I guess.

Did she ask to stay in the small room and go to sleep while you guys finish?

Did she say, oh, I'm just so tired, I needed somewhere to go to sleep, but carry on with whatever you're doing.

Did she bring your dad and finish off in the court?

Oh, wow. Okay. That just took it to a level that it didn't need to go to.

Sorry. You finish this up with the last one.

Okay. Last one before. Before the anti confession. I didn't forget, babe. I did not forget. Okay, but let's enjoy this one. You can have a minute to think. I was once watching porn and I couldn't hear it. I kept turning it up and down, restarting it, et cetera. Oh, wow. Dedication. I know exactly. I know exactly where this is going. Not because it's ever happen to me, but I think this has been portrayed in many movies. I ended up giving up and just watched on my phone. Later, my neighbors asked me if I knew anyone that might be connecting to their Bluetooth speaker.

We have definitely gotten far worse Confessions. In the past about this, at least you had the anonymity of, like, your neighbors didn't know. We've had some really bad ones that people have sent in on, like, spill It Saturdays where they, like, accidentally cast it to the T. Oh, God. I remember one where it was like her husband went into the bathroom and he. They realized that he was like, jacking off because all of a sudden porn was playing, like, on the family TV with all the family around. Oh, my God, that one's still seared in my memory.

Yeah, or. Or like. Or like you're playing like a video of like. Of like, you having sex with your partner. Like, you put it on the vid.

Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Or work presentations. That's definitely happened before too.

God, yeah, the number. Yeah, the number of people that write in about, like, work presentations ruined by, like, you know, like a pop up notification on the computer. You got to think through this stuff, people. You got to think through this stuff. This is just don't. One more reason to be. To be technologically savvy.

Okay, so let's talk about anti confessions. This is a term that I made up on the fly because we got a ton of confessions that as we were reading them, we were like, no, like, this is something we need to normalize. Like, this is total. To be clear, there's nothing wrong with any of the confessions that we've read so far. But there were certain themes that kept coming up and other ones that we were like, you know what? No, let's just take a little moment to normalize. Like, this is. Okay. It's not something scandalous that you should be ashamed or embarrassed of because a lot of people shared with these things, like, oh, I'm so embarrassed about X, Y, Z.

Or in this case. Or it's like a desire that somebody has is not necessarily a confession. I feel like a lot of these, it's like, oh, this thing happened. I've been keeping it secret. And I feel like with confessions, there's this. There's almost a sense of, like, sharing it to get it off your chest kind of. And in this case, some of these are like, desires or things that people feel like are really big deals, but we think differently.

Yeah. So don't you think anti confessions kind of fits it?

Yeah, I think I like it.

Okay, good. A lot of you are faking orgasms or not having orgasms at all. So aside from the one that we pulled out where she's actually enjoying faking orgasms, there were so many more stories of people who were faking and their partner didn't know and it wasn't a turn on.

So just one of those. Many people said, been with my husband for eight years, two kids, and not one orgasm. He has no idea.

So with this category of confessions, we really want to encourage you to explore with your partner and to prioritize your pleasure and to stop faking them. Give your partner that chance to learn, give you the chance to learn and actually start experiencing real ones. Life is too short for faked orgasms, people, especially for eight years. And I mean, we got stories that were way longer than eight years too. So we are gonna link for you our foreplay guides and our next level, intercourse. Those have tons of step by step techniques for beginners and for advanced, we've got, we cover every range here. But if you're somebody who's like, I've just been faking the whole time. I don't even have the slightest clue what I like or what I need. There are plenty of tips that are great for beginners of getting more pleasure from your partner's hands, their mouth, and during intercourse as well. So we will link all of that for you in the show. Notes, notes. Similarly, a lot of people confessed that you're maybe trying to have pleasure and orgasms, but your partner is not very good at sex. And some people called out specific acts. Some people just said, like, in general, my partner is not very skillful.

Yeah. So like one person said, my partner's terrible at oral. Somehow good at kissing, but terrible at oral.

So again, those links that we mentioned to our foreplay guides and our next level intercourse link. Look, no shame. None of us learns, like, sexual technique, right? Like, where are we supposed to learn nitty, gritty, detailed tips about how to have sex, how to pleasure our partners?

