EPISODE 97: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Foreplay Edition)

Never again. Never again. Vanessa is curled up in a ball on the floor laughing.

You jumped.

It was horrible.

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex Therapist with over 20.

Years of experience and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs downs in our relationship, while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Thanks to Dipsea for supporting Pillow Talks. Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories. If you're looking to light a spark or heat things up, there's a story waiting for you and you can get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com pillow. The year was 1997. Young Vanessa was 13 years old. She was walking out of her house one day and she saw it. A stack of Cosmo magazines sitting out by the neighbor's trash. What is that noise?

It's like the high pitched, kind of like voice of God, you know, like in movies where it's like I can't quite hit the note where like you see them and everything stops and it's just like the voice from the heavens comes out and you're like, oh, this is the thing that I was meant to find.

Do it one more time. It's so, so good.

Wow.

I like that you've tried to find ways to sing, even when I don't make you sing in an intro. It was beautiful.

It's what I do.

Okay, so young Vanessa spots this fat stack of Cosmo magazines.

Time stands still. She hears a voice from the sky that says, you have been destined to find these magazines. They will change your life for the better.

They belonged to the college girls that live next door. Young Vanessa knew that this was a gold mine. So she spent the next 20 minutes secretly squirreling each and every issue into her room. She knew somehow that her parents would not want her reading these magazines. So she hid them, tucked them all away, and she started reading all of Cosmo's delightful sex tips.

Where did you hide them in your room? Seems like a lot, a lot of magazines to hide.

I think under the bed.

Nice. Classic.

So I started reading all these tips like put a donut over his penis and you sexily eat it off. My all time favorite one, sprinkle a little Bit of pepper under his nose right before he orgasms. Oh, baby, intensify his orgasm.

Also maybe have him break up with you immediately after. After that happens.

Like, what the fuck? Did you put pepper in my face? I was about to come. So young Vanessa just devoured all of these sex tips, became endlessly fascinated with sex. What a strange experience involving donuts and pepper and weird positions. And that was really some of the early inspiration to wind up eventually becoming Vanessa the sex therapist. So for this episode, we wanted to go back and revisit some of those interesting sex tips that we've all read. So whether you were also growing up in the 90s and reading women's magazines, or maybe you're of the younger generation seeing stuff on TikTok, there's always new stuff on TikTok about like the hottest new sex tip.

Most of them are pretty bad.

I mean, don't spoil our whole episode. But yeah, let's just say not that.

Much has changed since. Since those years. It's just the medium. The medium has changed. The message has.

Not really, but we thought, okay, you know, we have all of these kind of weird sounding sex tips, but do they actually work? Like, are we being a little too harsh judging these tips, thinking like, oh, that's cheesy or that's dumb or that's never gonna work, but maybe they do actually work. So Xander and I are always the guinea pigs for whatever advice we give you guys. So we decided to really, what's the phrase?

Practice what we preach. Eat our own dog food.

I was gonna say sacrifice ourselves, but that sounded dark. Like, eat our own dog food. That also sounds weird.

That's so I never, I never heard eat our own dog food until I got into the tech world and I started working at Google. And that was a common phrase, actually. So what it was was people would just say, oh, like, like, like we're gonna dog food this. Which meant like, we're gonna test our own product before it comes out. It had already been shortened. So I had to be like, you know, my first week at Google, I had to be like, I had to be like to my boss probably, like, excuse me, but what does it mean when I'm getting all these emails, like, do you want a dog food blank? It's like, what the hell does this mean? And it's. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of like a phrase. Like, you know, if, if you are a dog food company and you're saying our dog food is so good, then like, you should be willing to eat it. Too. Is it good enough for you to eat as well?

I feel like there's some other phrase that I'm thinking of, like, we're putting our. We're. We're taking it on. We're putting ourselves out to pasture.

We're like, I think there's something about like laying yourself across the altar.

Oh, God, these are all way too dark. Well, anyways, we're gonna be the guinea pigs. We decided we're gonna take all judgments out of our minds. Suspend judgment.

There you go.

We are going to try out these tips and we are going to report back.

And.

And boy, oh boy, have we reported back. We actually recorded voice notes of ourselves. There's one voice note that we took during the act. We did it live in the voice note that you will hear. And then we also did like reporting back kind of mid session. We took a quick break to make a voice note and record it.

I needed a break after some of the things that were happening. Wow.

I think this is gonna be one of our funniest episodes ever. And hopefully you'll walk away with some sex tips to try or not to try.

But before we try any of those, let's try out our review of the week.

I have to say something quickly. We made a mistake with our a recent episode that came out like the review of the week didn't end up getting added into it. And, and we got DMs from people that were like, where was the review of the week? It was very touching that you guys missed hearing it. I was appreciating that.

Well, this week we got the review of the week. It's here. We're gonna, we're gonna give this one a try. I'm still on the.

We're gonna lay this review out on the altar. We're gonna dog food this review. I don't know. This is a long one, so you better get to it.

Vanessa and Xander, I found your YouTube videos over a year ago when searching sex in relationships. I love the content and it led me to your podcasts and other formats which I've been following ever since. For reference, I'm a 61 year old male married to an incredible woman for almost 27 years. Congratulations, buddy. I've gotten so much out of your work and have purchased several of your products. Thank you so much for what you do. When I listened to your episode 92 the other day, I was actually surprised how strongly it hit me. By the way, everyone, episode 92 was the brutally honest truth about our New York Times best selling book it was a good one. It was a good one. You should listen to it, he says. I ran the gamut of emotions. Truly feeling so sad listening to you describe how you were scammed and taken advantage of feeling joy as you described how people you never expected to respond actually responded to you and your book in a big way. And feeling. Yeah, I felt that when you described how vulnerable you felt at different times in the process of getting the book out, you. In fact, the level of vulnerability you described in those situations was only rivaled by the vulnerability you had doing the podcast itself. I have loved all your podcasts, but to me, the vulnerability and the authenticity I felt in this one seemed to be even a notch higher. You can tell how much all of this meant to you and how much you opened up and put yourselves out there for this revealing podcast. Absolutely stellar. Thank you again for all you do and for your guidance on so many topics. And thank you for showing us that regardless of age, the length of our relationships, or the depth of our problems, that honesty and communication will always get us through and we are always capable of great things with our partners. Keep up the great work. Signed another penis owning member of the VX Fan club. Big, Big tooth smile.

Big tooth smile. That's not what that. It's just a big smile.

Big smile.

Why you gotta call him Big Tooth?

Well, because. No, there's, there's a lot of different smile emojis. This one is, you know. Yeah, Toothy smile. Got the. Got the tefers out.

Wow. This. The teefers. This review makes me feel really good. That was one of the most vulnerable episodes that we've done. Like, we got real honest in that one and shared so much behind the scenes of like, our personal lives and our business. So I'm really glad that it's resonating with people. I'm just so happy. I know that maybe it's didn't seem like the most exciting episode when you just looked at the title. Like, wait, I thought this was a podcast about sex and relationships. Like, why are we talking about this book? But there's just so much that got wrapped up into this book and we've been hearing from so many of you guys that it's one of your favorite episodes we've ever done. So it's really cool to get that feedback. Thank you so much and thank you for leaving this review too, because they really do help the podcast grow. So as our little way of saying thank you for leaving a review. So basically, if you go over to Apple podcasts, leave us a Review there. It does does not have to be this long. We do love to hear from you. If you leave us a review there every week going forward, you are automatically entered into our weekly giveaway. And if you hear your review read on the podcast, then you can reach out to us@infovm therapy.com. let us know the username that you left this review with and you will get a free masterclass of your choosing. We have four, four or five options for you to choose from. Okay, so let's get into it. Let me tell you first how we set up this episode. So we went over to Instagram. If you're not following us there, we're at Vanessa and Xander with an X. And we asked you guys, okay, tell us, what is one of the wildest sounding sex tips that you've heard, whether from a magazine online? TikTok, whatever it is, like, tell us a sex tip that you want to know.

I like how we call it TikTok. We were not like, oh, are you getting weird sex tips on Instagram? It's like, oh, TikTok is the wild west. I mean, I guess TikTok kind of is the wild west, but it's the wild west. Sex tips. Wow.

We got so many answers back. I was shocked by how many we got. And you guys are very curious. Like, you know, I've never tried this. I don't think I have the guts to try this. But, like, I want you guys to try it and let us know. So we decided to break them up a little bit. So this episode is going to be tips that are specifically focused on what we call foreplay. We don't love to use the word foreplay because we think all sex counts as sex. But.

And foreplay can happen, happen at any time during a sexual experience. It is not a before some other, you know, theoretical main event.

Exactly. But I know most people use foreplay to describe using your hands or your mouths on each other. So that is what we are calling this episode. It's kind of the foreplay themed episode, the sex tips. So we're going to break these down into Xander as the test subject, Xander receiving me as the test subject, and then a couple that we'll wrap up with of both of us trying these things out.

I do think it is interesting that the vast majority of submissions we got were, for me, as the test subject. I think it definitely. And I think that that that matches with probably what you saw in, you know, all those cosmos. It probably matches up with what people see now if they look at Magazines or if they look for sex tick sex tips on TikTok.

Sex Tics. That's.

No, no sex tics, please. But, yeah, I mean, I think that it's just. It kind of speaks to how. How much of this is sort of like. It's like. It just gives this idea that, well, sex is really just all about pleasing the guy, pleasing the penis owner. It's not really. It's not really for your pleasure, you know, to whoever it is who's pleasing the man. It's more about, you know, how can you please. How can you please him? And how can you make it a little more enjoyable for you? Because we know that you're going to hate doing it.

Yeah, Definitely unfair. There are like, three or four times the amount of tips for Xander Receiving than for me, but, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it kind of sets up. It almost like. I feel like this type of. These types of messages sort of prime us to assume, like, for, you know, to kind of prime women who. You know, women who sleep with men to assume, like, oh, like, I'm probably not really gonna like this stuff because there's all these tips about, like, how to make it more pleasant for me, how to make it taste good or, you know, whatever. Like. Like, okay, like, I'm expecting to not really like this, but I am expected to do it because there's all these tips about, like, I need to do this. You're not gonna like it. So, like, here's some things that you can do. I just. I wonder what kind of message that sends. Honestly.

Interesting. I mean, I. I think I focus more on the. The fact that it's. All the tips are about his pleasure. You know, obviously we're talking about this in a very heteronormative way, because that is how a lot of these magazines used to. Fortunately, I think we've come a long way, but, yeah, that was always the message that I got growing up, was feeling like sex was really about his pleasure, and I was supposed to do all these things I actually didn't pick up on, like, oh, they're trying to make it more pleasant for me. This must mean that I'm not gonna like it. For me, the message was just, his pleasure is the most important. Being sexy for him, making him feel good. And so that's what I really focused on.

Okay, interesting. No, I'll call out specifically that vibe that I get about, like, you're not going to like it on a couple of these, because. Yeah, you're right. But no, I do agree with you that. Yeah, the message is more like, yeah, it's really all about him. Like, you're here to really please him. So we're going to give you all these tips, and, like, you better find a way to enjoy it.

Yeah. Okay, so let's start off with a bang. The very first tip that we tried unceremoniously in the middle of our kitchen, I dropped trow.

We just did it. I wasn't expecting that. We were doing tips then. I think it was, like, this weekend sometime.

No, it was Thursday.

It was Thursday. And Vanessa's like. Vanessa's like, we gotta try this one. Pull your pants down.

Okay. Tell our audience what the tip was.

Blow raspberries on his balls. Now, I do think that you need to describe what a raspberry is, because not everyone knows.

You might know it as a zerbert. Zerbert.

I don't know how to say it. I.

That's a Midwestern.

It's a Midwestern term. A number of people on our team were like, oh, a zerbert.

Yeah.

Except this was over. Over slack in, you know, typing. So we don't actually know how you say it.

Azerbaij survey. So it's basically when you put your mouth to somebody's skin, and I'll do it on my hand right now. It's like a. I can't even do it. Hold on there. Like, that kind of thing.

Yeah. So I swear we're not farting.

When you heard this tip, what were your thoughts? Did you think you would enjoy getting raspberries blown on your balls?