Well, I mean, yeah, the only place we learn is like, on the fly. Like, we learn by doing. And as we've already talked about, like, with many people out there faking orgasms, and I'm not saying anything is wrong with people who are faking orgasm. They're also doing the best that they can in a bad situation. But you can imagine how your partner may have learned to be terrible at oral. Like, your partner probably didn't really know how to give oral. Didn't know, like, a bunch of different techniques. Did something one time to someone and they maybe made it sound like it was really, really good and they loved it. And like, you know, so then it just gets reinforced for your partner. They're like, oh, okay, cool. This works like this Seems to work for everyone. And so they, like so many of us all the time, are just operating, like, thinking we know what we're doing, we think we're doing a good job, we think we're being nice, we think we're being a good partner or whatever. And we're both doing things that are showing the other that, like, we think that we're. That everything is cool. And then one day we're like, wait, no, it's not working. Yeah, and. Yeah.

And so the good thing about these guides that we have is that we don't present it in a, like, hey, you suck at sex. Now you need to read this thing. It's like, they're very fun. They've got a great, like, light feel to them. And it's just like, hey, there's always something new to explore. And they're for both partners, you know, regardless of your genders. So you can explore, like, hey, let me try this on you, or what do you think about this? So it makes it feel really fun and exciting. It's definitely not any sort of, like, heavy, shameful thing. So again, we'll link to those. You can check them out. Our next category of anti confessions was having sex dreams about people who aren't your partner.

All right, so one person said, I've had a sex dream with someone other than my husband. And another person said, I've had sex dreams about my same sex best friend, but I'm pretty sure I'm straight.

So we actually have a YouTube video about sex dreams. What they mean, why you're having them. Spoiler alert, though.

Nothing. They mean nothing.

It's nothing to. It's nothing that you need to confess. Like, one thing that we talk about in the video, look it up on YouTube. It's. I forget the exact title, but it says something like, you know, what do my sex dreams mean? But I think a lot of people feel like having a sex dream about somebody else is something that they have to, like, fess up to, to their partner. Like, therefore, like, like a mild form of cheating.

Yeah. Like, because I had the dream, there must be some part of me that actually wants to.

Yeah.

And so, and, but yeah, it's like, because for you, it's. It must feel a bit like you've actually done it because you had that experience. And if you still remember the dream pretty vividly, like, it really does feel like you've done it, but the reality is you haven't done it. And the other reality is that you can't confess to everything that happens. In your dreams, like, if you, like, rob a bank.

That's the example you use in the video.

If you rob a bank or, you know, if you do anything illegal in your dreams, like time theft. Time. Yeah. If you commit time theft by having sex with the mailman in your dream, like, you can't turn yourself into the police. Like, imagine what the. Imagine the look on, you know, like, a police officer's face if you're like, excuse me, officer, but I just woke up from a dream where I robbed the bank, and I must therefore be a criminal. So please put me in jail. I'm giving myself up. Like. Like, you couldn't pay them enough money to arrest you.

Okay, next category and our final anti confessions category is that there are a lot of you out there who describe yourselves as being straight but would love to have a same sex experience.

Yeah. So one person said, I would cut off my leg to have sex with my female best friend. Wow, that's perhaps a leg too far. Don't you want that leg? I think you should for scissoring. Yeah, you need it for scissoring her. God, it's gonna be a broken scissor. But I. I hope you keep your leg and I hope you get to have sex with your female best friend, because it sounds like you really want to. Oh, all right. Another person said, jealous. My husband got an experience with same sex when he was younger and single, and I didn't.

You know, I just want to call out this one. Like, I really appreciate that this partner is very open and accepting about their husband having a same sex experience, because I think. I think it's the really unfortunate reality that society in general is like, we think that there's something hot about two women hooking up. It's like, oh, yeah, two women, that's so hot. But the idea of two dudes hooking up, I think the majority of people would actually, we have polled this on our Instagram before and, like, the majority of people were like, either like, ooh, that's gross, or like, I don't really. Like, I don't. I get it rationally, but, like, something just feels off about that. Like a guy saying that know you he's straight or saying that he's bi. You know, there was a lot of discrimination. So in this one, I just love that this person's just like, yeah, my husband had a same sex experience and it's not a big deal. I know we're only getting, like, one little sentence, one tiny snippet of this, but I wanted to call that out, because I think that's cool. And more people should respond that way. And power to you.