Nope.

You didn't?

No, I. I had. I had pretty low expectations of this one. In fact, I had a pretty strong suspicion I was gonna hate it.

Okay, let's play.

That's why I. That's why I took my pants off in the middle of the kitchen. I was like, great. I don't. I don't want to do this one when. Because, you know, we were planning to. You know, we were going to kind of have some sexy testing time. I was like, I don't want to do. I definitely don't want this one to be done, like, while. Like, while she's, like, actually giving me a blowjob. Sounds horrible.

So let's play the clip. We're doing this for science.

Okay.

Xander has volunteered.

I volunteered my balls.

You Donald Duck yourself in the kitchen.

This feels almost, like, too intimate to air this audio on the podcast.

You don't have to if you don't want to. I can't do it. All right.

Cool. I don't want to watch. Oh, no. Never again. Never again. Vanessa is curled up in a ball on the floor laughing.

You jump.

It was horrible. Wow.

Wow.

That's. That brings me right back.

I really got to relive that moment. It was only a few days ago, and yet it was really fun to relive.

The best part was the cackle where you're cackling in the recording and that Vanessa was silently cackling in the background. I had this amazing view. She's holding her phone up, playing the voice memo off her phone into the mic, and at the same time, like, her head is tilted back, she's cackling. It was like you were lip syncing. That was incredible. I tried to get a video of it, but I couldn't pick my phone up fast enough to get it. So sorry, guys, I can't show you. But it was. I mean, it was off. It was immediate. I was just like, oh, hell no.

I mean, did it. Okay. So I was having a hard time even doing it because it just felt so weird. Like, a raspberry is kind of aggressive and your balls are so soft and tender. Well, yeah, I think that I feel like I probably, you know, I didn't do it in a sexy way. Like, could you even envision that being a sexy sensation on your balls?

I don't. I don't think so. Well, because here's the thing. I think that if you try to blow a raspberry on, like, you know, your arm or something, like, you need a somewhat firm piece of flesh.

I mean, pretty good. You can really hear it. I did it better than when I just tested it on my hand a minute ago.

Well, so I'm guessing that meant you had to do it pretty hard in order to get, like, the thing to happen. So, you know, it's just. Yeah, it's. Your balls are kind of a fleshy, amorphous, like, moving around type of body part, so it's kind of hard to, like, you know, get some purchase.

Some purchase. Wow. Okay. So it didn't do it for you.

It didn't do it for me. I mean, what about you? How was it for you?

It was terrible for me.

Yeah. I mean, you really had to psych yourself up.

I had to psych myself up. I mean, no, it was. It was fine. It didn't take, like, a ton of effort. It wasn't physically difficult. It just did not feel sexy to me. A raspberry is not something I've ever equated with sexiness. So I Was not looking forward to it. But you know what, we do have to be clear here. Like, we're laughing at these things. We're making fun of our experiences. But if you like blowing raspberries anywhere on your body, on your genitals, more power to you. Like, this is not a. Our experience, is not the be all, end all. So everybody else is going to have different experiences. So let's just make sure we give our little disclaimer of it's cool for you to like whatever the hell you like.

Oh, yeah, well, so, you know, to kind of like throw a bone out there, so to speak. We did try another activity later that was slightly similar, that maybe was possibly a bit more enjoyable. We'll get into that one later. We both did it, which was like humming during oral sex. So, you know, like a raspberry is sort of a extreme, extreme hum. So you know, there's something there about like, you know, getting the right amount of some sort of action. Yeah, a little, little vibration action that definitely is enjoyable. The problem, like we just said about a. A ball. Zerbert. Ball zerbert.

Ball zerbert.

You know, the problem with that is that you really requires you to get that, you know, do a really strong raspberry to make it work. So yeah, maybe, you know, if you're interested in this, keep listening till later when we talk about the humming that we tried. Oh, yes, there was something there.

Okay. One of the most common tips that we got asked about is the grapefruit trick. So if you've never heard of this before, this originally surfaced like 10 years ago on YouTube.

Yeah, we tried this a long time ago.

There was a sex educator named Auntie Angel, AKA Denise Walker. She was the one who came up with it. Gotta give her credit for it. And then it resurfaced just in the last couple of years on Instagram. A lot of people were talking about on Instagram. We've been getting asked questions about it for a couple of years now. So basically, here's how it works. You take a grapefruit, it can also be an orange, another citrus, a large citrus. You cut off either end of it. So it makes kind of like a cylinder type of shape rather than a sphere. Yes, got my shapes. And then you cut a hole through the middle of the flower flesh. So you're making like a tube shape.

Basically a penis sized tube.

A penis sized tube shape. Do you actually, I feel like you cut the grapefruit in half too. And you just use half of the grapefruit at a Time.

I mean, you could use however much grapefruit.

I mean, it depends on the. I guess it depends on the size of the. The penis that you're working with. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to cut, though. But anyways, you put the peanut very similar to the penis donut. You're putting the donut around the penis. You're putting the grapefruit around the penis.

The good news is that the grapefruit won't crumble like a donut. A little more sturdy.

So Auntie angel originally recommended this because she said it makes it taste good in your mouth, which is the dynamic that Xander was talking about. A lot of these tips for blow jobs in particular were all about making it taste better, which I just. Let's take a quick little detour here. Like, I think it's really important for us to acknowledge that genitals, their body parts, they're not meant to taste like ice cream soda candy. Like they're genitals. And that's okay as long as we're all doing, like, basic, you know, good hygiene. Genitals taste like genitals. So it is a little. There is some body shaming element that comes into it with, like, how many of these tips are about making it taste better. And so I think we just need to kind of name that. But anyways, we tried the grapefruit trick a while back. And you were not a big fan of it.

I was not a big fan. I mean, I could understand, you know, what it is that appealed to people because, you know, so, yes, there's the element of, you know, it obviously tasting like a grapefruit, which I hate, by the way. Yeah. I mean, I always kind of wondered about that because. Yeah, without. Most people eat grapefruit with sugar on it, because grapefruits are quite bitter. They're quite tart, bitter on their own. They definitely need some sugar and that. There's, like a couple varieties of grapefruits that are somewhat sweet, but those are not super common in the grocery store. So. Yeah, I mean, I think that, like, an orange would. A large orange would work better because oranges taste good without sugar added. But, you know, so there's that element. But then there's also, you know, the idea is that the grapefruit basically, you know, is kind of like a hand going up and down the penis. So it's like you're. It's mimicking, like, a hand and a mouth together, and it's sort of giving this, like, juicy.

Yeah, juicy.

Kind of like juicy. Noisy. Experience of, like, squelchy. Yeah, squelchy. Which, you know. You know, for people like me who enjoy. Enjoy sex, the sounds of sex, it can, you know, can be really. It can be really sexy, I guess. So I could understand why some people would be really into it. It's novel. It's kind of like this exciting squelchy. Like, oh, it's happening. Juices are flying. But it just felt like a lot of. It was a lot of effort. You have to prepare, because, again, you're gonna get citrus juice all over wherever you are.

First, you do have to be a little bit cautious, because if citrus juice gets into his urethra, it can really burn and sting. You do have to be careful. That makes me a little bit nervous about people trying it. But, yes, you are basically juicing a piece of citrus on your partner's penis. The ju. Is going to get everywhere. So we put down a towel, but it was still, like, very sticky and just kind of messy. And we're all for prepping for sex, putting effort into it. Like, we're not saying, oh, that doesn't feel natural, but it just. It was very messy. And then, yeah.

I found myself thinking, like, during. While. While we were doing it, like, oh, how much juice is coming? Is. Is this towel enough? Like, are my sheets going to be all sticky after this? Is it going to soak through to the mattress? Like, so, you know, some people are just like, hell, yeah. I'm not even thinking about stuff. I found myself thinking about other things that I didn't intend to be thinking about during sex. And so I found it kind of took me out of the moment.

Yeah.

Also, I'm very happy with the blowjob technique that you give without a grapefruit. So it was kind of a little less good than what we typically do.

I think that. Yeah. Thank you. I think that this is something that's worth trying for couples. Like, if it feels fun and playful, like, we're all about trying new things in the bedroom. There's a value to trying things, even if you don't end up loving it. Like, it was a. It was a funny bonding experience. We had a. We made a memory together. So I think this one's worth trying. But I would. Just the way that I've been seeing it talked about on Instagram, a lot of people are like, oh, this is supposed to be the most incredible blowjob technique ever. It's in my opinion. It's not.

Yeah. Well, we have in our foreplay guide.

Your expectations a little bit.

Yeah. The Blowjob techniques that we talk about in our foreplay guides, in my personal opinion, are much better. They accomplish much of the same thing the grapefruit technique does, but a lot more. So. If you want really truly excellent, earth shattering, like, whoa, what the fuck was that type of experience, check out our foreplay guides.

We will link to them in the show notes. Let's talk a little bit more about Dipsea. If you have never heard of them before, they are doing something very unique and very cool. It's an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. And if you have never listened to a sexy audio story before, then you are in for a treat. It's a really unique experience. It can really get you in the mood, whether you're having a little bit of me time or you're wanting to be intimate with a partner. Maybe you're getting yourself ready for being intimate with a partner or you're listening to it together. It's just a very unique experience to hear a story being told to you. But it's a sexy story. And Dipsea is really cool because they are so inclusive. They have stories for straight and Queer listeners and 56% of the stories are voice acted by people of color. There are so many stories already and they release new content every week. So you can listen to your favorite ones again and again again, or you can always find something new to explore. And they're even taking it a step further. They now have soothing sleep stories, wellness sessions, and sexy stories that you can read on top of listening to. So Dipsea is just such a fun app. I really think it's worth everybody trying it out at least once to see what your experience of audio erotica is like. And the best news is that you can get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com pillow that's. That's 30 days of full access for free. When you go to D I P s e a stories.com pillow dipsystories.com pillow all right. The next thing that we tried was a blow job with ice cubes in my mouth.

I was worried about this one.

You were worried and something happened right before the preparation for this one that really scared you.

Yeah. So, you know, Vanessa was like, oh, go get an ice cube. So I got an ice cube and I was like, okay. You know, I prepared. I got a cup, put an ice cube in the cup. We have a freezer that has an ice cube maker in it. And so, you know, I grab the ice Cube. Put it in. Vanessa takes the ice cube, this, you know, frozen solid ice cube, and just starts chomping on it. And for me, chewing on ice, especially watching someone chew on ice visibly, like, she's holding it in her hand. She's got, like, half the. Half the ice cube in her fingers, and the other half is just with her mouth. It's just. For me, it's like nails on the chalkboard and. Or like cotton swabs. Oh, God. Touching cotton swabs or touching. Touching a peach. That's how I feel about that.

That's the noise that he made in the moment.

And I was just like, oh, shit. This just got real.

I wasn't thinking about that. I was just like, this is a huge ice cube. I can't fit it in my mouth and also fit your penis in my mouth. So I was just trying to break off a little piece of ice cube.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I can understand.

We need those, like, nugget ice makers where it's like, the little balls of ice.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You needed. You needed, like, the. The ice. Not shredder. Oh, my God. Like, crushed ice.

Yeah, crushed ice.

A little bit of that. Yeah, I know. I mean, once you explained it to me, I was like, oh, yeah. No, I wouldn't want to put that whole ice cube in my mouth. It'd be freezing.

Okay, so let's get to the voice note. Here's what happened immediately after I tried the ice cube trick. Okay. I was able to attend the ice cube trick for approximately 1 millisecond until Xander yelped and said, no, no.

It was so cold.

You were cold. It was too cold.

It was shocking.

You didn't. You literally let me do that for a millisecond, and then you're like, stop.

It was. It was absolutely horrifyingly shocking.

Like, that bad?

Yeah.

Yeah. It just didn't feel good at all.

I don't know. Have you. Have you ever had, like, an ice cube directly on your vulva?

You know what? We didn't try it the other way around.

We should have. I don't know why we didn't.

We have in the past. I don't know about directly. Like, on the clitoris.

Straight on.

You seem a little scarred.

Yeah, it was.