Yeah. I mean, you can absolutely have a same sex experience. And it does not mean that you are gay. It doesn't mean that anything about your sexuality. You get to decide what your sexuality is, what your orientation. And it's. I mean, it's just like you are allowed to go try a new cuisine. And if you don't like that cuisine, just because you had it one time doesn't mean, like, I love Korean food or whatever. Yeah, whatever it is.

Yeah. All right. Rita's our last one.

All right. Last one. I've always wanted to have an intimate encounter with another woman, but I probably never will.

Well, we encourage you to. If you want to have one, go have one. And. And again, we just really want to normalize this whole category. Just like what Xander was saying. Like, it is totally okay to define yourself and to think of yourself as being straight and still be interested in same sex exploration, to fantasize about it, to even go ahead and do it. So these are not like shameful confessions or something you need to keep a secret if you want to have a same sex experience. You go have a same sex experience.

Yeah, I mean, we don't have any more context. This person maybe is saying, like, oh, like, I'm in a committed relationship now with.

We have a YouTube video about that, but go check that out.

But yeah, I mean, who knows? There's always a possibility. I mean, very often, like, I. I feel like men in general, like, men often are like, oh, yeah, you want to go, like, hook up with another woman? Sure. I don't. I'm not. I don't feel like.

I mean, that gets back to. Yeah.

The.

The very different ways we treat women experimenting with other women than men experimenting with other men. But that's another podcast episode.

Oh, yeah.

Another day. So that is the end of our anti confessions, our short confessions, and our long confessions. We hope that this episode has made you laugh. I. It's gonna take me a. A minute to get over time theft and the napkins. I've had a very good time laughing and I hope that you have laughed too.

Thanks. Yeah, me too.

I was talking to the listener, but I know you laugh.

You're welcome. And I'm talking to the listeners. You're welcome for laughing at me or something.

So, like we mentioned, we'll link a couple of things in our show notes. Notes for you if you've never checked out our show notes. I just realized this. The other Day. We never, like, tell people where to get to them. It's vmtherapy.com episode, whatever number it is, like, the actual number. So this is episode 79, and there should be a link seven, the number nine.

I mean, if you're listening to the podcast, unlike Apple podcasts or Spotify or whatever, like, there should be a link.

To where this is. I know some people don't, like, go into the description. You have to scroll all the way down at the end of the description. So just in case you want a little shortcut, it's just vmtherapy.com and we will link.

They're really well written. Sometimes there's some jokes in them.

They are actually the whole show notes are really funny. We have little time stamps of, like, you can jump ahead to funny parts in an episode. Or if you listen to an episode and you want to get back to a funny part to show your partner or like a. A powerful part, like, oh, my God, I want my partner to listen to this bit. You can go check those out. There's timestamps. There's like, recaps and descriptions. We try to make it really easy. And while we're on all the logistics, maybe I also should mention that we upload all of our podcasts to YouTube and get them fully captioned. So if you have any friends or your partner is hard of hearing, obviously, like, if you're listening to this right now, this doesn't apply. Like, you're not going to go watch the episodes on YouTube, but if you have, you can.

I mean, if you just prefer YouTube. We don't have it on video on YouTube yet. Sometime soon, we may be able to do that right now. Now, given our setup, we don't really have the capability to do that, but we have plans in the works.

Yeah. So go check that out. It's really important to us to try to make the podcast as accessible and inclusive as possible. So we have that there. But yes, at our show notes, we will link you to butt stuff, foreplay guides, and next level, intercourse.

All right, everyone, that's it for today's episode of Pillow Talks. Thank you so much for listening. Have a very happy holidays. If you're listening to this before the Thanksgiving holiday or any holiday, why not join us again next week when we talk about why a lot of men don't like to show their emotions. And we give you tips for how to make your male partner feel safe opening up to you.

That's gonna be a good one.

Oh, yeah.

Really looking forward to it.

See you next week. Sat.