I have tried it in the past, and it's been a while, but I don't feel like I had that strong of a reaction to it.

Well, I don't know.

I guess your penis doesn't like to be cold.

It doesn't like to be cold. No.

Okay, so Xander vetoed the next tip immediately afterwards, which was to have a pearl or a bead necklace, because I have so many of those hanging around a pearl necklace in the freezer and wrap it around the penis for a hand job. So you refused?

Yes. Well, based on two things. Based on the cold factor, which I already knew that I wasn't gonna like thanks to that ice cube. But number two, like, basically, like masturbating with, like, beads. Like, what the fuck? That's like a one way ticket to the emergency room. Like, bloody penis and emergency room.

Wow.

I mean, how is that gonna work?

Yeah, it's that stuff. You. The pressure. You really have the pressure.

And like, like chafing, ripping. Like. What? Why? Why ripping?

I mean, they're like smooth pearls. They're not like a smooth.

Well, I guess, like, what, are you gonna lube them up?

Yeah, you would have to lube them.

Up because, I mean, also then you're.

Getting lube all over your nice.

Yeah.

Necklace.

So it's like, if you don't lube it up, then that's horrible. Never do that. But I mean, do you hear about any like, like lumpy sex toys or like hard. Hard, like, like sleeves or something for male masturbation? Like, that's not a thing.

Well, he was not open to that. So if somebody wants to experiment with putting a pearl necklace in the freezer and freezing that whole penis, let us know. All right. The next one that we tried was eating a fruit roll up off of the penis. So this is another one that's like. I think it's more about making it taste better rather than like. The fruit roll up doesn't provide any additional experience for you, like any sensation for you?

No, I mean, it would definitely just detract from any sensation.

Okay, let's hear our voice. Note our report back right after trying the fruit roll up on the penis.

This.

The fruit roll up was also a fail. First of all, you can't, like, I'm eating it. You can't obviously sit to the penis. It like, doesn't stick. So then it's just. You're awkwardly trying to roll a fruit roll up around the penis, but it's falling off. And then it made like a. Then it made like a sad little ring that it still wouldn't stay. And then you put it in your mouth, but it's like it's falling around all over the place in your mouth. So it's not like staying in place. So then you're trying to give a blow job. But Also trying to keep the fruit roll up in place at the same time, and it's just a disaster. And then you have a sticky penis afterwards.

Clean it up.

It was not a. It was not a good experience. It was very awkward. Like, it just. Yeah. It was, like, falling apart in my mouth. It made it harder to give blowjob because not only am I trying to give the blow job, I'm also trying to keep the fucking fruit roll up in place.

Yeah. I mean, if I. If I'm imagining putting myself in your shoes, like, if I were doing this, I feel like my struggle would be kind of this weird, like, cognitive dissonance where, like, in my mind, I'm like, okay, there's a fruit roll up in my mouth, which is, like, tasty. And, like, my brain wants to, like. You know, I want to, like, chew it up or, like, eat it. And so it's like, well, what am I. Am I. What. What am I supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to be sucking on this thing? Am I supposed to be, like, eating it? Like, I think there's. There's part of me that would kind of want to be like, ugh. Like, I just want to need to, like, chew this up a little bit. But then, like, that's the last thing you want to be doing during oral sex. So, like. Yeah. Why?

Yeah, it was. It was not good. And then it also made me worried about getting a yeast infection because, like, there's sugar. Like, sticky sugar and fruit all over your penis. So I. We cleaned you up because I was like, you're not putting that penis in me before it's been cleaned.

Yeah, we. We bust. We had some baby wipes at the.

Fortunately, you gotta be careful with that one. So that one was a big fat fail for us. But if it sounds fun and sexy to you, definitely go ahead and give it a shot. We got two other sex tips that had the same kind of vibe. So one of them was the pop rocks blowjob, and the other one was to chew a starburst, stick it to the roof of your mouth before a blowjob.

How do you even stick a starburst to the roof of your mouth? Like, starbursts are chewy, but they're not.

They kind of can. But here's the problem is that once.

You'Re gonna gag on it, once you.

Like, chew it, it does take on a kind of ragged texture. So the penis is gonna be, like, scraping against, like, ragged starburst.

And also you're gonna be pushing it back into your mouth. And like, eventually you might gag or choke on it.

Yeah. We did not have Starbursts. I don't like Starbursts either. So I didn't really wanna. I didn't wanna put myself on the altar with the Starburst. So we didn't try this one. I don't think it would go over very well. But definitely let us know if you've tried it out. Report back, give us your field notes. And then we also vetoed doing the Pop Rocks blowjob because that can actually be very painful. Like, do you remember those little. When we were growing up, those little snapper things? Like, it was like a little white. Like a tiny firework. And you would throw it on the ground and it would be like, oh, yeah, I think. Yeah, like, make that sound. It's like having that on your penis. Like a thousand tiny little things on your penis. Like, it's dangerous. It's not a sex tip that I recommend. Anybody trying?

Yeah, I haven't had pop rock in a very long time, so I don't really remember how intense they are. But after the experience of the ice cube, it's like, you know, I just don't think I enjoy extreme sensation. Extreme sensation on my penis. So, yeah, I vetoed.

We vetoed the Pop Rocks. Next up, we tried mint mouthwash. And we had a disagreement about this one. Xander thought that the purpose of the mint mouthwash was to make your mouth taste good. Another variation of the, like, make the blowjob taste better. I thought that the idea behind the mint mouthwash was that it would create a tingly sensation on the penis.

Oh. So, yeah, so Vanessa was thinking, like, it should be in her mouth when she's giving the blow job. But the problem with that is that then you're like holding your breath, basically. I mean, obviously breathe in and out of your nose, but, like, you can also only hold mouthwash or I don't know, like Listerine. Like, it starts to burn your mouth after a while. So imagine that sensation on my penis. I was. I mean, it makes me speak in a high pitched voice because it sounds awful. So, like, I definitely don't want that. I was like, well, that's gonna burn. So it's gotta just be a fresh. A fresh mouth type.

Yeah. I didn't even want to attempt holding the mouthwash in my mouth because we've tried that before with liquids, like having a hot liquid or a cold liquid. And it's like, you can't have a liquid in your mouth and then put a penis into there, too. Like, the water just all comes spewing out, and it's not attractive. So.

Yeah, you don't want mouthwash spilling in your mouth wherever you are.

I thought maybe because my mouth was, like, tingly after the mouthwash, that that would feel good. So let's hear the results from you. Did you notice anything different after I had mouthwashed my mouth?

Not really. The only thing that I noticed was that I was very on guard, wondering, like, oh, am I gonna feel this burning or tingling?

You were nervous.

I was nervous, okay. Yeah, I was nervous.

Actual sensations.

No, there was no. Yeah, there was no. Ultimately, there was no tingling, and so I was like, okay, let's. Let's move on because, yeah, there's no tingling right now, but, like, you know, maybe. Maybe it'll catch up to me. And, you know, I guess, you know, one reason why I was a little worried about this is that I. One time when I was probably a teenager, I had the experience of accidentally masturbating with some medicated lotion. I thought it was regular lotion, and, like, I just wasn't really paying attention. It was, like, in my drawer. And then all of a sudden, you know, I'm, like, masturbating for, like, 30 seconds, and all of a sudden, my penis starts burning, and I'm like, oh, my God, what's happening? I'm dying. Help. I'm being punished for masturbating. But. And then I. You know, I like, immediately stop, wipe everything off. Oh, my God. I look at the lotion, and it was. Oh, it's like. It was a medicated lotion that I had gotten from the dermatologist for, like, some kind. It was like a mild. It was a very. Yeah, it was like a mild acid. And I was like, wow.

And his penis was never the same.

That's not true.

Okay. Our final tip was a. A somewhat easier one. It was just.

Yeah. No. No foreign objects.

Yeah, no foreign objects. All that supposed to do was rub the penis head. Like lipstick on my lips when giving a blow job. So what did you think when I did this?

Didn't feel like much. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, like. Well, because, you know, when you're giving a blow job, like, you're. It's like, you know, saliva in your mouth. There's much more sensation. It's. Yeah, yeah, Mike, your penis is being enveloped by the mouth. There's a bunch of saliva. It's warm. And so then. Then, like, the lips. It's like, okay, yeah, your lips are. They're not like, dry. But it's not, you know, your lips aren't, like, super wet. It's just. It was just kind of weird. It's not. It's not as warm as the inside of your mouth. So basically, you go from having a bunch of sensation to not really having very much sensation.

I. So I think this one was a fail. But I think it can work if you need to take, like, a quick little jaw break or if you're teasing your partner a little bit before you are going full in for the blowjob.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I think it can be very sexy to rub the penis on your lips, especially if you make eye contact at the same time. Very sexy. But the actual rubbing on the lips doesn't create a ton of sensation. It's more about the tease of it. But I will make one little adjustment to it. Doing it full around both my lips did feel funny. But I think just stroking back and forth on your lower lip can be pretty hot. Or even on your tongue too.

Yeah.

But, like, doing it the way that you apply lipstick or chapstick, I feel.

Like the tongue is probably a better option because there's more saliva there.

Yeah. Okay, next. We had just a few. Just a few tips. For me, it was Vanessa's turn. It was my turn to be the test subject. Actually, this next one, it was me being the test subject, but it was still about pleasuring you. So this one was all about holding your thumb to reduce or eliminate the gag reflex for a bj. So this is kind of like an urban legend that has gone around. It's been around forever. I remember this from when I was, like, in a teenager.

I don't really even understand this one. I couldn't even tell what you were doing.

Yeah, there's no way for you to tell. So literally all I was doing is, like, making a fist with one of my hands. And I've read before, it's the left hand. Specifically, I tried it with both hands, but you make a fist, and you, like, tuck your thumb in so your fingers are wrapping around your thumb. And it was like, if you really squeeze your thumb and you, like, focus on your thumb, it'll magically make you have no gag reflex. Does not work. I have tried this many times. Tried it again. It has never worked for me. Maybe there's something to be said about if you're distracting yourself because you're focusing so much on your thumb. But I will say I think this is one of the huge misconceptions that women in particular have about blowjobs. Is that we see it this way in porn. We feel like the only way to do a good blowjob is, has to be a deep throat. Like that's the advanced technique or like that's the really good blow job. The deeper the better. And that is so not true. You can give a much, much better blow job if you're not focusing on deep throat. Because what's happening when you're deep throating it, it's the penis is going down your throat and you don't have control over the back of your throat. You don't have any control over the exact stimulation that you're giving to your partner. It's actually much more pleasurable, creates much more sensation, are in control of it. So like, yes, there might be this sexy novelty for your partner of like seeing their whole penis going down your throat, but it's just like that's not the be all, end all. And I really would say that deep throat is less pleasurable than if you have really good non deep throat technique. So again, we will link to our foreplay guides.

We got it all in there.

We talk about them, show you exactly how to do it it in that way. But holding your thumb doesn't do anything. Okay. Next thing that we tried was you crossing your fingers when you fingered me. So tell us what this one was about.

I mean, I guess the idea is that, you know, when your finger, I guess typically, you know, many people finger with two fingers side by side. Right. So presumably.

And we're talking about internal.

Yes, internally. So presumably if you cross your two fingers internally, instead of them side by side, you're kind of adding a little knob, so to speak. Some, some additional, you know, so it's, it's more, it's ribbed for pleasure. A big, a big rib. Right. So yeah, we, we tried this. Um, I, I could see how this maybe could be pleasurable because I, I feel like it's kind of akin to like the, the come here thing or kind of trying to like scoop your finger a bit like when you are fingering. But it didn't really work, I don't think.

I felt absolutely zero difference. Like if you had tested me, like, are my fingers crossed or are they not crossed? I could not have told you. It made no difference whatsoever. I mean this is one that's like, it's fine to try. It's very easy. There's nothing involved behind it. So try it out and see if your body happens to like it better than mine did. But for me, I didn't feel any Difference.

Yeah. And doing it. It was honestly was hard to do.

I could tell that it was awkward for you because.

So the thing is, you either have to try to cross your finger when they're already inside, or you have to cross your fingers first and then put it inside. The problem is, if you try to cross your fingers first and then put them inside. When you cross your fingers, like, one of your fingers is kind of, like, hanging out of it. It's no longer pointing forward. So, like, how do you get that in without hurting? Yeah, hurting the vulva owner. Right. So then I was like, okay, yeah, this isn't really gonna work. I don't feel good about, like, jabbing this crossed finger in there. So then it was like, okay, well, I'll put the fingers in and then try to cross them. Them. And, you know, your fingers are a bit. Are being enveloped by. By. By the vagina, and so it is difficult to cross them. Yeah. So I was kind of like, you know, and then moving back and forth, I kept fighting my fingers, kept kind of naturally sliding back to side by side. So it was very hard to stay in that position. It's really hard to actually cross it fully. I kind of would just get the finger kind of of, like, twisted, I guess, like, not like, you know, not. Not like bending the. The crossing finger all the way down. I couldn't even do that.

So this one didn't really work. And also, let's just take a quick second to clarify, because we've gotten a lot of dms about this. Fingering just refers to using your hands on a vulva. So remember that the most sensitive part of a vulva is the clitoris. That's where we want to focus. So fingering can be external.

Yeah, this type of fingering is.

Can be internal.

Yeah, this type of fingering that we describing is typically not the most pleasurable activity for most vulva owners.

Yeah, internal fingering is typically not the most pleasurable because that's not where we have the most nerve endings.

And unfortunately, most people, you know, like, for me, at least when I was coming of age, sexually, when I heard of fingering, the only thing I thought of was literally sticking my fingers inside and finger banging. And, you know, I wish that, you know, young Xander could have known that that is not. Not the route to pleasurable fingering.

All right, then the last one, literally the third and last one that we got for me as the test subject was giving oral from the side. So normally, I think the way that the most common position that people do oral Sex on a vulva owner is the vulva owner on their back with their legs spread, and the person who's performing it is on their stomach.

Head in between.

Head in between the legs. In our foreplay guides, we share a bunch of other positions that are much more comfortable and successful. And so the idea behind this tip was that you actually make. It's so hard to describe. You make your bodies perpendicular so the head is like sideways.

Yeah. You're coming across. Yeah. So like you, you line up as the, as the giver. You're, you know, the vulva owner is going to lie down and you are going to kind of stick, you know, lie down perpendicular to the vulva owner, stick your head in towards the vulva, and you're kind of like, your neck is almost gonna be like kind of draped over one of the legs.

Yeah, it was difficult to get into. It was awkward. But the idea behind this one, the idea is good. The thought was, you know, when you're giving oral sex in the first position that we described, if you think about, like, if you're looking straight at the clitoris, think of it like as a clock. Like, you're gonna be licking up and down, like, kind of from like 6 to 12. And.

Yep, that's how clocks work.

For a second I was like, give me a one.

I saw those clock hands turning in your head.

Okay, so normally you're licking like up and down, like kind of from 6 to 12. And so instead it's like, what if we look side to side from nine to three and back. Right. Wow. So the idea is good. Every clitoris is different. It likes different sensations. It likes to be touched and licked and played with in different ways. So I would say try this one out and see if your clitoris likes that side to side action.

I think another benefit possibly is that for the giver, you are maybe not needing to hold your, your head up or like your neck up so much that you kind of, you know, when you are, when you are giving oral in the, I don't know, the typical position, there can be sort of an element of like, you know, after a long time, the, that you, you have to hold your neck up and kind of crane it up in a way. And so doing the sideways thing, you're a bit more, you know, well, one, you're sideways and your neck is a bit kind of resting on the leg that's closest to you. So I could see how it could be, you know, potentially more comfortable over the, over the long term. The challenge is it's hard to get your head in there. It's kind of hard to know what to do with the other leg. It's hard. Yeah. And so, like, yeah, it's hard to. For the. For the receiver to really properly spread their legs because you are coming in sideways. So it's like, how do you get that leg under you diagonally? It's kind of weird. And then you have a great view at first, and then you kind of start. But it's like. It's just. It was difficult to really, like, know that I was getting in there in the right place.

Yeah. And I will also give a totally honest recap of my experience here. Like. Like, it was so awkward to maneuver into place, and then by the time you were in place and, like, figuring out how to make it work, like, you just went for it and started licking my clitoris. And my stomach just, like, dropped out from my body. Because one thing. So I am not the hugest fan of oral sex. Like, the pure sensations of it my entire life, with every partner that I've been with, like, I prefer the sensation of using hands and having intercourse a lot better. Oral sex is just, like, it's fine and we do it, but it's just not my actual favorite activity.

But is it, like, over stimulation for you?

No. Well, okay, so here's what it is. And I think this is a very crucial misunderstanding that men and women in male. Female relationships have, is that I think. And I'm not speaking for everybody, everybody's different. But I think a lot of women really enjoy this. The tease. Like, we like to have be touched and caressed and licked. Like, you're working all around to the point where we're like, oh, my God, I need you to touch the clitoris now. Like, we want to be begging for it. Whereas I think a lot of men prefer. They don't really love to be teased. Like, they prefer you to go straight for it. Like, get to work, you know, let's do it kind of thing.

The tease is great for a minute getting started. Maybe, like, as you're getting hard, you can be like, oh, yeah, Like, I want this. I want this. But then. And yeah, if you try to extend that for too long, at least for me, I'm like, all right, come on, let's go.

But I do think, you know, we've heard from so many women about this, and come over to Instagram. Let us know if this is the case for you too, Vanessa and Xander. So many women will say, like, the tease is the best part. Like, I want that. To go on for longer. So you went, like. You just immediately licked my clitoris. And I was like. Like, it just. It did not feel good. And I think it would have, but it would have been hard. Like, I don't think you could have really teased in that position.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say. You have kind of limited mobility because you're. You're. You can't move your neck too much because there is a leg in your ears, a leg below you. You're pretty, like, locked in to, like, a small space to use. Use your tongue on. And it's. You know, it's basically the clitoris right there. There wasn't the ability to move my head around so that I could, you know, like, when you were kind of straight on doing it, you know, the. The typical way you can. You can move your neck all around. You can access, you know, the inner thighs on both sides. You can, like, all around, you know, the edges or just outside of the vulva. And that was just not really possible in that position. So I was like, okay, so maybe.

You just went for it.

So maybe so. So one tip might be. If you want to try this, I would recommend. And, you know, the giver start in the sort of typical position first or.

One of the better positions.

Yeah, or one of the better positions. Yeah. So get it started. You know, kind of ramp up the intensity so that, you know, wait till you are actually at that point where you are kind of giving, you know, where you are licking the clitoris directly, then move positions. I think that could be more successful.

Okay, and let's wrap this up with two tips that we both got to try out. So the first one, lick your partner's armpit as foreplay. I have never done this. I have. Neither have I before that. Some people, like, have very sensitive armpits. Like, it can be an erogenous zone for some people. I had never really personally felt curious about it. And so we, Like, I've never done it. So we decided to give this a shot. We gave it a try. I didn't really like it. Like, I didn't dislike it. I actually felt very little sensation like it. I could barely tell that you were doing it. I feel harder.

Yeah, you were like, are you doing it? Yeah, like, I'm licking.

I'm like, I guess I just don't have many nerve endings in my armpits, because I hardly felt anything at all. But then when I tried it on.

You, it was enjoyable. It was definitely.

You were kind of into it.

Yeah.

You were like, oh, yeah.

I mean, and to be. Just to be clear, we did it. We didn't do it like, in the middle of all that other testing. It wasn't like in the middle of sexy time. It was like I had just gotten out of the shower, actually.

She was like, oh, I don't have any deodorant on. Lick my pit.

Yeah, it was like, I don't want you licking my armpit. Like, it. I don't think that's good for you. Get deodorant in your mouth. That's really bad for you. So, yeah, I had just gotten out of the shower and I was like, all right, well. Well, it's clean. There's no deodorant on it. I, you know, I haven't been perspiring, so let's have at it. And it was enjoyable. It was enjoyable, I think.

Would you want me to do it again?

Yeah. I mean, if. It's sort of like a big if. Like, okay, if we were having sex in a moment when I had no deodorant in my armpit and I, you know, knew it wasn't like, stinky then, and it could be enjoyable, but. Yeah, it's not like, I want you to give me, like, armpit oral for a long time and, like, that's gonna do it for me. But, you know, it could be. Yeah, it could be kind of like, you know, when you go, like, if you're making out and then it's like, you know, one person kind of travels down and kisses the neck or the ears. For 30 seconds. Yeah, for like, you know, 10 or 30 seconds or something. Like, yeah, sure, give the armpit a leg.

Get into that armpit.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I think this is worth people trying. Like, it was interesting how different our experiences were, so I think it's worth giving it a shot. And our final experiment. Humming during oral sex.

Yeah, I teased it at the beginning. And this was. This was an interesting one we had.

Okay, let's go to our field note. Humming is a mixed bag. If. If I go low, like a low sound, like, like then. And it vibrates and Xander likes it. But that also means I'm making a weird sound while giving a blow job, which is difficult and not very sexy.

And you can't really move your mouth up and down while you do it.

And also, like, you can't like, hum a song, cuz that's weird. But one low note just also really weird. I can't make this one work. You know what it reminded me of is it was like. Like a didgeridoo. Didgeridoo.

Yeah.

Like, It was terrible. I. Yeah, it was not. It was not. It was. I mean, it was tough because it did create sensation, but it was so difficult to actually do it. And then we actually. We didn't even do a field note about you trying it on me, but you did it for a second, and I was like, immediate. No, just please stop. I did not like the vibrations.

It didn't feel good.

No, it didn't feel good at all.

Interesting.

It didn't feel good. And it was just so weird to have you between my legs going like.

Yeah, I think that's. That's the issue. It was like, for me, I was like, okay, if I just try to, you know, really clearly divorce the idea of, like, what is actually happening versus what am I feeling? I was like, okay, this feels good. There's a. There's a small amount of vibration, but only with the low hum. When she did a higher. Or. Or. Honestly, for her. For her, just. What would be a normal tone of hum? I could not feel anything. Yeah, I couldn't feel anything. And so I was like, okay, well, now she's humming and I'm not feeling anything.

We had music on, too, but it's like you have to hum so loud that it. You're still hearing it. So it was.

Yeah, you had to kind of, like, force out aloha. So. Yeah. Yeah, it was a bit. It was a bit weird, but, you know, it felt nice. But, you know, I. I also know from experience that, you know, like, I. I enjoy a small amount of vibration, like, on my penis for a very short amount of time. And then pretty quickly for me, I end up kind of losing, like, the vibration almost makes me start losing sensation. So I know, like, okay, yeah, this is. This is fun for a second. Like, it's novel. But if. If I was like, you know, if I wanted her to continue humming while giving the blow job, probably I would start. You know, I would be. I would get neutral on it pretty quick and maybe go into negative territory.

So that wraps up our field experiments, making ourselves be the guinea pig for some of the most intriguing sex tips that you've ever heard. If we missed any, there are any that you want us to try out? Come on over to Instagram DM us @vanessa and Xander. We also have a whole other episode that we could do about intercourse tips, like, different little tricks and techniques that people have heard are really great for intercourse.

So let us know. I'm intrigued by that. I feel like that maybe could work better because you could just, you know, kind of slot them in in the middle of just regular old intercourse.

Well, let us know on Instagram if you want to hear this episode. Come on over and request it. Hit up the request line, but we will also link in the show notes, our foreplay guides that we've mentioned a couple of times. It's definitely fun to try out these, you know, unique tips. It was an experience. I'm glad we did it. We created some memories. But if you want to learn the absolute best, most effective, most enjoyable strategies for pleasuring your partner with your hands and mouth, definitely check out the foreplay guides.

Yeah, you're gonna.

You're gonna super popular.

If you. Yeah. If you want to have, you know, kind of fun, sexy research session like. Like we did, I would. You will have a much better time if you get those foreplay guides and you work your way through some of those techniques or some of those tips rather than doing these. I can. I can nearly guarantee that. All right, well, that's it for today's episode of Pillow Talk. Thank you so much for listening. Join us again next week when we take a deep dive on dead bedrooms.